LOVE AND HATE

By milesprower06

A/N: Note to any who read the author's notes – if you're a newcomer to my work, then I would have you know that this is the third part to one of my Digimon Tamers storylines that began back in Loss and Gain, and continued in Life and Death. To fully comprehend the plotline and character developments, I highly recommend reading those, and then returning here. If you're familiar with my work, then I shall make you wait no longer! Please enjoy!

Chapter 1 – Moving Forward

SHINJUKU CEMETARY

2:30 PM

ONE WEEK AFTER 'LIFE AND DEATH' CONCLUSION

Takato Matsuki walked down the fine gravel path; his pace slow, his feet crunching the gravel with every step, his heart in a state of reflection. He had come today to pay his respects to a friend passed…a friend he still had trouble believing was truly gone. It seemed like so long ago, but not even 6 months had passed since then.

As he approached the great oak shadowing the grave of Jeri Kato, he noticed a figure already sitting in front of it, also shadowed by the magnificent tree. As he stepped closer, he then recognized the figure all too well, sitting in front of the marble tombstone.

"Beelzemon..." Takato greeted, a hint of surprise leaking into his voice. The dark angel simply glanced in his direction, and gave him nothing more than a subtle nod, before returning his gaze to the grave he sat in front of.

Beelzemon had been an enemy and ally alike. During their journey in the Digital World to rescue Calumon, Takato knew that anyone in the group outside of the Zhuqiaomon's castle wouldn't ever forget what happened. If it had been up to him then, Beelzemon wouldn't be sitting here right now; nor would he be among the living. But that was the past. Beelzemon was considered a friend now, and no one among that group of Tamers no longer held anything against him.

'So why is he here now?' Takato wondered, silently sitting down next to the demon Mega.

It only took a moment for Takato to realize that it was no doubt for the same reason he was here; to pay respects. And although no one had said anything, Takato suspected that he wasn't the only one who thought that Beelzemon was one of the hardest hit by Jeri's death, especially due to the cause of it…

'No! It wasn't suicide…it COULDN'T have been. Not Jeri.' Takato said mentally to himself, halting the train of thought before it took him somewhere he didn't want to go. He would never accept that; official autopsy reports be damned. Jeri would never hurt her friends like that. Never.

In the weeks following the defeat of the D-Reaper, Jeri seemed to be well on the road to recovery. Even everyone's partners returning didn't seem to deter her in the slightest. She had Calumon to keep her company, and she had got the idea to throw Rika a surprise birthday party, much to the latter's distaste. She seemed fine; happy just because her friends were happy.

So it wasn't hard to imagine everyone being absolutely blindsided when her dad discovered that she had died in her sleep one night. It would be later determined that she had overdosed on a street-level anti-depressant; three times the suggested dose. Her death was labeled as intentional suicide. Her father hadn't been the same since. What caught everyone off guard was the fact that Jeri hadn't shown any signs of being on anything.

But Takato had trouble seeing how the coroners had determined suicide. She was obviously still distraught over losing Leomon, perhaps after everyone else's partners returned, and she didn't want any of her friends or family to know, to share her pain. Her determination to protect her friends from her own sadness had been her ultimate undoing. Takato didn't find that too hard to assume – what with how her negative emotions had fueled the D-Reaper's war machine, and how he himself had been going down the same path after losing Guilmon. If Rika, and later, Renamon, hadn't been there to help him…he didn't even want to think about where he'd be now.

Beelzemon hadn't said a word to him. Takato now wondered if the Mega was angry with him, perhaps holding against him the 'second chance' he had recently got with Guilmon. There could be no second chance for Leomon; Beelzemon had loaded his data seconds after he had dissipated, claiming, 'To have power is to be strong.'

Takato knew Beelzemon no longer believed that. After Jeri had asked Takato to spare him from his killing blow, the leather-clad demon seemed to wake up from his power-hungry rampage. His failed, hell-bent attempt to rescue her from the D-Reaper kernel had nearly cost him his life. Had it not been for Grani, Beelzemon wouldn't be here today. Just moments before all the Digimon had to return to the digital plane to escape erasure; he asked Jeri if she could ever forgive him for what he had done, and she had immediately done so.

"It takes a very special person…to forgive something like that. To forgive murder." Beelzemon said, at last breaking the silence.

"Did she really mean it? Or did she just want me to feel better?" the demon angel asked. Takato understood where he was coming from. Jeri had been taking anti-depressants to make her friends think she was fine. Why not just tell Impmon 'forgive and forget' to make him feel better?

"She meant it." Takato told him.

"How would you know?"

"Because you can't fake forgiveness. You saw her eyes, Beelzemon. There was no resentment. No hatred. What happened, happened, and she was trying her best to move on. I know firsthand that that's not the easiest task."

"No, it's not."

Beelzemon's reply again made Takato think. Had he moved on? Everyone knew he had honestly changed, and had forgiven him. But…had he forgiven himself? It couldn't be easy; him looking back and remembering what he used to be like; that cold, ruthless murderer that would've stepped over anything and anyone to become stronger.

But that was the past. He had changed. Beelzemon had to see that, right?

Takato let the thoughts fade. It wasn't easy, putting yourself in someone else's shoes. He would never truly see through Beelzemon's eyes, just as Beelzemon would never see through Jeri's. And so their questions would remain unanswered.

"Beelzemon, we could sit here, and rehash the past all we want. But deep down, I truly feel that she'd want us to move forward. I…" Takato considered what he wanted to say.

"I know it's not easy, looking back and seeing who you used to be. But that's not what's important. The important thing is that you've changed, that you know what to fight for. Who to fight for."

Takato had met Ai and Mako only once, at the digital gate in the park before the Digimon returned to the Digital World. The twins were his Tamers, and although he never talked about it, Impmon left them for some reason, some time before the D-Reaper invasion. But whatever the reason, he supposed it didn't matter, because he had returned to them, and Takato believed that's where his strength came from during the battles against the D-Reaper. But at the kernel…

'What I did…is beyond forgiveness. I don't need anyone to tell me that. No matter what I do, I can't change the past.'

No, Beelzemon wasn't fighting for his Tamers at that particular moment. He was fighting for Jeri. Not even in his own lust for vengeance outside of Zhuqiaomon's castle, had Takato seen such unbridled determination.

'I'm gonna get you out Jeri, if it's the last thing I freakin' do!'

It almost was the last thing he did. He put 200 into every blow he delivered to the kernel shield, but nothing seemed to work. No matter how badly he wanted it to give, the D-Reaper seemed just an ounce too strong.

'Ahhhhh! Give me the strength I need!!'

By somehow using Leomon's Fist of the Beast King technique, Beelzemon broke through. But Jeri was frozen, overwhelmed by what Beelzemon had to resort to in order to break through the kernel. As the breach began to close, both Beelzemon and Takato begged Jeri to take his hand.

'You're…not Leomon…'

Beelzemon was forced out of the breach, and the panel blades that had been harassing Gallantmon the entire battle now ripped through Beelzemon, nearly destroying him.

'Please, I just need one more chance! Jeri! Jeri…!!'

Perhaps fate had made Beelzemon truly pay that day for what he had done; to have one of your prized possessions destroyed, to fight for someone you wronged, to get so close, fail, and then even in what may have been your dying breaths, you still beg for one more chance, but never getting that chance. That was the end of Beelzemon's involvement in the war against the D-Reaper. Ai and Mako had nursed him back to health before he had to return to the digital plane along with the other Digimon partners.

In the weeks after Jeri died, no one saw much of Beelzemon or his rookie form. Everyone grieved in their own way, and even though no one mentioned him, Beelzemon was periodically on everyone's mind.

"This is the first time I've come here. What took so long? Did I not want to see it? What I had done?"

"It wasn't your-"

"Don't." Beelzemon cut Takato off.

"Don't try and make me feel better. I don't care if she was taking those damned pills herself – it was because of what I did. It all began with me…because I was so freakin' blind…"

Both Beelzemon and Takato recalled Leomon's last words.

'Why can't you see?'

Beelzemon placed his right hand on the grave.

"I'm sorry, Jeri. I'll be sorry forever."

With that, the dark angel stood, and left, without another word.