Grey Skies Before the Sun Shines, a naruto fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or the song "Grey" by AniDifranco.

Ani DiFranco- Grey

The sky is grey, the sand is grey, and the ocean is grey.
I feel right at home in this stunning monochrome, alone in my way.
I smoke and I drink and every time I blink I have a tiny dream.
But as bad as I am I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
What kind of paradise am I looking for?
I've got everything I want and still I want more.
Maybe some tiny shiny key will wash up on the shore.
You walk through my walls like a ghost on TV
You penetrate me and my little pink heart is on its little brown raft floating out to sea.
And what can I say but I'm wired this way and you're wired to me
And what can I do but wallow in you unintentionally?
What kind of paradise am I looking for?
I've got everything I want and still I want more.
Maybe some tiny shiny key will wash up on the shore.
Regretfully, I guess I've got three simple things to say.
Why me? Why this now? Why this way?
With overtone's ringing; undertow's pulling away under a sky that is grey on sand
That is grey by an ocean that's grey.
What kind of paradise am I looking for?
I've got everything I want and still I want more.
Maybe some tiny shiny key will wash up on the shore.

A/N: This just hit me a few days ago, as I was listening to my iPod. This song came on, and it's always been a favorite of mine to play on repeat. This is slightly dramatic, has a good amount of angst, and includes the love needed to balance it out (at least, I think so).
I hope this thing makes sense to those who read it. Constructive criticism would be lovely!
And if you like this you should go check out my one-shot series "Version of the Color Red"!!
(Yes, that was a shamless plug from the author herself. Heh.)

Ages:

Kakashi- 36
Sakura- 22

Prompt (self-imposed subjects): The color grey, the topic of love, and the need of acceptance.

Rating: T

Title: Grey Skies Before the Sun Shines

Summary: The past is always a haunting reminder of the things we've lost, but sometimes it can also be the bringer of things brought to light- whether we want them to come out into the sun or not.

Grey Skies Before the Sun Shines

She sits on the beach- alone, as she watches wave after wave crash against the rocks to her right and surge towards her bare feet. She wiggles her toes in the damp sand as the sun begins its descent over the horizon. The bonfire off to her left, where her friends are, does nothing to lift the blanket of lackluster grey that has settled over them- the breeze blows the smoke (also grey she notes) up towards the dying rays of light. The beer bottle near her right thigh is no longer frosty-cold; instead it is barely chilled (and nearing room temp). The cigarette between her lips- the bright red as she takes a drag- is the only real color around her.

Her right shoulder hurts- still- from over-extending it during a spar with Naruto three days ago, and the scabbing scratches on her thigh and her bandaged right forearm are a testament to her last field mission. She doesn't feel girly, or pretty, or feminine- she never has, and she doubts she ever will. She bites her nails, curses like a sailor, doesn't always brush her hair or shave her legs, and she's always played with the boys. Even so, these are the moments that she feels the most happy in- moments where she feels relaxed (partially thanks to the alcohol in her system) and the soreness in her muscles gives her a feeling of hard-working completion.

What kind of paradise am I looking for?
I've got everything I want and still I want more.
Maybe some tiny shiny key will wash up on the shore.

These days, happiness is hard to come by- and she has it, usually, in Naruto's bright blue eyes and smiles, in Ino's jokes and attitude, Hinata's helping hands and comfort, Kiba's wildness, Genma's flirty nature, and Kakashi's crinkling eye coupled with understanding. Sakura, however, feels as if her heart goes out with the tide; crashing upon the rocks again, and again, and again. She fights back the tears, hoping to keep her eyes from becoming glossy as the sounds of Ino and Naruto laughing; Hinata and Genma singing as Kiba plays guitar, while Neji and Shikamaru talk war tactics and politics meander towards her ears. She removes the cigarette from her lips to take a swig from her beer, in the hopes of dislodging the newly acquired lump in her throat.

You walk through my walls like a ghost on TV
You penetrate me and my little pink heart is on its little brown raft floating out to sea.
And what can I say but I'm wired this way and you're wired to me
And what can I do but wallow in you unintentionally?

A dark grey, human-shaped shadow descended across her outstretched legs as she took another drag from her now half gone cigarette. She knows that shadow by its mere presence- its aura makes her mind and body hum with anticipation while her heart clinches, wishing for him to not see her like this.

"Good evening, Sakura."

The word damn flittered across her brain as she responded in kind- her hand reaching out to snub out the almost gone cigarette in favor of a new one, as his lanky; slouching form sunk into the sand next to her. He set his beer down next to his thigh- parallel to her beverage- and pulls off his mask and hitae-ate as he becomes comfortable; both legs stretched out in front of him.

It's not the first time she's seen his face, but she still gets butterflies in her stomach just like then (she tells herself she can't help it; he has a pretty face after all.)

"Good evening, Kakashi."

She realizes in that very moment the similarities between them (both are jaded Icha Icha readers with a penchant for avoiding hard work as much as possible, and sometimes picks up the habit of smoking when stressed out or depressed. She starts to wonder: did she pick up the habit of staring out into nothing from him, or was it the other way around? She decides not to worry about it, until she starts showing up hours late everywhere).

What kind of paradise am I looking for?
I've got everything I want and still I want more.
Maybe some tiny shiny key will wash up on the shore.

"You're awfully quite tonight." He murmurs as he pulls out his lighter and reaches out, flicking it on a few inches from her face, the new and unlit cigarette dangling between her glossy pink lips as he moves the flame to its end and lights it. Before he pulls it away he clearly sees the glossy look of her dark sea-foam green eyes.

Sakura takes a drag and blows the smoke out through her lips as she offers him a cigarette from her pack.

"I guess you can say I've become a woman of few words." She replies nonchalantly.

Her voice is like the lull of the ocean waves to him- crashing upon the rocks before pulling back towards the unknown horizon. Her eyes are like the murky depths of the ocean during a long ago ferry taken to this very island almost 20 years ago (a trip he will never forget-even with the alcohol that was in his 16 year old system that night, he'll never forget losing his virginity).

He hummed in response - whether that's him agreeing or disagreeing she'll never be sure. She watches from the corner of her eye as he lights his own cigarette and then flicks the lighter shut before setting it down in the sand between them. Sakura reached down for it, lifting it to her curious eyes for inspection. It was untarnished silver (just a fancy word for grey she thinks) with an upraised symbol in the middle of its body. Sakura ran her thumb over it, wondering of its importance.

She remembers this lighter from past smokes with him- starting with the one where she first picked up her smoking habit. It is one of the few items Kakashi always has on his person. Sakura set the lighter back down between them, and returned her sights to the dark grey and inky blue ocean in front of her.

Kakashi takes a drag from his cigarette- he's watching her from the corner of his eye, like she's been doing to him since he sat down, and they both know it.

His gaze flickers back out towards the grey sandy expanse in front of them as he answers her unasked question (he seemed to have become exceedingly familiar with her thoughts months ago).

"It was my fathers. One of the few things I ever kept to remind me of him." He took a swig of his beer before returning his cigarette to his lips. He's perfected the art of talking with it in his mouth, something Sakura still can't do and she's a little envious over it.

"Why didn't you keep more?" She pauses to glance at him, before turning her gaze upon something else to finish her thought. "I wasn't very happy with my parents, but even with their deaths I kept more than just memories and a lighter."

Kakashi pulls one leg in to rest his arm on as he mulls over a response to her prodding in his head.

"I didn't keep more, because I wasn't allowed to. The elders took as much as they could- the estate, the fortune, our family possessions- since I couldn't defend myself. I didn't know how- I was eight when it happened… when my father commited seppuku."

Sakura's insides jolted with surprise, but outwardly she showed nothing as he continued on.

"My mother had died when I was six, from illness, and after that my father threw himself into his missions with gusto. One mission went awry, and he saved his team mates costing many innocent lives of the village."

He didn't have to say anymore; she knew what happened to those that broke the rules and she knew how harsh the village could be on its own people.

"The lighter was one of the few things I could grab before they came to take everything. Minato tried to fight for me to keep it all, but in the end it came down to only one man against many." Kakashi chuckled, obviously remembering something he found slightly amusing.

"Minato went and pulled out as much as he possibly could from the Hatake clan fortune and put it into an account for me before the old geezers could get ahold of it. He even went so far as to buy some of the furniture from my house when they auctioned it off, and he helped me find an apartment to live in."

"The apartment you live in now… it's the very same one, isn't it?" Sakura murmured as she turned her eyes upon him, catching the nod of his head.

"I've refused to move from that place for years now- After living there for 28 years it holds too many memories for me to leave."

Sakura took a drag on her cigarette before removing it to murmur thoughtfully.

"Maybe you should. It seems like that place holds less memories and more baggage, for you."

A pregnant pause of silence filled the air- neither unsure how to get away from the tension that had built with their topic of conversation. Sakura distracts herself by squashing out her cigarette and flicking the butt towards her earlier ones as she plucks another one from her pack; Kakashi is distracted by her deft fingers as they follow the dance- tap pack twice, pluck out cigarette, flick towards mouth- she borrows his lighter for a few seconds, once again distracting the both of them- flick open, flick on, light tip, flick off.

The soundtrack to this moment is the silent night, the crackle of the bonfire, laughter of friends, and the few seagulls still out. The tension seems to flow out like the retreating tide with each passing moment.

Kakashi tilts his head then, up towards the dark grey-blue sky and the few stars that litter its vast expanse with the silver-grey moon.

"Why aren't you enjoying this vacation over at the bonfire with the others?" His voice is quiet, but it spills over her body, adding to the feeling of warmth from the alcohol already in her system.

"I can enjoy Naruto and Ino's loud obnoxious personalities just fine from here, thanks." She replied good-naturedly and flicked her cigarette to cast off the ash clinging to the burning embers at its end. Kakashi chuckled before turning serious again.

"There's something on your mind." He responded quietly. "Whatever it is has upset you-" Sakura turned towards him to protest, in which he graced her with a raised eyebrow as he continued his sentence "-and don't try to deny it; I've already seen it in your eyes."

Another pause of terse silence filled the night air, but Kakashi won't let it stop him tonight.

Maybe it's the alcohol in his system, but he's not going to stop it now- it's been a long time in coming, and he wants it thrust out into the open (no more pink elephants in the middle of the room, Sakura; it's time to acknowledge this).

"You haven't been the same since his death." He murmured; the sadness in his voice filled her lungs with despair as her body tensed and her spine straightened at his words.

"I try not to think about it." She stated as she pulled her knees up towards her chest- her beer sitting forgotten in the sand.

Regretfully, I guess I've got three simple things to say.
Why me? Why this now? Why this way?
With overtone's ringing; undertow's pulling away under a sky that is grey on sand
That is grey by an ocean that's grey.

"I know it must have been hard on you- you've always had feelings for him- but he was no longer there. Naruto couldn't have saved him at that point and he couldn't bring himself to do what needed to be done. I had hoped... I had hoped that you wouldn't harbor hatred towards me for my actions that day, but I can see that you have- not that I blame you."

Sakura laughed- the sound was caustic to his ears and peppered with something- some emotion- he couldn't name (and he wasn't so sure he wanted to- the word jaded was not one he wanted to connect with her).

"Don't be foolish." She chided "I know that he was long gone before that day, and I know he had to die." She paused to take a breath here, her brain working slightly overtime to make up for the slight alcoholic and smoke-filled haze she put herself in. Her voice softened as her eyes landed on his face.

"It was when you foolishly rushed in, jumping in to take the hit to your chest from his katana that I began to panic. I felt like a silly little girl again; worrying over Naruto during that battle was bad enough, but when you jumped in with reckless abandon, I… I couldn't stand it."

She took a long drag on her cigarette as she stared out at the ocean, attempting to collect her thoughts once again as her fingers began to shake from the pain of her words.

"When he came pummeling towards you- both of you with the chidori chirping in hand- I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to throw myself in front of it, to protect you from foolishly throwing your life away like that. When you collapsed and I scampered over to where you two lay I didn't even look at him." Sakura glanced away this time, finding interest for her eyes in the flames of the bonfire that burned brighter than the end of her cigarette yards away from her.

"I was afraid that I had finally lost you, and then I was scared of why I felt that way. I realized I had moved on from Sasuke- a long time ag, to bigger and better things; and as I crouched over you I thought that even in death he had found a way to take things from me like he had in life."

What kind of paradise am I looking for?
I've got everything I want and still I want more.
Maybe some tiny shiny key will wash up on the shore.

Kakashi snubbed out the cigarette he had in his hands to focus completely on the gorgeous woman sitting next to him.

Sakura fought the tears aiming to slip out as her voice waivered with the end of her confession. Something about purposely avoiding him these last few months (yes, I admit I have been) because she didn't understand it- wasn't sure she wanted to. She no longer wanted to feel these things- Sasuke had aged the pure romantic inside her to a jaded old woman (all the more better for a jaded man like me he thinks).

Kakashi reached out across himself to gently grasp her chin and turn her face towards his; his other hand plucking the barely used cigarette from her lips, and flicking it away from them to land somewhere in the sand to die out.

He placed a kiss to her forehead as her heart skips a beat- she knows he can't feel it, but she wishes he could.

"Silly girl" he murmured; his deep voice rumbled upwards from his chest to spill out his mouth; his breath caressing her face and mingling with hers before he leans in again to press a chaste kiss to the corner of her mouth.

Sakura can't stop her breath from catching in her throat.

It seems possible now, in her grey world that the sun just might rise in the morning and shine color into her world tomorrow (unbeknownst to the both of them, their paradise was right around the corner).

It was the new beginning she longed for.

As Kakashi begins to pull away Sakura wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of her as she falls backwards in the sand. Her mind registers her long forgotten beer bottle getting knocked over- away from them- by Kakashi as his left knee takes the bottles vacated place near her thigh as he straddles her prostrate form.

Her hands slip into his hair as she pulls him down towards her to kiss him on the mouth herself (she's tired of feeling like timid little Sakura, she's going back to taking what she wants).

It's heated- just like her temper, and passionate- just like his gaze. It tastes slightly alcoholic and smoky, but it's just right to them and it's just what they needed.

Kakashi pulls away and begins his way down, planting kisses along his favorite path- chin, cheek, ear, neck- and Sakura's gaze focuses- unseeing- to the sky, where the silver-grey moon shines down upon them while the twinkling grey-white stars watch from above.

The only thing she can see is mismatched onyx and crimson as the man who's stolen her heart covers her protectively with his body, legs tangled with hers, his face buried in her neck; the fingers of one calloused hand entwined with a daintier and smooth one of hers.

She realizes, for the first time since she can remember, that she feels feminine, and loved, and wanted.

This feels right, and he feels right under her fingertips. The weight pressing down upon her is no longer an ominous feeling of regret and social digression, but of a heart-wrenching love that both parties thought they had lost forever, years ago.

It's the new beginning that was needed, for the both of them.

-fin-