The usual: I don't own DBZ, I'm not making money from this, please don't sue me.
The song used is Spirit Dreams Inside by L'Arc-en-Ciel.
---
Cry
By Alhazred
Unbelievable. Unbe-fucking-lievable. What is it with him? Can't he plug his ludicrous emotions for five minutes? He's not even a half-breed...
"Hey Vegeta."
"Kakarott," I answered, sipping my coffee. Bulma always tried to shove coffee on me in the morning. Never did work, the thought of training woke me up damn fast every day.
Bulma...
"Go away," I added.
"I followed you all the way to a coffee shop in California and you want me to go away," the fool answered none of his usual humor in his voice, but no malice either.
I almost wished he were angry. That he yelled it at me. That I could be pissed at him and fight him, and forget life like I have so many times before.
Not this time.
There was one of those little jukeboxes on the end of the table. Kakarott started flipping through the pages. He meant well, I knew he meant well... all he knows how to do is mean well. Sometimes I hate him for it... why did he fall on his head?! Why did he take after the humans?
Why couldn't I... feel as easy as he can...
I've fallen on the rock now. I feel now. But it's a bit late.
Bulma... I'm...
"You wanna talk?"
Oh for the love of... even in kindness, he's still a blockhead. Do I look like I want to talk?
"No," I answered before another sip. I haven't made eye contact with him at all... "Go away, Kakarott." He just sat there. Fantastic.
"Hmmph. I didn't think that would work."
He cracked a smile. "Not in a thousand years."
I just sat there for a few more minutes, sipping coffee and looking at the table. I fucking wish he'd just go away.
"So ya wanna talk yet?"
I damn near slammed my cup on the table. Another ounce of force and it probably would have shattered in every direction. "No Kakarott, I do not want to talk, I never will want to talk, not to you, not to anyone, so just-"
"Trunks n'Bra?" He smiled in that goofy way.
Damn
him. I shut my mouth; he'd caught me there... but I'd be damned if I was going to admit it."I know it hurts, Vegeta. Lord knows I put my family through it enough. And ChiChi... well..."
Now he'd talked himself into a corner. Didn't want to admit he'd probably never thought about this day coming either. He fumbled around his pocket and came out with an American quarter, which he promptly shoved in the jukebox and selected something at random.
Something that sounded like it would be monumentally cheery started playing.
"Kakarott."
"Hmm?"
I couldn't believe I was going to say this, I knew I'd regret it later. "Thanks for trying."
He chuckled. And then he downright challenged me. "Oh I'm not done trying, Vegeta. Yep, I got all night, I'm just gonna stay here for hours..."
I wake from a nightmare now,
In the day it haunts me,
It slowly tears me apart.
With dreams of a distant love,
I'm a wandering satellite...
Well, at least the lyrics weren't horribly cheery. Happy music, depressing lyrics... in a screwed up way, it worked. I tried to gulp more caffeine, only to realize I'd drank it all. Not a problem. I motioned to the waitress and she brought me another, taking the old one away.
"Better be careful hon, yer gonna fly thirty feet if someone taps you on the shoulder with all that in your blood," she joked. If only she knew. She turned and asked Kakarott if he'd like anything. He ordered a sandwich.
Somewhere in the wasteland,
I see you smiling at me,
A vision out of my dreams.
Will everything change?
Take the pain away,
Lead me with your liiiight...
Why, why do songs that match your life or your mood perfectly just seek you out at the absolute worst, most depressing times? I fucking hate that. Of course, it didn't match completely... I couldn't see Bulma leading me with any light...
It occurred to me that in all my years here, no one truly cared that I behaved so differently compared to the human norm. Oh sure, Piccolo never completely trusted me, but I could live with that.
The fact of the matter was that I didn't change much... and yet...
"Why?"
"Huh?"
"Why'd she marry me, Kakarott?"
"Well, one usually gets married 'cause they love someone."
I banged my head on the table. The sad thing was I couldn't tell if he was trying to lighten the mood or just being his usual dunderhead self.
Heading for the sun,
Leave the sadness behind,
Crossing oceans dry,
Yeah...
My world spinning out of time,
Won't somebody stop me?
I may be losing my way.
Will you make it right?
Take the pain away,
Hear me as I cry...
"Why did she love me, Kakarott?"
"I couldn't tell you that, Vegeta."
I knew he didn't mean it like... but the thought that...
"Hey, I didn't mean it like-"
"I know you didn't," I spat back. But that's what I was thinking. Why did she love me? How could she? But she did... enough to have children with me... with me, the husband who never came outside...
He read my mind. "Maybe that's why she loved you, Vegeta. Maybe that's why your children love and respect their father."
Heading for the sun,
Leave the sadness behind.
Crossing oceans dry,
Deep inside I go...
Spirit Dreams Inside.
Spirit Dreams Inside...
Huh. I never thought of that. But it didn't really matter. She deserved more regardless... some prince I turned out to be. Time... always less time then you think there is. Bulma... I'm... sorry...
"She's gone, Vegeta," the clown told me, as if I needed to be told! "But she wouldn't want you to be like this."
"Yeah, well who gives a shit what she would have wanted," I answered. But I just couldn't muster the force to sound like I meant it. I didn't, really... Bulma had never wanted much anyway. Not that I ever gave her what she even needed in the first place.
What can I do, I ask?
There's nothing left to say.
What can I do, I ask?
There's nothing left to say...
Why am I here?
Why am I lost?
Where is love?
Lead me... with your light...
That song was getting on my nerves. Again I pondered the irony of perfect songs coming on at perfect moments (or imperfect, depending on your point of view) and I decided it was ShenLong. It had to be ShenLong. The damned dragon was probably dreaming about being a smartass and he did this in his sleep.
ShenLong... every time I came to that thought, I inevitably thought that I could have done something by gathering the Dragonballs. I could have wished immortality for her... but she told me she didn't want that when I came up with the idea. And now I see why; I wouldn't want her to be in this position.
It never occurred to me to wish her to live as long as a Saiyan. Now it was too late. ShenLong could bring people back from the dead... when they were killed. Bulma had died of old age; he couldn't or wouldn't bring her back and make her younger. Probably wouldn't, technically that'd be two wishes. Heaven forbid.
Kakarott finished his sandwich. He ordered another. If we stayed, we could both eat the place out of food. But I wasn't hungry. I just ordered another cup of coffee. It was starting to rain outside, the drops pattering gently on the window. It was around 10pm in California, and I found myself amused at how much of a cliché this was, sitting depressed in an all-night café, drowning my sorrows in caffeine. Not as cliché as drowning them in alcohol, at least.
Heading for the sun,
Leave the sadness behind,
Crossing oceans dry,
Deep inside I go...
Heading for the sun,
Leave the sadness behind,
Crossing oceans dry,
Deep inside I go...
Spirit Dreams Inside...
Spirit Dreams Inside...
Spirit Dreams Inside...
Spirit Dreams... Inside...
It took me a minute to notice the song was over. It marked the end of my 35th cup of coffee (I'd kept count) and Kakarott's second sandwich. I dropped a lump of American dollars on the table. Bulma'd always kept some small amounts of foreign currencies around, knowing most of us might fly anywhere at a moment's notice.
"Well Kakarott, if you won't leave, I will."
I stood and did just that. Truthfully, it wasn't he that prompted me to do so. Simply time to find somewhere else to sulk. I walked out into the rain... it was light, but noticeable now. I didn't really care. Kakarott stood and followed me after a few seconds of me walking away. Figured.
I lost him for all of ten seconds. He could feel my Ki a mile away and he could certainly float up to find me on the roof of a nearby building, sitting on the edge. The rain didn't seem to bother him, either.
I'd be damned if I was going to let him lord all of the night's psychobabble. "What are you going to do when ChiChi's gone, Kakarott?"
"Hell if I know," he answered, sitting down next to me, his face in his hands. Clearly, he'd come to find me because he could sympathize. ChiChi was a few years younger then Bulma… but only a few. It wouldn't be long now, and Kakarott knew it.
I stood and paced around the roof a bit, getting wet and sulking. He stayed not far behind, my back to him.
"Maybe I'll spend some time with Gohan's family," he continued. "Heh heh, maybe I'll actually get a job. Won't that be something..."
It was kind of funny... here was Kakarott, trying to be there for me, when I rarely did so much for my own wife... my wife... I'd always called her my mate when she was alive. She didn't care. To a Saiyan it was the same word as wife and she didn't mind.
Could being myself really be why she loved me? For the life of me I can't see how... all I did was take her for granted, and now here I was, whining now that she's gone.
I couldn't take it anymore... I don't know what finally set me off, I felt like I could fight Kakarott to the death right here, right now. But I was too damn tired. And I was shaking... took me a minute to realize that. And I realized I was shaking because I was about to cry.
Me.
Cry.
I don't really know what came over me. I don't think Kakarott did, and I don't think either of us ever will... but I spun around before he started to say something else, I grabbed him...
I hugged him, tightly, as if he was my anchor to sanity. And I did cry, right there on his shoulder.
On Kakarott's shoulder.
I think he was more shocked then I was. He went Super-Saiyan; I was squeezing him that tight. He just sort of stood there for a second, flabbergasted... can't blame him. But he hugged me back.
I must have had him in a death grip for at least ten minutes. I'd stopped crying after awhile, but the rain was coming down harder... running down our faces so it that looked like we were both sobbing. I finally let him go and turned my back to him again. I was, somewhere in the back of my mind, a little embarrassed.
I think poor Kakarott thought he'd hallucinated the whole thing.
"Go home, Kakarott. I'll... head back in a few minutes."
"You gonna be okay, Vegeta?"
I turned to him and smirked, my arms crossed over my chest. "You're talking to your Prince, clown," I made sure I didn't sound serious with that one, "of course I'll be okay. Besides... I have a daughter and son to confide in. I think we'll be spending a lot of time together for awhile."
He chuckled; his mission apparently accomplished, and flew away. I wasn't lying, I really was going to head back, and I just needed to think and get the clutter out of my brain first. I watched his glow fade in the rain...
"Thanks... Goku..."
---fin