Me: *sitting at desk* Yo, peoples! Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway! *audience claps* I have decided to switch out a character every chapter and substitute them with someone from the audience. So in this chapter, Botan has replaced Kuwabara!
Botan: *waves to cat-calls and wolf-whistles*
Me: *waves hand for science* Yes, yes, we are all aware most of you are suck-ups for blow-jobs (Botan: SHININGHEART!). But we've got a show to do. First game is the dating game. It's for everyone. What's going to happen is, Botan is a contestant on a dating show. I have given the males a strange quirk or identity, different from their usual strange quirks or identities. Botan, your goal, at the end of the game, is to guess who they are. And......*shifty eyes* Wait for it....GO!
Botan: *flutters eye-lashes* Helloooooo, Bachelor #1!
Yusuke: (GANGSTER EIKACHI) *arms crossed gangster-like* Mrat you mrat, mritch? (What you want, bitch?)
Botan: Oh...dear... Well, I've always dreamed of being proposed to in a romantic place. What's your idea of a romantic place?
Yusuke: Mree Mrords, mritch (Three words, bitch). MROTAL MRORLD MROMIMATION!!! (TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!!!)
Botan: O.o .... I have no idea what you just said. Moving on to bachelor #2!
Kurama: (OLD LADY) *in old lady voice* What did you say, sonny?
Botan: Excuse me?!?! I am a woman! *pushes up boobs*
Kurama: Oh yes, your lady lumps are lovely. Want to see mine? *pushes up pretend boobs near stomach*
Botan: *shields eyes* No, no thank you, I rather like my eye sight. Same question.
Kurama: Well, let's see.... My husband, god rest his soul, too me to a lovely place for our... *eyes droop*....Honey....*eyes close* moon....*snores*
Botan: O.o....Okay then. Bachelor #3?
Hiei: (GENKAI) *pretending to smoke cigarette* What do you want, dimwit?
Botan: *giggle* I like strong men. How strong would you consider yourself?
Hiei: *snort* Stronger than your slacker ass, that's for sure.
Botan: *exaggerated angry gasp* However true that may be, how dare you!
Hiei: Drop and give me twenty!
Botan: *blink* Huh?
Hiei: You heard me, slacker! Drop and give me twenty!
Botan: .....I don't think I will. Bachelor number one, back to you!
Yusuke: Mrat? (What?)
Botan: Singing in the shower has always been one of my favorite things.
All three contestants: *shudder and inch away*
Botan: *glare* Shut it. If you were to serenade me with a song, what would be the lyrics?
Yusuke: *clears throat and traditional cat yowling* MROW, MROW, MROW, MEOW!!
Botan: ...Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had stopped. I seem to have lost all hearing IN THAT EAR!! (Me: *two thumbs up*) Bachelor #2!
Kurama: .........................
Botan: Appearances are very important to me. How would you describe yourself in 20 years?
Kurama: .........................
Botan: Hello? I asked you a question!
Kurama: *falls off stool and onto floor*
Everyone: O.o
Hiei: *toes Kurama twice*
Kurama: *spasm and tongue lolls out*
Hiei: *in Genkai's voice* Yup, bastard died on us.
Me: *whispers loudly* I wouldn't do the tongue thing. I don't know when the floors were last washed.
Kurama: *instantly sucks in tongue*
Botan: Oh well, that just leaves you two. Bachelor #3 made #2?
Hiei: *mutters* Toguro, kill me now...
Botan: If you could give yourself one superpower, what would it be?
Hiei: To make you give me those twenty push-ups I told you to do when all this started, slacker!
Botan: *eye twitch* And I said no.
Me: *buzzes* Let's end this before Botan attempts to castrate Hiei, shall we?
Kurama: Thank you! *sits on stool*
Me: Not for you, fox. We need to keep the set clean for a while longer. Now, Botan, can you guess what made these strange people act stranger than usual? *ignores glare from boys*
Botan: Well Yusuke, because I refuse to call them bachelors anymore, I'm guessing was.......a dictator's cat?
Me: *giggle* Close. I don't know, should we give her that one, Hiei?
Hiei: *ods* The detective really didn't act out 'gangster', whatever the hell that is.
Botan: Wait, he was a gangster cat?
Yusuke: *shows her card* Technically, I was supposed to be Gangster 'Eikachi'. But I didn't know how to do the Eikachi part without running up to Kuwabara on all fours and purring while sitting in his lap.
From backstage: *girly shriek and crash*
Me: *stands* What the-
George: *comes out with head-set* Sorry, Kuwabara imagined it and fainted.
All, including Hiei: *falls off seats laughing*
Me: *crawls back into chair* Okay, okay, I'm good now. Botan, guess the rest of them.
Botan: *sitting lotus-style on floor* Kurama is an old lady.
Me: Yup.
Botan: Hiei is an old lady as well, just a specific one.
Hiei and Yusuke: *smirk*
Botan: Hiei, you're Genkai.
Me: Indeed he is! *contestants go back to seats* Excellent work, Botan.
Botan: I really had no clue who Hiei was, up until he mentioned Toguro.
Kurama: *nods in agreement* That really was a splendid hint, Hiei.
Hiei: *shrug* I felt I didn't do the hag justice.
Genkai: *from audience* BITE ME, MIDGET!
Me: He's taller than you, Genkai.
Genkai: *scowl and flips me off*
Me: *laughs* We've got time for one more game before we break for commerical.
Yusuke: Oh, goodie. However will I contain this surge of boundless joy?
Me: So we'll do...a game...called...SUPER HEROES!
Contestants: *groan and come out*
Me: Oh, hush up, ya bunch'a sissies. Hiei, center stage. Others, park your asses right here. *points next to me; contestants go there* Here's what's going to happen. Hiei, under the guise of a super hero name, will have to solve some world crisis provided by the audience.
Hiei: *sarcastically* Yaaaaaay.
Me: One by one, these guys will come out and name the person behind them. So Hiei will name Kurama, Kurama will name Yusuke, Yusuke will name Botan, Botan will solve said crisis, then all the 'super heroes' scatter. What I need from *points at audience behind her* ya'll is a super hero name for Hiei.
Ichigo: *immediately* SPIDER TROLL!!
All but Hiei: *burst out laughing*
Hiei: *eye twitch*
Yusuke: *goes into audience; high fives Ichigo*
Me: *snicker* Yusuke, arge back here now!
Yusuke: *goes back to step* You're not actually going to use that one, are you?
Me: *snort* Hell no, I like living! *grins at Hiei's glare* Love ya, Hi-chan!
Hiei: *growl and eye twitch again* Don't. Call. Me. HI-CHAN!!
Me: *grin* Okay Hiei-kun!
Hiei: *sigh* Just start the damned thing.
Me: You still need a real super hero name.
Naruto: CHROME-UNDERWEAR MAN!
Sasuke: *next to Naruto* What the hell kind of name is that?
Naruto: *shrug* I thought it was funny.
Me: ....Naruto, you fail. You just fail at life. Who has something better?
Aizen: Commander Aizen.
Ichigo: GET OUT OF HERE AIZEN!!! *graps Zanpakuto*
Aizen: *smiles evilly and disappears into a beam of light* We will meet again, Ichigo...
Me: As much as I hate him, that looks so cool...Okay, just to avoid anymore outbursts, let's just stick with Chrome-underwear man.
Naruto: *throws hands up* WOO-HOO!!
Me: What we need now is a crisis for Chrome-Underwear man. (Naruto: *opens mouth*) Me: And Naruto, if you mention Ramen, I swear to every God you have ever heard of, I will LET Sasuke kill you.
Sasuke: *evil smirk*
Hitsugaya: *from Bleach section* Perhaps...a second Ice Age?
Me: *sigh* Leave it to Frosty the Hit-man to come up with a second Ice Age.
Hitsugaya: *angry tic* Don't call me Frosty!
Me: *waves off Hitsugaya* Whatever you say, Frosty. Okay, Chrome-Underwear man, the world is covered in ice! What are you going to do? Start!
Hiei: *waddles around and itches ass* God dammit, these chrome-underwear is itchy as hell...*jumps* Holy hell, the world is covered in ice! I must not have felt the draft due to my chrome-underwear! I hope my super-hero companions get here soon!
Kurama: *comes in* Sorry I'm- Oh gods! *looks away and covers eyes* Would you please put clothes on, Chrome-Underwear Man!?!
Hiei: *smirk* You know I'm sexy (Me: I know it!). But thank the Gods you're here, Captain Drag Queen!
Kurama: *eye twitch* With all the respect I can muster for you...I hate you, Chrome-underwear man. I hate you with a fiery passion that would scare the creatures of hell.
Hiei: *grins evilly* I am a creature of hell, Captain Drag-queen. But look! *points to camera* The world is covered in ice! Whatever shall we do?
Kurama: *shrugs and flips hair* Like, how should I know? I have the I.Q. of a penguin. Wait until the others get here while I apply my make-up! *pretends to put on eye-shadow*
Hiei: ...*inches away* You scare me sometimes, Captain Drag-queen.
Yusuke: *walks in calmly* It's fucking freezing outside, how the hell are you two in a leotard and Chrome-underwear?
Kurama: It's a gift, Scared-shitless-of-everything-kid.
Yusuke: *sudden fearful whimper and shifty eyes* This...This isn't a trap, is it?
Hiei: *shrugs* Could be.
Yusuke: *girly scream and runs around* THEY'RE GONNA EAT ME!!
Hiei and Kurama: *watching Yusuke run in an circle*
Hiei: Why is he in the league of Super-heroes again?
Kurama: *pretends to think* I think it was comedy relief. But I don't remember anything past last week's issue of Vogue. *brightens up* Did you know that you're a summer?
Hiei: *blinks* No, I didn't. Ironic, seeing as how the world is still covered in ice.
Botan: *comes in and watches Yusuke run around* Did you threaten to eat him again, Chrome-underwear man?
Hiei: *smirk* Maybe.
Yusuke: *points at Botan and screams* AH, IT'S THUNDER THIGH'S, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!! *runs and hides behind Green Screen*
Botan: *eye twitch* Now remind me why he's with us again?
Hiei: Odd, I asked that same question not two minutes ago. But what should we do about this Ice Age? Because it seems to me we're getting a bit distracted.
Botan: *sighs and stomps around like a sumo wrestler* Here's what we need to do. Go to every electronic appliance store in the world and turn on all the heaters. That way, all the ice will melt.
Hiei: *fake gasp* That's brilliant, Thunder Thighs! Far better than anything Captain Crossdresser thought up!
Kurama: That's Captain Drag-queen, Chrome-underwear Man.
Hiei: *shrug* Same thing.
Botan: Well, I'm off to job. Hopefully this time, no one will think there's an earthquake. *leaves*
Yusuke: *comes out from behind green screen* Is she gone?
Hiei: *snarl*
Yusuke: *runs after Botan* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kurama: *watching after Yusuke* You have too much fur with that boy.
Hiei: *smirk* Indeed I do.
Kurama: *gasp* Oh no, I'm out of lip-stick! I need to go! *runs away*
Hiei: Well, that went well. Now I have to go iron my chrome-under!
Me: *buzzes multiple times; people go back to seats* Excellent! *grins* How ya doing over there, Scared-shiteless-of-everything-kid?
Yusuke: *glares at Kurama* You suck, Kurama.
Kurama: *innocent smile* Duely noted, Yusuke.
Me: We'll be right back, after....THIS commercial break!
Commercial
Pein: *half-hidden in shadow* Greetings, world. It has come to my attention- *lights turn on*
Tobi: *comes into shot* Ooh, what'cha doin'?
Pein: *growl and rubs temples* You ruined the mysteriousness. Get out of here Tob- NO DON'T TOUCH- *crash*- that.
Tobi: *standing in front of shattered vase* oops.
Pein: SON OF A-
{The following image is much too bloody and graphic for viewers to...erm...view. So please, until Pein gets all his aggression out of his system, please enjoy this video of chibi-Itachi dancing to the Hamster Dance!}
*image of Chibi-Itachi appears on screen, dancing to the Hamster Dance*
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, doo doo-dity-doo
Dity dity dity dity-dit-doo
{Let's check on the two, shall we?}
Pein: *beating the shite out of Tobi* YOU USELESS DOG-LICKING-
{Nope, not yet. Let's go back to Chibi-Itachi!}
*picture of Chibi-Itachi dancing to the Numa numa Song comes up*
Mai-ai-hii
Mai-ai-huu
Mai-ai-hoo
Mai-ai-haha
Mai-ai-hii
Mai-ai-huu
Mai-ai-hoo
Mai-ai-haha
{Alight, let's check on Pein and Tobi again.}
Pein: *small sob* THAT WAS MY GRANDMOTHER, YOU PIG-BANGING-
{O.o He has such a dirty mouth...BACK TO CHIBI-ITACHI!!}
*picture of Chibi-Itachi dancing to Uncle Fucker appears*
Shut Your Fucking Face Uncle Fucker,
You're A Cock Sucking Ass Lickin Uncle Fucker
{Okay, he's done now. Let's go back!}
Pein: *clears throat* Well, now that that minor annoyance is out of the way-
Tobi: *from off-screen* OH DEAR GODS, MY LEG!! MY LEG IS SHATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES! OH THE PAIN, OH THE AGONY! WHY CRUEL WORLD, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS TORMENT!
Itachi: *passes in backround* I got him. *goes off-screen* Do you always have to make it such a bloody mess?
Pein: *rolls eyes and mutters* You are such a girl.
*tempurature drops*
Itachi: *mangekyou Sharingan* Did you say something?
Pein: *coughs into fists* No, I said nothing even slightly questioning your sexuality.
Itachi: *deactivates Sharingan* I thought so. Now finish the damned commercial so I can get my camera back. Kisame wants to go torture the little kids in the near-by village again, and it's always fun to tape them crying.
Pein: *rolls eyes* Fine. Turn off the lights! *lights go off, casting Pein in half-darkness again* Greetings, world, It has come to my attention- *crunch*
Itachi: *why did I just step on a vase?
Pein: AW, FU-
End Commercial
((Thank you to Blackpelt for allowing me to use the pig-banging comment Pein used at the end. To understand why I say thanks specifically to her, you'd have to read her two stories Wit and Courage and Will and Determination. Believe me, it would not be wasted time.
And also, I'd like for the reviewers to say who the want switched out and replaced with. But no one can say Hiei, because his awesomeness makes him immune to such a loathesome act as pulling him out of the story, even for a chapter. So review please!))