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101 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In Konoha, Or Any Other Ninja Village For That Matter, Under Any Circumstances, Ever.

I will not tell Sakura and Ino where Sasuke lives.

I will not kick Shikamaru while he's thinking or say "Dude, we're in the middle of a battle here, wake up!"

Singing "Men In Tights" around Rock Lee is inappropriate. Singing "Men In Tights" around Guy is inappropriate.

Orochimaru is not the evil emporer and he does not routinely go up to Sasuke and say "You do not know the power of the Dark Side".

I will not get Naruto to perform "personal favors" for ramen. Even though we all know he would.

Sasuke doesn't want to hear any more of my sick, twisted theories to why Itachi left him alive.

I will not trip Neji then claim it was fate.

Bookcovers are meant for covering books. They are not meant for me to wear on my head. Nobody cares if I look just like Kankuro.

I will not continue to draw on Shikamaru's face whenever he falls asleep.

Going up to Gaara of the Desert and saying "Oh my Gosh, I love your eyeliner! Where'd you get it?' is most likely fatal.

The attractive Uchiha who sat in front of me back at Ninja Academy is named Sasuke not Sasu-gay. Referring to him as Sasuke is also unacceptable.

I will not run behind Shino and scream "Omigod a spider! Kill it!"

Next time Sasuke calls me a loser, I will not respond by saying "Yeah? Well your mom…"

I will not replace Naruto's ADHD medication with Mike and Ikes.

Sakura and Ino are both madly in love with Sasuke. Therefore, I will not spread rumors that their crushes are merely a cover-up for their secret yuri relationship.

I will not ask Tayuya if she wants to blow my flute.

No matter how cute I think he is, I am not to call Naruto "foxy".

I will not claim that I am the kage of any village I made up.

Hinata does not have an inappropriate relationship with her cousin and I will stop implying that she does.

I will not ask Temari to do the old Vaudeville fan dance.

The symbol on Neji's forehead does not signify he is a member of the Nazi party. Neji is not a Nazi. He is however, an asshole with a huge superiority complex, which is basically the same thing.

It is not necessary to sing "Emo Kid" whenever I see Sasuke.

I will not let my cat use Gaara's sand as a litter box.

The Byakugan Is not for peeking so I will stop asking Hinata lewd, perverted questions.

I will not do strange, inappropriate and/or illegal things to Sasuke, then later claim Ino had used the Mind Transfer Jutsu on me and this was all her idea.

I will not transform into Naruto and get Hinata to buy me all the ramen I want.

No matter what I think, it is unfair to use firearms in ninja combat. Or nuclear missiles.

I will not ask Naruto to transform into Agent Smith prior to doing the Kagebunshin no Jutsu, no matter how beast that would be.

Telling Hinata that Naruto is having a secret love affair with Sasuke is cruel and unusual. I will not do it again. Likewise I will not be telling Sakura about it in the near future.

I will not tell Naruto that every time he says "Believe It" a puppy dies.

Kidomaro is not spider-man.

Neji is not the almighty overlord, even if he says he is. Therefore, I will not assume that just because he says something is okay, I am allowed to do it.

Shikamaru is not a pimp and Ino is not one of his hos. Neither are Temari, Kin, Sakura or Tayuya.

I will not ask Sasuke how his parents are doing. I also will refrain from asking Naruto how his parents are doing. Actually, that's not a good question to ask anyone.

Naruto does not use the Kagebunshin no Jutsu for personal pleasure.

I will not let Kiba read "Inu Mo Arekeba". Ever.

Gaara does not need a hug.

Neither does Itachi.

I will not give Neji a haircut while he's asleep. Especially not one that matches Rock Lee's. I will not subsequently make said hair into a wig and wear it around the village. No one cares that I feel pretty.

I will not tell Orochimaru to stick his tongue to a flagpole.

Sending Sasuke forged love notes from Naruto Is not funny. Okay, Maybe It is , but I shouldn't do it.Same thing vice-versa.

I will not ask Sakura if pink is her natural hair color.

The Akatsuki member known as Deidara is not Ino's secret lover, long-lost cousin, or hair stylist.

I was not taught ninja skills so that I could sneak into people's houses in the middle of the night and steal their things. However, selling Sasuke's personal items to his fangirls is quite profitable.

I will not at any time shout "I'm surrounded by Gay people!" Even if it's accurate.

Orochimaru is not Micheal Jackson. Nor is he Voldemort. Nor is he the illegitimate love child of Micheal Jackson And Voldemort And I will stop Implying These Things.

I will not transform into Naruto and tell Hinata I'm in love with Neji.

Kakashi does not have pink eye.

Whenever my Sensei is talking about "kunais" He is referring to throwing knives. Just throwing knives. I will stop being so perverted.

"You might be a Hyuuga if…" jokes are never acceptable.

I will not threaten Shino with a can of Raid.

Stealing TenTen's weapons and putting them in Jell-O was not nice and I will not do it again.

Kabuto is not a Pokemon.

I will not teach my classmates about the internet. However, if they happen to find out, I will not subsequently tell them about or .

There is no Villiage Hidden in the Valley Ranch and it is not full of delicious, green vegetables.

I will not steal Hinata's diary and read it out loud to Naruto just because I think it's funny.

64 palm is not a groping Technique.

I will not change Shakespeares "Romeo and Juliet" to make it read "Shikamaru and Tayuya" and put it in Konoha library.

I will not refer to chakra as the force.

Next time I put the "Naruto" manga or an issue of "Shonen Jump" in the Konoha library just to mess with people's heads. A squad of elite Jonin will be sent to assassinate me.

Rearranging all the furniture in the Akatsuki hideout will most likely result in death by Itachi.

I will not sing t.A.T.u.'s "Malchik Gay" whenever Sakura tries to flirt with Sasuke. Best not to Bring up "Gay boyfriend" Either.

If I ever bring my copy of "Make Out Paradise" to school again, It will be confiscated indefinitely.

I will not post a sign on the ramen shop that reads "No blondes allowed". Nor will it say "No idiots allowed". Putting up a sign that says either will not receive a favorable reaction from Naruto.

I will not refer to Kabuto as "Orochimaru's bitch" . Even if it is an accurate description.

Whether or not I teach Tsunade's pig to walk on the ceiling is not a problem, but I will not sing "Spider-pig" while doing it.

The Ninja Academy Will not and never will have a prom. I will stop asking Sasuke to be my date.

I will not send Neji false horoscopes reading "You are fated to die today at 12:37 unless you kiss Sasuke". Taking pictures and putting them online is simply cruel.

Yamanaka Ino's real name is not Skankity McSlutslut.

I will not transfom myself into Itachi and sing "Brother My Brother" to Sasuke.

Just because Shikamaru has pierced ears, long hair, a fishnet shirt and a short jacket, and just because he says "Girls are troublesome." all the time does not make him gay.

I am not allowed to have a funeral for Haku and if I insist on having one I will not end the eulogy with "He was a great man, at least I think he was a man."

I am forbidden to say "Naruto has nine tails, if you know what I mean." Especially to Hinata.

Neji is not Sampson and if I cut his hair off it will not render him defenseless.

I will not steal Choji's potato chips. Nobody cares how much I love BBQ potato chips. They probably wouldn't care if Choji killed me either.

I will not call Shino "Neo".

I will not buy drugs from Asuma.

I will not stand up on the tables at the ramen shop and sing "La Vie Boheme" because I think it is funny.

In the midst of a battle between Naruto and Sasuke. I am not to start yelling "YAOI, YAOI, YAOI! C'MON, LET'S SEE SOME YAOI!!

I will not use the line "Hey, is that a kunai in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

It is common logic that most forbidden jutsus are forbidden for a reason.

I will not tell blonde jokes in front of Naruto.

I will not refer to Itachi and Kisame collectively as "Sharkboy and Lavagirl".

I will not enter Hinata into a NejiNaru fansite.

I will not get a badass tattoo just because Gaara has one.

If Sasuke returns from a mission with several wounds I will not insist one or more of them are self-inflicted.

I will not tell Itachi that it is 'Weasel Stomping Day'. Nor am I to get to Sasuke and several others to stomp on him mercilessly.

I will not send Rock Lee eyebrow trimmers for Christmas.

Sasuke's name is not Inigo Montoya and I will not insist that Itachi killed his father and therefore deserves to die.

I do not have real ultimate power.

It is not necessary to yell "Bom Chika Wah Wah" every time Naruto does the sexy Jutsu.

Though I was fortunate enough to take a video of the time Naruto accidentally kissed Sasuke on my cell phone, I will not post it on Youtube. Nor will I send it to Sakura.

I will not invite Deidara to my Ceramics class.

Shikamaru is not possessed by a three-tailed sloth demon.

I will not transform into Yondaime If I do, I will not go up to Naruto and say "I am your father". Especially Darth Vader style.

The Sound 5 is not a band.

I will not call Kiba "Dog Whisperer"

TenTen may be the weapons master, but that does not mean I can ask her to summon me up some strange objects. That honour is strictly reserved for Neji.

I will not refer to Sakura and Inner Sakura collectively as Gollum and Smeagul.

I will not put a 'Kick me' sign on Neji's blind spot.

Kankuro does not have a puppet named "Achmed"