Remus watched Tonks furtively over his glass of wine as he drank a toast to Hermione and Ron's promotion to school prefects, he hadn't seen her a lot since his last guard duty and he found that his mind turned to her more often then he was comfortable with. Her waist length tomato coloured hair looked surprisingly good on her and he wondered whether she had done so to blend in with the family of red heads currently storming around the kitchen.

"- my head of house said I lacked certain necessary qualities," Remus raised his eyes to her once more and caught her casually flinging her hair over her shoulder with a feminine flick.

"Like what?" Ginny asked her.

"Like the ability to behave myself."

Remus chuckled along with Ginny and Tonks gave him a cheery wink, they had become somewhat pals since their escapade in the department of mysteries with Lucius Malfoy, Snape had reported back to them that Malfoy had figured out that Tonks had been behind that - needless to say he hadn't been overly thrilled that Tonks had impersonated him, he and Tonks had laughed about it together. He had expected Malfoy to make some sort of attack on Tonks but she hadn't said anything, but still it couldn't hurt to ask. Remus wondered what Tonks had been like at school, he was willing to bet she would have been a rebel. Popular too, full of fun and laughter, pretty much like now. Only more innocent perhaps, her body less defined and … Remus felt a blush creep up his face at the direction of his thoughts and took a sip of wine to soak his dry throat.

"What about you Sirius?"

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh telling Ginny he was always in detention and that he, Remus, was the good boy. Remus jerked his head up at the sound of his own name to find Tonks watching him and Sirius again, her smile wide and inviting.

"I think Dumbledore might have hoped I would have exercised some control over my best friends, I need scarcely say I failed dismally."

"Oh, I don't know, Remus," Tonks said with a laugh, "you didn't do too bad!" She gifted Sirius with a smile and he found himself feeling a pang of jealousy, this disturbed him. Never once in their entire friendship had Remus ever been jealous of James, a bit envious of his quidditch talent but still in had never been his thing. And Sirius and he had never been in competition, his academic ability never over shadowing Remus's, Sirius was adored by the girls of their year and the years above and below. Still Remus could honestly say his fame had not been something Remus himself had actually sought, yet now while Tonks smiled at her cousin Remus couldn't help wanting Sirius to be out of the room for a bit. And he was sickened at himself for thinking so. It wasn't as if he had any intention of being anything more then friends with Tonks. Remus inwardly gave a bitter laugh, and he doubted very much she thought of him as anything more unless she really liked wolves.

Tonks banged her elbow as she swung her cloak about her shoulders, the silver fastening snagging on her hair, Remus laughed and helped her out of her latest situation. They both stood on the top step outside Grimmauld place, Tonks had mentioned that she was going to walk a little while before disapparating home.

Why would you ever want to do such a thing, dear? Molly had said appalled that any witch in her right mind would want to do something like that. With all the muggers and thieves, Molly had warned throwing a filthy look at Mundungus.

Tonks had assured them she would be fine but as soon she was outside the room, Molly had berated him to walk her home.

They descended the steps and Remus who had resolved at some point over the night to view Tonks as a friend and someone who needs to be helped because of her youth and inexperience found that walking her home tested his resolve but he would use it to talk to her about Malfoy.

"How's Molly?" Tonks asked anxiously casually linking her arms with his, Remus gritted his teeth against the pleasurable sensation and just as casually slipped out of her reach.

"She's doing fine now, Arthur's calmed her down nicely," Remus said with a sigh, trying to blink away the image of the boggart Harry lying dead on the floor.

"She responds to you though, Remus, she likes you."

"More then Sirius and Dung at least," Tonks chuckled quietly before saying.

"Yes, but you gentle, Remus, people respond to that in you."

This time Remus laughed but it was bitter and mirthless even though he hadn't meant it to be that way.

"A gentle werewolf, how strange."

Tonks stopped walking and Remus had walked at least five steps before he realised, he turned and saw she was standing, staring at him with a strange expression.

"What's the matter?"

She open and closed her mouth several times as if deciding what to say then she suddenly blurted out. "Your not defined by your condition, Remus. The werewolf isn't who you are."

"Yes, Tonks, it is," Remus said firmly, walking closer to her and looking her dead in the eye, wanting her to understand, "don't ever think any different. If it were the full moon now and I would stand before you as a wolf! A vicious wolf that would think nothing more of ripping your head off and draining you dry, it will always be a big part of who I am."

"But you shouldn't let it hold you back -"

"That's very easy for you to say!" Remus said tersely and whatever she was about to say was caught in her throat, he expected she was shocked; he had never spoken sharply to her before, Tonks swallowed and nodded.

"Well, I should be getting home - no, its ok, its too cold to walk anyway," she said when Remus was going to begin walking again, he watched her turn on the spot and disapparate in a whirl of red hair and then he was standing in the empty street.

Remus tried to be angry at Tonks, who was she to talk about something she had no way of understanding, but he couldn't keep it up. He blew out a breath and not feeling up to talking to anyone just yet, made his way back by foot.

Remus made his way up the steps to twelve Grimmauld place and tapped lightly on the door, Molly opened it, her eyes weren't as puffy as they had been when he had left but still red, not willing to talk he just said a short yes, when she inquired whether Tonks got home alright. He escaped quickly upstairs and made a conscious effort not to slam the door of his temporary bedroom, not because it was completely childish but more because he didn't think he could take Mrs Black screeching her obscenities while his head was throbbing like mad.

Damn! Remus hissed out a breath through his teeth, the full moon wasn't too far away, a week or so. Remus would have to rummage through Sirius's mother's supplies in hopes for the right ingredients for the wolf bane potion.

A rustling by the partially opened window drew his attention on the sill stood a sleek black owl, Remus pushed the window open further and it hopped in. It eyed him with mean yellow eyes and reluctantly held out its scaly leg where a slightly muddied scroll was tied there. Remus untied it and the owl took off and was lost in the night.

Dear Remus, (it read in a small, untidy hand)

Its been such a long time, you never visit us anymore! Father, mother and I are in Rome visiting some friends we made while travelling last summer, they're werewolves too by the way. Mother isn't well as usual

- Remus remembered clearly that Romula had little time for her mothers distaste for the monthly changes -

father is happy enough. From what your letter told us you've been writing non stop, I suppose we'll find the house bulging with them when we come back, won't we?

Rome is a haven for our kind Remus, its laws on weres especially are very lax, you should visit here Remus, if your not still trying to find a job with all those normal wizards. I cannot wait to embrace the change of the moon here amongst our kin, it will be a experience I doubt any will forget.

I hope this letter finds you well, are you married yet? Children? Write back and let me know, won't you?

We won't be back in Devon until after Christmas, I'll write to you when we are back so you may come and visit us.

Yours always,

Romula Phoebotimus

Remus crushed the letter in his hand and could almost hear Romula's shrieking laugh from the coliseum itself. She must have had a real game writing this letter, was he married yet? Did he have children? A growl escaped him and he quickly looked around as if someone were there, he never wanted anyone to catch him acting anything other then human. Romula always had a vicious streak in her, she had once heard Remus tell her father that he never intended to marry or create a family, so his disease would never be inflicted upon another, no matter how much he may want a family of his own. Romula had taunted him mercilessly over it, even now anger coursed through him that she would rub it in his face again. He threw the letter on the bedside table and flung himself down on the bed, staring up at the dismal, moth eaten canopy above the bed Remus could not stop himself thinking of Tonks. A howl welled in his throat but he forced it down. No matter how much Romula might call him a coward and a fool, he would never threaten anyone's life and make them like him.

Ever. He would be forever alone.

Remus twirled his quill lightly in his fingers and stared at the parchment, he was writing a letter specifically to Lykamedes himself, he had found it odd that in a return letter it had been written by Romula instead of her father, who Remus knew had always had an affection for him. Perhaps his wife was more ill then usual? Perhaps he simply hadn't liked Remus as much as he had perceived on his visits to their home? It wasn't a thought he much liked but it was a possibility.

"Merlin's beard, Remus," Sirius moaned sleepily from the other side of the table where he sat lounging back gracefully in a chair with his feet perched on the table. "Its almost Christmas, can't you put that thing down."

Sirius had his eyes closed and his fingers were locked behind his neck and Remus made a face at him before he flung the quill from him blotting his letter.

"They should be back from visiting Arthur soon, shouldn't they?" He asked, rubbing hands over his face yawning.

"Hmm, traffics always hectic on the run up to Christmas," Sirius replied sleepily, "I hope seeing Arthur makes Harry realise that he actually saved the man."

"What do you mean?"

"He's convinced himself that he was responsible for Arthur's attack in someway, says that he saw it all from inside the snake and therefore he thinks its he's fault. I've tried to convince him its nothing to do with him but takes so much on to himself."

Remus ran a hand over his chin surprised to find stubble there, "Dumbledore seemed convinced something bad like this was going to happen -" Remus began to say but looked enquiringly at Sirius when he snorted with derision.

"What?"

"Him. Dumbledore. You would think he would let Harry know to expect something like this!"

"And what would that accomplish, Sirius?" Remus asked conversationally, "other then scaring the poor boy to death."

"Oh, come off it, Remus! He has no idea what's just happened, we can't tell him for certain because we don't know and the only person who does know is conveniently keeping quiet and well out of Harry's way. So putting all that together and you were Harry, how would you feel? Because I tell you I'd be scared to close my eyes again!"

Remus clucked his tongue thoughtfully and nodded his head, "your right. He should have been prepared for this if Dumbledore suspected something like this could happen. Bloody hell!"

Remus suddenly put his head in his hands and Sirius sat up properly looking worried, "what is it?"

"I was just thinking," Remus muttered between his fingers, "I've been spending too much time with Molly, I'm coddling him like she does. I, of all people, knowing how much he has faced should realise he should be prepared."

Sirius laughed and turned his head to the sound of the door opening and a stampede of feet clattering through the hallway, and Molly came bustling in to the kitchen, her cheeks as red as her hair followed closely by the twins, Ron and Ginny.

"Oh, you're here too, Remus!" Molly sounded delighted and Sirius past him a smirk, which Remus ignored.

"How's Arthur, Molly?" He asked, ducking as she sent her wand flicking this way and that, household spells shooting out sending pots and potatoes soaring overhead.

"Oh, he's doing much better, he's sitting up and everything. Funny enough, Remus, he has a man in the opposite bed who's been bitten by a werewolf."

Remus grimaced sympathetically and made a note to go with them on their next visit.

"Give him my best wishes, won't you, Molly," Sirius sighed scratching at a burn hole in the table and looked around with a frown. "Where's Harry?"

"Upstairs, the poor love didn't feel well on the way back, looked very pale. So I sent him upstairs to bed."

Remus and Sirius exchanged knowing looks behind her back, Ron had just dropped down beside Sirius when a loud crash from outside the kitchen made them collectively wince, Ron choked on his yawn and spluttered while everyone else sighed exasperatedly, "Tonks."

"Sorry," came a pathetic sounding wail that was mostly drowned out by a sudden screech of "Blood traitors, defilers of my house!"

Remus stood up casually as though he was indifferent about having to go and help Tonks, but when no one stood or offered to go and do it for him he quickened his pace until he was out in the hallway and consciously shut the door on the rest of them. Tonks was pulling herself up and trying to stand up the trolls leg at the same time, Remus efficiently stunned Mrs Black before leaning down to help her up.

"I'm beginning to think that thing moves just to find my foot!" she moaned massaging her elbow, "it's the bane of my existence!"

Remus smiled, it was the second time they had really been alone together after their talk before the start of the school year, after that guard duties had picked up more, her work was taking her time up and when they did finally happen in the same room together Ginny came running in two second before Tonks could say anything.

"Where are the others?" He asked helping her retrieve several scattered umbrellas.

"Moody didn't want to stay, he just saw us here and left and Dung needed to put the car back," she paused then and gave him a grin, "I just doubt he'll put back where he found it."

Remus smirked, "If he was any type of crook then it'd be a sin if he did. I'd personally be a bit disappointed if he did actually."

She laughed and for some reason Remus felt as if something heavy had taken leave of his chest and he suddenly breathed easier.

"Mad-eye was having a paranoia trip in the hospital though."

"Don't tell me he hexed a healer?"

"No, just going on about Harry being possessed by you-know-who -"

"He said that?" Remus shook his head, the others might find Tonks tiring but he personally found Mad-eye more so, you couldn't even tap a tune out with your wand without him thinking you might be working for the dark side.

"The rest of us tried to explain that Dumbledore wouldn't let Harry endanger himself or others if he thought that was happening, but you know him. He's not content unless he's accused someone of something." She blew out a breath and Remus helped her out of her cloak, he had never seen her really irritated before. "Having said that I suppose he is teaching me things about being an Auror so …"

Remus nodded understanding and playfully tugged on one of her locks of pink hair, rather then being spikes she had let them grow into tight curls that were looking rather windswept at that precise moment, and Remus was thankful she wasn't any good at legilimens, because he also thought she looked rather beautiful as well. He was about to lead the way into the kitchen when he stopped and turned back to her.

"Since when do you call Voldemort you-know-who?"

"Oh," she laughed, "I thought it was easier then watching all the Weasleys wince every time I say his name."

Remus pursed his lips, he would have thought that being in the order would have made them harden to it and he said so.

"Not everyone is as brave as you, wolf," Tonks said with a kindly smile, she was the only one that really called him that, he had heard others call him it in the past but she used it more as an endearment then an insult or nickname, he rather liked it. Her smile suddenly brightened.

"Speaking of which, I heard you've been in contact with the family of werewolves. Are you going to see them?"

"Sometime after Christmas I expect, I have to wait for their say so."

Tonks nodded, "can I come too?"

Remus frowned at her but her grin only widened winningly. "I suppose you could …" he replied cautiously and Tonks reached up and hugged him, shocked by her his response was rather delayed when he gingerly put his arms around her.

"Well, just tell me when you want me," she said brightly letting him go.

Right now, Remus thought to himself but just cleared his throat and nodded, gentlemanly holding the kitchen door open for her.