Lies

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chapter one : Regret

Their faces were too close, their chests almost touching and Nanoha was practically on top of her.

"N-Nanoha?" Fate gulped, her breathing was starting to come in short gasps, her heart already pounding madly.

This was what she had always wanted, right? For years now, she had lusted after her best friend. Her best friend of all people and a girl no less. She had dreamed of this moment ever since they had entered high school, but now, it was the last thing she wanted.

They had just gotten off school when Nanoha opted for a study session at her house. Only the two of them were there. Fate had sensed that something would happen, but she hadn't expected anything like this…

"Fate-chan…" Nanoha drew closer, lifting a hand to tuck a stray blonde lock behind Fate's ear. "These feelings…they're overwhelming. Every time you touch me, I can feel my heart skip a beat. It's weird, isn't it?"

I know it's weird, so that's why we shouldn't talk about it.

Fate's breath hitched in her throat. She didn't want this. She wanted Nanoha to be happy with a normal life, but Fate was far from normal. Definitely not male either.

"Fate-chan…I have to tell you a secret."

Stop it…don't say another word!

The blonde's mind screamed in turmoil, her heart thudding against her ribcage.

"I love you, Fate."

It was like the world had stopped. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

Nanoha smiled sadly, those slate blue eyes were starting to well with tears.

"Nanoha…" Fate's voice was hoarse, strained with emotion. She leaned forward, wiping away a tear that rolled down the brunette's cheek. "I'm really glad that you feel this way for me, but…" Inside, Fate screamed in anguish, her heart cracking under the pressure. On the outside, her calm smile betrayed nothing.

"Nanoha…to me, you are my best friend."

Fate was never good at lying, but Nanoha was gullible enough to believe her.

She jolted up with a start, glancing around frantically as her burgundy eyes adjusted to the blinding sunlight. Reports, statistics, and schedules were strewn on her desk. She was at her office and for the fifth time this week, she had fallen asleep on the job, the same dream haunting her every time. No matter how many years had passed since then, the events were still so fresh, vivid in her mind.

"I love you, Fate…"

Leaning back on her office chair, the blonde smoothed back her hair, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Even though her awareness was back, those dark circles under her eyes wouldn't disappear, not for weeks. Sleep deprivation did that to a person, even to certain Enforcers, one in particular who was Fate Testarossa.

Nothing was going right these days, especially after she returned from that reconnaissance mission a while back. It was like walking into a parallel universe. Everything was backwards.

'Fate-chan! I wanted you to be the first one to know! I'm getting married!'

She couldn't say it wasn't fair, because she brought this upon herself. After all, this was what she wished for.

Fate could feel her head begin to throb, her eyes dilating in pain. The temperature suddenly spiked and the room became unbearably hot. She couldn't take it.

Pulling out her side drawer rather violently, she rummaged through the mess before fishing out a clear pill bottle. She tore the cap off and downed two white capsules with a slosh of water.

Almost instantly, the pain began to ebb, gnawing at the back of her skull. Sighing, she put her head down again and she could feel the cool hardwood against her flushed skin. It was far too hot for the wintry weather. Was something wrong with her?

"Hah…Something wrong with me? Who am I kidding?" Fate chuckled, her laugh echoing hollowly in her office. She hadn't slept for a week now, and she could barely keep anything down before rushing to the bathroom to empty her stomach. Of course there was something wrong with her. And this was all aside from the fact that she was still in love with her best friend.

Her best friend, the one who was getting married next month.

Suddenly, a knock sounded at the door and Fate sat up straight in her chair, trying to make herself as presentable as possible for the time being. Her hair was a mess and her dress shirt was all crumpled. Her ragged look was a whole different matter altogether. She could have passed for the living dead with no problem.

Fate cleared her throat. "Come in!"

The door opened and in stepped the tall knight, her ponytail swished behind her as she closed the door. "Testarossa, I've got-" Signum paused mid sentence, her attention shifted from her folders as she finally got a good look at the blonde for the first time in weeks.

Fate stood up, clutching a hand to her head as the throbbing intensified. Signum watched the mage, a myriad of emotions flashing through those amethyst orbs.

Was it worry?

Disappointment?

Pity?

"Signum, what was it that you to talk to me about…?" Hearing her own voice again, Fate grimaced; wondering when was it that her sultry alto had turned into a raspy whisper.

"Testarossa…you're a mess. When was the last time you slept?" The lieutenant frowned, placing the stack of reports on the enforcer's desk.

"Just a couple minutes ago, actually, Signum." Fate smiled sweetly, pretending that nothing was wrong. Even though her pale lips curled up into a wide smile, her burgundy eyes didn't light up with the gesture, they were dead, lifeless.

"Don't toy with me. What's wrong?" Signum's voice trembled with anger, on the verge of exploding. Her long strides brought her close to the blonde, her hands grabbing at Fate's collar.

Fate's wine red eyes flared and an uncomfortable heat rose to her cheeks. "Nothing. Is wrong." She smiled again, the sweetness just dripping off her stiff tone. The blonde quickly brushed Signum's hands off, pushing past her briskly. She stopped at her desk, reaching for her drawer , fumbling clumsily before getting the cap open again. Her head was spinning, her vision blurring, cold sweat trickling down the side of her face.

"Fate!" It was the first time that the purple haired woman had ever called Fate by her first name, but the blonde couldn't care less. The floor was spinning, her stomach churning and her consciousness fading.

She couldn't remember when she had dropped the bottle, the white tablets scattering onto the floor. Her mind was completely shot as it faded into black, Signum's frantic screams falling on deaf ears.

Fate could feel a wave of relief wash over her as she fell to the ground, fleeting regret lingered in her awareness. "Nanoha…"

A/N: Hmm...I kinda got the idea from a doujin: Hito ni Yasashiku. If I'm infringing on any uhh...copyright laws, please tell me.

Do you think I should continue this? Please give me some insight. Criticism, encouragement, suggestions, anything. :D

Please and thank you! Hope you enjoyed this by the way.