By no reason should any of this be taken seriously. And unless you can take a joke, understand sarcasm, deal with cats, like randomness, think I'm a freakin moron, suggest I seek serious mental help, do two things at once, like BACK-ON, and deal with some OOCness you should not read this story. There. My mental disclaimer. Deal with it.

DISCLAIMER: I do not in any way own the rights to Air Gear. However, I do own volumes 1-9 and suggest reading up to however many chapters there are online. You won't get some of the jokes otherwise possibly.

Also, there might be some spoilers if you haven't read to a certain point in the story. Also, this has nothing to do with the main plot like.

I was bored.

Deal with it.

By some magical sense of twisted humor and sarcasm, along with a chat the authoress had with the little voices in her head (they're much nicer than Agito when in a good mood), we find everyone's favorite Storm Rider, Spitfire, brushing his teeth and getting ready for another day of playing dead. Spitting and rinsing in the sink, he made his way to the main room he used to train Kogarasumaru through a web cam connection on his READ card. However, he went to the phone and ordered delivery Taco Bell. He loved that little Chihuahua dog mascot.

Anyway, this is not where our main story takes place.

Somewhere else in the city, on a different level of mental awareness, were the Kogarasumaru members. Sadly, by some twist of fate and something Ikki had decided to try out (he had found something on the internet said to help their AT skills dramatically), they were cats. Yes, cats. Don't believe me? Good. You shouldn't. But it's true. Ikki, Agito, Kazu, Onigiri, and Buccha were all cats.

The dark blue pelted Nebelung kitten-sized cat had every hair on his pelt on end, golden eyes glaring at the long haired Siberian next to him who was giving him a nervous cattish smile, lips drawn back to expose the very points of his canines. "There's nothing fucking funny about this!" Agito snarled, ears pinned back and his claws unsheathed, dragging on the ground in a sad attempt to keep Ikki from losing an ear.

It didn't work so well and as soon as the Siberian known as Ikki opened his maw to speak, a paw swiped out, scarring him along the nose. "What the hell was that for?!" Nose wrinkled, a paw going up to wipe at the sting and the blood gathering.

An orange Maine Coon signed, one paw resting on the beanie that he could no longer wear. "At least it wasn't something dangerous."

"Fucking not dangerous my ass! Now what are we supposed to do? Roll over and play cute until our opponents give in to our cute and fluffiness?" If there had even been a way for Agito to look more frightening when he was human, it was when he was a cat. His eyes glittered dangerously, claws digging into the solid ground, tail thrashing back and fourth as he bared his unusually long fangs.

"I don't know about you guys but think of all the girls that'll hold us up to their breasts!" snickered a rather fattish Chartreux.

Ikki brightened up at that, his attention divided from the little angered kitten. "Yeah!"

"I'll tear your throats out!" Agito leaped onto the dark long haired tomcat's back, claws digging into flesh and fangs fastening onto Ikki's nape. "Fucking Crow!" could be heard through the mouthful of fur.

Yowling, Ikki leaped up, chasing his own tail in a sad attempt to dislodge the furious Fang King from his back. "Leggo, Agito! We'll be fine! It's not like we had a fight or anything today!" His mind caught up with him. The cat dropped to his side, rolling onto his back and smothering the other male. Unfortunately, it didn't work as the smaller of the five clung on. Ikki got to his paws, latching his own jaws onto the thrashing tail. With a howl, Agito let go, falling from the cat he had been attacking only moments earlier.

A bulky silver tabby stepped between the two. "Let's not fight, guys. We should think about this rationally."

With revenge on his mind, Agito glared at Ikki, tail thumping against the ground as his haunches lowered, neck level with his shoulders.

And walking down the sidewalk next to the patch of grass the five were at with a delivery bag at his side was the Taco Bell delivery man. He paused at the special of five cats looking to be holding a conversation. Blaming it on the five plates of hot wings and hangover he had from the night earlier, he continued on his delivery route.

"I'm not begging for anything!"

Kazu sighed. They had been at this for five minutes already. Since Agito was the only one kitten sized or even well groomed enough to look cute and innocent without being turned away as a stray, it would be up to him to get the attention of some cute girl in order for them to get some sort of food. Kazu himself would be in charge of dealing with begging as well. He had to admit, no one in their right mind would turn him down. "C'mon, Agito. No one will say a thing about it."

He looked disbelieving, tail flicking from side to side. "And I get...?"

The other four exchanged looks. What would the Fang King, the Great Agito, want from them? A smirk tugged at the corners of his lips, a devilish look on his face. "Once we're done with this you all are my slaves for two weeks. No exceptions. Do what I say when I say it. And don't even bother taking the deal only to beg Akito later. His word means nothing."

There was a pause. God only knew what torture Agito would put them through. But, in the end, they had no choice. "Fine. Two weeks and no longer."

"Deal." He got up, tail high in the hair and a smirk on his face that made him look like he had won the lottery. Turning his back on the group, he leaped onto a small brick wall dividing the side walk from a rather expensive looking restaurant, padding down it until he saw a younger looking lady with a giant rock on her finger. The smell of lobster drifted up from the plate on the table. Agito stopped when at her feet, giving himself time to put on his best large eyed kitten expression. Placing one paw on the edge of the seat, he let out a little meow that would put any self respecting kitten or puppy out of a home.

The gang watched with dropped jaws.

Looking down, the lady smiled upon seeing the 'cute' and 'innocent' kitten. "Aw. Aren't you just the cutest thing in the world." She picked him up, and much to the surprise of anyone who knew Agito, he rubbed his face against her hand, playing the innocent role well. He had picked up pointers from Akito. "You must be hungry." She held out a piece of lobster leg for him, swimming in butter. Sniffing it, he took a while before finally eating the piece of meat. Again, he meowed, looking up at her with his large golden eyes. The lady smiled.

"Missy, get rid of that dirty thing," hissed the guy with her.

"He's not dirty, are you?" cooed the female. Purring, he rubbed against her hand once more. "Are you still hungry?"

Then, like a flash, Agito leaped onto the table, snatching up the rest of what remained of the seafood and leaving all in a way that would make anyone who road the Flame Road proud. Head held high and his prize in his jaws, Agito made his way back to the group. They still stared with dropped jaws. He used his paw to scoop out the tender lobster meat. It tasted better in the butter.

"Way to go, Agito!" Ikki cheered, coming to stand next to the other cat. "I'd never get to eat something like this in a million years!"

Looking up from his meal, a pink tongue swiped around his maw. "And you won't. You guys get the scraps." There was that ever present smirk again. "Now fight for what remains." Finished eating all that he could get at, which was most of it, Agito padded off, sitting down in the shade to wash himself.

Needless to say, Ikki and Onigiri got into a fight over the rest of the red shelled crustacean.

Kazu and Buccha had left to find their own meals soon after Agito had returned. Yes, it was sure to be a long day if they couldn't even get some food.

The Taco Bell man tried to look for a better job.

Laugh! Laugh like you've never laughed before!

And the Taco Bell man will be popping up randomly. As will Spitfire. And many other AG characters. Place a vote in for your favorites!