Chapter 30

As Olivia was finally dragged from the room kicking and screaming the whole way, Keith's head fell forward and his grasp on his mother's hand went lax.

Shirley was more concerned by the change in his grip and demeanor than in what Olivia had said. She couldn't see Keith's face because it was obscured by his hair. He appeared to have just given up.

She fell to her knees in front of him so that she could look up at him. What she saw was not comforting. His eyes were closed and tears had spiked his long lashes. She whispered quietly as she put a hand on either side of his face. "Keith? Please honey. Please look at me."

Keith could barely hear her with the roar from the reporters all trying to get close to him while the FBI agents who'd been present and the remaining guards who hadn't pulled Olivia from the room did their best to keep them back. They were all shouting questions at the back of Keith's head. Questions that became more and more outrageous than the next hoping to get a response from Keith or anyone in his family. Reuben, Laurie, Johnny, The D'Angelos and the Landrys all stood up and formed a tight half-circle around Keith and Shirley so that no one could see them.

"Keith, please. Just look at me." Shirley said in a slightly louder voice.

She was finally rewarded when Keith opened his eyes and looked at her with such a look of pain that she had to check her automatic response to recoil in surprise. She smiled gently at him and kept the look of sympathy from her face. She knew he didn't want her sympathy, but he sure could use her love and she had more of that than he could ever possibly know.

"It's alright, honey, I'm here for you." Shirley assured him while running her thumbs over his cheeks to wipe away the tears that had finally begun to fall.

"Oh, god Mom." Keith started and then faltered.

"Not here. Let's get you out of here. Ok?" Shirley looked from her devastated son to Reuben to find out how that was going to happen.

The judge had left the bench and come to stand next to the family. "Bring him this way." He motioned them toward his chambers.

"Come on honey. We're getting you out of here. This will all be over shortly. Just hold on a little longer." Shirley begged. She stood up and pulled him up behind her. Reuben and Shirley each put an arm around him and led him in the direction the judge was taking them, Laurie close on their heels.

Once on the other side of the door, the sound was muffled but still audible. The judge escorted them to his chambers and left them there to deal with the outcome of the debacle that had been his courtroom that day. He'd never lost such complete control since taking the bench 20 years earlier. He frowned in disgust and went in search of Mr. Gates and the District Attorney. The rest of this case would be handled in a much less public forum if he had his say.

Once the chamber doors were closed, there was total silence. Shirley led Keith to the couch nearest the door and guided Keith down to sit.

"It's not true." Keith whispered.

"What honey? I didn't hear you." Shirley said as she sat down next to him.

Keith looked at her intently and repeated. "It's not true."

"I know that honey." Shirley assured him.

"No, you can't say that. You don't know for sure. I never told you what happened. You can't know." Keith said in a rush. "Oh, god, you don't know that for sure……Why?"

"Why what?" Shirley asked confused by the question.

"Why did you say you believed me when you couldn't know?" Keith just had to know.

"Because I know you. You wouldn't lie to me about something this important." Shirley told him.

"Yes I would." Keith stunned her by saying.

xoxo

Francesca walked up to a stunned Nic Landry who had just sent her father away to look for a glass of water. She'd been sobbing so hard for a while that her throat was scratchy.

"Hi, I'm Francesca. I'm Anne's aunt." Francesca introduced herself.

"Hi, I'm Nic Landry. Keith's fellow kidnappee." Nic didn't know how else to describe her part in this story.

"Yes, I know who you are. I've followed the story since my niece was killed by that lunatic." Francesca said with a frown. "Are you going to be alright?"

"Yes, I think so." Nic assured her.

"That was quite the fabrication. It was the best thing she could have said to hurt Keith." Francesca said by way of opening.

"Yes……it was." Nic's hesitant answer gave Francesca all the answer she needed.

"It was a fabrication, wasn't it?" Francesca needed to know.

"Of course it was." Nic put too much emphasis on her words belying their truth.

"You aren't really sure, are you?" Francesca asked.

Nic looked at her in surprise. How had she guessed?

"I'm a lawyer who worked in the public defenders office as well as the DA's office for several years. I've become quite good at reading people. I also want to do everything to help Keith get through this. Will you trust me with what you know?" Francesca asked.

"I promised him." Nic said forlornly.

"I won't ask you to break the confidence, but let me guess. Keith had to play up to Olivia to allow the two of you to escape." Francesca watched Nic's eyes round in wonder before she could hide her reaction.

"I don't know. Not for sure." Nic barely whispered.

"You don't know how far he had to take it?" At Nic's slight nod Francesca sighed. "That explains a lot. I thought he was acting too nervous about this whole thing yet. He's feeling very guilty about something. Finding out what that something is, though, may be a problem."

"Francesca…." Nic had been caught in a weak moment and was now regretting how much she'd given away. After all, what did she know about this woman? She could be hoping to sell her story to the tabloids. She knew she was who she'd said she was. She'd been in the same conference room before the hearing, so she knew that she had somehow been victimized by Olivia too. But, after that, she had no idea what kind of person she was. Maybe she wanted to get back at Keith for her niece's death?

"Don't worry Nic. None of this will appear in print because of me. I've come to respect Keith and his family in the short time I've known them. He had a very big impact on my niece's life…..before Olivia took it away from her way too early. He taught her how to love." Francesca smiled at the memory of seeing her niece so in love for the first time in her life. "The young man has a gift. I just want to make sure he recovers from this enough to continue sharing it with the world. And, someday, hopefully, with someone very special to him. He deserves that."

xoxo

Laurie leaned heavily against the wall as the shock of Keith's words sunk in. Had he just admitted to lying to their mother? Was Olivia's bombshell the truth?

Reuben, already having heard the story came over to her and laid his hand comfortingly on her shoulder. When she looked at him in recognition, he nodded for her to turn her attention back to Keith and Shirley.

"Are you telling me you just lied to me?" Shirley was almost afraid to hear his answer but she did not look away. She needed to see every nuance in order to judge his sincerity.

"Yes. No. Maybe." Keith let his head fall back onto the couch and closed his eyes as he tried to gather his courage to tell his mother and sister something he never really had ever wanted them to know. "I said things – did things. Things I'm not proud of. Things I'd rather never have had to tell you, but now feel like I have to."

"Keith…." Shirley wanted to tell him that he didn't have to tell her, but knew that it was probably better for him if he did.

"No, Mom, don't stop me." Keith never opened his eyes. "Nic and I had been with Olivia for a couple of days. The first one or maybe two, I barely remember. She'd had me take some pills that did really strange things to me. I couldn't feel anything. Nothing. It was scary. I couldn't react to anything. I couldn't seem to make myself do anything, care about anything, feel anything."

Shirley and Laurie were silently weeping as they watched him struggle and relive what had happened to him.

"Then when the drugs wore off, she kept acting like I was there of my own free will. Like I wanted to be there." Keith's head dropped forward and remained bowed as he continued. "She left Nic and me alone. Locked together in this tiny room. While Nic slept, I came up with a plan. It was the only way I could think of to get out of there without her shooting one of us. She always had this gun that was never out of reach. She'd get mad and wave it around like she was going to shoot one of us. I had to make sure that didn't happen."

No one said a word and after a short pause, Keith finally continued.

"I started pretending that I WAS there of my own free will. I started pretending that I liked her. That I cared for her. That I loved her." A shiver raced through his body at the memory. "I was prepared to do anything at all to get her to let down her defenses. Anything."

Keith's voice cracked as he said the last word. Shirley stiffened guessing where this was going, but loathe to interrupt him while he was willing to talk about it.

"She ended up locking us in the room together one more time and Nic had guessed what I was up to. She reminded me that one of the drugs Olivia had used on me was a sedative. I thought maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have to do what I had told myself I was prepared to do." Keith paused again as he traveled back in time in his mind. "It actually worked out really well….at first. Olivia took me outside to help fill the generator and while we were gone, Nic found the pills. We got her to drink some hot chocolate with it in there. I was almost sick several times as I continued to play up to her. We waited and waited for the drug to kick in, but it didn't. She locked Nic back up in the room and….."

Keith struggled to tell this last part. The part he hated to remember, but remember he would.

"She'd been talking about us starting our lives as a couple since I'd been there, but this was the first time I wasn't under the influence of the drugs and she expected……" He paused looking for the right words. "She expected me to consummate our relationship. God, what a joke."

"Keith…." Shirley could actually feel the panic that he must have felt at that time and didn't want to force him to continue if he didn't want to.

"No, Mom. Please let me finish." Keith glanced at her but quickly looked away. He'd seen the look of sadness and the tracks of her tears on her cheeks. He was hurting her as much as he had been hurt. Did he have the right to force her to share in that pain? "Will you let me do that?"

"Yes, honey. I'm ready to hear it all." Shirley said in a voice rough with tears.

After pausing again to search for the right words, Keith finally continued. "We kissed downstairs. I know Nic saw it. There was this crack in the door that she was able to see into the main part of the cabin. I found her later with tears still wet on her cheeks. She'd cried herself to sleep thinking I was going to…."

Keith's voice cracked and he swallowed hard but eventually started over with the pertinent part of his story. "Olivia led me upstairs and we started kissing again. I was so sure I couldn't go through with it. I just kept trying to picture someone else with me. Anyone else. I had to keep up the pretense until the drugs kicked in. They took so long to kick in. I thought I was going to be physically sick." He remembered almost gagging on her tongue as she'd pushed it into his mouth. He looked up quickly not sure if he'd said that last sentence out loud but realized he mustn't have as his mom hadn't reacted.

Shirley was struggling not to interrupt him. He needed to tell the story, but she knew it was killing him slowly. She knew he needed to tell it to begin the healing process, so she pressed her lips firmly together and let him struggle on.

"I kept kissing her and caressing her. I told her that I cared for her. That I loved her. That what we were doing was what I wanted." Keith paused again as tears began to coarse down his cheeks. "She just wouldn't pass out. Why wasn't she losing consciousness? She moved us toward the bed and then she pushed me down."

Shirley bit her lip until she tasted blood. She didn't know which she wanted to do more; stop his story and thus the torture he was putting himself through or leave the room, search out Olivia and strangle her with her bare hands. Instead, she blinked the tears from her lashes so that she could watch her son's face when he finally continued.

"I froze. She was standing over me and grinning. I'd never seen her so happy. She starting taking off her clothes. She thought what she was doing was such a turn on. Oh, god, I felt sick; so cold deep down inside." Keith stumbled to a stop again.

Laurie had put her hand over her mouth to stop the sobs from escaping. She finally understood why he hadn't been able to open up to her. Why he didn't think he could share with her when they'd always shared everything.

"I won't share any more of the gruesome details that followed, but I can tell you for a fact that I never actually had sex with her. I couldn't have…." He thought better of the words he'd been about to say and finally continued. "There is positively no way that she's pregnant with my baby. I definitely led her to believe that we were going to, but she finally passed out."

Keith didn't mention that now, completely nude, she'd knelt on the bed and straddled his hips. Then, just as she'd leaned down to kiss him, the pills finally took effect. Her eyes had rolled back in her head and he'd pushed her to the side as she'd fallen. They didn't need to know that he'd leapt off the bed, and then begun to wipe his palms down his pants legs trying to remove the feel of her skin from them. He didn't mention that he'd flipped the comforter over her naked body because the sight of her made him sick. He didn't mentioned that he'd desired a shower more than ever before in his life but knew he didn't have time if he and Nic were to escape. He didn't mention it because they already knew what a heel he was for leading her on. They already knew what a degenerate he was for beginning to make love to a person who made his skin crawl. They already knew what a cad he was for telling a girl he loved her when he loathed her.

"Is that everything?" Shirley asked quietly.

Keith nodded stiffly and shared a quick look with Reuben. He'd shared all the details of what had happened in the loft bedroom with Reuben a few days earlier and they'd decided together that certain pieces of his story could remain a secret from everyone else. They were secrets that could only hurt those who loved him most. Secrets that held no relevancy to anyone but Keith. Secrets that Reuben feared might cause future emotional damage to his singing star. Secrets that Reuben feared would require professional help to deal with.

"You are the bravest, strongest, most courageous person I know." Shirley said with feeling.

"What?" Keith looked at her in surprise. He'd expected her to yell at him, castigate him for leading Olivia on. He'd expected her to call him a pervert and a jerk because that's what he'd felt like.

"Keith, did you think I would think poorly of you for what Olivia forced you to do? You did what you did to protect you and Nic. There is nothing wrong with what you did." Shirley assured him. She didn't want to remind him that he'd been the victim in this whole thing. If he wasn't feeling like a victim, that might not be a bad thing.

"You don't hate me?" Keith still couldn't believe that she wasn't mad at him.

"Hate you? No, brother dear. I think you are the most creative person I know. Your plan was genius." Laurie finally spoke up.

"You don't hate me either? I thought for sure, after our argument at Reuben's…." Keith left the rest unsaid.

"Keith, they have nothing in common. Besides, I was wrong not to listen to you then. If I'd have given you a chance to explain like you did here, I'm sure I wouldn't have been mad." Laurie leaned over and kissed the side of his head.

Keith glanced at Reuben to see a look of 'I told you so' plastered on his face. "I should have listened to you earlier."

"Probably." Reuben agreed. He'd told him when Keith had told him the story several days before that he could have shared it with his Mom and Laurie without garnering their wrath. "But, then again, when do you ever listen to me." Reuben added in his most long suffering voice trying to lighten the mood a little.

"That's going to change." Keith assured him.

"We'll see." Reuben sniffed causing everyone to laugh for the first time in weeks. The laughter went a long way toward relieving the tension in the room. It felt good to laugh.

xoxo

Millie had requested to speak to Keith in the judge's chambers shortly after Keith had finally revealed all to his Mom and sister. Keith was instantly nervous but agreed to meet her. He'd moved to stand in front of the judge's desk. Would she hate him? Would she blame him?

Keith didn't have to wait long to find out. As soon as Millie walked in she walked over to him and wrapped him in a warm hug.

After she pulled back she told him. "I'm very sorry for everything my niece has put you through. I also apologize for my inability to stop her from coming after you. My only excuse is that I didn't realize the depth of her fascination or the depth of her madness."

"It's not your fault." Keith said in amazement that this woman who had been pushed down a flight of stairs because she stood between Olivia and Keith could even think she was at fault.

"Thank you for that, young man. Your mother led me to believe you were an exceptional person, but I didn't want to burst her bubble. However, now that I've met you I can see she wasn't just speaking with parental pride." Millie smiled tenderly at him. "Unfortunately, now that I've met you I can also see why my niece fell in love with you."

Keith was stunned by her comments. Were they an accusation?

"Oh, don't take that the wrong way. You couldn't have known what she would do or what she was capable of. I didn't even know that and I suspected she was mentally unbalanced for years. I just meant that it's obvious why you are the reigning teenage heartthrob. You are exceptionally good looking. Heartthrob, that is the right terminology isn't it?" Millie turned to Laurie for confirmation.

"Yes, that's the right terminology, though my brother would rather not admit it." Laurie smiled at a squirming Keith. He hated it when people brought up his popularity with females especially people who were well beyond the age to be noticing it. The next thing you know, she'd be squeezing his cheeks like Mrs. Kornegge always did. God, Keith hated that.

"All kidding aside, young man. I'm quite certain that Olivia will be found to be unfit to stand trial. After that little performance today, well, it's quite obvious to anyone with half a brain that she was making that up to hurt you. I'll be sure to release a statement from the family debunking her statement. And, when I can, I'll be taking her back to Switzerland for treatment. I will make sure she is under heavy guard so you won't need to look over your shoulder every day." Millie said sadly. "I'm going to get Lester transferred to a local Swiss hospice as well. I hope that some day he wakes up."

"Millie, I don't know how we can thank you for everything you've done for us." Shirley pulled her into a hug of both sympathy and gratitude.

"You can get back to your normal lives as quickly as possible. Nothing would please me more than to see you come out with a new album of music and go on a world tour. I'll keep my eyes on the international papers for updates." Millie assured them.

As Shirley escorted her toward the door, she told her. "Keep your eyes out for a new record from Keith. He's been recording a solo album recently and that will likely be the next album released."

"Oh, how lovely. I'll do that." Millie said as she waved her goodbyes.

Shortly after Millie left, they received notice that the D'Angelo's wanted to speak to them too.

Keith leaned heavily against the judge's desk. He just knew this one wouldn't go as well as the last visit.

Francesca walked in first so that Keith's first impression would be of a friendly face rather than Anne's parents who'd last accused him of causing her death.

"I'm so glad you agreed to see us. I'd have totally understood if you'd wanted to just go home, but well, my sister has something she'd like to say." Francesca pulled her forward and right in front of Keith who tensed visibly, bracing himself for another slap but not turning away.

"Keith, I'm very sorry for slapping you at the church. I wasn't myself. I was just so devastated at my loss, but I've had time to separate the feelings from the facts. I've come to realize that you gave my daughter much happiness while you were with her. I've also come to realize that the young woman responsible for her death was the one responsible – that you had no control over what she did. Can you forgive me?" Mrs. D'Angelo put her hand gently on Keith's arm as she looked into his surprised eyes.

"Please, accept my apology as well. Though I may not have slapped you that day, I was very close to punching you and that would definitely have been the wrong thing to have done. We both misplaced our anger and grief onto someone who was completely innocent of what happened." Mr. D'Angelo put his hands on his wife's shoulders and hoped his words were sincere enough that the young man forgave them.

"Neither of you owe me an apology. I deserved your anger. I still do." Keith said quickly.

"No, Keith, you don't. I still miss my daughter terribly. The pain hasn't lessened one bit, but I can see that your pain hasn't lessened either. And, it's alright to still feel the pain, but it's not alright to feel the guilt. You don't deserve it. It isn't your guilt to carry." Mrs. D'Angelo tried her best to make him understand.

"But…" Keith tried again.

"Keith, please. Let it go. Life is too short to carry guilt for something you didn't do." Mr. D'Angelo said briskly.

"Thank you. I'll do my best." Keith assured them in wonder. He knew what they suggested would take him a long time to accept. No matter how many times someone told him he wasn't to blame for Anne's death, he couldn't completely believe it. The reality was still front and center. It was one of his fans that had killed her. And, if either he hadn't had fans, or if he hadn't dated Anne, she would still be alive. So no matter how many ways and times you turned the square, it still had four sides.

Francesca moved in and gave him a warm hug. She whispered in his ear, "Keith, if you ever need someone to talk to about Anne, please keep me in mind. I know that what my sister and brother-in-law just told you hasn't completely absolved you of the guilt you still carry. I know from experience that that's impossible. But I truly hope that someday, someway you can forgive yourself."

"Thank you. You've really been too good to me." Keith whispered back. He knew he had a new friend that he could reminisce about Anne with; one that had never judged him and never would.

"Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it." Francesca said just before pulling away.

Keith gave her a half nod in acknowledgment of her comment. He wasn't sure if he'd need professional help or not, but if he found out he did, he could definitely promise her he'd give it a shot.

xoxo

On their way out, they ran into the Landrys waiting for them in a back hallway.

"We just wanted to make sure you were alright before we left. We have a flight early tomorrow to Japan." Ron said as he shook hands with Reuben.

"We'll be fine. Thank you for staying." Shirley smiled at the two people who had been pulled so unexpectedly into their lives.

"Keith? Can I talk to you for a second?" Nic touched his arm and canted her head to the side pointing toward another side hallway.

"Sure." Keith said and followed her. Laurie watched them walk away with a secret smile. Could they actually end up as a couple after their unusual liaison?

"Keith, I just wanted you to know that I'm really glad this is almost over." Nic told him.

"Me too." Keith actually smiled at her. When he noticed her surprised look he told her. "I told my family everything that happened. They don't hate me."

"You thought they'd hate you?" Nic asked in surprise.

"Yeah. Don't you?" Keith just had to ask now that he realized his family didn't, maybe Nic didn't either.

"You think I hate you for what you….well, I'm not sure what you did. All I know is that you saved my life." Nic answered.

"Not before you saved mine – several times. And, well, now that several people already know, I guess I can tell you too. It didn't go as far as you suspect. There is no possible way that Olivia could be pregnant with my child." Keith assured her.

"Oh thank God." Nic grabbed his arm in her relief. "I couldn't have lived with myself if my mistake had forced you to… well, you know."

"You blamed yourself for that?" Keith asked surprised.

"Well, of course, I did. If I'd just given her more than one pill. Olivia told me I should have read the bottle. I just didn't have time before you came back." Nic said quickly.

"Nic, it's alright. You don't have to worry. Nothing really happened. You're free of guilt." Keith did his best to reassure her and then tried to take his own words to heart when it came to Anne. Nope it hadn't worked. He'd have to keep trying though.

"Well, then, I guess this is goodbye." Nic said sadly.

"Yeah, I think that would be best." Keith said. He would never be able to look at Nic without remembering Olivia and for now that was something he couldn't deal with.

Laurie would have been disappointed to hear their comments but they both knew it was for the best. Maybe someday when things were different and they'd both had time to get some separation from what had happened to them – well a girl could dream Nic thought as the man of her dreams walked out of her life for probably the last time.

xoxo

Shortly after Olivia was found to be unfit to stand trial, the family held a press conference to fill in some of the blanks. There would be pieces of the story they would never tell, but they shared most of it and the public was satisfied.

Keith went back into the studio and finished his first solo album for which they were now discussing a solo tour to support it. Keith was still balking, but could see the wisdom in considering it for maybe part of the next summer.

Reuben had almost blown a gasket at the long delay Keith was suggesting and asked him to consider touring while he was on winter break from school. After all, college classes stopped earlier and started later than the rest of his siblings not to mention the many weekends the family wasn't performing.

"What happened to you listening to what I have to say?" Reuben complained.

"I'm listening." Keith grinned at Reuben's look of hope and then couldn't help but shoot it down. "I just haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. But, I'll think about it."

Reuben relaxed slightly when Keith said he'd consider it and continued to throw additional ideas out to support his arguments.

As Shirley listened to her oldest and their Manager argue about Keith supporting his solo album, she couldn't help but smile and think that life was returning to normal. Keith had his good days and he had his bad days. The good days were slowly starting to outnumber the bad. They'd talked about his getting some help, but for now he'd decided against it. He had been so wrapped up in finishing his first solo album. It had consumed him and helped him to forget, at least for a while.

Slowly, but surely - it was Shirley's new motto.

She wasn't foolish enough to believe it would happen overnight and she knew that she would keep a close watch over Keith for a long time to come as he continued to deal with his feelings and the public's reaction to what had happened to him, but she had hope. Hope was a good thing. A very good thing.

The End