Take it on the Run

Author's notes:

As you probably will note, this is not the same KC as my other stories, because this is a weird creative brainchild that I'm not entirely sure about. Sad part is that it's almost as long as my other, almost-complete story. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy :)

For your daily dose of SPAM, if you have played Baldur's Gate and you are a member of Facebook, I made a Facebook group called The Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart, and it is very sad with only nineteen members, so you should totally join. If you don't have Facebook, you should make a page and join the group anyway. For the good!

Chapter One: Surprise!

"I'm pregnant."

Bishop looked a delicate blend between lost, infuriated, murderous, confused, and terrified. Raelis briefly wondered whether or not Bishop had ever received "the talk"; deciding that he hadn't, she began explaining, "Well you see Bishop, it just so happens that when people have sex, like you and I have been doing, it's basically the same thing as when animals mate, so…" This shouldn't come as a huge surprise was going to be the Knight Captain's next allegation, even though it had come as a huge surprise to her, but the flabbergasted ranger in question cut her off with an undignified "I know!" and left the room.

The priestess sighed. Of course she knew that he wasn't going to take the news well, but she expected a little more… courtesy. Just a little. Not a lot, though.

She was as such the only one not surprised by the news that Bishop had left the keep unannounced over twelve hours ago and had yet to return, despite the fact that he was scheduled to lead them to the hidden druid circle the next day.

Needless to say Elanee was less than amused. "Where could he have gone? I understand that he has proven himself to be less than considerate of others, but certainly he has not proven himself to be so," the druidess bit her lip as she considered the word to use, "flighty."

Predictably Casavir responded, "Yes he has; among a few other adjectives not fit for polite conversation."

The group was sitting in Crossroad Keep's courtyard, discussing how they intended on contacting the Circle of the Mere without a guide to get them there. Or, rather, that was what they should have been doing; instead, they were using the opportunity to insult the aforementioned lack of guide.

The only other idea Raelis could think of was to somehow convince her foster father Daeghun to lead them back to the Circle, even though he had made it clear he had no intention of returning to the lands claimed by the King of Shadows. The elf in question was sitting all the way across the courtyard, testing the string on his bow and looking generally bored.

"Bastard ranger," Khelgar muttered to himself.

"You could think of some new descriptors there," Qara pointed out with an eye-roll.

"So, noble leader," Sand began, looking at the knight captain, "what exactly did you do to drive him away this time?"

"Why is this my fault?" she retorted.

"Your ears are redder than Qara's hair," the mage responded, taping the half-elf's pointed left ear. "That betrays your guilt, which would lead me to suspect that you are the reason the ranger has decided to finally, finally leave after months of threatening to do so."

She debated whether or not to tell them. She was, as far as she knew, three months along, so it was only a matter of time before they noticed her baby bulge, no matter how loose her customary robes were. However, she knew this group of people sitting with her better than she knew herself, and they would manage to make what was supposed to be a joyous time in a young woman's life a waking nightmare, albeit unintentionally.

She shrugged, trying to make this as blasé as possible. "I finally told him that I'm pregnant with his child, so he panicked and left. So it's not really my fault; it's more of a combined effort."

Silence.

Ah, so I finally found the only thing that can render all of them speechless! she silently cheered.

Qara finally broke it. "Ewwwwwwwwww, you two procreated? It was nasty enough when you two were doing each other all the time, but… ewwwwwww!"

"You're pregnant!" Neeshka squealed, "Awwww, how cute! This is so exciting! There's going to be a baby here! I've never even held a baby before!"

"While I am glad for you, Raelis, there remains the manner of the druids…" Elanee said tentatively.

"I do have an idea. My father is probably a better tracker than Bishop anyhow, maybe he… could… where did he go?" she looked to where her foster-father had been sitting, and the space was suspiciously vacant.

"There goes that idea," Khelgar voiced half-heartedly.

Raelis, who had yet to even so much as show weakness the entire adventure, suddenly cried out, "Why do all the rangers I love leave me?" before bursting into tears.

"Yup, she's pregnant all right," Qara murmured.

Bishop wasn't sure how far away from Crossroad Keep he had managed to get before he collapsed from exhaustion. He was having a hard time honing his senses on where he was, where he was going, or what he was going to do when he got there.

He didn't know why he had been so caught off guard by the whole baby thing. It was stupid of me, he berated himself (as he had done every second since getting over the initial shock of the news), there I was, prattling on about how I don't get attached to anyone or anything, and then… And then she had to give me the talk?!

It didn't help matters any that Karnwyr had nobly followed him all the way out here but refused to call him by anything other than "Deadbeat." Bishop had hoped that since he had raised Karnwyr from a pup that the wolf wouldn't know his kind mate for life as effectively as most animals go, but conversations the two had had made that assumption go away quite quickly.

Bishop: If you want some food, you're going to have to get it yourself.

Karnwyr: Deadbeat dad and deadbeat master.

and

Bishop: Damn, I stepped in a puddle and now my boot is soaked.

Karnwyr: Smooth, dumbass… deadbeat dumbass.

It was days like this he wished the wolf couldn't talk to him.

He had set up camp in that he had collapsed in a place that wasn't covered in poison ivy, which was the best he could hope for in his current mental state. Between his own mind's amazing ability to contradict itself and his animal companion's constant chattering interspersed with derisive comments, Bishop wasn't exactly up to his usual standards.

Which explained why he was so startled when he noticed the arrow about a foot from his head.

He stared at it with wide eyes, wondering where it came from. It was stuck in the dirt; it had been done so with such force that the shaft was still quivering and the end was completely buried.

That's not my arrow, is it? his mind stupidly asked before it answered, No, if it was your arrow, you would have fired it!

"You didn't get very far, did you?"

Did I just say tha -- okay, now you're just getting ridiculous.

Daeghun, who was sitting in a tree nearby, simply looked at him.

Bishop's eyes widened in terror.

Sand, Khelgar and Neeshka had each gathered together 100 gold and made a bet as to how long it would take Casavir to propose.

"Propose what, though?" Khelgar asked over his customary mug of ale, "I mean, are we talkin' marriage here, or fatherhood, or what?"

"Seeing as he still even hasn't told Raelis he thinks she's pretty, I think we're gonna have to go with just fatherhood," Neeshka pointed out.

"Closest without going over," Sand established. "And if we're going with his offering to replace Bishop, then I'm going to give him two hours." He put his 100 gold onto the table.

"Going off what I just said, I'm giving him a day at least." Neeshka put her contribution down. "He has to get up the courage and everything."

Khelgar regarded the 200 gold ahead of him with thought. He then looked at his two companions. "23 hours and 59 minutes," he said smugly.

"That's odd… oh." Sand looked proud of him.

"Oh come on!" Neeshka exclaimed, "That's so cheating!"

"Eh, you're just gonna steal the money back anyhow," Khelgar pointed out, although he still looked damn pleased of himself for effectively preventing her from ever winning.

"I am not! Who knew dwarves were cheapskates too?" Neeshka asked, looking glum.

"I did, seeing as he's never paid a bar tab in his life," Sal, the bartender, commented from where he was cleaning mugs.

"And if I win this bet I'll pay up!" the dwarf grumpily defended himself.

"Eh, 300 won't be even close to covering it. And Neeshka'll just steal it anyway."

Meanwhile, outside:

"Lady Raelis, may I speak with you? It is a matter of utmost urgency."

It wasn't that Raelis didn't like Casavir. She thought he was a little on the dull side, but he meant well by everyone and was always good to try to resolve situations peacefully. There were times - when one was dealing with Khelgar, Qara and Bishop's inane desire to kill everyone and everything that looked at them funny - that Raelis appreciated the mellow calm Casavir exuded. But while she knew that Casavir provided stability, she found herself drawn to Bishop's utter lack of predictability.

Case in point, she knew exactly what Casavir was going to say, almost down to the very words he was going to use.

She smiled at him. "Yes, Casavir?"

"My lady," he was looking at the ground in a way she couldn't help but find charming, "I… I understand that you're going through a difficult time, and I don't think you should have to… go through it alone. What Bishop has done is inexcusable."

And here I thought he was going to use the word 'irredeemable.' Guess he proved me wrong, she thought dryly. I wonder if he's going to ask me to marry him or…

"I would consider it my greatest honor, Lady Raelis, if you would let me act as a father to your child." His entire face was bright red and he was still not looking at her. "Not that I think you can't handle being a single mother, of course, but I… I mean…"

She patted him on the head. "Casavir, you are the sweetest man in the Realms," she said fondly. "And if you go, right now, and buy me some pickles, I will definitely take you up on that offer."

The paladin turned and sprinted from the keep.

"I win!" Sand crooned from the door of the pub.

"Eh, I'm just going to steal it anyway," Neeshka said, not impressed.

Bishop had seen Daeghun before, albeit the two had never spoken. Bishop wasn't the type to be easily intimidated, but even he felt uneasy when faced with Daeghun's cold, calculating, inhumanely stoic stare. And at this point that stare was regarding him as if he were… well… a lamb led to the slaughter.

This is all my fault for using that phrase so often, Bishop thought to himself.

Raelis had touched base with Bishop regarding her foster father shortly after his arrival to Crossroad Keep, when Raelis had correctly guessed Bishop's intention to saunter up to him and brag about how he was banging his daughter.

"There's no simple way to say this, so I'm going to tell you a story," Raelis said, looking up at Bishop as she dragged him away from the newly-arrived ranger elf. "Once upon a time, when Brother Merring first came to West Harbor," they stopped walking, "there was another priest with him, Brother Tarsis. While Merring is a genuinely nice person, Tarsis was… not so much. To be blunt, he took advantage of my naiveté and youth, and eventually I told my father what happened, and I'm sure you understand what I mean when I say that Tarsis was found two weeks later deep in the swamp with his reproductive organs halfway through his digestive system, yes?"

Bishop blanched.

"On a lighter note, one time Bevil kissed me and it took me four weeks to convince Daeghun to stop using him as target practice. Moral of the story: if you like your life, you'll leave my foster father alone. He's not very expressive, but he actually does like me. Sometimes."

"What is it about you that makes all the men who like you go crazy?" Bishop asked.

"I wonder that sometimes myself."

"So where are we going?" Daeghun asked lazily, "It is clear from your trail you have no idea, so you might want to take this time to figure it out."

"We aren't going anywhere," Bishop retorted, trying to find some inner courage. He'd killed entire towns – surely one elf…

Karnwyr started emitting a hruffing sound that could only be interpreted as a laugh. Deadbeat Master can learn things from Not-Deadbeat Grandpa of Deadbeat Master's and Deadbeat Master's Not

Deadbeat mate's pup. Whew. This is complicated. Good job, Deadbeat.

Bishop made a mental note to confront the wolf on his fickle loyalties.

"I'm sure," Daeghun replied to Bishop's allegation coldly.

Bishop made another mental note to figure out what it was about Daeghun that scared him when no one else in the world did. Well, I guess this makes leaving a challenge, doesn't it?

If he only knew…