AN: Wow it feels like it's been a year since I updated. This was written in really, really small sections and I still don't feel like they blended together well… but here it is, I guess.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!!! Thanks for reading and all those good things.

Chapter Seventeen: part two

A minute passed and then another one, neither of us moved, neither got up. We didn't move to reenter reality, to see our friends, our family; we didn't return to class. Respectively I didn't move to kiss him either because I did in fact have questions. It was hard to make sense of those questions when I was on over-sensory overload.

"How did you find me?" I asked, finally.

"Alice," he answered shortly already knowing what I was referring to; the fact that I didn't mean now, today; that I meant those days ago, "She said you were looking for me."

"And you intuitively knew where I was?" I laughed a harsh sound because it sounded implausible.

"No, I went to your house. You weren't home, obviously." He squinted like he was seeing things all over again; squinted like he didn't like remembering. With one of his hands he took a lock of my hair and started playing with it, twirling it around his index finger; essentially avoiding my eyes. "It might sound like an invasion of privacy, actually it is an invasion of privacy, I can't argue against that, but the door was open so I went inside.

"There was no answer when I called out, though I guess I've already covered the fact that you weren't there, no one was there. That should have stopped me from looking around but it didn't."

I held up his left hand; the one that looked cold, white and balmy against the ground; my ears focused on the words. I kissed his palm enjoying his company, wanting to stay trapped here with Edward.

His story paused as I kissed him and he made a humming sound, "You're distracting me," he commented.

"I'm sorry," I murmured and dropped his hand sad to feel its' loss.

"I didn't want you to stop," when I looked up he was smiling so I picked up his hand again feeling immediately better.

"You were looking around my house…" I led.

"Huh?" his hand twitched.

"That's where you left off."

"Oh, yes; I was." He coughed, clearing his voice or biding time, "Your answering machine was blinking…"

And just like that I knew that he'd heard it all; knew that I hadn't thought of deleting the evidence. It was almost funny, almost… "James," I whispered.

"James," his voice was disgusted on the word.

"To be honest I can barely remember what we said."

"I can remember every word," He responded.

I let his comment hang in the air as I struggled with the proper way to thank him. Finally I simply said the words, "Thank you." I leaned in, letting his hand go again, gathering him in my arms; hugging him as strongly as I could. "I'm sorry I'm so high maintenance."

He snorted. "You're sorry for all the wrong things."

"You make it sound like I should have known not to trust James, like it was a universally known fact. Isn't he your cousin?" The truth was I'd never trusted James but that didn't change anything; or maybe it did.

"He's related but he's not family," he muttered, "He's always been a strange kid; always doing stupid things. I won't lie and say I've never had fun with him or that I wasn't happy to see him when he came to visit but that doesn't mean I ever trusted him. Not with my life, not Alice's or yours. I didn't think he would do anything like this," His breath blew out and I pulled back to stare at him.

His face had gone livid. I smoothed the lines on his forehead with the tips of my fingers. "Was he bothering you before," I didn't have to ask 'before what.' "Alice said something a couple days ago and since, well, it's made me wonder…"

I swallowed loudly uncomfortably, "He said some things; was around too much." I frowned, "He looked at me… so strangely." I petered off, "That sounds stupid; I don't know…"

"You should have told me."

"I'm sorry I didn't. I didn't realize he was so fixated. Rosalie said-"

He cut me off, "She said what?" If the situation had been different I would have made fun of him for cutting me off right before I told him exactly what Rosalie had said but of course it wasn't like that. It seemed it was never the time for jokes between us.

"Things he did to her," I whispered. "Things you might do to me."

"I'm not like him."

"It was confusing," I said ignoring him because it was easier to pretend I'd never let my thoughts wander; never thought he might be. "There were too many people saying too many things and I just didn't know what the truth was anymore. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry," He growled. "You shouldn't be sorry for anything. You shouldn't have to be sorry."

"I made so many stupid mistakes, it's my fault. I deserved-"

He cut me off again, "Stop it, stop it; please stop it. You're killing me. You shouldn't feel guilty that someone else tried to hurt you. You shouldn't apologize for him," he hissed. He took four calculating breaths; four breaths that calmed him down. "I wish I could go back, fix everything but I can't…" He sounded so broken; so hurt.

"You tell me these things and put them onto yourself," I accused. "We're such a healthy couple."

He chuckled almost rudely but smiled all the same. The light grin that tickled his face collapsed not a minute later. "You know it doesn't get easier. We're essentially in a tight confusing spot. It probably won't be as uncouth around here but it'll still be…" he hesitated; his eyes darting as if looking for the word, "different."

I had to smile at him, "I'm not sure we're ready for this going public thing."

He rested his forehead against mine letting the rest of face rest against mine slowly as he pressed his lips to my lips. "I'm happy," he whispered.

I snorted quietly surprised, "About what?"

"Our chances, I guess. I don't know about you but I think they're pretty good."

"Even with all the weird stares, the gossipy teenagers, the gossipy adults?" I sighed, "We're public domain."

"In a way I'm glad we are, I was getting tired of all the male attention you got since you weren't officially taken."

I hit him lightly on the arm, "Yeah all that male attention."

He pulled back to give me a suspicious look, "You don't even notice it?" I raised an eyebrow, "No, of course you don't." He smiled to himself as if I'd just revealed the secret to a magic trick.

"There's still a lot we have to work through, so much we have left to learn. I don't really know you, not a lot about you anyway." I told him changing the topic.

"What don't you know about me?" He asked bemused.

"All the important things."

"I love you, that is the only important thing to know about me."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help how my heart swelled, "I want to know the little things that make you up. I want to know your favorite cereal; favorite fruit. Things like that. I want to be able to see a movie with you, sit beside you and learn your subtle attempt at pulling your arm around me. I want to see you try to distract me." Words just kept bubbling out; things that had been on my mind, things I didn't want Edward to know, but given the euphoria came out.

"Those are the easy things; you're leaving out the inevitable problems."

"Like meeting the parents?" I beat him to the punch. "You know I don't think it's going to be as bad as you imagined, not that I know what you imagined…"

"Why not?"

"Because, well you kind of saved my life, or however you want to put it," I informed, "It won't make up for everything to them but it's a start."

Edward rubbed his eyebrow releasing tension, "And I suppose it doesn't matter anyway; not what they think. Does it matter to you? I mean it matters," his shoulders slumped and I shook my head at his inability to say the right words, "but I don't care if they aren't okay with us." He spoke slowly but still ended up stumbling, "I would prefer them to be happy for us but it isn't everything."

I liked the way he kept saying 'us' like we were always going to stay that way; be together. "It's going to be a whole new start to our relationship," I pointed out.

"But a better start; a normal healthy beginning."

-------

A few minutes passed, just us sitting intertwined. The wind blew silently, twigs and trees rustling. I shivered as I finally said, "I'm worried."

He kissed my forehead to comfort me, "Don't be, James isn't going to be around again." Edward's thin fingers pulled into my hair, "We'll make it through everything else." He added with a heavy voice, "The worst is behind us, even if it doesn't seem that way."

"It's not that."

"What is it then?" his hands slipped forward to frame my face; I couldn't avoid his stare.

"It's too simple, this conclusion. I feel like I'm going to wake up and everything is going to be a mess again. It's almost impossible to believe you're real and that this is actually happening. That you want me…"

He frowned, "I want you," Edward's words came out sounding pure and emphatic.

"But will you always and, and later will you think back, and think it was worth it?" I rushed. "It's just," I sighed, "Whenever we part… I just, I just get so anxious."

"It won't be like that, I won't ever be able to think of you with anything but love. It's hard for you to understand, maybe, but I know I won't feel like this again."

"How can I believe this will last when neither of us has any experience."

"I'd rather our inexperience forever than try anything else. I love you, how many times do I have to repeat that before you believe me."

"How can you know when there is nothing to judge it with?"

"Are you really doubting me or yourself," Edward's voice had taken on a note of misery.

"I just want you to know what I'm thinking. I want to be truthful because it seems like I've been bending the truth a lot lately. I just, I want you to know what this means to me, you and me, and I don't know how else to tell you."

"Well I'm glad you're communicating," He said half laughing, "But you are only freaking yourself out by the sound of it."

"Well I'm glad I'm amusing you," I told him sourly trying to shift away from him in embarrassment.

"Don't pull away from me," he gripped my shoulder and I desisted. "I'm sorry I've annoyed you." He looked repentant, like a large puppy dog, his eyes out and pleading. "I think we'd both feel better if you said it one more time?"

I thought about playing dumb, telling him I had no idea what he wanted repeated but instead I leaned closer, edged to his ear and whispered, "I love you Edward."

"I'll never get tired of that," he mumbled nudging my face to his own and kissing me aggressively as the bell rang signally last period was about to start. I knew somewhere lost in my head that maybe continuing out relationship was a bad idea; it was probably healthier to stop and start again with new people. Maybe most couples would have done so but there was something undeniable in the way I felt about Edward, the way he touched me, made me feel. Everything felt better when he was around, my heart felt whole; the anxieties that came left. It was right, how else could I describe it.

We'd gone through a lot and we weren't done going through awkward situations, we weren't done with our families, their insecurities and their prejudices that they didn't dictate us and if there was one thing I'd learned it was that love was worth it.