Lunatic Parade-104
Written by Gabe Ricard
Here we go with another fun filled episode of Lunatic Parade…ideas for fics are coming I slow other then the two big projects I'm working on, so I thought another of these stupid things were in order. If you need a good visual aid, just think of Space Ghost. In a nutshell, Ronfar is Moltron, Jen is Zorack, Hiro is well…that's a mystery and the others are just there. Let's enjoy!
Hiro: Welcome everyone to the Hiro show! Ba da da da da da! It's the Hiro show starring me! I'm Hiro! It's the Hiro showwww and-
Ruby: Let's never do that again
Hiro: Awww
Lucia: I thought it was clever
Ruby: You would…
Lucia: What are you saying Ruby?
Ronfar: (In the control room) That Lucia's as smart as a bag of dull nails?
Lucia: Shut up Ronfar!
Hiro: Actually Lucia…Ruby makes a valid point
Lucia: What?!
Ruby: I bet you couldn't even pass my homemade IQ test!
Lucia: You're on! Bring it to me
Ruby: What's the magic wooooorddddd?
Lucia: Chinese food
Ruby: There we go, (flies off and returns with a book and a pen. Drops them in Lucia's lap)
Hiro: So, who's our guest tonight?
Jen: How am I supposed to know?
Hiro: I thought you had the downflow…
Jen: I never said that!
Hiro: Does anyone know who our guest is?!
Ruby: (Lands on Hiro's shoulder) Stephanie Swift
Hiro: Who's that?
Ruby: (Groans and whispers in Hiro's ear)
Hiro: What's porn?
Ruby: (Rolls her eyes) Ronfar…show him
(TV screen comes down, and a scene starts up)
PLEASE STAND BY…
(Five minutes later)
Hiro: WOW!!! HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN AROUND?!?!
Jen: Ummm…since the beginning of time
Hiro: Amazing! So when's this Stephanie stopping by
Ruby: I just found out she's not coming
Hiro: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (Falls on his desk and sobs hysterically for eleven seconds. Regains composure immediately thereafter) Why not?
Ruby: Apparently, someone here has had a RESTRAINING ORDER filed on them by Miss Swift
Hiro: Ronfar you nimrod!
Ruby: Actually it wasn't Ronfar
Hiro: Leo you nimrod!
Ruby: Leo's-
Leo: (Walks by) No I'm not!
Hiro: So, who is it?
Ruby: Jean
Jean: EEK!
Hiro: Jean? Why?
Ruby: I wonder…
Hiro: Jean's a-
Jean: So what if I'm gay! Who cares?!
Hiro: Geez…I was just going to say you're a closet porn fan
Ronfar: Jean's gay?!
Ruby: And she plays the Irish piano!
Hiro: Wow…do we have a replacement guest?
Ruby: Well there's Scott Baio rummaging through our garbage outside the building. I could bring him in
Hiro: Make it so! (Ruby flies off)
Lemina: (Suddenly appearing) anyone need a wallet to be stolen? (Notices Jean) Hi…Jean
Jean: Hello…Lemina
Ronfar: Oh…my…. God…
Jean: Not a word Ronfar!
Ronfar: Okay, okay…just one question
Jean: Shoot
Ronfar: Since you like chicks…do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time?
Jean: ….Hiro?
Hiro: Yes Ellen?
Jean: (Glares) I'd like five minutes to kill Ronfar
Hiro: Two
Jean: Deal…coming Lemina?
Lemina: Not with you…
Jean: I meant to go kill Ronfar
Lemina: Oh…yeah sure (The two head off with knives and steel chairs)
Ronfar: Time to make my getaway (Turns to leave and stop) Where's the door?
Hiro: Remember when I told you about that button that would make the door disappear long enough for assassins to find you and do bad things to you? And you said not to do it and I said 'okay'?
Ronfar: Uh…yeah
Hiro: Well I lied
Ronfar: Oh well…I'm not giving you my DVD copy of Steel Magnolias!
Hiro: Leo loaned me his copy
Ronfar: Damn…(door flings open to reveal Lemina and Jean bearing weapons) Jean! Lemina! Hi!
Hiro: (Watches Ronfar die) This is better then chairman of the board!
(Ruby returns with Scott Baio)
Lucia: I GIVE UP I CAN'T DO THIS TEST!!!
Ruby: It's a very simple IQ test Lucia
Lucia: BUT ALL THE QUESTIONS ARE ABOUT BACON!?!
Ruby: Lucia…that's only the first half…turn to the other half
Lucia: (Flips to the second half, reads in silence for a moment) 2000 QUESTIONS ABOUT FISH?!? ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (Throws the book at Ruby, nailing her and sending her flying off camera and straight through the wall)
Scott: Charlesssss in charrrgeeeeee-
Hiro: Quiet you
Scott: No!
Hiro: Fine! DRAGON KING SLICEEEEEEE!!!! (Kills Scott Baio)
Lucia: That's not your move
Hiro: Shhhh no one has to know
Nall: (Walks in) Mail…All that came was this letter for Hiro (Throws him the letter. Looks down at Scott Baio as Hiro opens the letter) Hey…is that the skull of Scott Baio?
Lucia: Yes
Nall: Sweet! Can I have it?
Lucia: What's in it for me?
Nall: Cheez-Its?
Lucia: Sounds good
Nall: A great addition to my demi celebrity skull collection! I have Michael Bolton, Don Johnson, Monica Lewinsky, and the Taco Bell dog!
Lucia: So it was YOU who stole that dogs skull from me!
Nall: Ummm…no
Lucia: DIE!! (chases Nall who runs like hell)
Hiro: GAME ARTS IS PREPARING A LAWSUIT?!?!?!?!
(Back in Ronfar's control room)
Jean: That was fun
Lemina: Yeah
Jean: What do you say we go back to my house for some hot, steamy lesbian sex
Lemina: Ummm…no
Jean: How about Pac Man?
Lemina: Hell yeah! (The two walk off)
End.
These things never seem to get better. Plug time…while you're here I'd love you all forever if you checked out say…my Halloween fic, the all new FF7 special to kick off season two, and to keep an eye open for two novellas that should be popping up in a month or so. Thanks for reading as always and be sure to let me know what you think.