Little Steps

Bright Miami sunlight streamed in from the gauzily curtained windows of Eric's hospital room. He sat in his hospital bed propped up by pillows, the latest forensics journal laying forgotten in his lap. Today was not a good day. Apart from the dismal performance in physical therapy, he was having a hard time paying attention or focusing on anything for any length of time. His jaw clenched in anger at himself. He knew who he was; he knew how he was, or rather, should be. But it was hard now. The bullet in his brain made it hard. He was never going to get anything back.

Like right then; he knew he was expecting somebody to drop by, but he couldn't remember who it was or why he was looking so forward to it. Was it his sister, Marisol? No, no it couldn't be Mari. Mari was dead; H said so. She hadn't been by to see him, so it must be true. She'd never let him lay in a hospital bed with a bullet in his brain and not be there for him if she were alive; not his Mari. Eric turned his head to look when he heard the sound of his door opening.

"Hey, Eric," Calleigh said, a bright smile on her face. It dimmed only slightly when she saw his demeanor. "How's it going today?"

Calleigh! That's who was coming by! Should he lie and say that he was doing well? Yes, yes he should because he didn't want to upset her. "Lousy."

Well, that went well, you brain damaged moron.

She sat at his side and took his hand. "Hey, that's okay; we all have them. Why don't you tell me what's going on and maybe I can help. You know you can tell me anything."

He gestured to his head. "I can't, you know, ...um,...c-c-concentrate on anything. It's f-f-f-frustrating. It's not me," he said with some difficulty.

"And you're angry, aren't you?" she asked softly, her heart breaking for him for the millionth time since he'd been shot.

Calleigh remembered being completely terrified when she heard what had happened; how her heart pounded, the whistling in her ears and the utter panic that seized her heart.. She couldn't get a straight answer at the hospital because she wasn't a blood relative and then sobbing her heart out in the hospital's chapel while Eric was in surgery. Flashes of Tim Speedle lying in a pool of his own blood darted past her mind's eye and she knew that no matter how shattered she'd been when Tim was killed, she knew without a doubt that she'd not survive if Eric died. It was then that she understood how much he meant to her and she vowed not to dare flinch from any challenge that presented itself in helping Eric recover.

At first he had seemed alright and then the reality set in that he wasn't the same as he was before. His memory was spotty and his speech was slow or he stuttered or his words were slurred. His intellect was as sharp as ever; there were just some deficits in retrieving information.

"Don't pity me," Eric snapped, completely misreading her tone.

She raised an eyebrow. So that was the mood today. "I'm not pitying you, Eric. I just, well, I hate seeing you beating yourself up about something you can't help. You didn't ask for it and you didn't want it. I know that. And you're angry beyond angry. I get it and you have every right to be."

Eric looked up at her, seeing the fire in her eyes. "Cal-"

She suddenly felt herself become very angry."It's going to be different because it's going to be different. Do you think that changes how I feel about you; God, Eric, because it doesn't. Even lying there with your head wrapped in gauze and tubes coming out of every which way, I still trust you with every fiber of my being; my life. Nothing changes that. So you have a little speech issue and you might not remember every detail right now. You're still Eric Delko and it's going to get better and I am going to be here every step of the way whether you like it or not."

Eric blinked a couple of times, allowing his slowed mind to comprehend Calleigh's words. "You don't have to t-t-tie yourself d-d-down, Cal. You have a life."

She rolled her eyes. Didn't he get it? "Did that bullet affect your hearing too? Eric, we've been partners and friends for over a decade. If you think I'm just going to drop you because things are rough right now, you're insane. I don't drop out on the people I love."

Love? He knew, he remembered, that he loved her from the very first day they met. He remembered that he schooled his love for her into the deepest friendship that a man and woman could have on a platonic level. Eric had known that Calleigh wasn't the relationship-of-the-month kind of woman. She was the spend-the-rest-of-your-life-with-her kind of woman and he hadn't been ready for that yet. Was he now?

He looked into her eyes again and thought he saw a flash of something other than the very deep and profound friendship they shared. "S-s-s-sorry. I can't...I didn't..." He growled in frustration when he couldn't think of the words he wanted and then couldn't make his mouth say them.

"Hey," she said, gently, softly, taking his face in her hands. "Easy; take it slow and calm down. Take a deep breath and close your eyes, then think of what you want to say and take your time."

Eric focused on her green eyes, now calmed of their earlier fire and took several deep breaths before speaking. "I'm sorry that I l-l-lashed out at you. I'm angry today. I hate how I am. I f-f-feel slow and s-s-stupid. I guess I'm h-h-having a pity p-p-party."

A soft smile crossed her lips. "No private pity parties. Talk to me, or don't if it's easier. Show me what you need. I'll understand."

Eric hesitated, not knowing if what he wanted was something that Calleigh was willing to give. It was something that he'd have asked Marisol for. Granted, he wouldn't have had to ask because Mari would have walked in and just known. He glanced up at Calleigh, trying to read her readiness, and then scooted over, patting the bed beside him.

Calleigh complied, slipping in next to him, understanding his need for comfort. If she had been the one lying in a hospital bed trapped in a position that she couldn't control, she want to be held and comforted, too. It didn't surprise her in the slightest that she wanted to hold him and comfort him. He'd do it for her.

Eric put his head on her chest and she drew him in and held him. He breathed in her soft scent and he felt himself relax. Sudden, unexpected tears, built through days of frustration and anger at his current circumstance, spilled from his eyes and he cried softly, unashamed of doing so. He felt Calleigh's grip on him tighten as she lay her cheek on top of his head, murmuring soft reassurances.

"I'm here for the long haul, Eric," she whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."