Order Q: Trek Adventure

Disclaimer: The entity known as Master of the Boot Owns Nothing

Except maybe a pair of boots.

Alucard sat in the rear of the Vatican plane. In front him lay his magnificent jet black coffin. Next to that was the far more humble coffin of his fledgling Seras Victoria. Pip, the French mercenary was up front, acting as their pilot. Which was a good thing, Alucard didn't enjoy Pip's company any more than he did. At the moment, Alucard was asleep.

For a vampire, sleep means a very different thing than it does to a human. For humans, sleep is a restful time when the mind and body are rejuvenated. For vampires, relaxation and sleep are two foreign concepts. While their bodies lie catatonic, the vampires mind will usually cast about like some hellish radar detector, ever watchful for danger. When vampires do dream, their dreams are tumultuous and tormenting, leaving the vampire mentally more exhausted than when they fell asleep.

For Alucard, his dreams were just that, tormenting. He dreamed of the man who enslaved him to the Hellsing family, the original Van Helsing. He heard the horrid man's voice before he saw his face.

"All flesh is grass. And all the comeliness thereof as the flower of the field. The grass withereth, the flower fadeth but the word of our God abideth forever"! And then the stake was thrust through his heart.

Dracula's scream was cut short as brackish blood gushed from his mouth. The initial surge of pain gone, Dracula's bloodshot eyes looked up at this human who so aptly pretended to be righteous. "Have I been bested"? It was as much a question as it was a challenge. Even in this state, Dracula longed to push the buttons of others.

The Dutchman answered, "Yes, you are bested. This is not a nightmare for you to wake from. Your castle is plundered, your dominions in ruin and your servants dead to the last". Van Helsing's blue eyes shone nearly as bright as Dracula's own red ones. "The girl has fled these lands, she will never be yours".

Dracula chose his words carefully, "Fuck Mina and her disease ridden husband Harker, their marriage is nothing but a farce. I hope they die, painfully". Clearly this was not the answer the old man had expected. Lunging out in anger, Van Helsing grabbed the stake in his hands and twisted it like a screw driver.

This sent a wave of even more intense pain coursing through the Count's body. The elderly vampire started to spasm like an eel. Abraham grabbed Dracula's collar and held him close. "Miserable no-life king, everything you had is not gone". Dracula spat in Abraham's eye.

And then the dream changed. Alucard was no longer Count Dracula. Instead he was now Vlad the impaler. He stood on the battle field surveying the devastation that he and his army had caused. Sure the Turks had beaten him before, but that had not been the end as they had assumed. He'd abandoned his troops when victory seemed impossible. Vlad had returned with another army, better prepared. Now it was the Turks who fled before his might. It made him laugh almost.

Suddenly, Vlad the impaler was plucked off of the battlefield in a white flash of light. Utterly shocked, Vlad surveyed his new surroundings. His armor and vestments of royalty were stripped of him. She stood only dressed in a tattered pair of trousers and shackles. He was locked in a dungeon. He recognized this dungeon; it was the dungeon of his own castle! Suddenly the door was thrown open and two strange figures stepped in. They were two guards, turbaned and dressed in Turkish armor, but their faces were hidden by bizarre masks and their eyes were a muddy yellow.

Not one to take things lying down Vlad jumped up and attacked his would be guards. He struck a blow that should have crushed a windpipe, but the guard merely struck back. The punch hit Vlad in the stomach, dropping him to the ground. The two guards then started to drag him along like a sack of potatoes.

Before long, Vlad was hauled into one of Castle Dracula's great halls where he was greeted by the sight of commoners. "Help me"! He cried out. But the sickly, filthy peasants only laughed at his pleas and proceeded to humiliate him. Rocks and rotten fruit pelted Vlad. He twitched and thrashed but his guards held him fast; making sure that he took his medicine.

Finally the guards dragged Vlad into the throne room of Castle Dracula. Like the other rooms he had passed, this room was full of peasants eager to humiliate and taunt him. The throne room was different however; wooden stands had been set up. In the stands sat the minor nobility of Transylvania. Also in the stands were minor nobility from, Hungary, Germany, England, Russia, from the Far East, from the Middle East, from North America, and all of them hardly looking in better condition than the peasants.

Suddenly a great gong sounded out three times and everybody in the room lay quiet. Except for one person who threw a last tomato at Vlad. The humiliation was terrible; it was almost a physical feeling of sickness. The great doors leading into the hall opened and Vlad couldn't help but gape.

He flew in on a levitating thrown carved from beautiful and expensive woods which could not be found on this earth. It looked to Vlad like the thrown of a judge. Then he laid eyes for the first time on the figure sitting on the thrown. It was a man, dressed in robes of black and maroon, definitely derived from the robes of a Vatican inquisitor. On his head he wore an official looking hat with a flat top and a large gold chain around his neck.

Finally the thrown ceased moving and began to hover just in front of Vlad. The man held out his hands and with a voice dripping in showmanship, "Representatives of humanity" Every person in the room cheered. The man went on, "We are here today to observe the punishment of Vlad The Impaler the Third".

Vlad screamed in outrage, "Punishment, what punishment have I warranted. I who bested the Turks and defended Christendom time and time again"!

The man laughed with the joviality of a game show host, "He dares to make a false claim to innocence". More laughter erupted at this statement. "Quit simply, dear Vlad, you are the very worst of a barbaric and childlike species". His voice and demeanor then became far more serious, "And for your crimes in the multitude, you are condemned to everlasting life".

Alucard woke. He looked around, nothing. He was still Alucard of Hellsing, not Count Dracula of Vlad the Impaler, just Alucard. "Just a dream", he murmured. If only it were the case. The dream had left Alucard with a bad feeling and a worse taste in his mouth. He murmured again, to reassure himself, "Only a dream".