A/N: Hey, people! I'm sorry this took so long, but i wanted to really think about this last chapter and where i was going with it. as it is, i'm immensely proud of it, i think it's the best i've ever done. oh yeah - i couldn't help but notice the lack of reviews for the last couple of chapters, and i wouldn't mind asking what i did wrong? con-crit would be very good, so i know what not to do in the future :) thanks for reviewing - becky-rocks, chugirl, swisstony and LDNatalie! enjoy! :)

Chapter 5 – Understandings

Right, breakfast. Toast? Yeah, why not.

I hope I didn't upset Vince back there. The way his face fell when I told him I couldn't yet, I just hope he doesn't think I'm making excuses or lying.

I do love him, I do. And it's amazing, brilliant to know that it's returned for once – though we've always loved each other, even if it was just as best friends.

And I'm glad I let Vince know, too. Though I know I wouldn't have said anything at all if he hadn't made the first move…

I'm being perfectly sensible about it – my reasons are sensible, that is. I mean – I'm not exactly experienced. I've not even had a relationship with a girl yet, never mind a guy – and especially my best friend.

On top of that, I'm just not ready to accept that I'm gay – or bisexual… or anything but straight, for that matter.

I suppose is it reassuring in a few ways, though – he's my best friend, so, for one, when we really do come to be in a relationship, I expect it'll feel natural.

And we know each other inside out, too, so we don't have to go through all that 'getting to know you' stuff I'm so awful at.

Gosh, that was a short lie-in, Vince is up already.

I give him a good look up and down now, because there's definitely something different about him. Can't quite put my finger on it, though…

"Hey, Howard."

"Hiya, little man. Nice lie-in?"

"Well, I didn't get any more sleep – you know how it is, once you're awake you just can't get back to sleep again." He's made his breakfast – Weetabix. He comes and sits literally next to me, so close our sides are almost touching. I pretend not to notice, though.

The conversation carries on, with me adding 'mmm' and 'yeah' when appropriate. What I'm really focusing on is that every now and again Vince's hand twitches towards me, as if he's just dying to touch me, but then decides against it.

Do I want Vince to touch me? Do I want him to close that physical gap between us that'll most likely be forever? Yeah, I think I do. But the thought of Vince touching me is sending me into corners of my mind I thought didn't exist till now – not unpleasant but wildly inappropriate at the breakfast table, sir! It's also a bit scary and confusing. I suppose, weighing both feelings up, it's mostly a yes. I'm still not ready to close that gap, though.

Back in the real world outside my head; the tension is so electric it's almost crackling audibly. Oops, I finished my breakfast ten minutes ago without realising. What was I doing, just sitting there staring at him? No wonder Gideon thought I was a freak.

"Well, I'm off for a shower, Vince. I'll be down in ten minutes or so." He nods, and goes back to his largely abandoned Weetabix.

I leave the room with a strange cold feeling in my side, the one Vince was sitting at.

Weetabix is genius! Whoever invented this should be given a medal or something!

Howard seemed a bit… out of it. S'pose it's just cos he's thinking about it all, really.

I was dying to touch him, to grab his hand, any contact – but I daren't have, in case he flinched away from me. I don't think I could have coped with that, specially if I can't cope with him telling me we'll be together one day!

The sexual tension by the time he'd finished his breakfast, though… you could have cut it with a knife… almost see the stuff, it was that thick!

… I hope Howard didn't notice I've been crying. I did catch him giving me a weird look when I walked in the room, but maybe my hair's a bit messy? Wish I had a mirror on me so I could check… ah, my spoon! Ugh, unflattering… but nah, my hair's ok, thank goodness. I hope he didn't work it out, he'll think I'm a right idiot.

How long will it take him to make up his mind? I hope it's not, like, years. Seriously, I'm hoping it'll be soon cos I think I might just pounce on him before too long.

Wonder how much longer he'll be in the shower? I can't help thinking about him in there, all steamy, wet, naked, soaped up…

…uh-oh. Right, think of something really freaky to make it go away…

BolloinabikiniBolloinabikiniBolloinabikiniBolloinabikiniBolloinabikiniBolloinabikiniBoll

Hang on; I think he's out now. Don't think of what's under that towel he's probably getting on right now.

I'm going for a shower now… it'll probably be a cold one.

Pah. I don't know how he managed to persuade me into this. Clubbing indeed. Well, ok, I suppose I may have relented because I really don't think I could take Vince coming home wasted in the arms of some Camden slag again.

Urrrgh. The very thought of all that's entailed with clubbing sets my teeth on edge. Dancing. Electro. Flirtinis. I, Howard T J Moon, am way too dignified an intellectual to waste my time dancing, sir! And Electro? I would much prefer to sit and listen to the complex strains of Dizzy Gillespie or Hot 'WeeWee' Jefferson than any of Vince's jumped up Electro bands. And what's wrong with a nice cold manly beer?

Vince has just made his entrance from the bathroom. Three hours in there and damn, was it worth it.

He looks like the moon himself, dressed in a white sequinned catsuit that bares his pale forearms and sweeps in a V at the front to reveal his smooth, creamy chest. His skin shimmers ethereally under the light like a real life electro fairy. His makeup perfectly complements the outfit, using pale blues and whites. Blue eyeshadow makes those massive eyes look even bigger, even bluer and even sparklier. It's as if they take up most of his face.

His mouth! Clear lipgloss with a slight whitish shimmer accentuates his pout even more, and whitish blush makes his angular cheekbones seem more prominent, but softer somehow.

His hair, instead of being root-boosted to oblivion, is straightened so it fits against his face, and the raven black, which seems to glitter from black to dark purple tonight, contrasts with the rest of the outfit, making it stand out even more. When he moves, his hair moves, and as he moves I catch a smell of the aftershave he's wearing. It smells like him, like light and sun and rainbows and sweets – something that a girl might have worn but was so intrinsically Vince. He looks like temptation personified.

I look him up and down, his slender body inviting my eyes to linger, until I look back at those eyes, and, my heart aching, I smile at him, unable to speak.

He smiles back shyly and it's like being drenched in a rainbow. I suddenly feel giddy with delight. Or maybe it's lack of oxygen since I think I may have stopped breathing for the last minute and a half.

"Ready, Howard?"

I just nod, my throat dry. I try to speak. "You look… you…wow." He smiles again.

"I made a special effort for you just cos you finally agreed to come out with me."

He holds out his hand; I take it and he leads me out of the front door.

Ah, I'm in my element here. Love the music, love the people… love the dancing. I don't understand why Howard doesn't like this sorta thing.

Speaking of Howard… I see him by the bar, sitting moodily with a Flirtini in his hand. As if he doesn't like Flirtinis! Pity, cos it's all they sell in this place…which I think is a genius idea.

Best go over to him and see how he's feeling.

"Hey, small eyes."

Howard glares at me, but then his gaze softens. I think he likes my moon-inspired outfit. But then again, who doesn't?

"Hello, little man."

"Wanna dance?" He looks at me like I'm mad, then shakes his head. Hard.

"Aww, come on?" I bat my eyelashes at him, and he sighs and stands up.

"Fine, but I won't be very good," he assures me.

When we're on the dancefloor, I turn to face him, and start talking to him.

"Dancin'. 'snot about the music. Well, not only, anyway. You don't 'ave to be someone who dances, like, every day, to dance well. All it is-" I clasp my right hand on Howard's waist at this, while my left seeks out the small of his back, "-is that as well as the music, you need to connect with your partner, emotionally an' physically." At this I let go and put his hands around my waist. He looks slightly confused. I stretch up to whisper in his ear. " D'you feel it, Howard? The connection?" He nods, half a smile on his face, and I smile back. "Good. Then we can dance."

Conveniently, a slowie starts just then, and I put my hands back where they were, and let go. I can feel him let go, too, after a bit. I smile smugly to myself.

Hmph. I knew it'd turn out like this. Me just sitting at the bar with these awful Flirtinis – apparently they sell nothing else here – and watching Vince work the room.

Watching him is pretty hypnotic, though. He just gets totally unconscious to what's going on around him, like he's dancing on his own in an empty room.

He's stopped. Ah, he's seen me… great, I bet he wants me to dance…

"Hey, small eyes." How dare he call me that? I start to glare and can't finish because he's just too lovely to glare at.

"Hello, little man." He smiles at the term of affection, then looks serious.

"Wanna dance?" I knew it! I knew that was the only reason he came over here! So I shake my head as vigorously as I can without it falling off my neck.

"Aww, come on?" the devious little fairy bats his eyelashes at me and suddenly I'm getting up with a sigh. Half of me is screaming "what are you doing??" but the out loud of me part says "Fine. But I won't be very good."

I let him lead me to the dance floor, which is full of overly made up Camden girl-boys and boy-girls; the only one who even comes close to standing out in the middle of all those is Vince, who's turning to face me.

"Dancin'. 'snot about the music. Well, not only, anyway."

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

"You don't 'ave to be someone who dances, like, every day, to dance well. All it is, is that as well as the music, you need to connect with your partner, emotionally an' physically." Makes a bit more sense. Somewhere during this bizarre dance lesson, Vince's hands have found their way to my waist, and to the small of my back. Now, though, he lets go and takes my hands, putting them around his slight waist. I'm still terrifically confused as to how he got me up here. All he did was blink at me!

Now he's stretching up to whisper in my ear: "D'you feel it, Howard?" well I feel something, even if it is a manipulative electro-ponce tickling my ears. "The connection?" I try to hold back a smile, and just nod my head. Vince smiles back. "Good. then we can dance."

A slow song comes on at that point. I'm suspicious that had something to do with Vince.

For a while, I'm watching the other couples, till I see a gay male couple together. They look so in love. Seeing them kissing, the submissive one then burying his head in the other's chest, I feel a strange feeling come over me. That's what I want. I need to tell Vince as soon as I can. But first, I close my eyes, and let myself go to the song, the music and Vince.

After the dance is over, I have to grudgingly admit that I rather enjoyed it.

"Well? What did you think?" Vince asks me, eyes shining.

"It was okay…" I answer indifferently, but he's already gathered that I enjoyed it more than I'm letting on.

"Vince? Want to come for a walk?" He nods breathlessly, and we step outside into the cool air.

Walking down to the river, Vince holds my hand. It feels strange but I know it's exactly what I want now.

I stop on a bridge that overlooks the river. It's a gorgeous spot, quiet, and the river reflects the clear dark night, the beautiful stars, and the unusually quiet moon.

Vince looks at me, all these things reflected in his luminous eyes. He looks like someone out of a fairy story, like a personification of the moon, or a fairy that lives on the moon or something. He glimmers all over.

"Vince… I've decided." He looks apprehensive for a few seconds, but I stop that short.

"I want to be with you, Vince. You look so beautiful tonight. You always look beautiful, and you're beautiful inside too… and I couldn't bear it if anyone else except me got to see that beauty every day, every night, forever. I love you, Vince." I say this with more feeling than I've ever said anything else.

His face lights up again and I feel so lucky, like I'm seeing something extra special, extra rare. Then he stretches up and kisses me. Not an innocent sort of kiss like our first, but something entirely different. I kiss back with a fierce passion; feeling his tongue brushing at my lips, I open my mouth… his mouth tastes so… Vince. As our tongues explore each other's mouths, I become painfully aware of the by-product. So, I think, does Vince, because he begins to get carried away, and slides a hand towards my groin. Starting to rub it, he carries on kissing me with an intense enthusiasm. I groan into his mouth, and my mind begins to go blank – oh, that feels so good! But we shouldn't…here…

"Vince," I mumble from his lips, and he gently detaches himself from me, "Not here. Let's go home first, right?"

He smiles, a smile of lust and such a mix of emotions that I'm not sure how to interpret it. Then he takes my hand. "I know a shortcut." He replies.

I can't think straight. I don't think I've ever been happier than now, to be honest. I feel dizzy and out of breath with all the emotion hitting me right now.

As I'm leading him to the front door and fumbling with the key, my mind's occupied on what I'm going to do to him once we're inside… then I realise – we've got forever for all that.

As we get into my room I smile dizzily at him, seeing him smile back, a truly genuine smile that reaches his eyes. I kiss him and push him down onto the bed. I flick my tongue gently against his lips and willingly he opens his mouth. He tastes so sweet. Like bookmarks and trumpets made out of liquorice bootlaces. And something else – just Howard, I think. As I explore his whole mouth, I feel both of us responding.

Shall I drive him mad? Yeah, I decide, as I grind our erections together. Hard. He moans into my mouth, and arches upwards to try and get that contact again.

I shake my head, but then reach a hand up his shirt and play idly with a nipple, all the while still kissing him and gently moving our groins together. I can tell it's driving him crazy, so I pull away from him.

Looking down at him, he's never looked more beautiful. Or more sexy. Those amazing, soft lips, now swollen with kissing. His melted chocolate eyes, that really aren't all that small, looking back at me with a mixture of lust and love. No one's ever looked at me like that before. Lust, yeah, loads of lust – but not really love.

"are you sure you want to do this?" I ask him in while moving down to his neck and planting soft kisses onto it, which makes him shiver.

"Sure? I've never been so sure of anything else in my life, sir!"

I can't contain a smug and happy grin.

"I love you, Howard."
"I love you too, Vince."

A/N: Well? what did you all think? i hope you liked it, i'm desperately proud of it :P please don't hesitate to tell me where i need to improve if there's any areas. but don't be mean about it ^_^ love you all! x