Title: Night Reconnaissance

Author: TigerTiger02

Spoilers: Batman Begins and The Dark Knight

Summery: Batman thinks they're out to steal a television; really they're out to liberate lawn gnomes. Based in part on constant listening to Night Reconnaissance by The Dresden Dolls.

Disclaimer: what you think I own any of this other than the original characters?

He found himself in a more suburban part of the city, a place with actual lawns, though they were tiny things that hardly counted as lawns. None-the-less there was crime here and it had been a quiet night in the main part of the city so he might as well swoop by the more neglected part of Gotham, well not so much neglected but more like neglected by Batman. He watched from one of the taller, older houses as a car (he had never been one to identify the more mundane cars but he thought it might just be a Volvo) drove down the street slowly before pulling a U-turn and coming around again. It slowed slightly before speeding up, whipping around the corner only to stop suddenly. The engine was killed and he narrowed his eyes.

Two figures dressed from head to toe in black leapt from the car and crept away, darting from the barely lit street to the darkened shadows in the depths of the lawns. From his perch atop the house, by the chimney because it provided the most shadow coverage, he narrowed his eyes, muscles tensing as he readied himself for the leap from the roof to glide down to the would-be burglars. They paused in the middle of a lawn, seemingly arguing but it looked like they had rudimentary hand communication. He didn't recognize it so it must have been developed between the two of them. Finally they seemed to come to an agreement and shook on it.

They stole across two more lawns before stopping again to gaze at the windows before the taller one slunk across the lawn to test if there were motion-detecting lights. Satisfied the figure darted back to the shorter of the pair, once more using the hand communication before he shook his head and darted back towards the modest house. He melted into the shadows right against the house and seemed to check all of the windows before coming back, nodded slightly and the pair seemed to come to another agreement.

Bruce made his decision to stop the burglary before it happened and swooped down, tackling the taller figure that crumpled beneath his weight with a squeak. He froze, wondering what kind of would-be burglar squeaked like a mouse.

"Get off of me you slack-jawed idiot! You weigh a ton!" a feminine voice growled out and he leapt off of the woman suddenly. The lithe burglar stood up and ripped off the ski mask to reveal a soft feminine face to go with the voice. Hazel eyes were narrowed and what was probably a normally pale face was flushed red. Full lips were pulled into a pout and the brown hair that had been up and hidden by the mask fell to her mid-back. Her partner in crime was doubled over, wheezing slightly from out-of-breath laughter.

"Really? The Bat-Man goes after drunk teenagers who are stealing lawn jockeys?" the unmasked girl said with a hint of laughter, anger, and confusion in her voice. The doubled over figure straightened and took off the ski mask with an embellished flourish to reveal a heart shaped face with large blue eyes; her hair was more on the blonde side and fell to her hips. Her on-the-thin-side lips were twisted into a Joker worthy grin.

"Yeah, in case you didn't notice we're liberating lawn gnomes here… and you know flamingoes." She said snarkily.

"So you're not breaking and entering into the house with the intention of stealing a plasma television? Wait… Liberating?" he deadpanned. "Don't you mean stealing?"

"No it's liberating. They need a warm place to live so we're taking them back to our place where they don't have to sit on a lawn for all four seasons. We give them good homes, give them love they've never known…" The taller girl said nonchalantly, she rolled her eyes as if he were an idiot. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at them, taking on the part of an angry father.

"I'm going to have to ask you not to do that and get yourselves home." He growled out in his best intimidating Batman voice. The only reaction from the girls was laughter.

"Ask us?" the shorter girl said between giggles.

"That's very polite of you to ask us but since we're dead set on having the gnomes and the lawn jockey we're going to have to say no." the taller girl said seriously. He frowned at them.

"Then I guess I'm just going to have to call your parents." He growled out and that's when he knew he had lost total control of the situation. The girls stared at him blankly before launching in a fit of laughter that could rival both the Joker's fits of laughter and hyenas. He winced slightly at how he had sounded and realized that even he, the Dark Knight of Gotham, could not stop these girls. He waited impatiently while the girls finally quieted down to soft giggles before stopping.

"Okay, really? I mean seriously? Honestly? Dude," he stared affronted at the shorter girl when she used the word but she ignored him. He had never felt less threatening in that moment. "Dude, why don't we call it even. You let us steal the lawn ornaments, these people are pretentious anyway for having them and expecting them not to be stolen, and we won't call the cops and tell them that you're lurking around here now." He pondered on it for a moment, knowing that it would be a bad idea for the girls to point out to the Task Force (the one that was hell-bent on taking him down and throwing him into the prison for the murders that he didn't commit) that he was lurking around here as she so eloquently put it. However, no matter how pretentious the owners of the home were, he could not allow these two girls to go about stealing lawn jockeys and gnomes. It just wasn't right. He opened his mouth to voice his concerns when the taller girl shrieked suddenly.

"Oh my god! Spider!" she screamed and then flailed around for a bit. "Get it off! Get it off! Oh my god! Is it off?" she shrieked loudly. She was next to the lawn jockey and had obviously been attempted to sneakily make off with it while he had been distracted. Suddenly the porch lights went on and the door was flung open to reveal an older couple standing there. The man was armed with a shotgun and the woman was armed with a camera.

"Quick Nelly! Take pictures of 'em 'fore they get away!" the older man said. The taller girl tossed the lawn jockey at him and he caught it automatically just as the older woman snapped a picture of him. The pair of girls scooped up a pair of gnomes quickly, somehow managing not to get shot. He, however, wasn't so lucky but thankfully his suit deflected it, he would just have a hell of a bruise tomorrow.

"Run! Batman! Run!" the taller girl said as she took off towards her car, on her way she wrenched out a flamingo rather violently. He automatically followed the pair and somehow found himself in the car as they peeled away, staring wild-eyed at lawn jockey in his hands. The taller girl had quite a lead-foot and he thought they were going to flip a couple of times around corners but obviously the car was built like a tank and it didn't waver once. Finally she slowed down and stopped in a different part of the city.

"Holy shit, Evie, I can't believe we just fucking stole lawn ornaments with Batman." The taller girl said.

"Yeah, it's pretty fucked up, Ruby." Evie, the now identified shorter girl said. He found himself grinning widely as he stared at his prize, the adrenaline rushing through his veins and he felt like he had just beat down a bunch of criminals. Ruby, the taller girl, turned around in her seat and gave him a Cheshire grin.

"It's a rush, isn't it?" He coughed slightly and tried to take on a more serious look.

"You're going to give me the gnomes and I'm going to return these tomorrow night." He said in the most intimidating voice he could muster up at the time, unfortunately it wasn't that great. Ruby snorted.

"Right, like we're going to give you the gnomes, these were fucking earned man." She said slyly. "Plus, consider it payment for getting you out of there quickly." He found himself scoffing.

"I could have gotten out of there quicker than that." He said boastfully.

"Oooh right… because you're the Bat-Man!" she said mockingly. "Keep the jockey, consider it a prize of your first night of petty theft. Now get out of my car."

"Don't steal again." He lectured as got out of the car.

"Yeah, right… like we're going to follow the advice of a psychopathic, murderer dressed up like a giant bat." Evie said sarcastically.

"Yeah, next time you're in this part of the neighborhood you should keep an eye out for us, especially around Christmas. I plan on getting me a Black Wiseman." Ruby said while rubbing her hands together and chortling to herself.

"We're always stealing Holiday Decorations! Halloween would be a good time for you to team up with us! No one would think you were Batman!" Evie piped up excitedly, she was obviously thinking of all the excellent possibilities of having Batman on their team. He stared at them incredulously.

"Look us up." Ruby said seriously through the open window as she began to ease up on the break.

"Stop stealing crap!" he shouted after them as they finally pulled away.

The next morning Bruce was enjoying his morning glass of wheatgrass as he stared at the lawn jockey that now graced his balcony. Alfred came out with the paper and some whole-wheat toast.

"May I inquire as to where you got that dashing lawn jockey, Master Wayne?" Alfred asked as he stared at the tiny man in garish colors.

"Oh… it just caught my eye at a… store… a couple of weeks ago." Bruce said evasively. Alfred cocked an eyebrow and threw down the paper to reveal a rather unflattering picture of Batman looking slightly shocked as he held the very same lawn jockey. There were more pictures of him running with the two girls; thankfully their movement had blurred their faces so of course Batman was the only identifiable one in the pictures. There was also a picture of the angry looking older man. The headline read: BATMAN: PARTICIPANT OF PETTY CRIME? Caped Crusader Caught Stealing Lawn Jockey!

"Really Master Wayne, a lawn jockey? What are we going to do with one of those when we have no lawn?" Alfred admonished, keeping an entirely straight face as he said those words. He shook his head and began to leave to allow Bruce the time to read the article.

"I thought it would look good with the Ming vase and the other décor." Bruce said wryly and he could hear Alfred's laughing his way down the hall. Bruce couldn't help but wonder what Fox's take on all this would be, probably the same of Alfred's. He sighed and buried his face in his hands. He hoped he never came across those girls again; they would be the death of him.

A/N: so go look up the song, its quite amusing. Reviews would be appreciated because I would like to know if I nailed the characterization and if I should put up a part two. Maybe I could make it a series. Each Holiday maybe he comes across them and get sucked into the general mayham? Anyway, spot the reference and you get a cyber Batman cookie! And please review... it will boost my confidence... or you know just be awesome!