Don't get the wrong idea...lol This story is implied yaoi only in the form of images and fiction mentioned and is used for comical purposes. Dante and Nero are hetero, but seeing said drawings/fiction brings their homophobia when being around one another to the surface, making for some giggles on my part. However...there may or may not be a forced kiss near the end... -prepares for a stoning-

Gah, I can't believe I'm posting this...lmao I am a reader of yaoi, which I blame on KivaEmber, Jordanbu, and nerosredqueen to name a few of the guilty. However, I have my own opinions on it when it comes to the DMC universe (like no VergilxDante pairing! -runs screaming at the thought-).

I repeat! If you are looking for graphic yaoi then you're going to be very dissapointed. Implied only for comedic purposes.

I have been so dead in terms of ideas for my current stories that I've been turning to one shots to get the wheels going, and damn do I have a lot waiting in the wings... Enough to double my current story list of 10! lol

Obviously my lack of sleep is showing...lol I'm just going to go stand over there and see how this goes... :D

It was going to be a terrible day, he could tell.

First his juke refused to play his favorite song even after Dante had practically cracked the glass in an effort to get it going. Then he had spilled coffee on himself. Oddity was Dante didn't even drink coffee, but was getting a cup for Lady that he had laced with a non-toxic dye that would turn her mouth black. Instead, as he carried the cup to the swinging door that lead out of the kitchen Lady came through and it knocked the cup onto his front. He hadn't been wearing a shirt, so his skin had been dyed black.

Lady had only laughed, saying it served him right for trying to play a prank on her. He had taken another shower and found it very difficult to remove the dark stain. Then on his way out of the shower he had slipped and smacked his head into the wall before getting his balance. It was like he was cursed! Next the power went out right as he was on the final boss battle of his game he had been playing when an electrical storm rolled in. He had been not saving to get the extra ending so three days worth of playing was gone in an instant. Then in his anger he had tossed his controller down so hard it bounced off the floor, breaking in the process, and crashed into the TV. Dante stood in semi-darkness staring dumbfounded at his broken TV screen. Truly if there were a God, he hated Dante.

He had found the circuit breaker and got it working again. He then found the couch and crashed on it sulking. Surely things couldn't get worse...

Nero came crashing through the door and Dante knew instantly that God wasn't done with him yet.

"I'm going to kill you!" Nero growled.

"Get in line," Dante sighed annoyed. Nero stomped over to where he sat and threw something down on his lap.

"I knew you were a perv, but THIS is crossing the line Dante!" Nero continued and Dante noticed his face was not only angry but flushed. Was he blushing?! Dante eyed the folder in his lap before looking back up at the kid.

"What is this?"

"Why don't you look at it and tell me." Nero's eyes narrowed dangerously as his inhuman hand clenched, causing it to shine so brightly it almost made it look white.

Dante sighed, flipped the thing open and the first thing that met his sight was a drawing of himself. Ok, so it was a picture of him...nude. Wait... His bare torso was on display with his southern half conveniently covered... by the back of someone's head... a mass of white hair so far down they were eye to eye with his... Surely it couldn't be...

Dante's eyes widened as he noticed in the drawing a familiar demonic arm was clinging to the top of his thigh, which was the only thing visible of his lower half. The blue claws were making angry red welts as they dragged across the skin and was weeping blood. Worse still the look of wanton lust on the illustrated Dante's face, HIS face, as he held the back of his crotch blocker's hair.

"Dude! What the HELL is this?!" Dante growled as he tossed the file away. More pictures spread out on the floor and in all of them Dante and Nero were all over each other. It was one of those moments where you told your mind to block things out, and yet it continued to flash you images against your will.

"Don't act like you don't know! Only you would've done..." Nero searched for the words but flailed his arms down at the pictures for example. "...this! That's not the worst of it! Someone is writing stories just like it. Where do you think the illustrations came from?"

"What?! How the hell does anyone even know of our existence?"

Dante stood before treading all over the pictures and fictions as he scrambled to his desk. He ripped open the bottom left drawer and pulled out a bottle of Jack and a shot glass. He hurriedly poured himself some, spilling it everywhere, before gulping it down. The burn in his throat only slightly helped the situation. Yes there was a God, and he wasn't through with Dante yet.

"You mean to tell me you weren't behind this?" Nero asked as he came to stand on the opposite side of the desk to stare doubtfully at Dante.

"Of COURSE I'm not you idiot! I love women! I know I may be the sexiest thing in the universe, but even I have limits and THAT..." Dante pointed to the file of papers on the floor. "...is one door I ain't opening." Secure in his manhood he downed the alcohol directly from the bottle to further prove his point.

"Well if you have nothing to do with this then who? You do realize I found these on the internet don't you?" Nero flinched as Dante spit Jack in his face.

"WHAT?! Please tell me you're joking!"

"I'm not; apparently it's called... yowee? Yayoi? Well, whatever. The point is websites are popping up dedicated to you and me..." Nero blushed.

"Don't say it." Dante growled as he fell back in his chair with a heavy sigh. OK, so some fan girls had decided to let their minds go. Fine, he could deal with hundreds of girls wanting to see him naked. But with Nero?! Did the world have no sense of decency?! "What are you doing?" Dante growled darkly as he spied Nero bending over to pick through the photos.

"I'm not going to take this lying down." Nero began lifting one of the photo's up.

"Apparently you are," Dante mused as he eyed the photo in Nero's hand where he WAS taking it lying down, and up the ass.

"Shut up!" Nero growled, dropping the picture and settling for one where they were merely cuddling. "I'm gonna find out who this artist is. Apparently the same person who wrote this stuff drew these for illustrative purposes..."

Nero eyed the photo, searching every corner for a signature or something that would give this person away.

"Dude don't stare at it that intensely. You're giving me the creeps." Dante said as he cringed. Nero ignored him and continued looking.

"Damn it! There is nothing here! Do you have a computer old man?"

"Lady might. I'm not into that whole internet thing except for porn." Dante said thoughtfully before adding. "Hetero porn."

"Figures." Nero snorted.

"Shaddap kid. You got these didn't you? Why not get the info then?"

"I was...using Kyrie's computer," he replied flustered with a guilty look on his face. "I wasn't exactly at my leisure to browse for more information."

"Aha! But HOW did you come across all of this? You weren't surfing for gay porn were ya?" Dante grinned teasingly at Nero who was attempting to rip his tongue out with his stare.

"No, I was googling myself."

"Listen kid, I don't even want to know what you do when you're alone... Nasty!"

"NOT that you perverted old man. It's a search engine website called Google. I typed my name in out of curiosity and low and behold I found all this. That's not even the worst of it. Apparently they're calling it Devil May Cry yaoi."

"Aww, damn it all! Not the business name! How am I ever going to get any clients when my business name is synonymous with gay porn?" Dante huffed as he downed another gulp from the bottle.

"It gives us something to go on at least. They know you, me, and the business. You know any artists with a grudge?" Nero asked before he dropped one of the pictures to the floor as if it had bit him. An especially offensive one with him on all fours.

"Kid, I have so many enemies it would make your head spin. Guess we could check the files."

"You have files?" Nero asked with a smirk. Dante was the most unorganized person alive in his opinion.

"Don't look at me like that kid. That's what having women around will do to a man. One day you're kicking back, writing addresses on pizza boxes with permanent markers, and next..." Dante had stood and opened a closet door just under the stairs. "...you have a color coded filing system."

"And you maintain this?" Nero asked surprised as he eyed the perfectly kept filing cabinet.

"Hell no! I have better things to do with my time. Lady tends to deal with the secretarial parts of this. Now let's see...," he continued as he bent over to eye the files. Lady had made sure each folder was tagged with a name and profession. She had chosen to do it this way because Dante couldn't seem to grasp the concept of alphabetizing so he could never find anything. One thing he could remember was his client's professions because some of them allowed for better payments because how high up the food chain they worked. It also made them easier to find should he feel the need to collect on payment due. It was one thing to meet in the privacy of their homes, but another to confront them in front of co-workers and threaten their livelihood He was also not good with names either, which had made for more awkward moments than he'd like to admit when it came to his female companions. "Ahhhh, here's one."

Dante handed him a file to start with, but suddenly turned to look at him serious.

"Keep that in order and away from food. You don't want to know Lady's punishment for leaving cup rings on her files." He warned before turning to continue pulling files. "God, I wish Lady was here. I hate research."

The two sat across from each other at Dante's desk and went through a couple files. They were scanning through the documents when Nero suddenly felt something graze his ankle.

"Dude, watch it," he growled as he looked up at Dante.

"Watch what?" Dante asked.

"You just brushed my leg."

"So? It was an accident." Dante said dismissively.

"Yeah, well just watch it."

Dante looked up to stare pointedly at him.

"I don't swing that way kid," he said with a smirk.

Nero's eyes narrowed before turning to glare down at his file. He was blushing again, and it made Dante grin at him. He turned back to his own file, tossing it away and moving to pull out another. Their hands met halfway to grab the same one and they both pulled back immediately. Dante cleared his throat uncomfortably as Nero adjusted himself in his seat.

"Nice poster." Nero commented staring long and hard at the breasts of the woman on a poster directly behind Dante's head. Dante leaned in the chair and tilted his head back to view it upside down, causing the chair to creak as it moved under his weight. He stared at it for a long minute before snapping himself back into the normal sitting position. Why was this suddenly so uncomfortable?

"Hey, hand me one of the less scary pics there kid." Dante said after a while breaking Nero out of his thoughts. He blinked for a moment before he turned and scooped a harmless drawing off the floor before handing it to Dante curiously.

"What are you doing?"

"Comparing. Check this out," he replied as he beckoned Nero over. He rounded the table and hovered over Dante's shoulder to look down. "See the art style?"

Nero eyed the two pictures side by side. The first picture was a piece of art sent to Dante after he had helped out his client, drawn as thanks. It was just a headshot of Dante winking in his typical way. The second was one of the yaoi ones. It was a close up shot of both Nero and Dante just standing together shirtless, but in close enough proximity for Nero to lean forward and kiss Dante's neck lightly. Nero wanted to look away, but apparently there was something in it Dante wanted him to see and he noticed it immediately. The Dante in both drawings looked identical art wise. Dante pulled open his upper drawer and took out a magnifying glass.

"I think we have a match kid," he said as he hovered the glass over the side of the drawn Dante's head. Very well concealed in his hair was a name. Nero bent closer to get a better look.

"What does that say?" Nero asked, unable to make it out. Dante turned to address him and had to sit back to avoid smacking his face to Nero's who seemed to hop backwards. Now this was just getting freaky. He pulled his thoughts together and turned to look back down at the images...which didn't help to see himself and Nero snuggling in the drawing in front of him.

"According to the file we're dealing with the craziest client I have ever had the misfortune to meet. I should've known it was her." Dante sighed exasperated.

"Name's Nikki. No last name or anything. She was an eccentric lady who put me through hell for about two weeks. You see, she wanted me to protect her from some unknown evil, and by the end of two weeks I couldn't seem to discover what this great evil was. Turned out she just thought I was attractive and used it as an excuse to spend time with me. Considering she paid me for it..."

"Made you a glorified whore eh?" Nero laughed.

"You're one to talk," he replied bitingly. "At least I'm on top, which makes you my bitch kid."

Nero sneered at him and clenched his demonic hand tightly. As much as he wanted to punch him he was purposely keeping his distance from Dante. He still felt weird after all he had seen. Dante hadn't seen the descriptive fiction that went along with the pictures. Maybe if he did he'd feel as odd as Nero did.

"Can we please just go put this lady out of our misery?"

"Sure. I'm feeling up for a good tumble. You in?" Dante asked with a knowing smirk, possibly seeing Nero's thoughts. It was hard not to notice it, and Dante had to admit he liked messing with Nero like this. It was easier for him because at least Nikki had the right idea on who the dominant one would be. That was IF there had been something between them. Which there wasn't. Not a chance in HELL. But if there WAS Dante was definitely sure Nero would be the bitch. Not that he had thought about it. "Let's go."

Nero cleaned up the files on the floor as Dante put away the files in the cabinet, both sets of files they did not want Lady to see sitting out for two separate reasons. When all was clear Nero headed for the door leading out the back, and Dante to the front doors. They noticed the difference in direction and it was Nero who spoke first.

"You forgetting things already old man? Your car's are out back," he said.

"No, my car and my cycle are in the shop. We're taking your car." Dante replied shoving his thumb towards the front door. He saw Nero's face fall.

"Car? I didn't bring my car."

"What you bring then?"

The two stood side by side looking at Nero's motorcycle with crestfallen faces.

"Well..." Dante said uncomfortably. "I call front!"

Dante jumped forward onto the bike, cutting Nero off as he tried to prevent having to sit "bitch" on his own bike.

"There is no way in hell I'm riding with you like this. It's my bike, so get the hell off."

"What's wrong, afraid you might get a hard on?" Dante grinned as he started the bike, revving it up.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you're enjoying this!" Nero yelled over the sounds coming from the bike. "Maybe Nikki had it right and you do play for the pink team?" He said mockingly with a shit eating grin on his face.

Dante reached out and grabbed Nero by the collar of his shirt in one hand, pulling him dangerously close to his face. Nero's eyes widened and a breath caught on his mouth as he tried to formulate what exactly it was the old man was up to.

"Get on," he growled before letting go of Nero. He liked to play, but he wouldn't take Nero playing back with him. Eventually Nero would learn where his place was, and at present it was behind Dante.

Nero stood back glowering at Dante, not too eager to get on that bike.

"Do you want to end this or what kid?" Dante shot at him.

"Of course I do!"

"Then get the hell on the bike and stop acting like a bitch."

Nero scowled at that term. He murmured something that was lost in the rumble of the motorcycles' engine before making his way slowly onto the bike behind Dante. He sat far back with his hands clamped tightly to the seat. That was until Dante started the bike on purpose, causing Nero to clutch his arms forward onto the only available leverage. Dante.

In retaliation Nero dug his clawed hand into Dante's chest with an evil grin.

"Lay off kid!" Dante growled as he tried to pry the hand off his pectoral muscle.

"YOU lay off! It's bad enough someone is calling us gay and you're only adding to it by acting like a prick!" Nero yelled over the engine at the back of Dante's neck before letting go of Dante. It was then both realized that people were standing around, gawking at them both and undoubtedly having heard what Nero had just said.

"I hate you..." Nero grumbled as he hid his face in Dante's back. Dante coughed and started up the bike, taking off before anyone could say a word in their direction.

After a while of driving Nero moved back to his I'd rather die than touch you position on the bike which suited Dante just fine. His face was still flush from the fact the boy had inadvertently grabbed his nipple and gave it a good twisting. He wondered what Nero would say if he'd known that was what lay under his hand, separated by the clothes Dante was wearing. Hmmm... best not to know.

Luckily Nikki's building wasn't too far from Devil May Cry in the upper class section of the city where tall skyscrapers looked down upon the smaller industrial buildings that surrounded it. He would have to park a bit out of the way though as he wasn't going to pay to park in the city. This seemed to suit them both because it meant that they could walk the rest of the way at a far distance from each other.

Once off the bike and walking things seemed to calm down, at least it wasn't as tense as being stuck crotch to ass on a bike.

They wandered through the streets which were slowly beginning to darken as the sun began to set. As they turned a corner Nero practically ran into Dante's back when the moron stopped dead.

"What is it?" Nero growled as he pushed at Dante. Dante turned to grin at him over his shoulder before pointing just in front of him. Nero glanced around him and blushed.

"We don't have time for this!" Nero said frustrated as he spied a couple street walkers standing just across the street from the alleyway they were leaving. Dante was eyeing a tall Nubian Goddess who was bent over to fix her thigh high stockings. He felt his chest, and other places, swell with pride at the very sight of her. It was further proof that he was a warm blooded male. Still he felt the need to take it a step further. "Where are you going?!"

Dante turned and grinned as he walked backwards to the women. What he needed was a little female companionship and flirting to make him forget these homophobic tendencies. Then they would get Nikki to take the stuff down and all would be just a bad nightmare. NEVER to be brought up again.

"Good evening ladies..." Dante crooned. One of the other girls eyed him interestedly as he came closer.

"Good evening," she replied flirtatiously as she tossed her hair over her shoulder. Ohhhh, he liked that.

"What's your name sweetheart?"

"Buffy," she simpered as she walked lithely closer to him. He could smell heavy perfume but it only seemed to make him feel better. Nero stood still on the other side of the street, arms crossed and not looking at them.

"And you?" Dante inquired once his Goddess began to stand tall after giving him a great view of both her breasts and upper thigh.

"Divine sugar..." HE responded with the deepest baritone Dante had ever heard. He felt his lower half shrivel in terror at the sound of that voice and it was then he saw a bulge just noticeable behind her skirt. Then he heard the laughter.

It was Nero...

"I think she's perfect for you! You know what they say old man! Once you take it in the back, your face will go slack!"

Nero was practically falling over in stitches as he clutched his side. Dante growled angrily as he pushed the one girl off him and took off across the street away from the "girls" and Nero.

"Wait up old man! I think she wants your number!" Nero continued taunting Dante as he followed after him. "Hey! Maybe you two could share some Viagra stories!"

Dante rounded on Nero, grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him up against the brick wall. He grabbed his hands and pinned them at his side as Nero struggled to break free.

"What's your problem?" Nero snarled when Dante wouldn't let up.

"You are!" Dante snapped back angrily. "You had a good laugh, got it out of your system?"

He struggled some more to regain use of his hands, but failed in the strength of Dante's anger. Nero licked his lips nervously out of habit and Dante's eyes grew dark.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You're licking your lips."

"So? You're making me breathe hard and my lips are getting all dry!"

"Don't say it like that!"

Nero huffed and involuntarily licked his lips again.

"STOP that! I'm NOT going to kiss you!"

Nero stared wide eyed and dumbfounded at Dante who was suddenly looking elsewhere.

"I don't want you to pervert!" Nero exclaimed with a sneer.

There was a tense moment between the two of them, neither really knowing where to go from that moment without feeling really, really strange. Finally after what seemed forever Dante pushed himself away from Nero to stroll to the end of the alleyway. Nero in turn rubbed his wrists as he came to stand equal to Dante.

"Ok, let's get something straight here." Dante began. "I like women! Beautiful, feminine women! There is no way in hell I would ever, under any circumstances be attracted to a bratty kid like you, understand?" Dante said evenly as he looked toward Nero.

"I do," the kid replied. Another long pause and soon Nero could feel the intense gaze of Dante beside him. "What?

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"This is the part where you say that you would never look at an old perv like me in... that way." Dante offered.

"Duh." Nero deadpanned.

"Say it like you MEAN it or I'll sick Divine on your ass!" Dante growled as he smacked the back of Nero's head for good measure.

"Lay off old man! I love KYRIE! Always have, always will! I assure you if I ever had the inkling to go in that direction you would be the LAST person I would turn to!"

"The... last? Are you kidding me? If you were gay you would be all over this. Guys like me don't come around everyday you know!" Dante said, that cocky gleam coming back to his eyes.

"Are you evening listening to yourself?!" Nero yelled before letting out a loud scream of frustration into the darkening sky. He then closed his eyes and counted backwards from ten to get his blood pressure under control. "You perverted, moronic old man... Would you just lead the way already?"

Dante grinned at him before clamping a hand on his shoulder and pulling him along to where Nikki did not know she was waiting for her beat down.

--

When they arrived at Nikki's office building the first thing Dante expected was some covert sting operation to get into her office. What he didn't expect was an assistant named Brenda who greeted them warmly, offered them something to drink and called Nikki as soon as they were comfortable. Before she had even hung up the phone Nikki's office door flew open quickly and there stood Nikki in all her glory.

"Dante! I knew you'd come back to see me eventually," she said flirtatiously as she winked at him. "Oh, and I see you brought me a present."

Nero eyed her as she eyed him and felt himself blush under her gaze. She was exactly what he figured would be Dante's type. Legs forever, a svelte body to match with green eyes and long blonde hair. The girl practically oozed sex and her body language towards Dante was unmistakable. Dante didn't seem the least bit impressed with her though.

He grabbed her by her upper arm and dragged her into her office, almost slamming the door on Nero before he slipped in behind them.

"We need to talk." Dante growled as he pushed her towards the center of the room.

"All right, you caught me." Nikki grinned as she eyed them under heavy lashes, her eyes like a cat that had caught sight of its favorite catnip mouse. She moved around and sat at her desk with an expectant smile on her face, as if she knew this moment had been coming.

"Take them down." Dante growled venomously slamming his palms down on her desk.

"Down? Are you kidding me? My art has never been more profitable! Women of all ages, shapes and sexual preferences can find common ground in yaoi art. It's my duty as an artist to feed their imaginations."

"I won't ask you again," he scowled as he pulled ebony from her holster. "Take... them... down... now."

"What do I get in return?" Nikki asked innocently.

"To live?" Nero chimed in. Nikki turned to survey him and he couldn't help but blush. Now he knew why Dante had so much trouble with the woman. She could strip you naked, tie you up and sodomize you with a glance. Without realizing it Nero took a step that put him slightly behind Dante.

"You think you're going to shoot me do you?" She asked in a mocking tone as her eyes turned playfully back to Dante.

"There is nothing stopping me. I'd be doing the world a favor as I see it."

"Ahhh, but that wouldn't be so wise. You see, if you kill me you still will lose. I'm the only one who can take down my artwork, so if you kill me it will remain permanently online for the rest of your lives. Which judging by your demonic origins will be a VERY long time. Plus my death, if anything, would only make them more popular. Artists make more dead than alive you know."

Dante studied her face to see if she was bluffing, but as usual Nikki was unmoved and gave nothing away. The idea of this thing following him the rest of his life was out of the question, so in that case there was only one other option.

"What is it you want to remove ALL stories and images of me and the kid?" Dante finally asked in a bitter tone. To add insult to injury she smiled wickedly at him.

"Fulfill a fan girl's wish. Something very simple. I want you and Nero to kiss." Nikki replied calmly.

"What?!"

"HELL NO!!"

"Come now boys, one mere moment in the privacy of this room, or a lifetime of images and fiction in which you two play butt pirates? It's very simple logic." She grinned and for a moment Dante wondered if she was a devil in another life.

He turned to look at Nero who had a horrified and very red face. A single kiss or a lifetime of humiliation? God, what if Trish should see those drawings? Nero was thinking the same, but of Kyrie. Her gentle mind could never grasp anything like that. It was for the greater good, right? It would be over in an instant and they would just never talk about it again.

"Do you promise to remove them all? Every last filthy one?" Nero asked before swallowing hard. He couldn't look at Dante just yet.

"You have my word. I will take down all fiction and drawings of you and Dante."

"You have to promise not to replace them with new art of the two of us." Dante interjected as he pointed a finger at her.

"I promise also not to publish any new work featuring yourself and Nero."

Now her eyes were beginning to look hungry and overly attentive. Yaoi fan girls truly were a rabid bunch.

Dante and Nero stood in front of one another. Dante was looking at the kid while Nero was looking everywhere but at Dante. He had to admit the kid was kind of cute when he blushed, and held onto that chain of reasoning because it would help make this painless. Dante turned for only a moment to look at Nikki before he reached a hand out to draw Nero's face upward.

Both men closed their eyes, determined to imagine themselves kissing a woman. Dante leaned down and soon could feel the heat coming off of Nero and he felt his heart begin to slam in his chest. Somehow though he couldn't move the rest of the way, feeling the electric glare coming from where Nikki sat. He felt so dirty and THAT was saying something.

Then suddenly Nero took the initiative to get it over with by pressing his face upwards in an awkward closed mouth kiss. Both of their eyes flew open simultaneously and they looked like they might pull back.

"If you don't do this properly the deal is off," her voice beckoned from the desk. For a moment they stood still with their lips pressed together before Dante grabbed the kid's waist and melded them together.

Nero gasped at the suddenness of it all and as he did Dante slid his tongue into his mouth without warning. He let out a muffled protest as his devil bringer clamped onto the hair at the back of Dante's head to try and pull him away. Dante barely flinched as his hand met the same spot on Nero's nape but only pulled him in for a deeper kiss.

Oh God... Dante thought as he kissed the boy. This was so wrong... and yet he wasn't in control of himself right now. It was really no different from kissing a girl, except Nero's features were more defined and strong. Even the body he had to force into his own matched his every curve. Yes, Dante would have been the perfect dominator to Nero's bitch. IF he swung that way... If...

Dante let go of the boy who used all his strength to push himself away, both breathing heavy as they stared at one another.

"Dude, what the hell old man?!" Nero growled looking incredulously at him.

"Shaddup kid, you weren't the one having to deal with an inexperienced boy." Dante growled back.

"Oh yeah? Well at least I don't taste like anchovies and stale beer!"

"What the HELL are you doing?" Dante suddenly asked as he turned to see Nikki typing away at her computer. She let her guilty eyes drift back to them. "Don't write this down you pervert!"

"Sorry, old habits," she shrugged sweetly. "Besides, it seems perhaps I WAS correct in my original...assumption?"

She was staring at Dante's crotch so intensely that he had to look down himself. He was hard! How the HELL? Nero's eyes widened before he recovered in time to laugh and point.

"What are you laughing at tent boy?" Nikki chimed as her eyes fell southward to the obvious bulge in Nero's pants. Nero turned and covered himself as Dante pointed and laughed at him. "Well then, I believe you have held up your end of the bargain and I will hold up mine. It's a pity though; you two make such a cute couple."

Both men remained silent as they gave her the glare of doom.

"Perhaps not. Oh well, another day another uke. I'm sure I can find a different subject to write about." Nikki sighed as she stood from the desk to come and stand before them. "It was nice seeing you again Dante. You ever feel like posing naked, give me a call." She added as she slipped her card into the back pocket of his pants before tapping his butt cheek lightly. Dante smacked her hand away.

"The day I call you will be a desperate time indeed," he glowered down at her. She only shrugged because at least now she would always have the moment of two hot men making out in her office, and if that alone wasn't a reason to come to work everyday then nothing was.

--

The ride back to Devil May Cry was tense and awkward. Neither man said a word to the other which even if they had wanted to speak they couldn't with the sound of the motorcycle. It was a relief because neither was ready or willing to talk about what had occurred. Nero sat stiffly as far back from Dante as he could get with his hands behind him grasping the seat to keep balance, unwilling to touch Dante at this point. Distance was the best remedy.

When they arrived back Nero practically jumped off the bike to go inside, but Dante caught him by the arm.

"Wait, I want to talk before we go in."

Nero said nothing and remained standing with his back to Dante.

"We don't talk about this to anyone, capeche? Not even the faintest whisper. Yeah it was horrible, but if we start acting all weirded out people will suspect something. I have a rep to uphold and..."

Nero suddenly turned around and punched Dante square in the jaw, causing him to fall back onto Nero's bike to steady himself.

"What the hell?!" Dante hissed.

It was then he noticed the kid was red eyed and looked close to tears. He could never keep his emotions in check and was known to express them freely as he felt them. No doubt he was angry about the kiss, but how the hell was that Dante's fault?

"Look, I'm not going to tell anyone you got a boner." Dante mused trying to lighten the mood, but Nero's face only grew darker.

"You asshole! You insensitive jackass! You don't even know what you've done do you?" Nero raged suddenly grabbing the front of Dante's vest with his devil bringer. Dante only lifted an eyebrow at him. "You fucking stole my first kiss!"

"What?" Dante paused. "Come again? I thought you and Kyrie..."

"No! We got interrupted before it could happen and I've been too chicken since. There I was trying to make it as non-kiss as possible and you shove your tongue in my mouth!" Nero flushed bright red again at the memory and put his arm in front of his lips.

"Kid, really, I didn't know. Damn, so I guess you are inexperienced..."

Dante caught Nero's other fist as it came swinging at him.

"I'm sorry, OK? I was doing what you wouldn't so we could get the hell out of there."

"And if you had known?" Nero asked looking Dante straight in the eyes.

"To tell you honestly kid it wouldn't have made a difference. That witch would've never let us go until she saw something and your non-kiss wasn't cutting it. I did what I had to so you and I could walk down the street without strangers pointing at us and yelling 'cream puffs' for the rest of our lives."

Nero eased his grip and Dante did the same until they were standing at a comfortable distance.

"Whatever, let's just go in." Nero mumbled rubbing his face to make sure no tears had escaped. He turned from Dante to walk in, but Dante's hand stopped him again. Dante didn't know why but seeing the kid like that made him feel bad. He pulled the boy back and slung one arm about his neck. "What are you doing?"

"Be quiet and take what's being offered brat." Dante said as he hugged him from behind with one arm. "I'm sorry you had to have your first kiss being stolen by an older pervert like me." He said sincerely. Nero lifted a hand to hold onto Dante's forearm that was slung over one shoulder to grasp the other.

"Heh, it wasn't so bad. At least your dentures didn't fall out..."

Dante immediately let go of the kid and kicked him in the ass to the door, muttering some choice phrases of his own under his breath.

They entered to find Lady sitting at Dante's desk with her laptop open, clacking away and staring keenly at the screen. As they walked in her eyes moved up to look at the both of them.

"Welcome back you two." She chimed a little too enthusiastically.

"What do you want now?" Dante asked peevishly as he tossed his coat off and stretched.

"Whatever makes you think I want something?"

"That sickly sweet smile on your face is a harbinger of DOOM, KAOS, and PURE UNFILTERED EVIL. Every time you smile angel's weep in fear."

"Ok, you got me. I found something interesting online while I was googling you Dante...and no I don't mean anything perverted by that. Hey, what's the matter?" Lady ended as she saw Dante staring at the back of her laptop. It couldn't be...

"Lady please tell me you're not looking at yaoi." Nero asked with a horrified look on his face.

"Damn straight I am. Yaoi is hot!"

"Lady! I forbid you to read yaoi stories about Nero and me!" Dante barked as he came to stand closer to her.

"You...and Nero?" Lady asked curiously as her eyes shifted from each of them. Dante covered his mouth as Nero hissed before dropping his arms exasperatedly. "I'm not looking at yaoi of you and Nero."

"Oh, thank God. She kept her word." Dante sighed putting a hand over his heart. Nero dropped onto the sofa, dumbfounded at Dante's reaction when he had just TOLD Lady there was such a thing. She had better not tell Kyrie. For that matter he would ban Kyrie from ever even looking at Lady after finding out she was a yaoi fan girl. "So what are you looking at then?"

"Something even better!" She said happily as she turned the laptop towards him. Dante's eyes widened at seeing another drawing of him but this time he was tied up with a gag in his mouth... with someone else in the image...someone with familiar white hair...and a katana blade pointed at Dante's exposed crotch.

"Oh...God...No..."

At that exact moment Vergil came strolling through the doorway as he always did when he wanted to pick up his mail. He stopped dead though as he realized everyone was looking at him. Nero was blushing like mad, Lady was eyeing him with a rabid fan girl lust in her eyes, and Dante was hunched over making sobbing noises.

"What?" Vergil asked. "Why is everyone staring at me?"

The only reply was Dante's sobbing and Nero who leaned from the couch to whisper at Dante.

"Who's the bitch now old man?"