WELCOME TO THE OPENING CHAPTER OF MY SECOND AF FANFIC! Hope you all enjoy, and, yes, I was editing.

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LEP Squad 3 were having a bit of trouble. Briar Cudgeon was standing on the second floor of an umbrella factory, with a tea-towel tied across his face to hide his head. Obviously, this led to some communication problems, and Frond only knew how he could see.

"Herm! Nerf de derf numgph!"

"Deranged Ex-Lieutenant who is supposed to be dead! Please, step away from the vat of boiling hot melted umbrella material that we are standing conveniently in the path of if you decide to tip it over!"

"Nuuuuughm! Mmmph Nurmm!

"What's he saying?" Asked Captain Clueless.

Corporal Nitwit shrugged.

Then, Commander No-name entered.

"HOLD IT!" He held up a hand dramatically. "I speak mumble!"

"Hmmmgh hmmm nurnm gurf nummmrm!" Said the deranged ex-Lieutenant

"Hurmgurm def nummm hummm." Answered the Commander.

"What'd he say?" Asked the Captain.

"Well, he either said 'I want a banana,' or 'I like cheese.'"

"Which one makes more sense?"

"Well, considering we're in the middle of an umbrella factory, and he's a superbad villan, neither of them makes any sense."

"Hmmmgh hmmm nurnm gurf nummmrm!"

"Oh! Well, why weren't you clearer before?" He turned to the others. "He actually said 'I'm planning world domination.'"

"In an umbrella factory?"

"Hep." Mumbled Briar resolutley.

"Oh, right. Sooooo, nothing new there."

"Hmmm, no, not really."

"Hrem grurg nurgftden nughtfe mmufff neeehhtsgs uncffe!"

"With that big red button in his hand, what he said cant be good."

"It's not." Agreed the Commander. "He said, 'It's time to eat your shorts."

"But they're new!" Gasped the Corporal. He got clipped over the ear by the Captain.

"Don't be stupid! They belong to the LEP, so they'll get us new ones!"

"Ohhhh!"

"Actually, no we wont." Said the Commander. "It seems some idiot officers decided to take the threat seriously and actually did eat their shorts, so the government dropped the emergency pants fund. Damn those Supervillains and their 'make LEP look like idiots and eat their shorts' plots!"

"The stupidity of some people." Exclaimed the Captain, as the Corporal dropped the pair of pants he'd been nibbling on. Whose they were, I don't know, because he was still wearing his.

"Oh no! He's going to press the button!"

The finger came down dramatically, and PRESS!

Beep beep!

"What was that?" Asked the Corpral.

"Low battery." Whispered the Commander.

"Hurntf! Gurngj! Hurusn! Furntseung ghne dn isobbno!"

The Commander winced.

"Right, time to bring this guy in!" Said the Commander. "Briar Cudgeon, we arrest you on four counts of bad language, two counts of bad head dresses, five counts of trying to destroy Haven with two idiotic plots, and three counts of making everyone who read the Arctic incident believe you died!"

"Hefhne nughe!"

"He said 'Not a chance'"

"Well, he can't get out of here, because there a strategically placed barrels of plastic that he has allowed himself to be cornered by!"

"hefugh shoenf shvmiows mosnff!"

"He said 'I'm related to Mary Poppins'"

"Who?"

Briar Cudgeon opened an umbrella, holding it into the air. Then his feet lifted off the ground, and he flew away in a very copyrighted fashion.

"Oh no! These guns are uselessly equipped for within a ten meter shot, and he's 10.0000000001 meters away!" Exclaimed the Captain

"Curses! We'll get you, Briar Cudgeon! We'll follow you to every random factory under the world!" Howled the Commander.

"Hufhgne nefgs dhfgoeh!"

"He said 'In your dreams'."

And that was when Commander No-name woke up.

"What a strange dream."

His communicator went off.

"Yes, Corporal?"

"Sir, I'm at the umbrella factory. You're not going to believe who is standing on the second floor…"