Title: The Great Doormat Mystery
Pairing: Barney/Robin
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own How I Met Your Mother.
Summary: Who really bought the doormat that mysteriously shows up on Robin's doorstep?
Warning: Spoilers for Game Night as well as Miracles.

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Of course not every secret was told that night... but that's getting ahead of the story.

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Ted's the first to notice it sitting outside her door one night when you all arrive at Robin's. He makes a comment about how it was a good thing he threw up on the last doormat, because this one is far more awesome than the first. She laughs and you smile, watching the scene.

"Right, I forgot to thank you for that, Ted," she replies.

"Yeah, well anytime you're in need of some vomit, I'm your guy," he says, doing that annoying thing where he points at himself with his thumbs.

"You know what I mean. Thanks for buying me a new one. I told you I forgave you for ruining the other doormat. You didn't have to get me a new one."

"What are you talking about, Robin? I never bought that..." he replies, bewildered.

"Oh... I just assumed. But if you didn't, who did?" She inquires, looking around at everyone. They're shaking their heads that they don't know, and you join in. She's better off not knowing.

It's a few months later when Marshall brings it up, and it's the pineapple incident all over again.

"But, seriously, who bought you that doormat? Am I the only one who wants the mystery solved?" You want to smack him and tell him to shut up. To leave it alone. But you can't and he can't. And you don't fault him, because he's Marshall. He needs to understand everything, and this is a complete mystery to him, so you let him ask his questions, because they're never going to guess it was you.

"I really don't know, Marshall," Robin says. "I don't know if we'll ever find out." She glances once more at her doormat before unlocking the door. She waits for everyone to walk in and you swear she looks at you for just a little bit longer than everyone else, and you think maybe, just maybe she's figured it out. But you shake your head and keep walking, because there's no way she knows.

Three years went by and the great doormat mystery has yet to be solved. Marshall, as expected, has brought it up a few more times and the lack of an explanation drives him crazy enough that he just stopped asking about a year ago. It was silently decided that the mysterious arrival of the doormat would just be one of those things that happened, that would forever be left unexplained and it's never brought up again. Part of you is upset that you weren't even questioned about purchasing it, but a bigger part is relieved no one's figured it out and that the subject has been dropped.

Until one night you're going back to Robin's with her. You've only just been released from the hospital a week ago and you're still not as awesome as you'd prefer walking with crutches. A lot of the time you're lucky if you're not stumbling every 20 steps, so it's not surprising that the big "Scherbatsky" door mat trips you.

"Damn it," you mutter under your breath, trying to regain your balance. She's there at once, just like always, to help you out. She's been so great through this whole thing and you think that maybe, just maybe... no. Not a chance. You can't risk your friendship with Ted again. But still, you can't help but smile your thanks and reaffirm that this chick is the second most awesome person you know.

"You know, it's a funny thing, that doormat," she says, and you startle out of your thoughts a bit.

"Oh, Scherbatsky, I thought we were letting this doormat mystery die?" You groan, because you so don't want to go into this discussion again. But she's smiling at you as she helps you walk through the door and to the couch and you know that this conversation is not going to end just like that.

"Oh really? I don't remember deciding that. You see, that doormat out there is a mighty fine doormat..."

"More like a deathtrap," you interrupt, mumbling as you set the crutches aside.

"And," she ignores you. "It would be a shame is the real buyer of it was never found out and properly thanked."

"So what are you going to do, Scherbatsky, hire a PI? Find the manufacturer, track down receipts from three years ago?"

"I don't think I'll have to do all that. I will if necessary, though," she replies, walking over to the kitchen. "You want something to drink?" She calls through into the living room.

"A gin and tonic would be awesome," you reply and she pokes her head back into the room.

"I meant water. You know what the doctor said about drinking alcohol while you're still on those meds."

You moan and groan out a "fine". Ted would have gotten you and gin and tonic. She comes back in with two waters, unscrewing one lid before handing it to you and you're grateful. The casts came off your arms a couple days ago, but between having them be splinted for so long and now having to use them to help you walk, they get quite sore. You've never complained about it, but somehow Robin seems to know anyway. You thank her again with a small smile.

"So anyway," she continues, and you visibly wince, because you know it's coming now and you'll have to admit it was you, but instead of continuing her sentence her whole face changes and she's reaching her hands out to you.

"What's wrong, Barney? Are you in pain? Is it your arms? Do you need painkillers? I told you to take one before we left Ted's but you didn't listen to me and now I don't know where I put them and, oh my god, did I leave them at Ted's? How could I have been so stupid..." It took you a second to sort out her rambling and figure that she misinterpreted your wince and assumed you were hurting. You blame the drugs that you're on for your slowness and briefly contemplate letting her go on and on just to avoid the subject of the doormat, but she's looking so frantic now that you interrupt her.

"Robin, stop. It's okay, I'm fine. I'm not in any major pain, my arms are only slightly twinging at the moment, the leg's a little worse, but manageable, and you threw the pills in your purse before we walked out the door. Just calm down."

"Oh," she says, visibly calming down and deflating a bit. "You're sure you're fine?"

"Yes."

"Oh," she says again. "I'm sorry. I know you don't like me to fuss about this so much, but you winced and I overreacted."

"It's fine, Scherbatsky, now what were you saying?" You refrain from wincing this time, but mentally kick yourself because you've just opened the door to blow your last three years of anonymity.

"Right, the doormat. So Lily, Marshall, Ted and I were at MacLaren's one night and turns out, none of them bought the new doormat."

"Oh really," you say, drawing this out a bit.

"Yeah, they pinky swore it wasn't them," she says matter-of-factly and you shake your head, because what are they five? "And if it wasn't any of them, then that only leaves one other person who was there that night who would know about the doormat."

"Ranjit?" You guess, looking at her completely seriously. "I didn't know taxi drivers made enough money to splurge that kind of cash on a chick they barely know."

"No, wasn't Ranjit. I thought you might say that, so I had him pinky swear, too," she replies and she's smirking that adorable smirk that she does when she knows something that you don't know and is about to tell you.

"Hmm, Victoria?" You guess again, and this time you earn a light smack on the head.

"No, Barney. I really think she hated me. Can't imagine why," she says and you think she's kidding at first. You roll your eyes when she's serious.

"Barney, pinky swear to me that you didn't buy the doormat," she says and you gape at her. You can't do that! You may make fun of the pinky swear, but it is a righteous ceremonious gesture not to be taken lightly. You can't just throw out a pinky swear and not mean it.

"My, uh, pinky hurts, Scherbatsky. No pinky swearing for me."

"Barney..." she said warningly.

"Fine, fine. I can't pinky swear you, Robin."

"And why is that?"

"Because I bought it, okay? You weren't supposed to know. It was just supposed to be there and be a surprise, okay?"

"But why, Barney? And why don't you want anyone to know?"

"Why? Because you loved that doormat. You told Ted that it was fine, but I could hear in your voice that it wasn't. And because you played laser tag with me without me forcing you to, and because we smoked cigars and you were my wingman and because I thought it would make you happy. I shared my deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secret with you all that night and I don't know if you know this about me, Scherbatsky, but I kind of pride myself on being unphased by things, on not showing that I care about things. I couldn't let my huge secret about Shannon and the fact that I care about you all come out at once. And when there was a mystery to the doormat, it was fun. You had a doormat and no one was the wiser."

She's looking at you and you're suddenly very uncomfortable. You reach for your crutches, but she stops you with her hand.

"Robin..." you start, but you're stopped when suddenly she's kissing you. You know you should pull back, not give in, because though you know you have feelings for Robin and have known for awhile, you have to talk to Ted about this first. You can't risk your friendship with him again. But right now she's kissing you and before you can make up your mind to tell her to stop she pulls away.

"Thank you, Barney. It was a very sweet thing to do," she says, and she's smiling at you.

"You... you're welcome. But don't you dare tell Marshall and Lily! Or Ted! Or I will vehemently deny it and I may have to hurt you and I don't wanna do that, Scherbatsky!"

"I won't."

"I'm serious. Especially don't tell Marshall and Lily, I'd never hear the end of how sweet I am and it'll ruin my reputation," you say, pouting a little for affect.

"I wouldn't dream of it," she says and sits more comfortably on the sofa next to you, now flipping through the channels. You let out a breath that you weren't aware that you were holding and you make yourself more comfortable as well, resting your foot on her coffee table and vaguely remembering Ted complain about her getting upset at him for doing the same thing. You smile a tiny smile and lean your head on her shoulder because it's more comfortable that way.

Tomorrow you're going to have to have a chat with Ted.