Title: A Mile In My Shoes
Notes: Frito suggested the Fairy Shoe Person and the fandom of my choice. If you haven't seen Neil Patrick Harris on Sesame Street as the Fairy Shoe Person, you can see a clip on Youtube. But, if it's out there, I really recommend you track down the entire scene, including Telly's new shoes. TiVO the entire Sesame Street episode if you have to. Trust me on this one.

Jack sighed, looking around the featureless ten by ten foot space. "This never happened to me before I came to Eureka."

"Getting trapped in a chemical testing chamber with a Nobel Prize winner?" Stark asked.

Jack paused and stared at him for a moment. "I actually meant getting trapped in any room anywhere, but now that you mention it..."

"Don't worry," Stark said, crossing his arms and leaning elegantly against the wall. "They'll have us out of here shortly."

Jack started pacing along the opposite wall. "Because it's so easy to open from the outside?"

"No, because they need me to solve our continuing security crisis. You don't think Allison's going to leave the solution in Fargo's hands, do you?"

"I wish I had boots big enough to kick your ego," Jack muttered to himself.

"What did you say?" Stark asked.

"What did you say?" another voice asked.

Jack paused in his pacing, facing the blank wall. He was definitely not hallucinating. Nope. No way.

"Carter?" Stark said, his voice sounding strained.

Turning slowly on his heel, Jack faced Nathan Stark and...a young man in a beige suit and...

"No," Jack said firmly, waving a hand.

"You're gonna have to be more specific," the young man said. "No sparkles? No sequins? Gimme something to work with here."

"No, you do not have wings."

"I'm pretty sure he does," Stark said.

"Not helping!"

"Do I ever?" Stark asked.

"Point." Jack took a deep breath and faced the young man. "Who are you?"

"I'm the Fairy Shoe Person."

"The Shoe Fairy?" Jack asked.

"No, the Fairy Shoe Person. It's quite a different connotation." He crossed his arms and looked Jack up and down. "And you certainly need my help."

"It's a uniform, I ca--" Jack shook his head. "What am I saying? I'm not defending my shoe choices to a guy with wings."

"You know," Stark said. "He's got a point. You--"

"Stark." Jack glared, getting only a smirk in response. "Okay, so you say you're the...Fairy Shoe Person. You did manage to get into an impenetrable chamber, so can you get us out of here?"

"No."

"What can you do?" Stark asked.

The Fairy Shoe Person rolled his eyes. "And you claim to be a genius? I can give you shoes, buddy." He took a breath and music swelled. "You say you need a shoe--"

"No!" Jack and Nathan yelled.

The Fairy Shoe Person closed his mouth, frowning. The music trailed off with a squeak. "Hey, I haven't gotten to sing the song since I tried to give that unappreciative Telly monster his first pair of shoes. Can I at least do one verse?"

"No," Jack and Nathan repeated.

"Hmmph." The Fairy Shoe Person scowled at them. "Fine. Then let's just get on with this. So, whadda ya want?"

Jack looked at Stark, who (for once) looked just as befuddled as Jack felt. "I...don't want new shoes," he said.

"Then what am I doing here? I don't just poof in because you two are cute, y'know. Somebody here made a shoe wish."

"No, I didn't, I mean, I did, but it wasn't real."

The Fairy Shoe Person closed his eyes, looking sort of like Allison did when Jack and Stark had been arguing for over half an hour. "Did you, or did you not, wish for some shoe-type product?"

Stark was starting to look amused to see him put on the spot and Jack glared at him. "Still not helping."

"And I would want to help you...why, exactly?"

"Never mind." Jack turned back to the Shoe Fa--er, Fairy Shoe Person. "Okay, I did make a shoe wish, but that's not what I need now."

Rolling his eyes, the Fairy Shoe Person held up his hands, apparently preparing to wave them. "Save me from the indecisive ones. Fine, what shoes do you want?"

Studiously avoiding Stark's amused expression, Jack quickly said, "I wish for shoes that will help us get out of here."

The Fairy Shoe Person dropped his hands to his side. "Do I look like the Demolition Fairy?"

"There's a--"

"Focus! Shoes! They go on your feet!"

"But I don't need new shoes!"

"Actually, Carter, you do."

"Huh?" He looked down, eyes widening as he stared at the viscous green goo that was bubbling from a small hole in the wall to cover his shoes. "Goddamnit. What is it with this town and green goo?" He tried to jump back, but found he was stuck to the floor.

The Fairy Shoe Person stared in disgust. "I'll just...pick for you, then. I'm outta here." He waved his hands and disappeared, leaving behind yellow and pink sparkles that took a moment to fade.

Stark shrugged from his position against the opposite wall. "Ally, if you can hear me," he said, raising his voice, "this would be a very good time to get us out of here."

"Allison!"

"Look on the bright side," Stark said.

"There's a bright side?"

"If you survive, the Fairy Shoe Person left you a very nice pair of Ferragamos. I think they even match your uniform."

--end--

Final note: The "different connotation" line is stolen from Neil Patrick Harris himself. He said something like that in an interview with AfterElton . com and it was perfect.