It's been a while since I posted anything. Not because of lack of passion, but of time. My professional life is taking off big time and I find very little time to spend in my hobbies, especially fanfiction.

But I really wanted to post today, so I took yesterday's afternoon off and I forgot about everything except my Transformers' vice.

And here you go. I hope you won't pay so much attention to my grammar mistakes. Since I wrote this hours before posting it, I didn't have time to send it to my beta reader.

One more thing, please make sure to read this chapter complete. Important notes are posted at the ending.

Enjoy!

Chapter 12

The Ark.

An emblem, more than a ship.

Home to his enemies, symbol of the eternal obstacle that separated him from his path of glory.

But currently nothing but a yellow, thick wall between he and a different kind of goal.

He saw Optimus Prime coming out from the smoking hole in the fuselage. An insect, just like the other Autobots that flanked their idol.

"Megatron…"

"Spare me your hypocritical diplomacy, Prime. I'm not in the mood."

There was something in Optimus Prime's normally stoic countenance that would have made Megatron laugh hadn't his humor been stuck in sour mode. Prime definitely seemed tired and uneasy. Ah, the good old Starscream syndrome… Once again, Megatron would have loved to find his laughter.

Still, he had to give his old enemy some credit. For all the recharge time he definitely hadn't had lately, he was doing his best to look calm. "Then I assume you won't mind if I go straight to the point and ask you about the reason that made you destroy an entire wing of the Ark with your fusion cannon."

As if you didn't know, you righteous fool. "I have come to retrieve what is mine. Give it back!"

"It, Megatron? I had hoped that after this time you would have thought about the way you treat Starscream. After all, he started his hunger strike because of that."

"And since when do you care about Starscream, Prime? Dare to deny that he has already driven you mad, not to mention turn half your crew against you."

As predicted, Optimus Prime didn't have words to argue.

Megatron smirked. "I recall it was you who asked for my help regarding removing a certain pain from your afterburners. Well, it's your lucky day because that's exactly why I'm here for. Release Starscream and I'll leave in peace. You have my word."

Megatron was very aware that it was ridiculous to talk about peace with a dozen of his Decepticons behind him ready to fire at his command, but he didn't care. His vision of peace included loaded weapons, but even if that wouldn't have been the case, his processor was so focused in his priority that he wouldn't have given any thought to any of his very personal opinions – and contradictions – about war and peace.

"Release him?" Optimus Prime asked. "I think you are forgetting the fact that Starscream is not exactly my prisoner."

"Yes, yes…" Megatron rolled his optics. "He came here because he needed an audience for his hunger strike game."

"It's no game, Megatron. Starscream arrived to the Ark with his energon tanks half empty and he refused to fuel as I constantly urged him to do."

Something acid beat inside Megatron's spark. Of course he had considered the remote possibility of Starscream deactivating… But it couldn't be; not even the slagging Seeker was stupid enough to allow himself to die because of energon deprivation.

"He functions," he said to Optimus Prime, although he was mostly reassuring it to himself.

"No thanks to you." It wasn't Prime who answered, but the infamous slagger himself.

Megatron wasn't surprised to see Starscream arriving with two Autobots at his sides. They were holding his arms, sustaining his weight in an effort to help him to save energy. It seemed that the clown king had managed to get himself a retinue.

"Starscream," Megatron greeted him bitterly. "You are to return to the Nemesis immediately. Your charade is over."

Starscream smirked and shook his head slowly. "Always a gentlebot, Megatron… Would you believe me if I tell you that I missed your kind manners?"

Megatron narrowed his optics. Why did Starscream have to be an exhibitionist idiot all the time? The last thing the Decepticon leader wanted was to ventilate his personal issues with his Second in Command in presence of his hated enemies.

"You've neglected your duties long enough, buffoon. You will return now!"

"And which duties would those be, Megatron?" Starscream said, rubbing his chin suggestively. "Are you talking about my position as your former Second in Command, or perhaps you are referring to—?"

"Of course I'm talking about your responsibilities as my second!" Megatron hurried to interrupt. What was the insufferable fool trying to do? Megatron was very aware of the rumors running in both ally and enemy lines regarding his relationship with Starscream, but his intimate businesses were not to be ventilated in public!

"Oh…" Fortunately, Starscream didn't seem to be against changing the subject. It was a good thing, because he would have been the one in the losing end if Megatron decided to get into details about their berth life. "And which responsibilities would those be, Megatron? You kicked me out from the Decepticon army!"

"You brought it to yourself with your foolish hunger strike! End that stupidity right now and you'll have your rank back."

Starscream got rid of the Aerialbots' hold and folded his arms across his chest, but the fools didn't waste time in sustaining him from the elbows. Starscream's ability to get lackeys to serve him was amazing.

"My rank back… A rank that you never gave me, a rank that I gained with hard work and by correcting your mistakes. Is that all you have to offer?"

Megatron stepped forward threateningly. "No. The lack of a smoking hole in your chest may also be in the bargain if you come right now! My patience has a limit, Starscream!"

"Oh, don't tell me about your –lack of – patience because nobody knows it better than me!" Starscream pointed an accusative finger at Megatron. "I have spent entire vorns on the medibay time because of your patience! Do you remember the time you shot me only because you couldn't find your rubber duck?"

Megatron tried to ignore everybody's laughter. "I shot you because you replaced it with a bomb!"

"Technicalities," Starscream said, waving a hand dismissively. "Thing is that I don't plan to return to your use me-kick me vicious circle. I told you that I want respect, Megatron!"

You won't get it behaving like a hysterical glitch in front of all our enemies! Megatron made an immense effort to avoid shredding Starscream to pieces and managed to speak instead. "We will talk about that later."

"I refuse to go anywhere with you," Starscream insisted in embarrassing them both. "You will tear out my wings the moment we are alone."

Nothing but the truth, although Megatron was determined to honor the decision he had taken that same morning. "Not this time. Come with me and I promise we will talk about your demands."

Starscream gave him an odd look. "Are you getting soft by any chance, Megatron? Is that an apology that dies to come out from your vocalizer?"

"I don't apologize to anyone!" Megatron's voice hardened. "All that I'm saying is that I'm open to find a solution… a non-violent solution."

Now Starscream gave him that look. "Not bad, not bad… but you can do better than that. How about you get on your knees and beg me to return?"

"Never!" Megatron shouted automatically. "You will see Autobots raining before seeing me on my knees, you fool!"

Half dozen of Autobots fell from the second level, in which they had been struggling to have a better view of the scene.

Starscream burst in laughter. "What were you saying, leader? Destiny has spoken! Are those rusted knee joints of yours ready? I'm looking forward to hearing your pleas."

Megatron's fists clenched so much that his knuckles creaked. "You won't hear me begging, Starscream. Not today, not ever. This is a one-time offer. I'm willing to forgive your recent rebellion and return your rank to you. If you still have one petro-cycle of brain module activity, you will accept."

For once, the insufferable slagger seemed to be thinking. "Mm…" he rubbed his chin again. "So, my rank back… with all my benefits and privileges restored?"

"Every single one of them."

"And you won't beat me, shoot me or strangle me the moment I return?"

"Not today, no."

For a moment, for a small, glorious moment, Megatron thought that everything would return to normal.

But…

"No."

"Good. Now we must— What? NO? Did you say no? What do you mean with no?"

"I meant precisely that, Megatron, NO. If you want me back, you're going to have to do better!"

"Better? And what in the inferno do you want?" Megatron was about to lose it, but he had to contain himself when Prime and all his Autobot fools raised their weapons and pointed at his head.

"Your throne," Starscream said with a shameless smile. "And your head on a spike, if possible."

Megatron had lived long enough to recognize the impossible, and yet he knew such thing didn't exist for him. Time had come to make his move.

"You could have both things, indeed," he said, suddenly calm. "But I have something else you may want more."

Starscream looked at him quizzically; his curiosity had been picked.

"I have something else to offer you, Starscream, but we'll talk about it when we arrive to the Nemesis."

Starscream remained silent, a high achievement that indicated that he was actually pondering Megatron's words. Unfortunately, and as always, his immaturity still had something left to say.

"No… No, Megatron. I'm not that naïve to buy your cheap lies. What is it so valuable that you can't tell me right now?"

"We'll discuss it in private," Megatron said through greeted dental plates.

Starscream, damn him, shook his head in denial. "If there's something you want to say, you will do it here and now, in front of all these witnesses."

To his disgrace, Megatron knew Starscream perfectly. He also knew when the slagging idiot was being serious.

Curse you, Starscream, curse you to the pits. And curse myself more! He was sure his knee joint would break when it touched the ground. It wouldn't have surprised him, given that it was the first time in his life that he did such a thing.

He was sure that Starscream would burst in laughter and fill his vocalizer with I told you so's, but the presumptuous glitch was so agape to do anything else than staying right there with an expression of pure amazement on his face. All the Decepticons and Autobots were the same, but Megatron didn't care about them when he extended the little box forward.

"Marry me, Starscream," he simply said.

Nobody made a sound, much less Starscream. Time seemed to have stopped and there was a very uncomfortable wind blowing from the new entrance that Megatron had opened in the Ark's fuselage.

"What… what is the meaning of this?" the Seeker finally managed to say.

Megatron clicked the box open, displaying the biggest diamond Earth had ever seen.

"Are you deaf besides being stupid? I'm asking you to be my Conjunx Endura!" Even Optimus Prime, despite his face mask, seemed to have his jaw about to hit the floor.

"A… are you proposing…?" Starscream seemed at the edge of deactivating. "But w-why…?"

Megatron searched for all his pride and dignity, made a ball with them and threw it to the Pit. He was very aware that he was making a fool of himself, and in public to make things worse, but he hadn't arrived that far to step back.

"Because I love you, you imbecile!" he yelled at the top of his vocalizer. "Didn't you know that?"

After eternal seconds, Starscream expressed his satisfaction with a smile. "Why, you finally said it… Was it so hard? Would it have killed you to say it more often?"

"This is the first time I ever say it!

"That's exactly what I'm talking about, Mega-brute!"

Megatron didn't wait. He got up and did what he had been built to do: take whatever he wanted and whenever he wanted it.

"Whoa!" Starscream said when Megatron snatched him from Aerialbots' hands and carried him in his arms, bride-style.

"Wait!" one of the Aerialbots said. "He hasn't said yes!"

"I just did, you dolt," Starscream said as he grabbed his soon-to-be-husband's face and kissed him passionately.

He had received a dose of humiliation long enough to last a lifetime, but Megatron felt strangely happy to give a damn about that. He placed the diamond on Starscream's hand and turned to his archenemy once his mouth was free. "Prime, I guess a truce is in order… an indefinite truce. Arrange the details with Soundwave."

Optimus Prime had never looked more awkward. "B… but Megatron…"

"As for the damage to your ship, don't forget to send me the bill. I'll take care of that as soon as I get back from my honeymoon."

Then Megatron took off, with his precious charge in arms and leaving two dozens of open mouths behind.

The end

What the—

Does this story end like this, really?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

This chapter was a prank due to April Fool's Day. I'm Mexican and I don't celebrate this day, but last December 28th I posted a prank chapter to my fic 'Our Darkest Hour'. December 28 is Innocent's Day, a day in which is common in Hispanic countries to make jokes. I really liked posting a prank chapter and I thought I had to do it again as soon as possible. Today was the perfect excuse to do it.

So it's needless to say that this chapter is not part of this fic. This is definitely not how this story will go, but if you want me to keep the joke chapter up, let me know and I'll do it. If not, I'll erase it in about a week.

Now, some notes:

We will never know if G1 Megatron had a rubber duck, but his Beast Wars version did.

According to the Transformers official continuity, Conjunx Endura is the ultimate relationship between two Transformers, with I love yous and interfacing included. So yeah, now Transformers love is canon. And even if that wasn't the case, we would continue including it in our stories. All hail love!

So, do I keep this chapter up or should I erase it? Vote. The final decision is all yours.

And have a happy April Fool's Day!