And now, something completely different!

Chapter 11: A Revelation

Footsteps. In the Spencer Mansion, it was always easier to hear people's footsteps. And Albert Wesker, the evil, terrible, no good, not nice villain that he is, could hear two pairs of footsteps rushing towards him. He felt the thrill of the moment, because something special was happening.

The Sublimely Magnificent Albert Wesker Incident was underway.

Suddenly, the doors leading to the dining room burst open. Wesker dived behind the main staircase and witnessed his own plan in action.

Barry and Jill burst into the room.

"Wesker!" cried out Barry.

Because his plot demanded him to disappear and then reappear at random intervals, Wesker was to stay behind the staircase and watch from the shadows.

"Help me look for him Jill, and don't leave this hall for the time being."

How glorious it was! The hardest part of this scheme was already over, and that was leading the S.T.A.R.S. to the mansion. Now all Wesker had to do was watch them wander around aimlessly for a few hours.

"Find anything, Jill?"

"Nothing. What is this all about? I can't figure it out at all."

"Beats me too."

"Now it's Wesker's time to disappear. I don't know what's going on."

"Well, it can't be helped. Let's search for him separately."

Wesker stood behind the staircase, beaming with pride as to his hand picked S.T.A.R.S. team. Both of them-especially Barry-were proving to possess the defining trait that separated the S.T.A.R.S. from regular people: complete freaking stupidity.

"Yeah, search around separately in a mansion filled with zombies and hellhounds and other monsters. That'll go well."

"I'll check the dining room...again." said Barry.

"And I'll be extremely gullible and raid…Er…I mean check everywhere else." said Jill

Wesker had to cover his mouth with both hands to keep from laughing at their idiocy.

"This mansion is gigantic. We could get in trouble if we get lost." said Barry.

"And yet you still think it's a good idea to split up." Wesker thought. This was just too perfect. Mostly all of Wesker's happiness rode on the Spencer Mansion scheme, and it was going perfectly.

"And…Jill, here's a lock pick. It might be handy if you, the Master of Unlocking, take it with you."

"Hey! If you can't use one, then why are you carrying a lock pick?" asked Jill.

"Uh…I don't know." replied Barry.

Both of them were to busy to notice the dull thud coming from behind the staircase. Wesker had doubled over and lost his balance from laughing so hard.

But then, disaster struck.

"Well, thanks, but no thanks, Barry. I already have something I can use as a lock pick."

Wesker straightened up at this. Usually, Jill always forgot to bring her lock picks on missions. Which was strange because she could remember to bring them just about everywhere else.

Jill reached into her pocket and grabbed something.

Something shiny.

Something black.

Wesker stared in disbelief for a few seconds before snapping back to attention. How did Jill get her hands on those?!

"Barry, you remember that funeral Wesker threw for his sunglasses two months ago?"

"Yeah."

"Well, these are Wesker's broken sunglasses. I filed out the frame so that they will be every bit as good as a real lock pick! Clever, huh?"

A volcano of anger was building up inside Wesker. Here were his beautiful sunglasses, defiled and desecrated. And Jill…Jill…Jill…She was the one responsible!

Wesker was so furious, he completely forgot his plan.

"JJIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Wesker screamed, leaving his hiding place and charging towards her.

However, reality had other plans.

BANG!!!!

"JILL!!!!!…huh…what?" Wesker said, raising his head off of his desk and looking around.

He was inside the S.T.A.R.S. office on the 2nd floor of the police station. It was 2:00 in the morning. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"A dream…It was only a dream. Something like that would never happen in real life, would it?"

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Author's Note:

So, as I'm writing this, it is currently 8:30 P.M. April 30th, 2009. I solemnly swore to two more chapters, and to that I deliver (Tralfmadoria FTW!). After this, I am going to haul my sleep deprived carcass to bed before my final day of regular class here at college. I know, this chapter was really short and did nothing to advance the plot, but it was planned that way. So, I have finals to study for and take next week, but after that is summer, so I'll be able to continue this and devote more time to my sanity deprived oneshot ideas. Till then, this is Tralfmadoria, signing off.