Gyakuten Saiban FTW! I just downloaded some of the Gyakuten Saiban Orchestra Album, and Mitsurugi Reiji's (Miles Edgeworth) song and the Steel Samurai song are the best! I'm a band geek, so I would love to play these for a concert! (By the way, Gyakuten Saiban is Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney) I'm excited for the Perfect Prosecutor that's supposed to come out. I'm totally going to buy it!

ISAFE is an Internet safety presentation I had to do in middle school. They talk about the dangers of the Internet, like predators and not to give out your real name. But this ISAFE is a lot different…

A few things: I have changed my username! My "State Alchemist Codename" for the Risembool Rangers is The Epic Fail Alchemist, because of the jutsu I'm introducing here. It is…

EPIC FAIL NO JUTSU! (This jutsu does have a Japanese name, I just can't remember it right now)

How does it work? You'll have to read on to find out!

The Shinobi's Guide to Internet

Chapter 3: ISAFE: The Ninja Way!

By MattsyKun the Epic Fail Alchemist

"WHAAAAT?!"

Tsunade's eye twitched. The Hokage really hated repeating herself. "Because of… recent events, we are requiring all the Genin (and Shikamaru) to take an ISAFE class. You are to assist Iruka in teaching." She sighed, "Here are the mission requirements."

Anko took the folder Tsunade was holding out to her grudgingly. "I'm an ANBU! Why in the hell am I doing this mission?!" Anko argued. The village was still in shambles from Orochimaru's attack; she should be spending time trying to find the Hebi-Sennin (1), not teaching Genin about computers.

"You do it or be with Ibiki for a day. End of story." Tsunade said flatly. Miyuki held in a snicker. The two left the Hokage's office, Anko grumbling about the stupidity of the mission.

"Do you really think that class will work?" Tsunade asked, "And why did you suggest I threaten Anko?"

"Well, it is important that they learn to recognize and avoid Internet Jutsu…" Shizune said, avoiding the last question.

Tsunade leaned back in her chair. "Well, I deserve a little something for going along with this. Hand me my booze!" she said, hand out expectantly. Shizune sighed.

With Team Kakashi…

"Why is Tsunade-obaachan making us take this stupid class?!" Naruto griped. He ducked as an office chair went flying over his head. A minute later Genma came running past to fetch said chair.

"I agree. How is this going to make me stronger?" Sasuke said.

"Now, now, Sasuke. Miyuki and Anko said that it will heighten your awareness so you don't fall predator to Internet attacks." Kakashi said, "Besides, it's an order. Either you do it or you get sent to the academy."

"But Kakashi-sensei, we are heading to the academy…" Sakura said. Kakashi would have smacked his forehead at this point.

"Never mind…"

With Team Kurenai…

"W…why are we taking this class again?" Hinata asked.

"The Hokage ordered us to." Shino said

"So what will we be doing? Listen to a lecture about the Internet?" Kiba asked, "I hate lectures!" Akamaru barked in agreement.

"You will be learning about the dangers of the Internet. I believe you'll also do some role-playing. That's what Miyuki said, anyway." Kurenai said, "For all I know, you could be doing a dangerous obstacle course in the Forest of Death. Miyuki was never one to tell the truth."

Kiba and Hinata gulped. Shino just… kind of stood there, because he is the Lamppost Ninja. In fact, his clan isn't the Aburame Clan, it's the Lamppost Clan. But that's enough of that.

With Team Asuma…

"This is really a drag…" Shikamaru sighed, staring up at the clouds. The Chûnin would rather be sleeping right now instead of taking a troublesome class about Internet Safety.

"(Om, nom nom)," Chouji said, "I think it'll be good for us, Shikamaru. It'll make you more aware."

"I don't care. As long as I get to see my Sasuke-kun!" Ino sighed, staring at a picture she had of Sasuke. It was a picture of Sasuke from when he had to play the role of Jun and he was wearing makeup and was in drag. (2) Orochimaru would kill for that picture…

"…Sigh…" Shikamaru said.

With Team Gai…

"YES!" Lee shouted upon hearing the news about their "mission", "SO YOUTHFUL!"

Neji and Tenten just gave each other a look and took a few steps away from Lee.

"Why are we being made to do this?" Neji grumbled, not happy that he would be trapped in the same room with Asshat (3) for who knows how long.

"The Hokage believes that it is in your best interest to learn about the modern use of jutsu over the Internet! My, how things have grown! When I was more youthful (back in the day), we didn't have computers! Now, you get to experience a whole new skill that may save your life!" Gai rambled. Tenten and Neji took another step away, both thinking the same thing.

Why couldn't our team be normal?

Thirty minutes later, the Genin (and Shika) were sitting in the classroom, waiting for their teachers to arrive. Naruto was doodling on the desk, Sasuke was emo-ing up the corner (Emo; it's what he does), Sakura was arguing with Ino over Sasuke, Hinata was blushing and looking at Naruto's drawing, Shikamaru was sleeping, Chouji was eating, Kiba was conversing with Akamaru, Shino remained impassive, Neji was glaring at Sasuke, Lee was attempting to lure a squirrel to him (who knows why?), and Tenten was polishing a kunai.

Suddenly the door banged open, startling the group. Miyuki walked in, dragging Anko behind her. Anko obviously didn't want to be there; in fact, she wanted to be miles away from the place. Iruka came in after them carrying a laptop and equipment.

"Ah, Ruka-kun, just place that on the table there." Miyuki said. She turned to the class and scowled at Shikamaru, who didn't even wake. She picked up Iruka's ruler and marched up to the lazy Chûnin.

CRACK!

Shikamaru jumped at least five feet in the air. Miyuki has slammed the ruler down in front of his face so hard that the ruler snapped in half. The broken half went flying and struck the squirrel in the head, knocking it off of the ledge Lee had managed to lure it to.

"Well, now that everyone's awake, welcome to ISAFE 101. The three of us will be teaching you how to recognize, and prevent, Internet Attacks." Miyuki said.

"Now, I'll let you know that I am a very strict teacher. Hence the reason I don't teach. If I catch you dozing off or emo-ing off, you will be disciplined. There is some shit up with which I will not put (4), and if I catch it… let's just say you won't like the consequences." The Jonin said darkly.

The group gulped.

"Now, let's begin with the first lesson!" Miyuki said cheerfully. The entire group sweatdropped; this was going to be a hell of a wild ride.

Kukuku… what's the first lesson going to be? I don't know. I'll have to look up the ISAFE presentation. But it will be… THE NINJA WAY! (Insert fanfare here)

Also, Miyuki is very fond of Iruka. They were assigned to a team together back in the day, and she grew to love him. So yeah.

(1) Snake Sennin, AKA Orochimaru.

(2) See the Shinobi's Guide to Television.

(3) If you've red Kaori's fanfic Where the Hell Are We Now!, this is the nickname Sasuke gets. I personally fell off of my bed and almost killed my cell phone when I read that and I've called Sasuke Asshat ever since. It fits him too well, doesn't it?

(4) Scary Movie 4 reference. Probably my favorite line from that movie.