Summary: One of Spencer's unique inventions results in a swap Sam and Freddie will never forget. Seddie.

Disclaimer: Oh darn, you caught me, I'm secretly Dan Schneider! No, kidding, just plain, old Colors, owner of nothing iCarly.

iSwitch

Chapter 7

Oh, come on! What in ham's name did I ever do to deserve this?!

So I gave a few wedgies…and egged some cars…and narrowly avoided arrest…a couple times in my life. I was still pretty sure this was going too far.

It was only a matter of time before he knew. Before he had the ability to crush me and would most likely use it. And now, to make matters worse, we were stuck as each other again!

I wish I just kept my mouth shut last year. I wish I didn't tell Carly anything. After Freddie dated Valerie, this came out of nowhere, like a baseball in the gut. And I couldn't hold in what I was feeling, not to Carly. So I told her. And, somehow, when you said your feelings out loud, to open air, it made them real. You knew it was really happening. And you knew that things would never be the same again. And you knew that your clever insults weren't going to be for fun anymore; they'd be something to hide behind.

Out of all the dorks in the world, it had to be him. And any day now, everything was going to end because of it. He was bound to find out that my secret was maybe…ugh…kind of true.

The face staring back at me, my face, looked shocked. My jerky fell from Freddie's, my, hands. "Sam, did we just -?"

"Shh!" I hissed, suddenly remembering something important. "What time is it?"

"But Sam, we're – "

"The time!" I hissed, distracted.

He reached for my, his, wrist and showed me the time on the geeky-looking digital watch. "Ten past eight, now could we please – mmph!" The 'mmph' was brought on from me cupping a hand around his mouth (which wasn't easy, his hands were so weak and useless!) and dragging him around the corner while he struggled. I let go and he yelled.

"Sam, what -?!"

"Shh!" I hushed him harshly again. It was like the kid never had an ounce of danger in his life!

I felt him watching me as I looked around the corner. Mr. Howard was, as I knew, walking right by where we were just standing with his usual coffee mug.

I was pro at this.

I turned back to Freddie and almost jumped, forgetting we were switched again. Obviously, I wasn't really feeling all like myself today, so it slipped my mind. Kind of funny, if you think about it. Because I wasn't myself.

Anyway, Freddie was looking at me with my own half shocked, half impressed face.

"Crankypants walks past this hallway everyday around eight-ten." I explained to the dork ruining my life. "He watches the geometry channel's segments on parallelograms. Moron." I rolled my eyes.

"So I'm guessing you skip class often?"

Often? "You're actually asking that question?"

"Right, sorry." He seemed to suddenly remember he was panicking then. "How'd we switch again?! We didn't even use Spencer's machine!"

"How am I supposed to know?" I retorted. It wasn't the greatest comeback of all time, but my mind was way too preoccupied to think of anything better.

It wasn't even about not being in my own body, which would be a definite reason of worry for most people. It was who I was still switched with, and the situation we were in, and the rumors flying around. The fact that my walls were becoming way too thin, and Freddie was now the one protecting them. I knew he wouldn't even try. So what if he'd called me to ask where I was? He was probably only checking on me because he knew Carly would fall into depression if I were gone. After all, everything the dork did revolved around Carly, if he had the choice.

"Something must've activated it…" Freddie was now pacing, talking to himself more than me no doubt. The nerd. "But what?"

I sighed, frustrated. My stomach growled. "Fredward, when was the last time you ate?! I'm starving!"

"Do you ever think about anything but food?!" he replied angrily. "We're in the middle of a crisis here, so if you're not gonna help me think then don't be here at all!"

Ouch. That kind of stung.

"Fine then." I said coolly. He stopped pacing and stared, dumbfounded. "I'll just…go to class then. As you. And do all your work for you…" I smirked and turned away from him, knowing exactly where his Biology class was, and exactly how I would destroy it.

I guess it took Freddork a few seconds to figure out that, yes, I was planning something of the juvenile variety that could land him in detention. "Wait! Sam?! What are you gonna do…?!" He was walking behind me now, obviously afraid of what kind of wrath

I was gonna bestow on his beakers or his triple beam balances. Ha.

"Oh, nothing…" I replied nonchalantly. "Go back to your pacing, it'll be fine."

"There's no way I'm letting you within five feet of accelerated Biology on a lab day, Puckett!" he said to me. "We have to figure out what's wrong with us! You're helping me!"

"Yeah, like you're the boss of me." I laughed and turned to face him. I didn't realize how close he was (after all, he was in my body, and my body was way faster than his) and we bumped heads, screaming 'ow!' at the same time. "Watch where you're standing, dork!"

"You're the one who bumped into me!" he retorted, rubbing his head.

"Not true!"

"So true!"

"So not true!"

"You just love blaming things on me!"

"I don't love anything about you!" Maybe I shouldn't have went there.

"Oh really?"

"Yes really!"

"Well I hate everything about you, too!" Of course he did!

"Of course you do!" I repeated out loud. "All you care about is Carly! That's the only reason you called yesterday, right?! You didn't want Carly to get upset with you, right?!"

"What are you -?!"

"Silence, both of you!" We both turned towards the cranky voice. "What is going on here?! I was right in the middle of Squares: Square Did They Come From? When I heard all this racket!"

"Mr. Howard…hey!" I said cheerfully. "Uh…I like your shirt!" I didn't. It looked like puke straight from my cat's mouth.

"Do you two have hall passes?!" he screeched at us.

Freddie said, "No, but – "

"Butts are for sitting in desk chairs, Ms. Puckett!" The cranky man took out a pad of paper and began talking to himself. "Let's see…illegal absence from class…using outside voices inside – " he glared. "…disrespect towards others, disrupting other classes – " He looked to the side, his eyes falling on the jerky Freddie dropped a few minutes ago. "…unorthodox disposal of meat products…and your total is…" What a freak. "Three weeks of detention for Mr. Benson, and three weeks and one day of detention for Miss Puckett."

"Why do I – why does Sam get more detentions?!" I protested.

"Because I don't like your kind." He snarled at Freddie, who he thought was Sam.

"And Freddie has AV club meetings!" Freddie complained. "He's the vice president!"

"Well you can tell your AV VP that it's just too darn bad!" he screamed, causing us to jump. "Maybe these detentions will finally get you two to grow up and stop fighting like an old married couple!"

"An old married what?" Fredward asked incredulously. I ignored that part of the sentence completely.

"Wouldn't that technically be growing down?" I asked Sir Yells-A-Lot. "'Cause, like, you said we were acting like we were old – "

"Go to class!!" he screamed.

"Going/see ya!" Fredward and I said at the same time.

"Freddie, what class do I have?" Freddie questioned.

"Figure it out." I snapped at him, just as I entered his Biology class. Everyone stared.

"Have a seat, Mr. Benson." Freddie's teacher – I think her name was Ms. Gillard? - told me. I saw an empty seat next to Carly, which was probably Freddie's seat. And I assumed I was right, because when I sat down no one saw it as out of the ordinary.

"You okay? I know that hit you hard." Carly whispered to me. Oh, right. I was supposed to have gone to the nurse. What did I injure? Hmm…

"Yeah, I'm cool." I told her. "I just put some ice on it, and I was fine."

Carly's face scrunched up in confusion. "What do you mean, 'ice'?"

Just as I was about to answer with another stupid lie, Ms. Gillard silenced the class. I put my head in my hands and prepared for sleep.

"Alright, class." Ms. Gillard spoke. "Today we're going to work on the lab we discussed yesterday. Everyone will receive the necessary utensils and one of these." I lifted my head off the desk. Ms. Gillard, gloves on, held up a frog. It looked dead to me. Turned out it was, based on everyone's moaning and groaning.

"There's no way I'm dissecting anything, no matter how dead it is." Carly whispered to me.

"I think it sounds cool." I told her. In regular Biology, where I was, they never let any of us anywhere near sharp utensils or dead things. It was so unfair.

"Freddie, you're squeamish."

"Say what?"

"You've got a weak stomach." She looked baffled. "You don't know what 'squeamish' means?"

"Of course I do, I was just testing you." I lied. "Anyway, I decided to face my fear…"

"Good for you." She smiled, then frowned. "Unfortunately I don't think my determination can outmatch my stomach." Ms. Gillard came by and added tools and a lovely dead amphibian to the tray on our table. When she left, Carly pushed the tray over to me. "Ew! Ew! You do it! Ew!"

"Alright, alright." I picked up a random tool. What could possibly go wrong? "Wait, so do I cut its head off or…what?"

"I can't believe you did that." Freddie moaned. We were outside detention waiting for Howard the Horrible to arrive. We were trying to be as discreet as possible because other detention regulars were in the vicinity. Rip-Off Rodney was there, of course. Harry, who brought more spray paint to school than he did books. Janet, who enjoyed egging cars. And people. And people in cars. Also, Tyler was there. The dude always slept in class. Always.

"Well I didn't know what I was supposed to do!" I defended. "It's not like I was listening in any of your classes last week!"

"So you just assumed you were supposed to test the frog's reflexes by hitting it with a hammer?!" he asked loudly. "S – Freddie!" He noticed Harry staring at us. Once he turned away, Freddie continued. "It flew off the table and onto Ms. Gillard's computer, causing the computer to short-circuit, which set off the fire alarm!"

"At least no one was hurt!"

"My mom has to pay to replace five desk legs! And Ms. Gillard's wig!" Freddie said. "And you got me another week of detention!"

"Ugh." I rolled my eyes. He was making it seem a lot worse than it was. And I didn't see Carly trying to stop me! "Look, I'll pay for desk legs, okay?" He looked confused. He probably thought I was broke or something. I wasn't broke. I just…didn't have as much as I…needed. But I wasn't broke! "I'll sell the trampoline."

"No, it's okay. My mom's already got it covered." He said quietly.

"Oh, of course." I rolled my eyes.

Mr. Howard appeared around the corner and stormed towards us.

"We're having detention in Miss Briggs' classroom today. Follow me, hooligans." He ordered. And so we did. But that wasn't all we did. On the way to the brigg (ha ha, get it?), Janet carefully taped a sign to his back that read, 'Kick My Head So My Hair Will Grow.' Harry painted a yellow angry face right under it. And Mr. Howard didn't even notice. Even Freddie laughed silently.

We finally reached and entered the room. Briggs' room was desolate-looking, with only one small window at the very back where no one could look out of it without getting caught. There were no posters or stupid teacher sayings or artwork. Nothing to look forward to or be proud of. Maybe it reflected her life. Sometimes it felt like it reflected mine, when I was really down in the dumps.

Freddie took a seat up front, being the dork he was, and I took a seat in the back, being the person who had smarts for things that actually helped you in life. Always sit as far away from teachers as possible. It was Puckett 101!

"Now, I know you're all thinking that you can just goof off this afternoon because I'm going to watch the geometry channel." Mr. Howard began his long, unbearably stupid speech. "Well think again, future juvenile hall residents! See there?!" We all followed his finger, which was pointing to the corner of the ceiling right above his head. There was something black installed up there. "The lovely Francine installed a camera, which sends feed right to the teacher's lounge, to the television right next to the one I frequently use to view math episodes." I mouthed 'lovely Francine?' with disgust, and fake-gagged. Everyone else groaned and slumped in their seats, except Fredward, who was sitting up straight with his hands folded, making me look like a total loser, which was very, very hard to do. I guess the dork was just that dorky. I hated him. I hated that I had to find little reasons to hate him to prove to myself that I really did hate him. And not something else. "This camera has full view of the door to this room, and the camera in the back has a full view of all the desks, so don't even think about escaping or rough-housing." I rolled my eyes. "Instead, why don't you all think about how to turn your life around so you don't end up working at Chili My Bowl or Burger Prince for the rest of your life!" He stared us down. "Have a wonderful afternoon." He chuckled and left, the door closing behind him.

As everyone around me complained about how unfair this was, my brain went to work. I looked around, trying to find a loophole in Howard's plan. There was a camera in the back, right over the window, and a camera up front facing the door. So…

Wait!

The plot fell easily into my head. I most likely had about ten seconds to get to the back of the room before Mr. Howard reached the teacher's lounge. I got up out of my seat and raced to the back. Everyone was so wrapped up in themselves, so nobody noticed.

Except Freddie.

"Hey!" he mouthed. "What're you doing?" I shook my head, trying to silence him. He asked again, and I grudgingly beckoned him over. He shook his head no, and I nodded. The process repeated for about six seconds until he finally ran over and pressed himself to the wall, right next to me. I sat down, and he did the same. We were down right under the only window in the room.

"We're going to get in trouble!" he whisper-screamed.

"No, we're not." I whispered back. "Look." I raised my head, and he followed. The base of the camera was right above our heads. The lens, though, was facing outward, and, just as I predicted, we weren't in sight of either camera. "See?"

Take that, Mr. 'Eats-Pants' Howard!

When I looked down, and back at Freddie, he was wearing a face I'd never seen on him. Or even myself.

Admiration.

"Genius." He whispered, and then he snapped out of it, just as quickly as he'd snapped in. "So, wait, how are we escaping then?"

"Isn't it obvious, dork?" I tapped the glass above me. "We use the window."

He clearly looked afraid. "Won't we get, um, hurt or something?"

I smirked. "Scared?"

"Me?" he responded, clearly about to lie. Unlike me, he was horrible at it. "Scared? Pfft! N-no way! Not me!"

"Oh, good." My smirk grew. "'Cause you're going first."

A/N: Phew, finally got the words out. I liked this chapter. I thought I stayed true to iCarly's silliness, and still managed to add some Colors (hehe, get it? Colors? 'Cause that's me, and then the colors, and…yeah.:P).

Sorry I have'nt replied to any reviews, but I've read all of them and really appreciate them! Thanks you guys!

I have two things to say before I sign out,

The first is that I've posted some iCarly videos to YouTube, so I'd really appreciate it if you guys checked 'em out! Just look out 'ColorsOfTheSky101' in the search bar.

Secondly, IKISS IS THIS WEEKEND! I'm SO SO SO excited! In honors of this wonderful, Seddieful episode, I will be posting not one, but TWO, iKiss-related oneshots! They will probably be up within the weekend, so either late at night on the 3rd or sometime during the 4th.

I hope you all have a wonderful New Years!

-Colors