disclaimer: i do not own naruto

My heart was beating a thousand beats per minute and I could feel a blush spread through my cheeks. Whatever he really meant, he, at least, was attracted to me and right now it felt like it was enough.

As we walked to the car, I felt my fingers touch my lip, where his thumb had been, on its own accord and I smiled to myself. Realizing how foolish I looked, I forced my hand down to my side and I chanced a glance at him. He had taken my bag, but other than that, nothing looked different about him. It was frustrating how he could go from being so honest and to being so reserved in a matter of minutes. But what's done is done. I let out a sigh and noticed him form half a smirk.

As we situated ourselves in the car, a question that had been bothering me for weeks now vomited out of my mouth, "Sasuke, does Hit-" I started awkwardly and chose to rephrase, "Have you told Hitomi about this 'situation'?" I chose the final words carefully in fear of accidentally pissing him off.

As the car engine started, he reversed the car and said, "No."

I don't know why, but I suddenly felt enraged. How dare he not let Hitomi know about this situation? Why did he have to keep me a secret? Through gritted teeth, I hissed, "And why not? You said she may be a part of our lives. Why haven't you told her about me and our baby?"

"There's no reason for me to tell her yet," he responded quietly keeping his eyes on the road.

I scoffed, "Of course you're not gonna tell her. It would ruin the prospect of developing a new partnership with your fucking company." I hated ruining the day like this, but I never saw him long enough to actually talk to him about my thoughts and fears.

"Fuck off, Sakura," he scowled, but offered nothing more.

Right now, sitting here in his car, I had no idea how we were going to make this thing we have work. It left me speechless how completely reckless this was.

I pouted angrily in my seat because even though this was a decision that would affect my life, I didn't have a say in anything. I huffed in frustration and turned to face out of the window.

After a stretch of silence, he spoke up again, "I realize this situation isn't ideal, but I don't know what you want from me."

"For one, I want you to tell Hitomi about our baby," I retorted quickly, whipping my head around to face him.

"Why does it matter if I tell her now or if I tell her later? Nothing has been decided on our arrangement."

I didn't like hearing about his stupid "arrangement." It was one thing for me to say it, but another for him to acknowledge it.

In that moment, I realized that I would be the embarrassment to his life, not the baby, because once the baby was born, everyone would fall in love with it, but that didn't mean they would fall in love with me. I would always be the one who chose to have the baby at 19. I would always be the one who forced Sasuke into this responsibility. I would always be the one who made things difficult for the Uchiha Corporation. Oh Kami. I'm sure his parents didn't even know. What would they say once they found out? It seemed to me that having this baby would be more of a hindrance to Sasuke than it would be to me. My parents would come around eventually. I know they would, but what about his?

Horrified at my discovery, I asked quietly, "Sasuke, d-do you even want to have this baby?"

"Why do you ask me this now?" he replied just as quietly, gripping the wheel and staring straight out in front of him.

"I-I uh," I didn't have an answer for him and once I realized that, my face heated up in embarrassment. This was really so stupid of me. I never really thought about how this baby would affect his life. I was too goddamned selfish to look past the end of my fucking nose. I didn't know what to say in that moment and all I could do was stare at his profile drowning in the massive amount of self-realized stupidity I had approached having this baby with.

This entire time, I have pushed this responsibility on him. I mean, I guess he could have chosen to ignore all of this, but really, could he have? I didn't let this topic go. I knew he didn't want this in the beginning and we simply haven't spent enough time together for him to have changed his mind about the baby, right? How was this going to work in the long run? We weren't coordinating our lives together. We weren't living together. It would be me waking up in the middle of the night every time the baby cried. Kami. I didn't think this through! What would happen when the baby arrived? Would I still be able to continue on with school? Would I make my parents take care of the baby while I continued my education? Fuck. What role would Sasuke play in the initial arrival! I only thought of shared custody when our baby was older, but how would we handle this in the beginning? And. Hitomi? Is she going to play a role in my baby's life? Would my baby grow up calling her "Mom" as well? Fuck.

Panicked, I whispered, "Fuck, Sasuke, I didn't think this through." I grabbed his hand, "Sasuke, I don't know what to do!"

He was taken aback by my reaction. He stared into what must have been my widened crazy eyes trying to figure out what I was thinking, but I was close to breaking down. I didn't know what I was doing! What were we doing?

After a moment, he shrugged his hand away from my grasp and his eyes hardened, "You're regretting your decision now?" He ran his fingers through his hair and cursed under his breath.

Desperate, I asked meekly, "Do you think it's too late to get an abortion?"

"You're an idiot." He glared at me, "It's too late for that. We're committed to this."

I shrunk back in my chair away from him. I didn't know what else to say. I turned away from him and crossed my arms under my breasts muttering, "What have I done?" I couldn't help but feel helpless, stupid, incompetent and reckless.

He only replied, "We'll get through this."

The rest of the car ride was silent, but the torrent of questions continued to persist throughout my mind. Like, what was I supposed to do? Wing it? I couldn't exactly wing it with a baby on the way. Ugh. I just hated not knowing who was going to be someone involved in my baby's life!

When we pulled into the loop, I reached to open the door as soon as the car pulled into a stop, but Sasuke's hand grabbed my wrist and I turned my attention to him.

His stare bore into me and I could feel myself grow uncomfortable, but feeling he hadn't let go of my hand, I felt my face flush as blood rushed to my cheeks in response to the contact. "Yeah?" I whispered, not knowing why I was talking so quietly.

"Are you okay?"

His concern relieved me and despite the tension still in the air, I knew I was for now, "Yeah."

He let go of his hold and I slipped out of his car. I leaned over and mumbled, "Thanks for today and sorry about what I said."

He looked thoughtfully at me and replied, "It's not a problem."

"Yeah?" A small smile formed at his answer.

He nodded and I bit my lip before nodding back and stepping back to close the door. I walked over to the entrance of the dorm building knowing his gaze was on me every step of the way. Before I entered, I turned to see him still waiting in his car for me to go in and I gave him a quick wave before slipping into the building.

I was sitting at the library with Naruto studying for my chemistry exam when I realized I missed him terribly. I stopped working on the equilibrium question and paused to really ponder this new feeling. I thought I had missed him before, but what I now realized was that was just desperation for his attention. Today, I missed him. I guess after a while, I had grown comfortable around him and missed hanging out with him.

I thought about our conversation from the night before.

I didn't know whether or not I should call him. I know he wanted to be there for the appointments and stuff, but really I just made an appointment with Tsunade to I guess figure out what I should be doing and things I should expect in the future. Would he want to go to that?

Muttering, "Fuck it," I dialed his number while sitting in my swivel chair.

He picked up on the third ring, "Hello?"

"Sasuke, it's me, Sakura," I greeted rolling my eyes at the wall.

"I thought as much from the caller ID." I heard the humor in his voice and sighed relief.

"Oh, yeah, I guess you do have that," I laughed awkwardly and continued trying to make the conversation as efficient as possible. "So I'm actually calling to tell you I made an appointment with Tsunade, you know, my gynecologist? I mean it's not a scheduled appointment or anything, I just wanted to talk to her about things I should expect and things I should be doing and stuff like that, you know? So it's okay if you don't want to come because it's not like we're going to be doing anything, but just in case you wanted to, I'm letting you know." I took in a deep breath after that ramble.

"Is that all?"

I was a little disappointed by that, so slightly taken aback I said defensively, "Yeah, I mean I'm just calling to let you know because you wanted to know about this stuff, but like I said, if you don't want to come, you don't have to."

There was a silence before I heard him chuckle, "I was teasing, Sakura. I'll come with you."

Shocked, I said, "Oh. I didn't realize?" I didn't know you could joke?

After that initial stumble, we talked for another ten minutes about homework and stuff. I mean it was mainly me babbling, but he did respond. I don't know why he was in such a good mood, or maybe it was actually the first time we just had a normal conversation. I think it was the first time I talked to him without mentioning blame and responsibility.

Naruto noticed I had dazed off and he waved his hand in front of me, "Yo Sak. What did you get for an answer?"

Snapping out of my daze, I looked down at my work and saw that I had mindlessly finished the work getting an answer of 22 Molarity. A little impressed with that, I looked over my work for mistakes before answering him.

"Damn it, Sakura-chan, I hate this class."

I looked over his work and explained how to determine the concentration by turning grams into moles and using the equilibrium constant to find the concentration of the product. As I talked, I felt more and more confident in my ability to perform well on our upcoming exam and I didn't even notice the presence of the man next to me and Naruto. I finished my explanation with, "And that's how you get 22M," and took in a deep breath before sitting back in my chair feeling completely satisfied.

"Is that all?" a deeper voice quipped.

I whipped my head to the right wincing in pain from the sudden turn, "Sasuke?" I rubbed the back of my neck and dryly replied, "Haha, very funny." But I actually did smile. I had just been thinking about the conversation from the night before when he teased me with that.

"Teme! What are you doing here?" I noticed the slight hostility in Naruto's voice and I looked at them back and forth. I watched both of them go cold and realized that they probably hadn't been on very good terms for a while.

Sasuke turned his bored eyes to Naruto and drawled, "Oh? I didn't realize I needed your permission to be here."

Naruto crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, "Whatever. We're actually trying to get some work done, so leave."

They were being really hostile and I was starting to feel really awkward.

"Maybe you would like to join us?" I mumbled staring at the table to avoid eye contact. Naruto huffed in protest and crossed his arms.

After a moment of silence, Sasuke scoffed, "No thanks. I don't want to be dragged down by this dead last."

Naruto stood up quietly pushing the chair behind him and started packing. "No problem. I'm leaving."

Sasuke stared at Naruto's receding back and only sat down next to me after Naruto left our field of view.

I worked part time at the small coffee shop located five minutes from campus. I didn't make much money, but I still liked having some money to fall back to. I was leaning forward on the counter, bored, because it was six o'clock in the morning and the morning rush hadn't started.

"Ughhh, it's the calm before the storm," I moaned to Tenten who was staring wistfully out the window at the slowly brightening day, at freedom.

Thoughtfully, she asked, "Sakura, you okay?"

I stretched my arms forward and turned my cheek to press against the counter, "Yeah, why?"

"I don't know, you've been a little distant and you look..." she struggled for the word, "different?"

Oh. She's probably referring to my little growth. I guess I hadn't told her about this baby and I didn't really want to just yet.

She stood up straighter and muttered excitedly, "Oh! People are coming! Get ready!" She fixed the black apron around her waist and for now, I assumed my change had been put to rest.

As she walked past me, she put a hand on my shoulder and said, "I don't think you are okay, but I'll wait for you to talk to me."

I tensed under the pressure of her hand, but said nothing in reply.

The first few customers came and went with their black coffees with an extra shot of espresso, but it was about the seventh one that had me punching the order into the computer with utter rigidity.

Hitomi's soft voice interrupted my morning sluggishness, "Can I get two black coffees to go please?"

I couldn't help but glare at her as I said, "Of course, anything else?" through clenched teeth.

"No thank you," she murmured stepping away to wait for her order.

It occurred to me that this other cup she was getting could very possibly be for Sasuke.

At the same time, Hitomi came up to the counter and asked, "Could I also get a chocolate pastry warmed?"

I opened my mouth to confirm her request, but was overcome with a bout of nausea. This was the woman my baby would probably call some variation of, "mother." I simply nodded and moved in a ghostlike manner to pull the pastry from the counter. I glanced around the room and saw Tenten busy wiping down the table in the far left corner and the only other remaining customer by the fireplace. Taking the warmed pastry, I put it in the cardboard box and walked back to the counter to hand it to Hitomi.

"You know, I'm pregnant with Sasuke's baby?"

The words left my mouth before I could even think about the consequences of the act. Panicked, I stared at her holding the box of pastry out to her.

"W-What?"

Fear built up in the pit of my stomach and at the sound of her confused voice I started to retract my statement, "I-I'm sorry, I don't know what I just said."

Hitomi slowly took the box from my hands staring at me wide eyed.

I continued to try and fix this, "I'm totally kidding. I really don't know why I thought it would be funny to say that. You know what? It was really stupid. Everyone knows you and Sasuke are gonna get married. It's just- I don't-," God, I was stumbling so bad, "You know what, I feel bad, this pastry is on the house. Seriously, I was just being stupid," I forced myself to laugh or giggle or something.

I don't know what was going on through her mind as she nodded and walked away, but I knew this was me destroying something huge. I couldn't help but feel like I had ruined Sasuke's life. Oh god. What if I somehow ruined like a business marriage? Those things happened. It made sense. Hitomi's family was rich. I didn't know what to do.

Not only that, did I ruin what was beginning to be a start to a relationship with Sasuke?

Feeling sick, I sobbed, "Tenten, I have to go! I'm so sorry, but I'm going to be sick!"

At my raised tone, Tentent turned around, but I had run out of the shop before she could even finish calling out my name.

I ran back to my dorm. Or walked really fast. I don't know. I spent the entire time obsessing over what I was supposed to tell him. I had to tell him. That much I knew. I pulled out my phone and started a text message to him.

Sasuke-kun. I'm so sorry, I did something horrible. I need to talk to you.

But what if Hitomi didn't tell him? There was the possibility of her thinking I was a just a random crazy bitch. I deleted the message, started another one:

Hey, what's up?

This one sounded too informal and it sounded dangerous especially if Hitomi told him.

I rewrote the first message, but before I could hit send a strong wave of dizziness hit me and some reflex had me calling the ambulance instead.

"Please, I'm pregnant and I think I'm gonna faint," I slurred through the words before I felt myself collapse into nothingness.

NARUTO

I asked Ino to meet for lunch to discuss Sakura. I hated how freely she was involving herself with Sasuke. She had no idea what he was capable of, but I knew. I was the bastard's best friend after all. Surprisingly, Ino had agreed pretty quickly, but I could only assume she wanted to discuss the topic as much as I wanted to.

It was around noon when I saw Ino's blonde hair pop into the restaurant 15 minutes late. "Of course she'd be late," I thought and rolled my eyes as she made her way to the table I was seated at.

Frowning at the lunch rush, I watched Ino elbow her way to the empty chair in front of me.

She sat down stiffly in front of me and immediately said, "So, I don't want to waste a lot of time with small talk. I don't like your best friend and what he's doing to MY best friend. So get him to back off."

I snorted in response to that, "Why don't you convince Sakura to stop wasting her time with Sasuke?"

Without missing a beat, she said bluntly, "Because she's too stupid for her own good."

Taken aback by that, I sat back in my chair and thought of a way to articulate what I really wanted to say.

As if knowing what I was thinking, Ino rolled her eyes and pushed her blonde hair behind her ear, "Just spit it out Naruto."

Glaring at her, I said through gritted teeth, "Tell me what she needs Sasuke for. I'll be his replacement or whatever. If she needs a ride to the doctor, I'll take her. Whatever she wants Sasuke for, I can replace him until she's done thinking about him."

Ino laughed and leaned forward with her elbow on the table and her chin pushed into her hand, "And what if she wants you to be her lover? What are you going to do then? Cheat on Hinata?"

At that moment, the waiter came by to take our order and I was saved the trouble of answering that question. My first thought was I would never cheat on Hinata. I loved her, but as Ino rambled off her order, I couldn't help but indulge in a fantasy of being with Sakura. I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

Ino's phone rang in the middle of her order and I couldn't help but stare distastefully as Ino held up her hand to pause her order to pick up the call.

"Hello?"

I couldn't hear who it was on the other line, but I saw Ino's face fall as she glanced at me.

"I'll be right there," she said abruptly and ended the call.

Ino stood up and the waiter looked at her expectedly waiting for instructions.

"I'm sorry, but I have to cancel my order, I have to go."

Confused, I let out a small, "What?" disbelievingly under my breath.

Ino looked my way again and sighed, "Actually cancel his order too."

Without another word to the waiter, she said to me, "It's Sakura. She's in the hospital."

Ooh. writing this was actually painful. i'm so uncertain about the flow and the chapter contents. really, now it has become me just starting and ending a chapter whenever I feel like it's right without thinking about what a chapter is supposed to contain. really sorry about this :(

however, we're finally getting to some deeper drama and i'm excited about it!

please do drop a review if you can :) i love getting feedback and even more, I love reading your own analysis of this story and your critiques.

Also, I think I should address Sakura's character? I know a lot of you hate how I have portrayed her, but I LOVE contrast, so in order to make the magnitude of change as great as possible, I had to make her out to be this character you want to love but ultimately hate at first. So in the end when she's all confident and great, the change will be able to be better appreciated!

thank you so much for reading :)

sasusaku779