(so the title sucks, sue me)

Disclaimer: Bleach is owned by Tite Kubo, not this guy (points to self). I also can't lay claim to Dante and company, that honor belongs to Capcom. I don't own any of the songs or products mentioned herein, they are all property of their respective owners. Pretty much the only thing I own in this story is…well…I'll get back to you on that one.

Summary: Dante and some of his fellow Devil Hunters fall into another universe…the universe of Bleach.

Rating: T for now, but we'll see, won't we?

Pairings: Nero/Kyrie (duh), Ichigo/Rukia, Dante/Lady

Timeline: As far as Devil May Cry is concerned, just after DMC4. As for Bleach, a day or two before Don Kanonji's Karakura show.

Author's Intro: I've had this idea for a while now, and I decided it needed to happen. If nothing else, it's a good time killer. I can't speak for my writing quality, but I hope it's decent. Now LET'S DO THIS THANG!

Chapter 1: An Interesting Job

RIIIIIIING!

Dante sighed, turning the faucet off. Why did they always call him when he was in the shower? He briefly considered ignoring the call as he put his clothes on.

RIIIIIIING!

He shook his white hair out of his eyes. He needed a good job to pay off that lurching monster that was known as debt.

RIIIIIIING!

He kicked the bathroom door open, and walked lazily toward the phone. He didn't need money just for himself, either. No, a good chunk of it was going to go to…his landlord.

RIIIIIIING!

He plopped down on the chair to his desk, slamming his feet onto the desktop so hard that the phone flipped out of the cradle to his waiting hand. He caught it lazily with his right hand, raising it to his ear.

"Devil May Cry." He still loved the sound of announcing his shop's name, no matter how many calls he got. He waited for the password, and became a lot more alert once he heard it. "Alright. Gimme a place and a price, pal." He jotted it down on a small notepad next to the telephone. "What time would work?" He looked at the place as the customer informed him of the time. "You got it." He tossed the phone back into the cradle with a smirk.

Five blocks away, and half an hour to kill. Must be my lucky day.

He leaned back in his chair. He'd been steadily making progress paying back his loans. He'd spent the entirety of his last payment on a new motorcycle for Lady. After she'd actually told him that they were even now (and he'd got it in writing, too, just in case she nagged him again), he'd taken her out for a round of drinks. Sure, his limit had been considerably lower than the sky (about fifty bucks, actually), but he'd gotten fairly buzzed and she'd gotten good and sloshed. He sighed, remembering how irritated she'd been that she'd gotten drunk quicker than him. It was genetic, really. Thanks to his healing factor, nothing short of chugging a twelve pack could even get him buzzed. And since he was still half-human, his normal human tolerance was a contributing factor as well. He'd made some pretty good money in drinking games at the bar before they'd begun to remember him. Now most of the patrons were too afraid to even challenge him to a game, but he'd score one every now and then.

His mind drifted back to that night that he and Lady had. She'd been so drunk that she…

"Dante?"

Trish's yell broke his reverie. "What?"

"Who was that on the phone? A customer?"

"Yeah."

Trish sauntered into the room, sitting on the edge of the desk. "And?"

Dante looked at the clock. He had fifteen minutes to be there. "And I have to go." He grabbed his trench coat from the coat hanger, put Ebony and Ivory into their respective holsters, and walked into his weapons closet. He heard Trish following him. Good, he'd get a second opinion on what to take.

If anyone knowing anything about Devil Arms whatsoever had walked into Dante's storage room, they'd be stunned. It held all sorts of weapons, collected from Dante's more "interesting jobs". They were only organized by the place of their discovery, so there was a Temen-Ni-Gru section, a Mallet Island section, and a Fortuna section. And the room wasn't even half-full.

Dante started with the Tenen-Ni-Gru weapons, looking at Devil Arms first. He'd take Cerberus, of course: fire was a very popular element among demons, so it was nice to have a weapon that countered it. He passed over Agni & Rudra (not that they weren't useful, but they just wouldn't SHUT UP), but didn't get two steps past them before they began complaining.

"Brother! Why does he walk past us?" said Agni, the fire scimitar.

"Perhaps he is deep in thought," responded Rudra, the wind scimitar.

"Deep in thought? Will he drown?"

"No, you see…"

Though Trish was highly amused, Dante had no time for these chattering blades. He turned to them angrily. "SHUT. UP. I am in no mood."

"No mood? How can one be in no mood?" Agni asked curiously. "There is always a mood. Joy, anger, sorrow, worry…"

"I'll rephrase! I'm pissed off! Now CAN IT!!" Much to his amazement, the twin blades fell silent.

Trish pouted. "Maybe they wouldn't talk so much if you answered their questions."

Dante looked at her like she was crazy. "Answered their questions? You must be kidding." He continued down the row. With a grin, he picked up the odd-looking purple guitar, Nevan. "Now THIS is a voice I like to hear," he said, strumming a few notes. An electrically charged bat appeared and flew around the room, landing on Trish's outstretched finger.

Dante resumed his weapons checklist. He decided against taking Beowulf; there was nothing wrong with the flash gauntlets and greaves, but he just didn't feel like using them. Of the guns he'd collected in Temen-Ni-Gru, he selected Spiral, the anti-tank rifle.

Next came Mallet Island. All of these weapons were very familiar to Trish, and so she gave them a good looking-over. Dante opted not to take Ifrit; they were good gauntlets, but he needed room for Gilgamesh in the next section. He did, however, take Alastor, something that surprised Trish. "But…" she started.

Dante smiled as the blade crackled with blue electricity. "He could use a little fun for a change." He stored the sword with the other items in his personal "hammerspace". Trish had used that word to describe his talent of summoning weapons seemingly out of thin air, and it had sort of stuck. He took the grenade launcher, moving on to the next section.

The Fortuna section had all of three Devil Arms, one of which was considered a firearm. He took Gilgamesh and Pandora. Although the Lucifer weapon was stylish, he decided against it. The backpack-like weapon would have taxed him if he took it along with.

He stored all of his weapons in "hammerspace", and walked back out by his desk, grabbing Rebellion as he went. As he slid it onto his back (magically staying there), Trish hugged him lightly. "Be careful. I've got a bad feeling about this."

He flashed her a grin. "Don't worry. I'll clean those punks up in ten minutes." And with that, he walked out his brand-new, just varnished wooden double doors, coat flapping in the night breeze.

Ten minutes there, ten minutes of work, and ten minutes back. Piece of cake.

Unfortunately for Dante, things were not to be so simple.

--

As he arrived at the corner of 3rd Street and Apple Avenue, he looked around. No demons yet.

Damn. And the guy said there were a lot of 'em.

As he looked at the street sign again to verify the location, a familiar voice rang out.

"Just what the hell are you doing here?"

Dante turned around, smiling. "Isn't that my line, kid?"

Nero scoffed as he walked up to the Devil Hunter. He hadn't seen Dante for a while since he'd defeated "The Savior." In fact, he hadn't even heard from him. He found that odd, since he had been the one that Dante had entrusted his brother's sword to.

"Well, you look just like when I left. Young and pissed off, for some odd reas…"

"Nero, wait up!"

Dante shook his head. No way. There was no WAY he brought her here. But sure enough, Kyrie ran up to the young knight, clutching her chest and breathing hard. "I can't…run as fast…as you can…you know…"

He winced. "Sorry. My arm's made me so much faster I've almost forgotten that I'm faster than a normal human."

Dante looked at Nero and Kyrie. "What's the big idea, bringing her into a demon's nest?"

Nero glanced around, alert. "Demons? We're here to pick up weapons for the Order!"

Dante frowned. This job was getting to be a lot messier than he'd thought. Oh well. He'd just demand compensation from the employer for the poor info.

"Speaking of weapons, you better be taking good care of my brother's sword," Dante said.

With a blue light from the Devil Bringer, Yamato appeared in Nero's hand. "Don't sweat it. It's in good hands." He re-absorbed it into the Devil Bringer, just to be safe.

Another familiar voice reached Dante's ears, and one that he had only been expecting marginally more than Nero's. "What's this, a Fortuna reunion?" Lady walked up to the trio, guns in hand and Kalina Ann on her back.

Dante smiled. "You're looking a lot more sober than the last time I saw you," he quipped.

She blushed. "Shut up. That's the last time I go drinking with you."

He held his arms out in mock outrage. "C'mon! It was a special occasion. I don't get debts paid off every day, you know!"

"Yeah, you're right. How many other people's motorcycles have you destroyed?"

"Mine. Twice. But don't change the subject. You were hammered, and you know it!"

She blushed even worse, pointing a gun straight at Dante's forehead. Unfazed, he kept right on prodding.

"Don't get me wrong, you held your liquor pretty well. And for the record, you're a pretty fun drunk. But you flirt way too much…"

She tightened her grip on the pistol, two pounds of pressure on the three-pound trigger. "I don't flirt."

He laughed at that. "Yeah, sure. Well, whatever you want to call it, you couldn't seem to keep your hands off me…"

Just as Lady was about to shoot Dante, Nero thought of something. "So, um…Lady. Why are you here?"

Lady lowered her gun. "A guy called me in to clean up some demons."

"Hey!" Dante yelled. "That's what I was called here for! You think you're taking credit for MY work?"

Nero interrupted Lady's response. "So you're both here to kill some demons?" They nodded. Nero began to worry. If this really was a demon's nest, he needed to get Kyrie out of here. But…why had their weapons contact given them this location? Suddenly, his Devil Bringer began to glow. "Dante…"

Dante nodded. He could practically smell the demons in the air, thanks to his demon blood. Lady may not have been able to sense them, but she held her guns at the ready. Nero saw a man walking toward them, and stepped in front of Kyrie protectively. As the man walked closer, they sensed incredible power within him. This puzzled Nero. What does this mean? Is he a demon?

The man stepped into the light. He wore a black sorcerer's cowl, and a rope belt was tied around his waist. Dante sighed. "Great, a set-up. You know, you'd better have some cash on you, Merlin, 'cause my electric bill won't pay itself."

The man chuckled. "You won't need money for where you're going. Try this!" He raised his hands into the air. "Curtain that separates these worlds, fall!" An odd, oval-shaped spot warped and darkened in mid-air. As it began to turn a dark color, a dark green hand reached out from inside it and pulled its owner out.

Dante looked at the new creature. He'd never seen a demon like this before. It had a dark green body with a hole in the center of its chest. It wore a white mask that covered its whole face, and as it roared at Dante, he could see a second row of teeth within its mouth. Shrugging, he removed Rebellion from his back, and sliced downward, cleaving the thing's head in two. It dissolved into a small, white light, which floated back into the portal.

Dante turned to the sorcerer. "That all you got? Well, looks like you're goin' with him now."

He heard Lady's gun go off behind him and he turned to look. More of those odd-looking demons were climbing out of the portal, some bigger and some smaller than the one he'd just killed. Nero's Devil Bringer shot forward, bowling one of the creatures into five of his comrades. Lady's gunfire was scattered, and as Dante looked at her, it looked like she wasn't even aiming at all. "What the hell are you doing? Shoot the damn things!" he yelled at her.

"What damn things?" she yelled back. "Where are they? I can't see them!"

Even if she couldn't see these demons, every now and then a bullet would find its mark. But there were too many for her to handle. Dante looked at Nero and was relieved to see that he was holding his own. He'd pulled that huge sword off his back and was making steady progress in cleaning up the demons. Holding Rebellion in a ready stance, Dante hurled it at the demons in a Round Trip. It took out most of the ones in front of Lady, but the demons nearer to him were closing in. Smiling, he used Gilgamesh to take down a few of the demons near him. He beckoned to Rebellion, and the sword flew back to him. Returning Gilgamesh, he charged a little demonic energy into the blade. It glowed red with power, and just as one of the demons was ready to strike, he held it backhanded, swinging it forward. "Drive! One! Two!" he shouted, firing off three red energy waves that destroyed the demons he aimed them at.

Nero, meanwhile, was taking care of the strange demons in his own way. He revved up Red Queen's handle, powering up the flammable liquid within. When the closest demon moved in to strike, he swung the sword upward, igniting the blade. It launched him into the air, putting him right in front of another demon. Streaking forward, he slashed horizontally with another flame-powered attack. "Let's rock!" he yelled joyfully. As the demon disappeared, he dropped on another demon, stabbing straight through its skull. He looked at Kyrie quickly to make sure she was okay, and then turned back to the demons. He pointed Blue Rose at another demon. It stopped as Nero's arm glowed. With a bang, the Devil Bringer-empowered shot slammed straight through the demon's face. Putting the revolver back away, he stabbed Red Queen into the ground, revving it up. "Startin' to heat up!" he said, challenging the few remaining demons.

Dante was now bored. These demons had only been somewhat of a challenge. There were only three demons left. He pulled out Ebony & Ivory, finishing two off with a shot from each gun. He left the last one to Nero as he turned to the sorcerer. He pointed Ebony at the man's head. "As I was saying, you better have some dough for me. No one surprises me unless there's women or beer involved. In that order."

The sorcerer grinned. They were even stronger than he'd thought! He clapped his hands together, disappearing in a white light. As Dante and Lady shielded their eyes, Nero, who had finished off the last demon, turned to see him reappear next to the portal. "Don't even think about it!" he said, reaching the Devil Bringer out to grab the man. However, he jumped through the portal just as the Devil Bringer grabbed his leg. Instead of pulling the man out, Nero found himself being pulled toward the portal. Kyrie wrapped her arms around Nero, knowing she wouldn't be able to help but trying anyway. As Nero pulled harder, he felt himself and Kyrie launched toward the portal. "What the he…" he yelled, his inertia carrying them into the portal. They disappeared into it, cutting off the rest of Nero's yell.

Lady looked at Dante as he just watched the portal. "Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Aren't you going in after them?"

"Are you?"

"Yes!!" With that she ran at the portal and jumped through.

Dante sighed. This was definitely not an easy job. He didn't really want to jump into the unknown, but he needed to save those idiots, wherever they were. "Besides, if I don't save Lady, who will I be able to hit on?" he called out to the empty street. He walked up to the portal, jumping effortlessly through. It closed behind him, melting back into nothingness.

And so it began…