Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
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get a life
Chapter 1: The Worst Day Ever
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WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 3
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9:04 a.m.
I officially declare Pride and Prejudice as my bible.
It is so much more fun to read it during Math than listen to Kakashi-sensei pretend to know what he's talking about.
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9:12 a.m.
I want a Mr. Darcy.
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9:14 a.m.
I need a Mr. Darcy.
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9:34 a.m.
Kakashi-sensei told me to put my book away.
He's still reading his book though… – and his is stupid erotica.
He totally sucks.
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9:41 a.m.
I hate math.
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9:46 a.m.
Wow.
That guy who sits in front of me has a very sexy back.
I wish I knew what his name was or like, that he made some sort of commotion so Kakashi-sensei would call out his name to yell at him and I could hear it. Sigh. It's really sad when one does not know every person in one's grade – although that is somewhat inevitable considering the great largeness that is Leaf Academy and not all of us are gossip freaks like Ino.
But seriously.
I never knew backs could be so sexy.
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10:00 a.m.
Gaara texted. Why can't he be more Darcy-like?
Maybe then, I wouldn't feel like I've wasted the past two and a half months of my life dating him.
Sigh.
He wants to know if he could talk to me at lunch.
Well, duh.
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10:02 a.m.
The least he could do was ask what color my panties are.
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10:03 a.m.
It's official.
Things with Gaara are getting boring.
Too boring.
I'm gonna dump him.
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10:51 a.m.
I decided how I'm going to break things off with my soon-to-be Ex.
"Gaara, look, you're a great guy," I would begin, "You're sweet and you make me laugh" – no he doesn't, but when one breaks a guy's heart, one should be nice about it – "but things between us are getting a little… stale – and it's not because of you, it's just…"
Then I would put a hand on his shoulder and try to look reassuring.
"I think it'd be best if we went our separate ways."
After that, I of course would definitely not add the whole 'we can still be friends' bit because that would just be cruel.
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11:43 a.m.
I'm hungry.
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12:00 p.m.
Ino won't let me eat lunch.
I'm hungry, though.
She says I'm not allowed because we have to go to this café after school and eat there. Apparently, if I eat lunch I won't eat when we go to the place.
The idiot.
I'm hungry.
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12:25 p.m.
I just got dumped.
…I think I need a minute to take it in.
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12:26 p.m.
Gaara came over to our table. He asked Ino if she could give me and him a minute and being a loser she is, she waggled her eyebrows, snickered, and told me not to do anything she'd do. God, she's such an annoying loser!
It was terrible.
"What's up?" I asked, trying to be polite. I didn't want to be a bitch before dumping him.
He looked at me for a moment and then sighed.
"Sakura, look, you're a great girl," he began, "You're sweet and you make me… laugh" – that liar! HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE MEANING OF LAUGHTER, DAMNIT! – "but things between us are getting a little… stale – and it's not because of you, it's just…" He then put a hand on my shoulder and tried to look reassuring – which note, is quite hard for Gaara because he is a bucket of nothing – no emotions at all! "I think it'd be best if we went our separate ways."
But then he did the worst thing ever.
"We can still be friends."
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12:27 p.m.
HOW DARE HE?!
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12:47 p.m.
I'm hungry.
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12:48 p.m.
And livid, of course.
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2:02 p.m.
Ugh.
I'm still hungry.
I hate Ino.
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4:21 p.m.
Ino says she found her One True Love. She's making me go see him now.
She says that according to his name tag, his name is Sai.
Sai apparently works at the café around the corner from school.
They have good food.
And they have even better coffee.
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4:39 p.m.
We are officially the biggest creepers in the world.
Here we are, sitting in the coffee shop – the Konoha Café – drinking coffee and snacking on muffins while giggling like morons whenever Ino's new Crush smiles in our (her) direction. I'm not gonna lie, he's gorgeous, but there's something about him that isn't quite reeling me in as much as it should.
I think I like the guy at the cashier better.
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4:40 p.m.
I'm getting another coffee.
(There's no such thing as too much coffee.)
Mm, a white chocolate mocha sounds yummy.
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4:45 p.m.
Commenced Come Hither Eyes.
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4:46 p.m.
Failed miserably.
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4:48 p.m.
He handed me my coffee and our fingers brushed and I didn't feel anything.
(Maybe he's gay?)
His hands were kinda cold, considering he was handling a hot drink. But whatever – none of that matters.
He's beautiful.
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4:49 p.m.
He is officially my Soulmate.
(His name tag says his name is 'Sasuke'.)
…He totally needs a nickname.
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4:50 p.m.
Mr. Darcy.
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4:54 p.m.
I changed my mind. I have yet to figure out whether he is Darcy-esque enough.
For now, he will be called Lover Boy.
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5:31 p.m.
I bought another snack!
Lover Boy handed it to me.
Our hands touched again.
It was awesome.
HE IS OFFICIALLY MY SOULMATE!
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5:32 p.m.
Oh.
Oh dear.
That was my third muffin…
Damn.
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5:33 p.m.
My thighs look so big when I sit down and they lay flat on the chair.
It feels like they're not even on the chair – they're so big they're sagging off of it!
Ugh, I'm never sitting down again.
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5:45 p.m.
Ino says it's time to go home now.
There's only so long two giggling girls can stay in coffee shop whilst checking out the employees before they are nominated for Stalkers of the Year.
It's sad, really.
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6:02 p.m.
Wow.
The house is a mess. There are boxes everywhere.
I hear voices – both female.
Mom has someone over, it seems. Maybe she went lesbian. I had that suspicion after the divorce but Mom instead became a hybrid between workaholic and (wannabe) super mom – which is a horrible, horrible mutant-like monster that continuously suggests Bonding Dates for her daughters.
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6:03 p.m.
Aw, hells no.
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6:14 p.m.
Mom is unbelievable.
I can't believe she said yes!
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6:15 p.m.
Well sure, she's my sister and all but still!
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6:16 p.m.
Apparently, Karin is moving back in with us – the damn free loader.
I realize that she's my big sister but no freaking way.
"Karin, sweetheart, I still don't get why you're back here," Mom complained.
Karin merely rolled her eyes and waved a hand as Mom finished off dinner. "Well, I just… I don't think a law school is where I want to go yet, Mom." She shrugged and took the plates, setting them between the spoons and forks I put on the table a few seconds ago. "I'm grateful you paid for my tuition and housing but Mom, I think I need a break before I go back to school."
A few compliments later, Karin had Mom wrapped around her little French-manicured finger.
I hate her.
She'd make a perfect lawyer with how bloody manipulative she is.
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6:17 p.m.
Karin's asking if I have a boyfriend.
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6:18 p.m.
Mom laughed and said, "Of course. Don't you remember the boy who came over that time we had a barbeque?"
Karin smiled at me.
"Oh yeah! What was his name again, Sakura?" she asked. "I can't quite my finger on it…"
YEAH, BECAUSE MOM IS ALL WRAPPED AROUND IT!
"…Gaara," I answered, stabbing at the cherry tomato in my salad. "And he's not my boyfriend. He broke up with me."
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6:19 p.m.
…Oh, my God.
He broke up with me.
He broke up with me right before I was going to dump him.
OH, MY GOD!
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6:20 p.m.
Mom and Karin don't seem to be so surprised that he dumped me.
…It's my forehead, isn't it?
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8:02 p.m.
Mom wants to go out for a movie for some Bonding Time.
Karin said she was tired from the ride home, but when I told them I was gonna go for a walk, she said she'd come with me.
I hate my sister.
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8:15 p.m.
As we walked by the Konoha Café, I found something out:
Apparently it is still Lover Boy's shift.
He looks pretty annoyed. And bored, too.
Karin offered to buy me some coffee and a snack. Not one to decline the caffeinated goodness, I obviously accepted, giving her a tight hug.
I kind of missed my sister. Since she was the oldest – therefore more independent and forced to have a part-time job – she always had some cash on her and she would always treat me to stuff when we went out together.
Hm. It seems she actually is good for something.
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8:16 p.m.
Karin handed me a twenty and told me to just buy her a cinnamon bun and to get a giant caramel frappuccino and we'd just split it.
Lover Boy nodded when I ordered Karin's snack and the drink for us.
"Oh, and can I have a blueberry muffin as well, please?" I added, smiling politely – and quite giddily, might I add.
Then the worst happened.
Lover Boy raised an eyebrow and said:
"Don't you think you've had enough muffins for the day?"
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10:00 p.m.
I am so woe.
It is official. My life sucks for the following reasons:
- school started
- not allowed to read in class
- just got dumped
- was supposed to be the dumper, but nay
- missed lunch
- loitered in a coffee shop for hours, thus looked like a loser
- my forehead is too big
- ditto my thighs
- ugh, my sister now lives with me
And the worst part?
My Soulmate just insinuated that I am fat.
How could all this happen in one bloody day?!
Seriously.
SERIOUSLY!
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TBC
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A/N: I fell in love with this style of writing while reading angus, thongs and full-frontal snogging. I recommend it if you want to laugh.