Title: Metaphors of Innocence

Author: Littlestkitten (saratu on lj)

Fandom: Loveless

Pairing: Soubi/Ritsuka, mentions Ritsu-sensei/Soubi

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 2,028 (WTF? How did that even happen?)

Summary: Ritsuka wants to know how Soubi lost his ears.

Notes: This was an idea that wouldn't leave me alone in the middle of the night. Even though I'm supposed to be writing for other prompts. Le sigh.

"Tell me about how you lost your ears."

Soubi froze at those words. His smooth brushstrokes stopping and causing the paint to blotch as it slowly seeped into the paper.

"You don't want to hear about that," he murmured as he continued the motion. The painting was ruined now, but he needed something to distract him from the painful line of questioning Ritsuka had chosen.

"Soubi," the boy whined before becoming more serious. "It's an order. I order you to tell me."

Soubi slowly set his paintbrush down and turned to Ritsuka who was looking at him expectantly. He didn't want to tarnish Ritsuka with this knowledge, and he knew that the only reason his sacrifice wanted to hear this now was because of his worries about losing his own ears. Ritsuka wasn't exactly a child anymore and his friends seemed to be losing their ears left and right. But Soubi's story would only make the boy more nervous about it, and he didn't want to do that to Ritsuka. His sacrifice had gone through too much already because of him, and he wouldn't add another burden, even if it was only one of memories.

"No," he said as firmly as possible before smiling. "You may punish me now if you wish."

This caused the predictable, and usual, outburst of Soubi being a pervert. He would rather have Ritsuka yell at him though, than to taint his innocence.

Ritsuka proved more persistent than expected, however, and insisted on bringing the subject up whenever possible over the next week. While Soubi had known about the stubborn streak in his sacrifice, he had never known Ritsuka to hold onto one subject for so long.

No matter how persistent Ritsuka proved to be, Soubi would just have to be more so. He couldn't bring himself to force Ritsuka to grow up any faster. The boy had already been through so much and it was unfair to take anymore of his innocence than needed. No, it was better for Ritsuka to remain innocent, to remain a child, for as long as possible. He knew that he could lie to the boy, make up some pretty story about true love and a night of romance, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had been forced to lie so many times to his sacrifice that he couldn't do it again, especially when he didn't have to.

"Did you like it?"

Even though the question would have seemed like a non sequitur to anyone else, Soubi knew exactly what his Sacrifice was asking about. He paused for a moment; this was a question he could answer without telling everything. Perhaps if he answered truthfully Ritsuka would understand why he was reluctant to relay the story and stop asking. Mind made up he turned briefly to the teenager sprawled out on his couch.

"No."

As Soubi had predicted, Ritsuka frowned and grew silent. The peaceful silence spread throughout the room again and Soubi picked up his paintbrush. He hadn't had the motivation for painting lately, too many bad memories being brought to the surface, but now that Ritsuka seemed satisfied he might as well try some more.

"Why?"

"Why am I painting?"

"No, idiot. Why didn't you like it?"

Soubi shuddered slightly as he remembered exactly why he hadn't liked it. Ritsuka had let the matter drop for a full two days and Soubi had thought that he was safe. Apparently he had underestimated exactly how much Ritsuka wanted to reveal this mystery.

All he wanted was to forget about that time but Ritsuka insisted on bringing it up. Maybe if he told the boy he could finally get some peace within his mind. He glanced at Ritsuka; taking in the stubborn set of his jaw, and told him. He left out as many details as possible. Ritsuka didn't need to know the full horror of what had happened to him. He told the story impersonally, as if it had happened to another little boy, one that neither of them knew. He could tell, however, that even though he had tried to lessen the impact, Ritsuka still understood how terrible it had really been.

His sacrifice grew silent for a few moments before muttering a quiet "I'm sorry," and returning to his book. Soubi hoped that that would finally be the end of it.

"Soubi," Ritsuka murmured hesitantly from his spot on the couch. "Why do you think he did it?"

The fighter had had a few days of relative peace and had hoped the subject would remain dropped. It seemed though, that Ritsuka was unable to let it go. Now that Soubi had answered the worst of the questions, he figured he might as well answer the others. Hopefully, he could get this done with and go back to not thinking about it.

"He wanted me to belong to him."

"Oh," Ritsuka frowned and seemed to debate with himself for a moment. "Did he do it more than once?"

"No. Once seemed to be sufficient for him."

"Good."

And Soubi was allowed to resume reading.

Ritsuka couldn't understand how someone could do that to a child. Soubi had always teased him but he'd never actually tried anything other than a few kisses. And Ritsuka had still been older than Soubi when it had happened. He felt bad now for pushing Soubi to tell him. It was just that his fighter was always teasing him about these things and Ritsuka thought he should be teased a little back. He hadn't meant to bring up such bad memories.

He felt as if he should do something to make it up to the man. Soubi had obviously been upset the past few weeks and Ritsuka had just been too selfish to pay much attention. But that didn't mean he couldn't start now. With that in mind, Ritsuka started to try to think of a way to make it up to Soubi.

He soon realized, however, that he didn't actually know much about his fighter. The man had always been too good at deflecting Ritsuka's questions or telling convincing half-truths. If Ritsuka wanted to cheer him up he would need help. And as much as he hated to admit it, there was really only one person he could ask.

"Ah, it's so cute of Rit-chan to want to help Soubi!"

Ritsuka felt his ears flatten as he glared at the man in front of him. He knew that Kio was just joking but he'd been feeling so guilty that he couldn't stand the teasing. He just wanted to know how he could help Soubi and then do it. He didn't want Soubi to be troubled any longer than necessary.

He should have known that Kio wouldn't be much help. And it wasn't like he could actually tell the annoying man what he'd done. He'd been forced to tell the not quite lie that he'd done something to upset Soubi and wanted to make it up to him. Most of Kio's suggestions ended up being silly (how were lollies supposed to help?) or outright outrageous (he was not going to do that!). But in the end Kio did manage to come up with some helpful advice.

"Just apologize, Rit-chan. You mean a lot to Soubi and showing him that you care will probably make him happier than anything I can suggest. Well, except for one thing. But I don't think you're quite ready to lose your ears yet."

And Ritsuka left Kio's flat fuming but still thoughtful. He'd never been forthcoming with his feelings for Soubi, partially because he didn't like to think about what they were exactly, and partially because he didn't want Soubi to feel too pleased with himself. But why shouldn't he let Soubi know how he felt? Soubi was always telling Ritsuka that he loved him, always showering him with affection, and Ritsuka almost never gave him anything back. And when he did, it was always grudgingly. If Soubi really did love him, and he didn't have any real reason to doubt that anymore, then it must be painful to always be shown Ritsuka's apparent disregard for him and his feelings. If only the man could stop teasing for one minute, then maybe Ritsuka could do something about it.

Soubi had been feeling guilty for the past week. Ever since he had told Ritsuka about his not so pleasant past the boy had been brooding and acting more gloomy than usual. He shouldn't have shared that story with Ritsuka; it was selfish of him to do so, even if it had soothed his own subconscious. Ritsuka was acting even more nervous and uncomfortable this afternoon and seemed like he wanted to say something.

Soubi was surprised when instead of speaking Ritsuka stalked over to where he was sitting on the couch and promptly collapsed on him. The fighter made an oomph sound as the teenager adjusted his weight before curling against the larger man in a rather kittenish way. Soubi sighed as he held Ritsuka to him. His sacrifice almost never initiated affection and Soubi would take what he could get, when he could get it, and cherish it.

"I'm sorry," Ritsuka murmured after a moment, quietly enough that even Soubi who was pressed against him could barely hear it. "I shouldn't have pried. Your past is your own and I don't have any right to demand to hear about it."

"Ritsuka-"

"Shh. Just be quiet for a little bit. Please. I have some things I want to say and I can't do it if you tease me."

Soubi nodded his head slowly and watched the young man that he'd grown to love so much. He would listen to Ritsuka and allow him to say whatever it was he needed to say. Even if Soubi feared it would end up causing him pain. He would do anything for his sacrifice, and not just because of Seimei's orders.

"Soubi, I-" Ritsuka took in a deep breath before continuing. "I love you. A lot. And I know I don't always show it, actually I don't really show it at all, but you deserve to know. I know I take you for granted but I just wanted you to know that I do care for you. More than anyone else actually. And the reason I wanted to know about you losing your ears is, well, it's because I want to lose my ears to you. Not yet though!" At this point Ritsuka looked at him with an expression of almost panic, as if Soubi would magically run off with his ears at that very moment. The smaller body slowly relaxed again and sighed. "There, I said what I needed to say, you can tease me now."

Soubi slowly brought his hand up to touch his sacrifice's hair. Ritsuka always managed to surprise him. He was so unlike his brother in every way, and while at first that had been jarring in its strangeness, Soubi was now grateful for the differences. Seimei would have never said such sweet things to him and would have been more likely to punish him for avoiding the issue for so long. But Ritsuka, he was so kind, so thoughtful and gentle. Even if Soubi hadn't been ordered to, he couldn't imagine not loving the younger boy.

And the idea of being the one to take his ears. Well, the thought scared and excited him at the same time. It was as if Ritsuka had looked into his heart and discovered the things to say to make him happier than he'd ever been in his life. He would do his best to make the experience as wonderful as possible for Ritsuka. But he was glad that his sacrifice wasn't ready just yet. As long as he'd waited for this, he wanted Ritsuka to keep his innocence as long as possible. When the day came he would do as his sacrifice asked with no qualms, but until then he would relish every swish and flick of his tail and every emotion revealed by his kitten ears.