Ok this is it. I hope you enjoyed it. It was fun writing it. Review! Thanks to Constantine for beta-ing and suffering ;)

4. Of Love and Other Unforgivable Curses

In the whirlwind months that passed Sirius never once stopped to think and consider, never stepped back to watch himself and his friends, to enjoy. If he had known then what he knows now, in his damp cell in Azkaban, he would have held on fast to every feeling, he would have imprinted each moment onto his brain like motion caught in a wizarding photograph. Or else he would have done everything in his might to choose a different path so that no memory of what happened might haunt him as he slowly rots, cursing his past mistakes as a man does who has nothing else left but his curses.

But Sirius, being young, lived every day for the next three months as the young do: carelessly, feverishly, hungering for more, for better, for the bigger, greater picture.

After the first tentative meeting in Hogsmeade he fell head first into a friendship with his cousin that in some ways stopped short of and in others surpassed what he had with the Marauders. They exchanged witty, heartfelt letters. He told her of his adventures, pranks played on Severus Snape and things he planned to do when he was finished with school. (I'm going to buy myself a motorbike!) She wrote of the preparations for her marriage, tricks she had played on Andromeda and Narcissa and where she would go if she could go anywhere at all without the binds of honour and tradition. They never wrote about the things really bothering them: the fear his friendship with the Marauders, in many ways his true family, would fade once they left Hogwarts and that he sometimes distanced himself from them on purpose because of that; the fear that she would lose a measure of her freedom after the wedding, a measure of her sense of self.

There was that one eventful afternoon in Hogsmeade when they sat in the sun eating ice cream and talking about everything in the world from music to coveted secrets. (Remus was ill; James and Peter had elected to keep him company provided Sirius bring back sweets and jokes.)

Now in Azkaban Sirius remembers how grown up he had felt sitting with her. At the same time for the first time ever he felt he could be close enough to her to be truly childish as he was with James, Remus and Peter. The kernel of guilt at that thought had marred the afternoon slightly and grown larger, pearl-like, in the weeks that followed.

In the middle of joking with James he would suddenly remember Bellatrix' laughter the mirth that spread to her eyes and covered her face with such an expression of joy that Sirius couldn't help joining in.

When he sat in the library quietly conversing with Remus he would think of how it felt to be beside his cousin on a sunlit bench her parasol between their legs her dark head pressed against his so that she might whisper into his ear. "Experimental Charms."

"No way!" He had looked into her face for signs that she was mocking him but found none.

"I've always liked charms. I don't think there's anything funny about it Cousin!" She had knocked his knees with her own as Sirius, struggling not to laugh, turned a shade of deep purple.

"It's what I've always wanted to do. Make up new charms." There was a dreamy quality to her voice.

"Maybe I'll still do it after I'm married."

The silence after that sentence was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Then all at once Sirius burst into gales of laughter with the violence of a balloon exploding.

"You stop that Dogstar or I'll hex you into oblivion!" She had shrieked. But she didn't draw her wand. Instead she shifted in her seat and tickled his ribs till he could only gasp for mercy.

High up in the stands with Peter watching James play Quidditch and munching on sweets he first tried a little trick Bellatrix had taught him for revealing the flavours of the famous Bertie Bott's beans. Peter learned the spell quickly for once and they spent the rest of the game chucking the discarded beans at Severus Snape's head.

He saw her a few times on the Hogwarts grounds in secret. Sirius was used to sneaking around and wasn't exactly nervous but he was shocked at the almost brazen way she strutted around after hours as if the place belonged to her. Once he even dared to express admiration. Bellatrix had laughed, the bell-like sound, amplified, rang out over the quidditch field. "This is what one learns in Slytherin, Dogstar. You Gryffindors think you're being brave snitching food from the kitchens?"

It took him the rest of the night to get rid of his blush and he thanked his lucky stars it was too dark for her to see it.

One rainy evening under the Quidditch stands he almost kissed her.

Sirius has the sense of smell of a dog, through the musty scent of Azkaban. The scent that seeps through stone and cloth, through the skin, until you feel it is the last thing you will ever smell again. Through the damp he catches a whiff of rain on the Quidditch field. He tries desperately to imagine the individual blades of grass between his fingers, the tangy smell of the wood used to build the Quidditch stands, the faint spicy scent of her perfume and the damp scent of her hair.

Bellatrix had conjured a picnic blanket out of thin air and removed her shoes, dark blue, high heeled, suede dancing shoes of Muggle design. Sirius felt himself go hot and cold. He had seen girl's feet before but not feet like his cousin's. They were thin with soles of palest pink. The toes were long and beautifully shaped and each toenail lacquered violet. He could do nothing but stare.

"Yes, girls have toes too." She laughed, wiggling them so that the lacquer changed magically from blue to green to yellow to orange to red and back again.

"This is my favourite spot you know." Sirius said yet again randomly pulling on the laces of his trainers, something he had seen Peter do a million times.

"Shh." She placed a finger to his lips. They sat there in silence then, the hammering of the rain outside seemed like the only sound in the world.

He almost kissed her then. Or at least he was going to, or was thinking about it till the glint in her eye as he leaned towards her made him pause and reconsider. He had ducked his head down, in a sitting position it became obvious that he was taller than his beautiful cousin, and angled his head towards her. He had wondered briefly what she would taste like, blackberries or marzipan, honey or port. If she would laugh at him or maybe even be angry, after all she was an engaged woman. That was when he had seen the triumph glitter in those black eyes. The expression on her face struck him to the bone. It was a feeling not unlike that moment of realisation hours into a game of wizarding chess when it became obvious that Remus would beat him yet again despite all his efforts.

Things seemed to cool down for a couple of weeks after that. At an after-quidditch party Sirius kissed Clementine's friend Jane and Gryffindor was catapulted into turmoil. Sirius, who hadn't noticed Jane before that evening, had a hard time explaining himself and threatened to jinx James and Remus into next month if they continued making kissing faces at him. Peter hung on his arm begging for details instead. To distract himself from the rather annoying attentions of the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw girls, he learned new curses with James and practiced them on Snivellus and other losers like him. They had quite a collection by now and managed to glean a few rare smiles from disapproving Remus. The next days were a blur, quite literally. Someone in Slytherin, rumours pointed to Snape, had discovered a charm to up the alcohol content in Butterbeer and James had been the first to learn it. Sirius didn't like the aftertaste it left but drank it anyway afraid of being laughed at. Peter knocked his back as if he was an old hand and Remus refused to taste it. He claimed the alcohol might react unpleasantly with his 'furry little problem', as James called it.

Then the letters started again. She sent him at least four a week, all light hearted and full of funny stories about everything and nothing. Nothing about home, nothing about the wedding. All embarrassment seemed to be forgotten; their friendship seemed to be intact. He walked around more muddled then alcoholic Butterbeer could cause and ignored Clementine and Jane in the halls, he even forgot to curse Snape and Regulus. Snape seemed indifferent and stayed out of Sirius' way rather than following and taunting him as he usually did, almost as if he had something bigger planned. Clementine and Jane seemed to have something bigger planned as well, they never looked at him anymore instead put their heads together and whispered every time he passed. It was Regulus who sought him out in the end. He brought him the invitation to Bellatrix' wedding. It was to Regulus'credit that he didn't smirk when he passed on the golden parchment. Sirius felt his heart plummet to his stomach. He had been hoping against hope that she would cancel the wedding. He berated himself silently for believing she would change her plans for the sake of an underage wizard. The disappointment was so vast he nearly told Remus about it but his friend was busy with his moon sickness and he decided not to trouble him.

Exams came and went and now the days slid by seamlessly. They all made vows to keep in touch over the summer. James had succeeded in learning Lily's address and was determined to win her through heartfelt letters. Snape revealed his new curse with a flourish, pinning Peter to the air upside down by his ankle. Sirius decided he was probably trying to hit James but missed and got hapless Peter instead. This caused Sirius and James to break out in whoops of laughter as Remus desperately tried to get the smaller boy down, Peter squeaking like a rat in the background. In London they decided against hexing Regulus one last time. Mrs. Black wasn't present but one vaguely familiar aunt and jovial Uncle Alphard were. Remus was collected by his tall thin father and pale mother. Laughing Mr. and Mrs. Potter who embraced all the boys warmly were there for James. Peter was going with the Blacks. Sirius and Regulus had been encouraged to invite their friends; Bellatrix had added a little note to the bottom of the invitation. James begged off on account of his expensive Quidditch camp starting half a week before the wedding. Remus had a summer job in a muggle shop, it began a day afterwards but Sirius secretly suspected he was afraid some of the darker Blacks might recognize him for what he was. That left Peter. Regulus' friends were arriving a day or two before the ceremony. Though he felt he was too cool to ask, Sirius fervently hoped Snivellus wasn't one of them.

The House of Black was in a state of distinct upheaval. It seemed to Sirius the family was preparing for a war rather than a wedding. Servants Sirius had never seen before bustled to and fro, polishing silver, airing out bedding and beating carpets. House elves obviously borrowed from other branches of the family tended to the garden and cleaned the house till it sparkled. Of his cousin, Sirius saw little. She spent most of the time making last minute preparations and sitting closeted with Mrs. Black in her sitting room. The only thing that made Sirius feel better was the fact that Rodolphus came by nearly every day only to be patted on the back and given some excuse why Bellatrix was unable to see him. Sirius gloated but secretly felt sorry for the wizard. Peter was more open about it. Upon arriving at Grimmauld Place he promptly told Sirius that his cousin was beautiful but arrogant to the bone and frankly scared him. Sirius was wont to agree but had said rather unkindly that everything scared Peter. The smaller plumper boy seemed to sense something was amiss with his friend and spent everyday devising some distraction for him. They played Quidditch with new and improved rules they had invented themselves (as neither Sirius nor Peter nor Regulus were any good at the game), they terrorised Kreacher, they lurked in the halls tripping other unsuspecting house elves who were not allowed to scold them for it. One day Peter announced he was going to read from his new poem "Ode to Snivellus washing his hair" a hilarious account of the time James tried a scouring charm on Snape's head in the middle of History of magic. Sirius was surprised to find his generally rather slow friend was a natural talent.

Bellatrix' mother and father: Aunt Elladora and Uncle Algol arrived with much pomp and excess, preceded by a little troop of house elves and a magical menagerie they intended to give their daughter on her wedding day. Peter marvelled at the crup puppies, forked tails still intact: terrier-like dogs used for guarding against muggles. Despite their cuddly appearance they gave Sirius the shivers just looking at them. The two fwoopers, imported from Africa, bright pink and lime green, charmed silent because of their sanity- threatening song, the basket of kneazle kittens and the enormous cage of live fairies. Uncle Algol himself carried a small glass box containing butterflies of every shade and size. And like a dazzling bird of paradise Bellatrix, clad in her new red robes pushed passed the rabble and threw herself in a rather unladylike fashion into her father's arms. When Algol set the box on the ground so as not to injure his daughter with its sharp edges it occurred to Sirius that his cousin hadn't been overjoyed to see her father at all. She was simply happy to receive the creatures she planned on using to finish her coiffure and thus perfect her wedding costume. She seemed amazed at them, tapping on the glass and looking up at her mother and father with such an expression of juvenile contentment that Sirius barely recognised her.

Soon after that family members from all around the world began arriving. Sirius tried with increasing desperation to speak with his cousin alone but failed time and again. He found himself wondering once again if she ever really existed. Regulus' friends arrived two days before the wedding. A tall skinny boy called Nott, Sirius recognised at once as one of Regulus' reading circle and amazingly, a pretty girl named Roswitha Wilkes whom James had once danced with at an inter-house event and pronounced "quite decent". Snape had mercifully been left out as Mrs. Black felt his parentage was too uncertain. The house took on the quality of a bazaar as friends and family filed in, this time including many of Rodolphus' relatives from France. Sirius had a few nice chats with Andromeda who was finishing up her foreign exchange in Venice and would be returning to Hogwarts in the fall. In an attempt to distract himself from Bellatrix' new coldness he resolved to learn the names of all the cousins from the newborns to palsied old Cousin Ruchbah. He gained a new fan in Cousin Lyra. An adorable little three year old girl with dark eyes and ears that stuck out just a little too much, who followed Sirius wherever he went calling him 'Doggie'.

The morning of the wedding there was a huge breakfast banquet at Grimmauld place. Sirius watched as Peter's eyes grew rounder and rounder at the sight of course after course magically appearing on the table. As his friend gorged himself on eggs, sausages and cakes oblivious of Sirius' reminder that the actual wedding feast was but hours away complete with a seven tiered wedding cake each level a different flavour. Bellatrix wasn't present at breakfast, claiming she needed time to make herself look decent. Andromeda, to his left kept describing the wedding gown to her sister Narcissa, sitting poker straight with a look on her face that implied she wasn't really interested. Sirius could tell she was though.

After breakfast Peter retired to his room to try to cure his belly ache and Sirius decided to track down his cousin before it was too late. He found her in her room sitting in front of an enormous gilded mirror which was exclaiming upon her beauty loudly. She was arranging the colourful butterflies in her hair. On a stand by the mirror hung the long glittering veil, fine as sea foam.

"Cousin!" She said, her face lighting up like a sunrise. "Just the man I wanted to see."

His heart was beating as fast as butterflies' wings. This was his last chance, his only chance.

"Funny, that," He said "You've been ignoring me for days." He sounded like a petulant child. She had done something different with her eyelashes and they shimmered somewhat. Purple or blue. Her lips seemed subtly fuller than usual.

"Come now Cousin. I've been busy and your little friend is here. You're still my favorite cousin in the world." Her nails were diamond shaped and lacquered translucent and shimmering. The sleeves of her wedding dress peeked out from underneath the brocade dressing gown.

"I've…" Sirius began his throat suddenly dry. He wished he'd thought to drink the last gulp of pumpkin juice in his goblet during breakfast. "I've come to ask you to leave now."

"Leave?" She laughed then. A thin watered down version of her normal bell-like laugh. "Leave, Dogstar? This is where I belong. This is my decision." Another burst of laughter, higher now, almost a shriek. "What did you think? That I'd go with you?"

Sirius felt himself flush. "No. Yes. You aren't happy here."

"Happiness? What of it? Enough of that now Cousin, I can't leave now and neither can you. I have something far more important to talk to you about. For years now we've been working towards it. And now we're on the verge of a break through." Her eyes gleamed unhealthily. He'd seen that gleam before. Severus Snape as he bent over his defense against the dark arts book.

"Break through? The verge? What are you talking about?" His voice sounded strained.

"The Mudbloods, Cousin. The unhealthy mixing of the bloods. The fact that they are taking over everything! You know what's next? They'll force us to give up our fortunes and homes; they'll give them to Muggles and their progeny. This talk of dark arts? What is dark Dogstar? Why won't they let us practice our magic as we have for centuries? Who decides what is good and bad ? We are lucky to live in such fortunate times. There is a wizard who can help us." Her face glowed with excitement. She took his hands in hers. Hours ago he would have exploded with joy. Minutes before.

"What's this about?" He whispered. "You aren't happy, you didn't want to marry him."

"Who are you going on about? Oh Rodolphus! He's a pureblood, of course I want to marry him. What are you on about? That bout of nerves?" She waived this away.

"Do you know what it means to be pureblooded? You're a pureblood. There are fewer of us left than we'd care to admit. But I'm not afraid to say it. You're one of the few left in the family with talent and energy. Together we can take the wizarding world, we can protect it. And maybe one day take back all the Muggles took from us. You have potential Cousin. Together we can do it. With him we could do it." Her eyes were feverish, her voice grew higher and higher, a witches cackle.

"What are you saying? Why me? I'm fifteen!" His voice cracked.

"Age won't matter Dogstar. You're young enough and fresh enough to do it. You think our parents will still make a difference? Oh sure, they speak against the Mudbloods and Half breeds and other rabble but do they do anything? They're all talk. Your father, dying even as we speak. My vain selfish mother only concerned with her jewels and robes and fancy parties. And my father convinced the dark arts will make him immortal! Does he turn his knowledge to our great cause? No! Too afraid someone will see where his true allegiance lies. But you and I and others like us, Malfoy, Narcissa…" She paused now studying his face. She seemed so powerful, so tall that Sirius was almost afraid to speak. Then all at once a dam broke in his chest. He felt as if a spell had been lifted.

"That was all? That was all you wanted of me? For me to join your little club? Malfoy." He attempted to sneer. It came out wrong, twisted and pitiful.

"I thought you liked me! I thought you cared!"

She reached for him again her face glowing with a strange power. "I do Cousin, I do care, don't you see you're one of us?"

He drew away from her with force wanting to knock her over. Wanting to hex her as he did Snape. He reached for his wand.

" You used me! You let me believe…you cursed me!" He shrieked. "It was the imperious curse, I never loved you at all!"

"Love? Cursed you? I didn't need to! You think I'd bother? What good would that do?" She seemed surprised but Sirius, mind working furiously, wasn't fooled. This was just another trick to catch him off guard. He raised his hand preparing to attack her.

She flicked her wand at him slowly almost idly. Cherry and dragon heartstring, 14 inches, soared overhead. She didn't move from the spot.

"I don't need you under my power; I need you of your own free will." She looked at him, her expression softening. "We need you." She continued, spreading her hands lyrically.

"The times I thought of you out of the blue, the feelings I had all at once, the times I..." He plowed forth oblivious of her. She smiled a short fierce smile. Her teeth brilliant, white and sharp.

"That's what love is boy, one day you'll learn. Love, just another unforgivable curse."

"Why did you do it? Why?" He questioned, his insides felt like ice.

"You did it yourself boy, whatever happened you made it happen yourself." There was nothing of that self satisfied air he had grown accustomed to. He was expecting her to gloat. Her matter-of-factness hurt more than anything else.

He didn't dare summon his wand. "I hate you." He said in a low voice. "I'll never join you. Never. You'll have to kill me first."

"Be careful, Sirius." Bellatrix whispered. She stripped aside her dressing gown revealing the wedding dress of palest blue silk embroidered with glimmering thread. She placed the veil on her head, butterflies fluttering gently as she did. She looked perfect, like a queen. She walked past him, eyes forward as if he weren't there. The butterfly wings fluttered up and down and up and down, under the imperious curse.

Epilogue: In the Gloom

Head down, shoulders hunched. He tries not to feel them as they pass, their presence sucking everything hopeful out of him, every last vestige of warmth. He whispers against the stone floor. "Sirius, Sirius Black. Dogstar. Sirius Black." Lest he forget his name. He remembers how he'd repeated Remus' name for him on many an occasion as he transformed. How he'd fought to remind his friend that he was still human deep inside, still human after all. He wonders briefly if she will do the same. If she will lose her humanity just as he slowly but surely is. Or if she ever had been human in the classic sense of the word.

The rest of it is fog in a crystal ball. He has no memories of the wedding after that. Funny, he would have thought the Dementors capable of calling any bad memory back into life. But there is nothing else left of that day. His father lived another month. Mrs. Black became head of the house in earnest. A year after that he left home. It was a year too late. He swore he'd never look back. He swore he'd never join her. He built his life upon it. Why then did he end up here? He ended up here anyway despite all his efforts. The Black family reunited at last. Reunited after all.

The End