I knew what was coming, I knew what I had to do. I once told Bella that, the fact that I could leave her, proved that I loved her more, that I was willing to hurt myself to make sure she was safe. I promised her I would protect her, I promised her I would keep her safe, and that was a promise I was not going to break. I kept repeating in my mind that this is what had to be done, this is what I had to do. I repeated my lines over and over again, making sure I wouldn't chicken out, I couldn't turn back now.

It's for the best Edward, don't be selfish, protect Bella, protect your Bella. It's the right thing to do Edward, it's best for her, you don't matter, she is the only thing that matters, her safety, her well-being.

I knocked on the front door, she answered. I felt terrible about how I had been treating her lately, I knew it was hurting her, it was hurting me too, but the separation had to start somewhere. Neither of us said anything, I could hear her heart beating faster and faster with worry. I was sure if my heart was still beating, it would be pounding at a faster rate then normal, too.

"Bella, we have to talk." My voice was harsh, rough, giving away no emotion.

She said nothing as I turned away from her and started walking to the back of her house, I knew she was following. I tried to relax the ache in my throat. The sound of her pounding heart and unsteady breathing hinted that she knew that this was not going to be a pleasant conversation, but I don't think she understood how unpleasant it was going to be, for the both of us. I stopped just inside the woods and turned, she was not far behind me, and I waited patiently, watching her every move, committing it to memory.

"Bella, we are leaving now." I wanted to cry at the words.

"I thought we were going to move after I had become a vam-."

"By we, I mean, my family and I, the rest of us have already moved, I stayed so I would be able to say goodbye." I wanted to say, so I could say goodbye to my true love, my heart, my reason to live, but I couldn't, my thoughts were frozen.

"What about...me..what about us...Edward...why are you doing this...I love you.."

I heard the sadness in her voice, and I swallowed the lump that was forming deep in my throat. I was in love with her, so in love, that I knew I couldn't live without her for long, but I had to make sure I was really what she wanted, I didn't want to take her human life away from her, she was to good for me, she deserved better.

"I am breaking up with you Bella, I love you, but not enough for me to stay here any longer."

I held my breathe as tears rolled down her face. I wanted nothing more then to reach out to her, pull her close to me and kiss her gently, and tell her how much I loved her, and tell her why I was really doing this, but I couldn't, she would convince me to stay then.

"If that's what you want..."

"It is Bella, and I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry we ever met, I won't bother you anymore."

She bowed her head and sniffled, if I could cry, I would have. I had to say something more, I had to let her know I still cared, at least a little.

"Promise me this, please Bella, don't do anything reckless, please...don't hurt yourself.."

She looked into my eyes, her big, brown, loving eyes were now filled with sadness and hurt, sadness and hurt caused by me. It was the last memory of her beautiful face I would ever have, the last memory of my life I would ever have.

"I promise.." I wasn't sure if she would keep her promise. Suddenly, I heard Carlisle in my thoughts, and I felt my muscles tense.

'Edward, its time to go, I know its hard, just remember its for the best.'

It was for the best, wasn't it? I wasn't sure how to leave, I had to touch her, to kiss, her, to hold her, just one more time, I had to, I couldn't leave without doing that, I owed her that much. I was afraid if I hugged her, I wouldn't be able to let go, I took a step away from here, trying to resist.

'If its to hard Edward, you don't have to do this to yourself, or her, she will be fine with you there Edward.'

Carlisle was making it harder, he was wrong, I had to leave, I had to do this, to keep her safe. I know he was just trying to help, just trying to be my father, to make sure he did all he could to give me all my options, but he was wrong this time, this had to be done. I blocked his thoughts, he wasn't helping, he was making it harder. I looked at Bella and swallowed hard.

"I'm so sorry Bella, really, I am, you have no idea how sorry I am, I will always love you in some way, you will always have a special place in my heart, just remember that, and what you promised me, and everything will be okay." I was hoping she would say something, I wanted to hear her sweet voice one more time, but she said nothing.

"I have to go now Bella, I love you..." I love you forever and ever and ever, my words can't explain how much I love you my Bella, my one and only true love, please find some way to forgive me for this.

That's what I wanted to say, but I held my tongue, this was hard enough without me making it harder. Still she didn't speak, and I turned to leave, taking one last glance at her, taking in her every curve, her every feature, her wonderful scent, committing it all to memory. I turned to walk away, at a slower then human pace which I was not used to, but I couldn't bring myself to move any faster then this.

"Edward, wait, please wait Edward..."

I froze, not sure if I should turn around or bolt. I stayed still, glancing over my shoulder a little. She was there then, her warm arms around my waist, I knew I should break free from her, I knew I should run and never look back, but I couldn't. She pressed her tear soaked face to the back of my shirt and sobbed.

"Please Edward, I'm in love with you, I can't live without you, I want to spend forever with you..."

I turned to face her, gingerly wrapping my around her waist as she buried her head into my chest. I felt her heart beating against my chest, there was just one heart beat that I heard, but I didn't know better, I would have thought my heart was beating, too. The pounding of her organ, throbbing hard, keeping her alive, it was beating for me too, keeping me alive, we were one.

"Bella, I am in love with you too, I don't want to leave you, but its for the better, it's to dangerous with me here, I can't stay with you Bella.."

"Yes Edward, you can, you can do anything you want. You are not dangerous, you protect me, you have saved my life time and time again, that's how we met Edward, you saved my life, just by being with me, you saved my life."

The words she spoke, I knew they were true. I had never told her that it was the same for me, she had saved my life too. I never knew what I was looking for before I found Bella, I always thought I was happy to just be alone, to never love or be loved. I never knew that the true reason I felt that was, was something much different then happiness, it was the exact opposite actually. I was afraid to love, I didn't think I was good enough for anyone, I was hardly good enough for myself, let alone anyone else, I was afraid to love, afraid the person I loved wouldn't return the same feelings. I was wrong, Bella showed me that, and then I realized that was what I really wanted all along.

"I want you safe Bella, I want nothing more then to make sure your safe."

"I will be safe, with you..."

"You can't be safe with me, I am a demon, a killer..."

"You are no such thing." She took my face in her hands and forced me to look at her.

"You are not a demon, you are not a killer, you know what you are? You are Edward Cullen, the most amazing man in the world, who has a beautiful soul, a beautiful body, and a clever mind."

"Your wrong Bella, I have no soul, there is nothing beautiful about me..."

"Your correct, Edward, beautiful is an understatement."

"How could you say that, I am a vampire, the devils child, the blood thirsty killers that haunt children's dreams until they are 12, star in all the famous horror movies dating all the way back to Dracula, the ones tha-."

She silenced me with her lips on mine. I didn't pull away, I didn't let her go, I let her kiss me deeply, lovingly. Her fingers knotted in my hair, pulling me closer to her. I let her, not resisting in anyway, even though we both knew I could break the kiss with a gentle tug, but I didn't. Her tongue slipped into my mouth, and mine met hers, they twisted gently together and she exhaled through her nose with a small sigh. I wanted more, I craved more, feelings surged through me and I grasped her tightly, forcing myself closer to her warmth. Even with my extremely low body temperature, I felt hot.

"Bella wait, stop." I pulled my head back, out of her reach. She jumped, standing on her tippy toes and tilting her head until her mouth found my throat. I forced my head to stay still letting her teeth, tongue and lips attack my neck. I felt her jugular vein throb against the bottom of my jaw. I couldn't stifle the moan the rose in my throat, and it escaped my lips in a hushed whisper of need. The sound made her move faster, her teeth gnawing at my Adams apple. If my skin could bruise, it would have from the force she was using, but it didn't hurt, not at all, it felt incredibly good. She pulled her mouth from my neck, gasping for air for only a brief second before her mouth returned, this time to the side of my neck and my jaw line. Her heart was beating faster, and I felt excitement over whelm me.

Suddenly, her hands moved from behind my back, to my chest. She held them there for a few seconds, before sliding them down further, reaching my stomach. I held still as she moved to the other side of my neck, moving her hands lower, moving them up and under my shirt so her warm hands were on my bare chest. I shuddered, she was so warm. Her right hand stayed securely where it was on my chest, while her left wondered freely down to the top of my jeans. She paused for a second, moving her lips to mine with more force then I had ever felt her exert in my life. Then her hand was moving again, over the button of my jeans, and down to the place she never touched. All to quickly, I panicked. I pulled away, almost knocking her off her feat as I did.

"Sorry Bella, I will be right back." I turned to run but her urgent voice stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Please don't leave me Edward, you won't come back..."

I turned again, facing her sternly and taking her soft warm face into my cold hard hands.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I will come back, go inside your house, go into your room, open your window, wait 10 minutes, and I will be in there with you, laying with you, holding you, can you do that?"

"Where are you going, why do you have to leave?"

I couldn't tell her, she might try to convince me to stay, to do it here.

"I'm thirsty." I lied

She sighed and nodded, she knew not to question me when I said that, she didn't want to make things harder for me. I felt terrible lying to her, taking her love and compassion for me for granted, but it was for her own good as well as mine.

"I will be right back my love, before you notice I was gone, wait in your room." I kissed her briefly, before turning and runing through the woods.

I ran back to the street, waiting in the woods across from Bella's house to make sure she was safely inside before I darted back into the woods. I couldn't go home and do this, my family was there, it was bad enough Alice had most likely seen this in her visions. I went to the darkest place in the woods and dropped to my knees. I had never done this before, I never felt the urge to, before now. I felt awkward, more then I should. I fumbled with the button on my jeans, unzipping my fly. It felt odd, touching myself, but yet strangely good at the same time. I wrapped my hand around myself gently, stroking myself with my thumb.

It wasn't hard to make it feel good, but I wanted it to feel even better. I closed my eyes and imagined it being Bella, moving her hand all over me. I moaned slightly, it was a harsh, uneven sound, raspy. Suddenly the thought of Alice being able to see this whole thing popped into my mind, I shoved it away, I wanted this, I wanted to feel good. I wanted more then anything to do this with Bella, to make her feel good, too. I couldn't, I would hurt her, I knew she wanted it just as bad as I did though, I could tell. I slide my hand up and down myself, exploring what felt good and what didn't.

In the back of my mind I felt sick for doing this, was I really that desperate? I kept going, finishing a lot faster then I thought I would. I got to my feet, and for the first time in all my 90-some-odd years of being a vampire, I felt light headed, weak, unsteady, and it wasn't a bad feeling.