At first, seeing Kanda so taken aback by his confession, Allen had felt confident that, deep down, the older man felt something for him. But each time he thought back on it, that surety ebbed; maybe he'd just imagined those wide, beautiful eyes, that mouth agape. What if the confusion he'd seen in Kanda's onyx irises was all in his head? He took to prowling the corridors of the Order late at night, searching for the ever-elusive answers; lying out in the rain and remembering all that happened up to this point.

There was a kind of freedom, a release almost, that came from admitting to such feelings, and rather than weakening them, fed them so much energy that they occupied Allen's head every waking moment—and most sleeping ones—with a vehement strength, a restless persistence. There was now no doubt in Allen's mind that he loved Kanda more than anyone, past or present, other than Mana. But then again, Allen's love for Mana was very different; it wasn't a struggling, niggling, constant need, but more of a silent contentment, a loving companionship that brought his mind peace. If anything, Kanda just made everything fall apart.

When the tall Japanese walked into the cafeteria in the morning, Allen suddenly forgot what he'd been telling Lavi not two seconds before. When they passed each other in the halls, he always seemed to trip on some invisible crack in the floor.

Apparently, cool, collected Allen had been lost with the "secret" of his feelings (which had never really been a secret in the first place).

Allen had dreams, too. Oh, God, the dreams.... He lay awake for hours, dreading the moment when he finally found deep sleep, because then he would dream about Kanda confessing his undying love, and a passionate kiss that leads to other things.... And then he would wake up, remember that the ebony-haired beauty would hardly give him the time of day, and settle in for another virtually sleepless night.

It was the morning after one such night that Allen sat in the cafeteria alone, mechanically shoveling a mountain of food into his mouth and trying not to fall face-first into his monstrous bowl of rice. Someone plopped into the seat across from him; he had to bend around his food pile just to see that it was Lenalee.

"Mornin'," he slurred through a full mouth and foggy head.

"Good morning!"

'Well, obviously, she's getting enough sleep.' Just thinking about her perkiness gave him a headache.

"So, Allen, what do you want for Christmas?" Her eyes glittered happily.

"Kanda," he murmured without thinking.

"Excuse me?" Lenalee giggled.

Realizing what he'd said, Allen flushed, eyes wide. "I—I, I mean, uhm—I dunno, I hadn't thought about it," he stuttered. He'd forgotten all about Christmas; the excitement of four days ago—had it really been so short a time? Felt like years—had wiped all prior knowledge from his mind. Now, a mere two days before both a major global holiday and his birthday, and Allen had nothing to show for it.

Giggling again, Lenalee stood. "Well, think about it and let me know," she said. "Oh, and if you need ideas for me, I'd really like some new reading material.... My doujinshis are getting really old."

"Your what now?"

She just grinned and pranced off, calling "see you!" over her shoulder as she went.

Allen shook his head slowly, vowing to get to bed early tonight, and resumed his meal. It wasn't long, though, before a certain someone with long, flowing hair walked in, and he promptly lost his appetite.

*~*~*~*

"Hey, Lavi, what do you want for Christmas?"

Allen and Lavi sat in the lounge, passing the time with idle conversation. The previous subject had been the last mission, and what had happened between being separated and reuniting in the Akuma's lair (it had been confirmed as a Level 3 by Komui). Allen had skipped over the incident of his hallucinations, which was an uncomfortable subject for him. He still wasn't sure why he'd had them, and besides that, he didn't exactly want to go telling Lavi that he'd envisioned making out with Kanda in his delirium. How embarrassing.

"Christmas?" Lavi blinked. "Oh, right, I completely forgot!" He grinned, rummaging in his pocket. "I got my present for Yuu-chan months ago." With a flourish, the scarlet-eared bunny whipped out a model rooster, with springs for legs, that "cuckoo"ed every time it shook back and forth. Allen just stared at it, dumbfounded. God knows what had been going through the boy's head when he'd purchased such an atrocity, much less where he'd gotten it.

"Uh, Lavi," he began carefully, "are you, erm, entirely sure that Kanda will like that?"

The rabbit just grinned. "Of course! I'm his best friend, after all!"

"Right..." Allen agreed, still uncertain. Well, that was a lie; he was certain that the swordsman would hate the gift, and would probably chuck it out the window as soon as he set eyes on it, but he hadn't the heart to tell Lavi that. Besides, he had a sneaking suspicion that Lavi knew it, too.

The one-eyed Exorcist tucked the chicken, still "cuckoo!"ing, back into his pocket. "Hmm.... What do I want for Christmas...?" he deliberated, a finger at his chin.

He gave Allen a sidelong look. "Naked picture of Yuu-chan?" he tried.

The temperature of Allen's face must have risen about a thousand degrees. "Wh—no!"

"Eh." The rabbit shrugged. "It was worth a shot." He went back to thinking, "hmm"ing to himself every couple minutes or so. Finally, he held a finger in the air triumphantly and smiled at Allen. "I could use a new bandana," he suggested.

Allen nodded. "Okay."

The two sat in silence once more, Allen going over colors and patterns for Lavi's bandana in his head. Suddenly, the rabbit spoke up.

"So, have you got a present for Yuu-chan yet?"

Once again, it was Allen's turn to give the bunny a shocked look. "Wh-why would I do that?" To be completely honest, he'd been turning the idea over in his head, even going so far as thinking about what kind of gift to get. But he would always stop himself, tell himself it was foolish, that anything he bought for the older Exorcist would just end up in the trash. Still, he wasn't sure.

"Becaaaauuuuse, you loooove him," Lavi sang. Allen's eyes grew even wider at this. "Lenalee told me," the rabbit explained.

The blush on Allen's face deepened at that. "W-well, I thought about it, but I don't think—"

Lavi just chuckled. "I'll take you out tomorrow, and we'll find something. I still need something for Lenalee, anyway." He smiled knowingly, but not unkindly.

Allen shut his mouth; nodded. "Mm."

A bit later, Allen told Lavi that he was tired—not a lie—and that he wanted to go to sleep—also not a lie, but highly unlikely, all the same. The two bade each other goodnight, and Allen climbed the steps to his room, mind already lost in a sea of questions. One kept popping up, though, and never really seemed to leave, even as he fell asleep not ten minutes later.

'What to get Kanda...?'

*~*~*~*

Komui gave Lavi and Allen his express permission—seemed even gleeful, in fact—to spend a day out on the town, picking out Christmas presents. His only condition was that they both buy something for him, which they both agreed to vehemently. Allen had been planning to do so, anyway.

One o'clock in the afternoon found the two Exorcists walking down a busy London street, looking into shop windows and at vendors' wares. Allen cradled in his arms a chain anklet of sterling silver for Lenalee and a book on the circuitry of a robot for Komui, both carefully wrapped in tissue and bagged to protect them from the sprinkling rain overhead. Lavi had bought Komui an amusing, robotic contraption meant to be a dog imitation—"The poor supervisor's allergic to dogs, but this way, he can still have one!" he'd exclaimed happily—and for Lenalee, a quartz heart necklace with a delicate silver chain. The flame-haired boy hadn't said a word between setting eyes on the necklace and tucking it carefully into his Exorcist's coat, boxed and bagged; Allen could practically feel the tenderness condensing into little pink droplets of rosewater on his skin. But he didn't say anything, out of respect.

Now, the bouncy rabbit babbled happily to Allen about nothing, and Allen smiled and nodded, glad for the company. Just as he thought this, though, the rabbit fell silent, looking over Allen's shoulder at something.

"What?" Allen asked, perplexed. He started to turn around, but Lavi stopped him, taking hold of the younger boy's shoulder and using it to propel himself forward.

He tossed a distracted "I'll catch up with you later" over his shoulder, and Allen was left alone.

The snowy-haired boy sighed. He could only assume that Lavi had run off to buy his present, and therefore, he shouldn't follow. Sighed again. The inevitable was not directly before him.

Time to go find Kanda's present.

He wandered the streets, no real goal in mind. After all, he still had no idea what to get the man; no matter how many ideas he turned over in his mind, he always shot them down, something about them not quite right. He scanned shop windows, looking at bracelets, books, art, and all manner of other things, but nothing jumped out at him and screamed "Kanda."

That is, until something red caught his eye.

He stopped dead in his tracks, transfixed by this thing. Something he had seen so many times, never once thinking that it might somehow relate to the Japanese man he'd thought he hated. His feet brought him automatically closer, and he pressed his fingers against the glass, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. This was perfect.

Allen made quick work of entering the shop and purchasing his gift for Kanda, and within the next ten minutes, even managed to find a nice green bandana for Lavi, with a cartoonish scene of Santa and his reindeer taking off from the snowy North Pole. He thought he could see an ivory glow emanating from his form, and could no longer feel the rain on his skin. It was as if nothing could touch him, so proud was he of this amazing find.

Lavi seemed to notice, too, as the first thing he said upon finding his silver-eyed friend was, "Found your gift for Kanda, I see."

Allen nodded, grinning wildly.

Lavi grinned back, nodding at the bag in his hand. "Well, I've got what I needed. Time to head back, do you think?"

"Yeah, let's go," Allen agreed, practically skipping ahead. He could hear Lavi chuckle softly behind him before following him back to the Order.

*~*~*~*

The next night, Christmas eve, Allen sat restless in his bed, waiting for the stroke of midnight. He was positive the Japanese Exorcist would be asleep by now, considering how bloody early the man got up every day, but he wanted to wait, nonetheless. He had to be sure Kanda wouldn't walk out and find him.

Allen suddenly valued the efficiency with which Santa pulled this off all the more.

The giddiness of the past day had been utterly unbearable, and the entire time Allen had felt like a child. It was almost as if he were the one getting a present, not giving it. But there was nothing he could do that would make him feel normal again, at least not until he had rid himself of this burden. Maybe not even then. So, he'd resolved to just go with it, whatever came next.

When he heard the echo of Big Ben tolling midnight at last, Allen leapt out of bed, careful to land softly so as not to wake anyone in the surrounding rooms. He crept carefully out of his room, foregoing shoes for the more silent tread of bare feet, and made his slow, cautious way down countless hallways to Kanda's room. His heart beat so loud he felt that everyone within a three-mile radius could hear it, and it only seemed to get louder the closer he got to his destination.

The cursed Exorcist took the last ten steps or so with feet of lead, a complete certainty in his mind that told him every one of his footsteps sounded like that of an elephant; surely, Kanda had heard him by now, and was right this moment readying the deadly Mugen to carve out his innards and give them to Jerry for Christmas dinner.

Yum, poached Allen.

Despite all this, the timid boy finally made it close enough to Kanda's door to drop off the little black box, tied with ribbon and with a tag that read in Allen's soft, loopy script, "Merry Christmas."

Kyaaa, Allen's so adorable, neee??? xD I couldn't help but smile to myself as I read this over. It's so like Allen to give a Christmas present to someone who he knows won't give him one in return, and still be happy about it.

So, anyway, I hope you liked it. I'm currently in the midst of painting my room, so I've been booted from my own bed to the futon downstairs (let's all hope I can go back tomorrow night....). I'll be painting a lotus on my wall, which should be fun. ;D

I also recently finished what's up so far of the DGM manga, and if I can just say... HOSHINO-SENSEI, WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE??? I won't give any spoilers, because certain people I know have been complaining about other authors doing that (-cough cough- BLOOD SOAKED REDEMPTION -cough-), but I will say that she damn well better be enjoying her hiatus, because I most certainly am not. T_T I can only imagine what it must be like for those of you who've been following the manga for much longer than I have. -shudder-

Anyway, review, please! They make me oh-so-happy. =3