I don't own Harry Potter.

'What James doesn't know is that he's a complete moron,' I thought to myself as I looked at a sobbing Lily in front of me.

"S-S-Sirius," she cried out in the empty classroom. "I don't know what to do! It's already November and James hasn't said anything to me at all besides 'Pass the salt' and other shit like that. You promised that he s-still liked me!"

I sighed, not knowing what to say. Prongs really still does like Lily - I think he might even love her. But for some reason he's been ignoring her all year. "Lils, he still does, I swear," I insisted.

"How do you know though?" she cried miserably. "Has he told you?"

"Yeah, just last night," I confided in her. This is a total lie - he didn't tell me about his obsession last night. What James doesn't know is that he forgot to put a silencing charm before wanking off last night and crying, 'Lily, ohhhh Lily!' What James also doesn't know is that I recorded all of this. You never know when you might need some blackmail.

"Really?" she asked, her huge eyes looking up at me. Damn them. She's not even my girl and they melt me.

"Really," I confirmed. "Now stop crying and go back to your common room. I have some business to take care of. But if you ever need to talk…find me." Nodding her head, Lily left the room, her sniffles echoing through the halls. Oh boy, did I have a plan…

Nov. 14th

Moony always said that I had to get my feelings out in words. 'Keep a diary!' he's always nagging. 'It's good for your anger!' Ahh, fuck you Remus. I don't have any anger problems. FUCK YOU, YOU WEREWOLF. FIGHT THE POWER.

Okay, so maybe I do. But that's what Slytherins are here for; The ultimate punching bags, in a figurative sense. Because I would never ever punch another student. I am a civilized wizard. I'd just curse their pants off.

Wanna hear a secret? I heard James wanking off the other night. Again. But James doesn't know that. The boy is so lazy he can't remember a simple silencing charm. To say it was disturbing would be an understatement. He's been sharing a dorm with four other guys for seven years now; You'd think he'd have learnt by now. But no, not my brick of a best friend. The funny part was that he moaned Evans's name when he did it. As if he'd ever get her.

Lily Evans is way too hot for the likes of James Potter. Sure he's a great guy and all, but he's only been with two or three girls at the most. A nice bird like Evans needs someone more experienced, someone more suave and sexier than Prongs. She'd be much better off with me. Not that James knows that or anything.

Call me a bad guy for wanting the girl my mate fancies, but if you saw her you'd want her too. She has these illustrious green eyes that glow when she does this adorable giggle. Her curls tumble down her back in perfect waves. They make me wonder where else she has curls…And her legs are perfect, as if shaped by Michelangelo himself. Same goes for her firm arse. Her chest is so perfectly round, the way it swells whenever she breathes, she's just so…perfect. I want her. I need her.

James declares the same, but I know it's all rubbish. If it was true he would have actually done something about it by now. It's been nearly three months and he's yet to make this 'big move' he has planned for this year. Bull. I bet he doesn't even know her favorite color, which I happen to know is periwinkle.

Wanna hear another secret? I'm insane. I'm acting as if this diary is a real thing. I'm going to stop now.

-SB-

Nov. 15th

Forgot to mention this last night, but last night I found Evans crying in the corridor over James. I told her late September that he still liked her because I thought it was true, I really did. I didn't mean to get her hopes up, I thought that Prongs had an actual plan. Instead he's wasting valuable time that could be spent with the most perfect girl in the world.

I comforted her, offering to listen whenever she needs someone to talk to. Can you say rebound? Sirius Black is so getting laid by that chick.

-SB-

Nov. 20th

Today I started to put my plan in action. I've been talking to her a lot lately and today I finally sat next to her in potions. James doesn't know that I have ulterior motives. I told him that I was trying to slip in a good word or two for him.

I'll never forget the way that the blush rises to her cheeks over the flame of the cauldron, the way that the room gets too hot making her take off her cloak revealing some more of her creamy skin. Or the way that when her hand brushes up against mine I feel a spark of electricity that is oh so familiar. How I love women.

-SB-

Nov. 22nd

I sat next to Lily again today, our knees pressed together the entire time. I think that she's starting to become attracted to me, I just know it. Every so often her eyes would slowly slide up and down my body, checking me out. The way that she bit that perfect rosy lip of hers, causing the color to turn temporarily white drove me nearly insane. Oh how I want to be the one biting that lip. One thing's for sure; By the end of the week I'll have her seeing why she should quit Pot(ter) and Paint it Black. What James doesn't know is that he has some Sirius competition.

-SB-

Nov. 26th

Success. Ten minutes ago I was enjoying the best shag of my life with none other than the fabulous Lily Evans. Let me tell you, James's dreams could never be so vivid. She was perfect in every single way. And when she dropped to her knees and blew so hard, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. How else could I be in the company of such an angel?

She was so hot, so tight and oh so loud. I loved every minute of it, every touch, every caress. The way that she arched her back and moaned my name was unnerving. Not that I haven't been there before. Trust me, I've been there. In fact, now I've been there with every single girl in my year. My dream has been complete. Yeah Evans is hot, but she was nothing to me, just a trophy so to say.

What James doesn't know is the way she can move. Or that she's moved that way with me. Oh well. What James doesn't know won't hurt him.

Oh shit here he comes now…Fuck if he finds this it could hurt me.

-SB-

"Hey mate, what're you up to?" James asked me as he threw his broom down onto his bed. I had just barely stuffed my diary thingy under my pillow.

"Nothing," I said all too quickly, hearing my voice jump an octave.

Oh Merlin. He looked suspicious. Not good, not good…I have to run. Run fast. Yes running was good. "Well I gotta go run, bye!" I rushed out the door. Run, run, run.

I had ran all the way down to the kitchens and hid there for around an hour. I figured that James would be asleep by now, he always slept well after Quidditch practice. Better hang out in the Common Room for a bit just to be safe though. I had just settled into an armchair in the empty Common Room when I felt a fist slam into the side of my face.

"Shit!" I hollered. Looking up, I saw James panting, a deranged look in his eyes.

Grabbing me by the collar, he pulled me up to look into his eyes. "What the hell is this?" he grunted, revealing my diary in his left hand.

"Erm…my diary?" It came out as more of a question than an answer. Guess it was the wrong one because I felt his fist come slamming down onto my face again.

"You know I like her," he panted. "You knew it. You promised you would help me. How the hell is sleeping with her helping?"

I shrugged. "Well you looked like you weren't going to make your move and she was in the need of a certain kind of company so I figured better me than a random bloke." Wrong answer again. This one came to my gut. "If you had enough balls to tell her, you would've been her first and not me."

"I'll prove it to you," he spat at me. "I'll prove that I'm the one for her, not the one who will shag her and leave. Just you wait." He threw the journal at my feet.

"Oh I will," I replied coolly.

James morphed into a stag and pranced up the stairs to the girls' dorms. We had figured out this little trick almost immediately after becoming Animagi. While waiting for him to return, I went back over to my chair where Remus was sitting in one.

"What did you do?" he whispered.

"Here," I tossed him the diary that Prongs had thrown at me. His eyes grew wider with every entry he read.

"Sirius…" he sighed while shaking his head.

As I was about to answer, James and Lily slid down the slide. She looked like he had yanked her out of bed while she was sleeping, the poor thing. She looked so confused, yet somewhat excited. "James…what's going on?" she asked in a sleepy daze.

"Lily I love you," he said. He then kissed her rather forcefully. Not that she didn't like it. She immediately moaned and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I love you too," she said breathlessly as they broke briefly. With a goofy, superior look on his face, James leaned back in and kissed her again. Moony and I snuck back up to our dorm while they were…involved.

"Sorry mate, looks like you lost here," Remus said. "But I am rather disappointed in you, taking advantage of her like that."

I started laughing hysterically. "It's okay Moony. What James doesn't know is that I purposely wrote all that stuff because I knew he would find it. He just needed a little push to get him started."

Moony laughed and shook his head at me. I swore I heard him grumble, "Not what I meant by getting your feelings out on paper."

Ohh, silly Sirius, the mastermind! I've had the first half of this sitting on my computer for ages, long forgotten. I was looking through my old files when I found this and finished it off! Please review? I love you people!

Isabel