Written for the Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenge Forums' "First Love" Challenge.

The prompt is: "People don't marry their first love".

A love story told in two parts, with Seamus Finnigan, Lavender Brown, and Anthony Goldstein.

I own nothing. Rated T for suggested teen sexual situations.

(A quick thanks to Leridan for pointing out some inconsistent logic that I hadn't realized.)

Her First and Her Last

Part One: What War Tears Apart . . .

I.

Seamus Finnigan doesn't ask Lavender Brown to the Yule Ball. Instead, she asks Parvati Patil to see if he'd go with her. Lavender overhears them talk—

"I hate dressing up!" Seamus protests.

"But you'll look nice!"

"I can't dance, Patil."

"Lavender's good at dancing! She's so much fun. Come on, Shay! It would make her so happy if you took her."

"If she wants t' go so badly, why doesn't she just ask me?"

It's Parvati's final warning look, telling Seamus he's about to get hexed if he doesn't man up and accept it so he shuts up.

So, on the night of the ball, Seamus huffs as he puts on his dress robes. Dean teases him for looking like a penguin.

"Lookit yourself, mate! Y'look like a chimp."

Dean scowls and makes a very vulgar gesture towards him.

Seamus makes his way down the steps and he sees his date. She's actually rather pretty and they have a fair time together, as Lavender is funnier than he thought she might be.

It is one date and their only date for the rest of that year. They don't snog, but Lavender gives Seamus a small peck on his cheek and tells him, "Thank you."

He blushes as she makes her way up to her dormitory. That is that, but it does pave the way for a nice friendship.

II.

Ron Weasley is Lavender Brown's first boyfriend. Her heart swells whenever she sees him, and she thinks that that swoopy, swirly feeling in her tummy every time they snog means she's in love. They have been together for a few months now, and falling in love is to be expected if a couple is together for that long.

She wants nothing more to hear those words, "I love you", from a boy. She can't help but feel a pang of jealousy when other girls talk about their boyfriends and their presents from them and their own "I love yous".

Ron and her don't ever talk. All they do is snog. And while snogging is fun, she knows it's not what relationships are based on.

But maybe if she tells him she loves him, he will say it back and they'll talk and get married and have babies—

On Valentine's Day, she decides to tell him in an empty classroom. It's her present to him and she couldn't be more excited.

"I love you, Ron!" Her voice is enthusiastic and she just knows it's how she really feels.

Ron only stares at her and he gasps for breath.

It is not the reaction she expects.

But why would he kiss me if he didn't feel the same way?

She hates that it's so easy for her to cry. So, if he cannot answer her question, she thinks she can try a different tack.

"Uh-uh . . . um . . . err—" Ron's hands, which were on her back, suddenly fly up and start rubbing the back of his neck. "M-maybe w-we ought to head back, Lavender."

Lavender decides that she shouldn't cry.

She should get mad.

"Ron Weasley! I love you and if you don't feel the same way about me, then . . . then—"

I don't want to break up!

But he might not feel the same way . . .

He does like snogging, though!

It's the only thing she knows he likes when he's with her.

"Then we won't do this anymore!" And she's shouting at him and stomping her foot down on the floor and she never acts like this!

People say love makes you do strange things, though!

Ron looks at her with a scared and horrified expression. For one fleeting moment, she thinks he's scared enough to say it back so she'll stop. But he doesn't. Instead, he says, "Er . . . it's not that . . . I just don't think I can say it right now, um . . . Lavender. I just—" he stops and starts and stutters, "I want to be sure about it when I do say it. I-is that all right?" And Lavender feels her resolve falling because he does look so sweet and earnest and she just wants him to tell her the truth.

But she also dreads what that truth will be.

III.

It is the twenty-second of April 1997 and Lavender is single again. Yesterday she endured the most publicly heartbreaking moment of all her almost-seventeen years.

She dumped Ron Weasley. In the common room.

In front of everybody.

Very loudly.

Except that it feels like she was the one who got dumped.

She keeps looking at him with eyes that are red and stinging. He's sitting with Harry and . . . her.

She can't bring herself to look at her. To talk to her.

Which is most difficult, as they share the sixth year's girls' dormitory.

They sit and they laugh. Lavender can't help but think they're laughing at her because she told Ron she loved him and she gave him that stupid necklace that he never wears—

Wore. The necklace he never wore.

And she's that necklace! She wipes violently at her wet face and her chin is trembling because she's the necklace that he doesn't want. She's loud and gaudy and too much for Ron and she's just not . . . her.

Would anyone ever want that necklace?

And just as she's about to let out another sob, she feels the couch shift on both sides of her.

Seamus sits to her left, Parvati to her right.

"How are you doing?" Parvati asks as she pats her on the back. Lavender tries to speak, but she'll only continue to cry and she'll cry harder than before, so she shuts her mouth and shakes her head.

Then she feels another hand rest on her left shoulder. She turns and colors a bit because it's Seamus touching her shoulder. He smiles at her.

"Don't think about this for a second, Lav." He speaks to her in gentle voice and Lavender thinks he may be blushing a bit as well. "Ron migh' be a nice bloke, but he can be a bit of an arse sometimes."

Seamus takes her hand and she can hear his breath shake just a little bit. "You'll be fine, y'know."

He leans forward and gives her a kiss on her cheek.

She cannot help but stare back at him, surprised . . . but smiling.

IV.

Seamus grasps Lavender's hand and pulls her with him. They run through a long corridor, desperate to hide from Amycus and Alecto Carrow and their punishment for writing "We all follow Harry Potter! On to victory!" graffiti on the third floor hallway, just outside his office.

They find a small, dark room, hidden behind a large tapestry of Amorata the Ancient and it allows them to conceal themselves in shadow as they hear Carrow's footsteps pass.

Panting and sweating, Lavender grins at Seamus. "Let me guess . . . football, right?" she whispers.

He smiles, but the smile does not reach his eyes. "West Ham. Dean's favorite."

Lavender's face falls. She remembers all of their letters from the summer, and she knows that he hurts. "Shay, you'll see him again."

She surprises herself when she cups his cheek to force him to look at her. "You will."

Seamus stares at her and seconds become hours—

She feels his lips on hers, and their first kiss starts gently. It slowly crescendos into something deeper.

V.

Lavender allows her eyes to soak in Seamus' form. She completely forgets about searching for a charm that will make the suits of armor on the second, third and fourth floor shout out "Dumbledore's Army!" and "I'm With Harry Potter Until I Die!"

She hears a cough to her right.

"Huh?"

Anthony Goldstein grins in an awkward manner at her. "Um, well . . . it's just that—"

"I think what Anthony's trying to say is that the sooner you help us with this charm," Parvati gestures to their parchments and books, "the quicker you can go over there to snog Seamus silly!"

Lavender grins apologetically to Parvati and then to Anthony and she gets back to her notes—

But not before she notices a blushing Anthony giving her two fleeting glances before picking up his own quill.

VI.

Lavender's first time is also Seamus' first time. They are in the seventh year boys' dormitory, and they are alone.

It is awkward and fumbling and . . .

Kind of funny, no?

Seamus makes a sound crossed between a grunt, growl and moan. And he freezes on top of her. He slowly opens his eyes, and Lavender can see he's covered in sweat.

She smiles at him. He smiles back.

"I love you, Lav." Seamus says breathlessly.

This causes her to sit up so fast that she almost knocks him over.

She points a stern finger at his very shocked face. "D-do you mean that?" Her voice shakes with nerves and tension. "You do not say that to me unless you mean it."

"I- . . . I do. I promise ya I do."

"After the mistakes I made last year, I don't take that lightly Seamus—"

"Lav, I really do. I've never said that to anyone before."

It is the first time that she can see a spark, a light come back into his eyes. She knows that he is hurting because Dean is lost and Dean is Seamus' best friend and brother and not knowing where he is or even if he's still alive cuts away at him. The last Potterwatch broadcast was no help either — if anything, it made matters worse.

Two wizards who were widely speculated to have been on the run with Dean were found dead.

"Sometimes," Seamus says softly to her, "it feels like you're the only thing that makes me really happy. Truly happy."

And she feels everything inside her crumple. She smiles at him and she lets him kiss her again and again . . .

Later that week, Dumbledore's Army hears with baited breath that Ginny Weasley will not be returning to Hogwarts, as the Death Eaters finally know that Ron is with Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.

VII.

After the last raid on the Gryffindor dormitories, Carrow is enraged that he has not been able to uncover any proof of who is actually in Dumbledore's Army.

Although he has his suspicions.

He grabs a first-year girl. She looks at the older Gryffindors and Lavender feels the girl's fear.

Now, Lavender's angry.

She steps forward. "Let her go!"

Parvati steps forward and stands beside her. "She's done nothing to you!"

"Oh, but you can help save her," he sneers with his evil, lecherous grin, "if you give up who's in Dumbledore's Army. You pretty – little – things!"

Lavender and Parvati stand in silence, their anger etched on their faces.

Carrow's horrible leer spreads even wider and Lavender knows what will happen next—

He throws the sobbing first-year onto the floor, making sure she faces Lavender and Parvati.

"Look at their faces, girl. They're the reasons why you'll feels as if a thousand knives are stabbing you all over your body! CRUCIO!"

But before the spell can hit the girl, both Parvati and Lavender run to absorb its impact.

And as she screams, and as they mix with Parvati's, Lavender thinks — as Lavender always thinks when Carrow uses the Cruciatus Curse on her — that she will never feel pain like this again.

VIII.

It's the final stand, the battle approaches.

She kisses Seamus one last time before he makes his way to the Astronomy Tower with Flitwick's team.

"I love you, Lav."

She feels him on her lips. She feels his arms surround and embrace her tightly. "You know I do too, Seamus."

She loves hearing him say that he loves her. She has only told him she loves him once — as she lay on a bed in the Hospital Wing, recovering from the Cruciatus Curse Carrow intended for a young girl.

But she knows that her love for him is real. So real that she can touch and feel it and she does as he gives her kisses all over the right side of her face . . . and he gives the same amount of love to the left side too.

"I'll see ya in a bit, beautiful!"

"Same here."

And Lavender watches him run towards his battle. She turns around to face hers.

IX.

She can feel them bracing and supporting her, and she realizes she's laying down.

"One – two – three!"

Then she starts feeling the sensations all along the left side of her body. And they are growing worse.

Much worse.

Worse than the Cruciatus Curse.

"Nnn-nehh" She hears herself keening and moaning and trying to talk.

"Lavender? Can you hear me?"

Shay?

"'Ea-aah . . . ?" Her voice is weak, and her mouth cannot form Seamus' name.

"Lavender, it's Anthony."

She struggles to open her eyes, but she does and she sees the Ravenclaw's face, his brown hair blurring in her line of sight. But the left side of her vision is obscured by something white and fluffy-looking.

She sees Anthony smile and wipe his face. "You're awake! Can you see me?"

"Yerrrh . . . .ye-nn-nrgh . . ." she cannot form the letters "s" or "m" distinctly with her mouth, because it feels like there's something covering the whole left side of her face—

And that's when it hits her.

The pain.

She pants but she cannot scream. She writhes but she cannot do anything else to show how much she hurts. She tries to lift her arms and reach out for something, to make a fist to show just how much she is hurting, but she cannot move. She can only feel her mouth open and she can hear moans escape. But she cannot scream even though she needs to scream.

She can only hear Anthony yelling out around the room or wherever it is they're in.

"We need help! Please!"

Several hands are on her now, and Lavender can hear Anthony talking to other people. The words "fight" and "fall" and "attacked by Greyback" reach her ears, but the pain causes her whole left side to throb. It feels as if there are a hundred sharp blades piercing her body, her arms, and her back.

But her face hurts the worst of all.

It's only getting worse.

Someone forces a horrible tasting potion down her throat, and after several attempts, she's able to get it down. It provides a little comfort and she starts to feel sleepy.

"Seamus is here, Lavender. He's all right. He'll stay with you, okay?"

Lavender only blinks. She sees Seamus, who stands a couple of feet from her. Dean stands behind him.

She tries to smile at both boys, but she cannot. And her heart plummets as she watches Seamus' face fall into his hands and his shoulders shake.

X.

She has been at St. Mungo's for a month now. Her skin, her bones, and her legs are mending better than the Healers thought they would.

Anthony is finally smiling more around her.

Anthony . . .

The right side of Lavender face pulls and turns upward slowly. His commitment to her well-being and care amazes her and she knows that he will most definitely get into the Healer program once he takes — and passes — his N.E.W.T.S.

She knows he can do it. She marvels at his depth of knowledge of broken bones and werewolf bites and magical skin grafting techniques. She doesn't quite know why he comes and visits her everyday, but she has her ideas.

To love me with this face, though, is impossible!

But everyday he comes right on schedule — first to visit Michael Corner, and then to visit her.

It concerns her because he should be studying for his N.E.W.T.S. But she loves seeing him. He makes her feel good.

Around him, she begins to think she's a girl again.

Lavender sighs as she thinks this because Anthony sees her more than Seamus does. Seamus, who has been preoccupied with Dean and the rather rough time Dean seems to be having readjusting to normal life. . . .

She hears from both Anthony and Parvati Patil that Dean goes to the Hog's Head or Three Broomsticks almost every night for mead and firewhiskey, foregoing Hogwarts meals for a little comfort in a bottle . . . or a cask or barrel. And Seamus goes with him, trying to tell him that he doesn't really need to drink tonight, but drinking with him nonetheless.

Lavender knows why; Seamus is making up for a whole year of not being there for Dean in Dean's worst hour — his worst year.

Even if he falls into the darkened pit with him, at least Dean will not be alone. Not anymore.

As she thinks about this, she wants to cry, but she does not. Instead she simply says what is on her mind. She says it both to Anthony and Terry. Parvati and her both think that Seamus' guilt about Dean compels him to stay with his mate.

Unspoken in this is Lavender's thought that Seamus can no longer bear to look at her face or her body. It's simply . . . too hard for him to give himself right now to two people who are both broken.

So he chooses the one that's been his best friend and his brother for seven years. The one who has a face and body that is complete and whole, even if his insides are shattered.

And Lavender knows she has already lost him.