Disclaimer: Gakuen Alice does not belong to me. I also think that bad fanfiction does not belong to me, but hey. I could be wrong.

A/N: I write all bad!fic myself, therefore it isn't an MST. If you disagree with some of my opinions on cliches, OOC Mikans, high school romance, getting engaged at two, script-format, etc, well, I'm sorry. I did say it was my opinion. Just try and enjoy the rest of the leaflet.

Listless Reader who has failed to give me an email address or some form of contact: This is a fanfic. It's a work of fiction, or more exactly a parody of GA fanfiction (which, I guess, makes it a fanfictionfanfiction) based on but not copied from someone else's work. It has a plot and characters and everything. It's just that there's also comments and psuedo-guidelines. I think there's a lot more trash that's less enjoyable to read than this one here, e.g. fics that have not been spellchecked, script-fics, etc - why don't you try and get those off instead?

BY THE WAY, I have not written anything new - I've just re-chaptered it so it's easier to read. Before it was just one big lump.

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How To Write A NatsuMikan Fanfic In Just A Few Simple Steps

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1. THE TITLE

As always, you must give your new fic a creative and witty title ...

"A Natsume and Mikan Fanfiction"

1.1 ... and an informative, short summary. This is very important, as your readers will judge your fic and whether they want to read it on its summary. A summary also means "a short synopsis of the main plot", and not, as one may think, "what shall I do with this blank space?" or "a random extract of the story".

"quote: "On the 23rd of November Natsume walked down to the Special Ability classrooms." end quote. Natsume loves Mikan! Mikan loves Natsume! No, wait, maybe not! Dun dun DUUHHH!! Full sum. inside!"

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2. IN THE BEGINNING

And now, we start the fanfic itself. Have you got a plot? Or, at the very least, an idea of where you want this to go?

I dunno. I think Natsume and Mikan should get together!

How? Why? When? Wherefore? Whichforth? Henceover? Wheneverforehencewhich? Etc. Originality counts for something - i.e., your idea should preferably be your own, and not something 98331 people have already tried out.

Haven't thought of that bit yet. Can't I just start writing any old random thing and post it to then see what my readers want to make happen?

2.1 Stories have a beginning, middle and an end. Drabbles are tiny little fics that can be short stories, descriptions or just cute fluffy bits.

Beginning: Natsume likes Mikan. Middle: Mikan likes Natsume. End: Natsume and Mikan like each other. Is that what you meant?

2.2 There are ten tons of NatsumexMikan fics out there. Why is this one different and special? What makes people want to read it? Is it going to be funny? Really dramatic? Some really strange AU plot twist?

Yes. This is going to be funny AND dramatic AND have weird plot twists AND put them into a different environment AND be a crossover with Pokemon AND be based on my own life AND be a leaflet about plane design AND give Mikan 84 new abilities AND be a satire on modern Uzbekistan commenting on the state of the nation's relative wealth and exportation bubble AND be an amusing aside to contemporary culture AND delicately point out the errors of Julian Ovenden's acting in the new musical show Marguerite AND gush over how HAWT Natsume is ... burbleburble

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3. CHARACTERISATION

Whatever. Let's just start ...

3.0.0 Characterisation in the form of MIKAN.

Mikan is a girl. You, as a fanfic writer of Gakuen Alice who probably ships NatsumexMikan and is in love with Natsume yourself (or at least appreciate his hawtness to some degree), are probably also a girl. Therefore, you are Mikan. Inserting yourself into the story in the guise of Mikan so that you can be SuperMikan and hook up with Natsume is called SELF-INSERTation. This is of course to be encouraged, duh!

By the way, the technical name for this sort of character is a out-of-character Mikan-Mary-Sue self-insert. Heh heh.

A/N: Hi everybody! My name is MeekanNatzumi4eVar1547, but you can call me Seariarastipastry for short or Cutiepie for shorter! I hope you enjoy my extraordinarily cliched fanfic!

Her name. Yes, that was a mystery. Even those who thought they knew her did not know this - her name. Although mortals had named her as they had wished, and mortals spoke her name as Mikan Sakura, this was not her true name. Hidden in the depths of time and power was her name as it had been in the dawn of time, when the mists of history rolled back amongst the breakers of the Ancient Powers. Only to the wise and learned could it be spoken aloud, and only by them could it be spoken. Yea, verily it was ... Meekan Natzumi4eVar 1547 Seariarastipastry Cutiepie Sakuracherrytrees.

3.0.1 Remember, all changes from canon can be accounted by a) A few years of maturity, b) This is a fanfic DUH, c) She's a bit different because this fic is slightly AU, or d) Canon? What canon?

So there's intellectual superiority ... (canon: Mikan is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, shall we say)

Mikan walked down the path. She was a bright young girl - she was only fifteen, and already the cleverest girl in Alice Academy. Her IQ had last been recorded at 394.23, an amazing achievement for one so young. In fact, last year she had co-authored a paper on fluid mechanics in relation to friction in drainpipes, the formula of which had made millions for charities worldwide. Indeed her friend Hotaru, although also a genius, was quoted as saying, "Mikan's intellect is unrivaled. Even I can't compare to that mind ... " Right now, however, Mikan was concentrating on her studies and hoping that she would get the marks she needed to graduate. Even though she had made the most remarkable progress in her exam marks, with Mikan's astounding humility and modesty it was impossible for her to be sure.

3.0.2 ... and moral superiority ... as well as a wonderful, flawless personality ... (canon: Mikan is kinda loud, y'know?)

Mikan was not arrogant or proud, though she had every right to be. Although she was still the bright, bubbly cheerful girl that she was five years ago, the years had aged her (see that? That was option a).) and her maturity had therefore grown. Now, not only could she overflow with boundless optimism, she also could see through the ages with the Wisdom Of Time. She alone could see the Evils and the Sins and the Folly of the people around her, and her clear vision pierced the darkness of the stupidity like a shafting knife of pure goodliness. Mikan was NEVER nasty or in the slightest way mean to any living creature - her various Goddess Complexes prevented that.

... or you can use the textbook example below if you want the dark, brooding beauty (who's probably a demonic vampire) effect ... (also canon: Mikan is bright, happy and always optimistic)

Of course, like all people, Mikan had another side to her. This was when one of her multiple Fates manifested itself in the form of emotion. This resulted in Mikan II - a dark, mysterious yet strangely enigmatic girl, beautiful yet deadly, flawless yet fatal. Mikan II was a spirit of the wild, a strange feral creature that intrigued those around her. She was a wraith of beauty, blood and the full moon - it was said that she could summon magic flying pink fire-breathing psychic telepathic wolves to her will, and that she could grow fangs and gorge herself on the blood of innocent virgins. Yet she was not malignant. She was not a demon - she was a being far beyond our human understanding of good, chaos and evil. Poised, yet at the same time lethal, Mikan II was not of this physical world at all. She was a denizen of the spirit world, her existance barely brushing the walls between that world and this one; her power was such that even that small touch could manifest itself in ways such as her physical body. Life and death meant nothing to one such as her, for, immortal and unaging she was and always will be, unsullied by the whisper of mortal destinies.

3.0.3 ... and Alice superiority ... (canon: well, Gakuen Alice fan, do I need to tell you?)

Dearest reader, you will know that Mikan Sakura has two Alices. One is of Nullification, and the other is of Stealing. But the truth is, that was just the tip of the iceberg. It's hard to explain now (don't worry I'll tell you later! Maybe after I introduce Natsume! He is so hot!), but you must know that that was not the whole story. Mikan's true destiny is too great for her to just have an ordinary two Alices, neither of which were very special anyway.

3.0.4 ... and physical beauty superiority ... (canon: although Mikan is indeed very cute and pretty, I've never seen anyone describe her as astoundingly earthshatteringly beautiful)

This amazing sweet young girl, you may be surprised to learn, was also the prettiest girl on campus. Her eyes, for one thing. Those orbs were one heck of a stunner! Her irises were tinted with the perfection of the stars, a deep rich mahogany oak pine cedar ash alder Eldar Edain maple fir holly mangrove birch waterlily willow chestnut CONKERS brown indeed. And those pupils, they were prettier still. The exact shape in which her eyelids were tilted and folded could not have been improved by even the best plastic surgeon. All in all, the effect was stunning. One could not even glance sideways at those orbical orby orbsolete orboselutical orbacanarious orbs without either suffering a major cardiac arrest or experiencing rapidly deteriorating O2 stats. Maybe it was lupus. (It's never lupus.)

Moving on, we must now describe this wonderful girl's hair. Cascading down her shoulders and along the curve of her back were her locks of beautifully conditioned, pH-balanced, split-end-free, light-and-fluffy, trendily-cut hair. She had changed her hairstyle a little since those days when she first came to Alice Academy; now it was not longer locked up in pigtails or plaits. With the coming of age of fifteen, her hair had started to colour itself in the most delightful ways - why, she had Perfectly Natural Highlights (TM) worthy of Melonbeauty herself! Indeed, many people thought Mikan's hair was even more fabulous than even the Princessessa.

Also in this description we must include Mikan's face, the beauty of which outshone the sun in all its glory. And the moon too. It was like a solar eclipse! "O. M. G.," was the reaction from most people after one look at that beauteous visage. That nose, that brow, those perfectly sculpted cheeks, that rosy tinge, those invisible creases which theoretically appeared when she smiled that dazzling smile! Ah, it was as if Helen herself had risen from the dead to walk amongst the living. That kind of beauty only reveals itself once every ten millennia, or even longer. Oh, to have the privilege of one minute within that girl's presence - that would be worth more than the privilege of bathing in the springs of Paradise. Her porcelain skin practially radiated virtue and health. All in all, the effect was simply breath-taking.

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P.T.O. for Natsume, other characters and settings.