Author- Me

Couple- Manjyome x Shou

Disclaimer- I DO NOT OWN YUGIOH GX!! I wish I did.

A.N.- I have to increase the rating due to this chapter. If you are easily disgusted by the thought of blood, or scars or self mutilation do not read.

Warnings- THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES SELF MUTILATION MEANING THE PERSON WILL BE CUTTING HIMSELF AND HE WILL BE BLEEDING. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE VERY SENSTIVE TO THAT.

Bold- Shou
Italics- Manjyome's POV

Chapter 4- Bleed Away the Pain

Manjyome Thunder was sitting in the corner of his room near his bed; as the black sheets fall limply on the side of the bed that has not been made in quite some time now. The room was dark; light coming from one dim light bulb. Manjyome liked it this way; dark, quiet, no one to disturb him. Manjyome sat there with his hair covering his expression playing with the chains that were attached to his tight black jeans; calming himself to the soft jingle the chains made.

I regret it…I regret everything…Everything I said to him and…everything I did to him. How can I be that fucking dense? How can I be that fucking heartless and cold to him?

It's been about a year since the breakup between him and Shou Marufuji. The time they broke up was their six month anniversary of being together; which was now the anniversary of their breakup. What another wonderful thing to celebrate. Manjyome and Shou haven't been going out for very long; but long enough to start developing serious feelings. Sure they fell in love fast; but this time they both felt like were relieved. Relieved to finally found someone to love; someone to settle on and someone to comfort or be comforted.

I was so mean to him in the beginning and I was just starting to be nice to him. I-I…was starting to treat him like the angel he was. I was treating him the way he was supposed to be treated

It's true; Manjyome and Shou had very bad experiences with people and very bad experiences when it comes to opening up to someone. Shou seemed to open up so easy; the problem was he chose some of the wrong people to open up to in his past. Manjyome seemed to be impossible; it wasn't easy for him to open up to people. He was hurt a lot in his past as well. Every person he opened up to ended up being two-faced or just left him; ignoring every attempt he made to make up with them. After a while in his life he just stopped; stopped talking to people, stopped opening up to people. He just stopped caring about himself.

Me and Shou; we're so much a like. We're compared to our brothers, it's hard for us to open up easily…We had such a bad past. Though we were opposites; w-we…were so compatible.

Manjyome and Shou were total opposites. Manjyome was cold, mean, heartless; can care less of another persons well being. If you got hurt and started whining about nothing he would just tell you to get the fuck over it. Shou was more caring and pure; more innocent and cared about others even when others don't seem to care about him. Every time Shou would get hurt by someone he would immediately smile (a sad smile) and say that it was ok; say that he forgave them (apologizing if he did anything wrong).

I fell in love with him. I fell in love with him the moment he looked up to me, with those innocent eyes…H-He was so innocent; so pure…and he never wanted to hurt anyone. No matter how many people hurt him; he still found some good in them and…forgave them so easily…Forgave me…so easily.

Manjyome remembered the morning he woke up; the day he was going to suggest breaking up with Shou. The sun was shining brightly upon his pretty face; the only source of light in his dark room. He remembered how much his heart hurt; how much he ached on the inside and out. In that morning Manjyome looked around staring at all the pictures on his dresser; pictures of him and Shou (pictures Fubuki took because he was so excited about Ryo's little brother finally having a boyfriend). He remembered holding the picture tightly in his hands; having tears falling onto the plastic and sliding down the surface.

Shou-chan…I never wanted it to end this way. I-I never wanted this to happen. I-I can't take the feeling of not having you with me…But…you're better off without me. You don't need someone like me in your life.

Manjyome leaned against the wall; his head resting back against the flat surface. He held something tightly in his feminine hands; something that was precious and dear to him…just like Shou. His fingers started trailing around the necklace that he bought; the white gold necklace was half of a broken heart and had Shou's name engraved in it with a pink diamond above his name. His finger trailed over Shou's engraved name; the name that quickly escaped Manjyome's lips soon after.

I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of tired of getting hurt…I'm sick and tired hurting…the people I love. I'm sick and tired of hurting…Shou-chan. I fucked it up with him. I-I…just should have never gotten close to him. We were better off saying goodbye.

Manjyome held the necklace tightly in his hand. He made a slight whimpering noise; a cry of pain. Ever since him and Shou broke up Manjyome has been feeling nothing; he's been numb. His heart would hurt for a while then it would feel like he wasn't feeling anything at all.

I should just stay like this forever. Its better off that I don't feel anything; that way I don't have the satisfaction of what it's like to love…what it's like to be loved. I don't ever want to love again.

Manjyome slowly loosened his grip on the necklace and slowly let it go; the necklace making a slight "click" when it hit the floor. Manjyome slowly looked at his hand; slowly starting to pull off the black fingerless gloves he had on. His expression was anything but full of emotion. As he stared at his wrist a memory flashed in his mind. The moment he and Shou broke up. He can still hear the sweet angelic voice. He can still remember that sweet expression Shou showed on his face.

Manjyome-kun…I've been thinking the same thing. We've been so caught up with ourselves we barely have time with each other. I have been wrapped up in my brother; trying to make sure he's ok. I'm…sorry.

Shou's had a smile on his face but his eyes showed a different type of emotion. His beautiful silver eyes were filled with hurt; filled with sadness. Manjyome didn't realize until now that Shou's feelings were being shattered apart by every sentence they both said; every word. Shou was falling apart right in front of Manjyome's eyes.

Shou-chan…I've never seen such a look in your eyes. I've never seen such a sad emotion on your beautiful face…I'm the fucking jerk that made you have such a terrible look on your face.

I know what we had was probably stupid. I-I knew it wasn't going to last. I was hoping it would but…who was I kidding? I should have known that we weren't going to work out. B-but it still doesn't change how I feel.

Manjyome blankly stared at his bear wrists. One of his hands slowly trailed a finger over his other wrist; trailing it down a developing scar. Manjyome has been known to cut himself. He's been known to cut himself when he was feeling sad or betrayed. But this time he was cutting himself because he was numb. He was numb but he wanted to know if he can feel; cutting himself was a way to know it he can still feel something. Sometimes it hurt; sometimes it didn't. The pain on his wrist was bearable; the pain in his heart wasn't.

I haven't cut myself in a while but ever since me and Shou broke up; I've returned to old habits. It's not a good habit but it's the only comfort I had. The only time I've never cut myself was when…Shou and I were together.

Manjyome slowly reached on his drawer and held a small object; the object was shiny and metal. He gently held the razor in between his fingers feeling the coolness of the surface. His face was blank; his eyes were emotionless. He slowly held the blade of the razor on his wrist; his hand starting to tremble slightly.

Manjyome-kun…I-I know you probably think the relationship we had was nothing; but I thought it was special…You're the first person I really fell in love with; and I'll always love you.

Why…Why would you love me? What do you love about me? I am nothing…Nothing but crap. I don't deserve an angel's love.

I know you probably think I'm pathetic…b-but I can't help it. I-I'm pathetic and I know you probably want nothing to do with me now…I'm sorry. But…I want you to know…that it wasn't your fault. I-I don't want you to feel bad for someone like me…Manjyome-kun…

Manjyome slowly applied pressure to the blade on his soft skin; blood trailing down from the small incision. He slowly started to lightly cut across his wrist; more blood escaped his small cut and soon started dripping down onto his pants. The cut hurt but Manjyome didn't feel it; even though he wanted to. He wanted to feel the pain he so rightfully deserved. He wanted to feel the pain Shou felt in a more drastic way ever. When Manjyome thought he deserved enough he dropped the blade and held onto his wrist tightly; blood covering of his fingers. This cut wasn't life threatening but it was close to it. Manjyome knew he didn't deserve death; he knew he didn't deserve life. He didn't deserve anything to make him happy.

I don't deserve you Shou-chan; but I wish I still had you with me…so I can know what it feels like to love.

Flashback

It was close to their six month anniversary and Manjyome was planning something special. He was planning to go on a cute little date with Shou; take him to all the beautiful places on the island (places Manjyome would only go to on his own when he felt like being alone).

"Manjyome-kun!! What's this surprise you're going on about? I want to know!" Shou said having a slight hint of curiosity in his cute voice. Manjyome smiled and held his face kisses his forehead.

"I told you, Angel-chan, it's a surprise. If I told you what it was then it wouldn't be a surprise now would it…?" Manjyome said; almost teasingly. Shou pouted and sighed. He smiled up at Manjyome and shyly placed his hands on Manjyome's chest.

"I don't want anything though, Manjyome-kun…You are what I want. That's all I can ask for. I don't want to be any trouble for you." Shou said shyly as he looked down. Manjyome smiled and lifted his chin.

"Shou-chan…I'm doing this so I could prove…how much I love you and how much I want to do to earn the love I rightfully don't deserve." Manjyome said having such a serious expression on his face. Shou's eyes widened and gasped when Manjyome said such words. Shou was about to speak; but was cut off with a small love filled kiss Manjyome gave him.

Little did they know their anniversary was going to be filled with anything but happiness.

Flashback End

I did the exact opposite. I proved that I deserve nothing but pain and misery; nothing will make up for the pain I left him.

OWARI