Chapter 27

The day arrived much sooner than I wanted it to, my nerves were so jangled the night before that I had tried every method of enticing sleep I had ever heard. I drank warm milk, I counted sheep, I simply counted and I lay so still I must have looked like a corpse.

I was still reciting the times tables by the time the dawn broke.

Entirely fed up of everything I could see from my vantage point in bed and particularly annoyed with the unhelpful blankness of the ceiling above me, I decided I might as well get out of bed and start my day.

I was careful not to disturb Ron as I shifted from under the covers as he was surely going to be thankful for a sleep-in on his day off and braced myself as the cold air immediately attacked my legs. I headed straight for the bathroom, determined that a long, scorching hot shower should wake me up and help to loosen my cramped, tense muscles.

I checked the clock when I came back out of the bathroom to get dressed, five to seven, way too early to wake Rose up for breakfast. I went to her room anyway once I was ready, to make sure she was okay; she was securely wrapped in her blankets, clinging to a small soft toy of a flying horse that was her favourite.

Sighing, I closed the door as quietly as I could and went to the kitchen to make myself a large cup of coffee in the hopes that it would keep me awake throughout the long day. I stared out the window into our garden as I waited for the kettle to boil, fingers absentmindedly drumming against the kitchen counter.

I had to wonder whether I would be able to act normally today, if I was a good enough actress to pretend nothing had passed between Draco and I. I had to wonder if even trying to pretend as I was would simply be another layer of deception.

In my daydreams I could imagine how thing might be if we were both free, if we had met under different circumstances, how easy it would be to fall completely in love with him, to live a life with him.

The whistle of the kettle pulled me sharply from my thoughts and my cheeks flushed with guilt even though there was no-one there to see. I raked fingers across my scalp, reminding myself of how useless 'what if's' always were. Not to mention unfair to everyone involved, even me.

All I could do was make the best of the situation I was in and try not to hurt people or sacrifice my own happiness in the process.

It seemed a sensible enough goal, I just wasn't entirely sure as yet if I would be able to accomplish it. After all, I wasn't without weakness when it came to this, especially if the last week of panicked obsession over seeing Draco again was any indicator.

I could try though.

When my coffee was ready I took it into my study with me, dragging a book towards me with one hand as I sat down and keeping my other hand wrapped around my cup for warmth. It wasn't difficult to let an hour pass by before I went to help Rose through her morning routine. I may have spent most of that time letting my mind stray to the day ahead of me but I eventually dragged my attention back to my book each time.

When the clock on the wall opposite me was just inching past eight I tidied away my books, took my cup back through to the kitchen and went to check on Rose. I was glad she had just about passed the stage of waking up at six in the morning everyday but she still never slept much past the early hours.

As I expected she was already up and out of bed by the time I reached her room, shuffling across the carpet towards me, rubbing a hand across her eyes. I smiled and picked her up.

"Morning sweetie, excited for today?"

"Yeah! I get to see Scorpy again!" She grinned and started to talk about all the things she would do today as I took her through to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

Rose was already dressed and slurping at a bowl of cereal when Ron emerged, still in his pyjamas. He came over to me first, kissed my cheek, ruffled Rose's hair then set the kettle to boil.

It felt so comfortably domestic and I had to wonder briefly if being attracted to Draco was only an excuse to escape this settled atmosphere. Looking at Rose chatting happily to her father between spoonfuls of Coco Pops as I nibbled on toast I realised that it couldn't be, it made me happy after all.

The only problem was the growing distance I felt from Ron, the feeling that I was being pushed into Molly's shoes and that my career might be left to the wayside if I succumbed to his expectations.

By the time Harry, Ginny and the two boys had arrived, food prepared and children donned in hats and coats I was toying with the idea of pulling Draco aside at some point to speak with him privately. Just to clear the air, make sure whatever this thing was wouldn't interfere with our families spending time together.

At least that's what I told myself; maybe I just missed talking to him.

As much as I had worried over the moment, I still wasn't prepared when I finally saw him again. He was crouched down, talking to Scorpius with a smile on his face and the effect was immediate, choking my throat and dampening my palms.

Harry and Ginny called out in greeting as the kids ran over to drag Scorpius away for whatever game they could think of. Draco waved to us all, standing as his son was pulled away with a small, shy smile on his face. His eyes met mine for a moment, his expression faltering before he looked back to Harry to shake his hand.

I was uncomfortably conscious of every inch of my skin, every rumple in my clothes, every hair that had escaped from my tie to curl around my face. I held one of the picnic baskets in front of me like a guard and smiled when he nodded at Ron and I.

I don't think I had ever tried so hard to act 'normal' as I did over the next couple of hours, thankfully Harry and Ron didn't seem to notice anything odd about Draco and I never speaking to each other directly. I caught Ginny occasionally glancing between us but she seemed satisfied enough that we were still keeping a distance, verbally and physically.

We sat as far away as we could from each other.

In fact I barely dared to look at Draco, too afraid that he would be looking back, instead looking between Harry, Ginny and Ron and sometimes just staring awkwardly at the ground. I tried to lose myself in the conversation, tried to ignore how my entire body thrummed with the awareness of his proximity. I remembered feeling like this when Ron and I first started to date properly and was hit by such sadness and guilt it was hard to keep smiling.

It couldn't last forever though, even with the children happily running around about us and the warmth of my husband's leg next to mine, the idea of talking to Draco on his own for just a moment was becoming more and more of a temptation.

It was a risk and probably meant messing my life up even more than it was but the desire to know, to see what it would be like being in his presence now that we were both aware of our attraction to each other almost made me feel like the risk was worth it.

Eventually my chance came; Harry, Ginny and Ron were playing a small makeshift game of Quidditch without brooms, throwing around a small ball for the quaffle. Rose had immediately volunteered to be the snitch and giggled now as she tried to evade Harry.

Draco and I stood watching, close but not too close. The air between us was so thick with expectation, each waiting for the other to start talking. It seemed as if I swallowed every five seconds, working up the nerve to say something, anything.

"So, uh…"

"How-"

"Oh, sorry," I chuckled awkwardly at the cliché faux pas.

"No, you go first," he turned his head slightly, smiled at me. I wondered if he felt as silly as I did.

"I was just going to ask how things have been," my mouth twisted upwards wryly, a strand of hair had escaped from my tie and tickled my cheek annoyingly. He laughed briefly.

"I was going to ask the same thing, I've been fine, keeping busy, looking after Scorpius, you?"

"Yeah, good, I quit my job, made a start on writing up some research of my own I've been meaning to do," I couldn't help the smile of pride as thought about the progress I had made in my life since last speaking to him but I avoided catching his eye all the same. This was a something I had done for myself; I didn't to see whether he was pleased just as I didn't need Ron's approval.

"That's brilliant, I'm really glad you've started doing things for yourself," I did turn to him then, the memory of all our conversations in my kitchen about dreams and ambitions lingering between us.

"It's been good," I smiled, not ready to look away from the warmth and affection that flickered around the edges of his eyes.

"You look less resigned, more confident" he replied, entering dangerous territory and I couldn't help but love it, my pulse spiking in response.

"You look good too," I said, not quite sure how I let it slip past but unable to take it back now. He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing and turned to watch the game again. I wondered why he had suddenly switched back to being nervous.

"Astoria and I have separated," he said quietly.

"Oh," he looked at me from the corner of his eye, unsure, almost apologetic.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that," he chuckled but without humour.

"No its fine," I replied though I wasn't sure if it was but what on earth was I supposed to say to something like that? We both watched our children, our friends, my husband, for a few minutes in silence.

"Are you okay about it?" I asked hesitantly, knowing he was waiting for me to be the first to talk this time.

"Yeah, I am, a bit worried about Scorpius but we've dealt with what happened to him so differently it was inevitable really. Besides, it was an arranged marriage, we were never quite happy, at best we were content but I couldn't deal with it anymore, she refuses to let go of the old pureblood principles. I suppose she never really saw much of the war so she doesn't understand the damage that kind of thinking can do."

I hummed in acknowledgement, it felt strange for him to be talking to me about this but it also oddly made me happy that he was here opening up to me again. Now I just had to figure out where that put us.

"Well I'm here if you ever want to talk it out," I smiled, chest strangely tight as he smiled back and wondering exactly what I had just begun.

Alrighty, not out as early as I originally planned but not too late either, a happy middle and hey, stuff's happening ;) I finally have all my damn essays done, all thats left for the year is choosing my dissertation topic and some exams but for now I'm gonna enjoy my easter break methinks, hopefully that means more time to write for you lovelies. Anyway, enjoy and thank you so much for the reviews! This fic has become a bit of a monster and I'm so glad people are still enjoying it! Oh and I found out yesterday my gf hasn't seen the extended LOTR, it made me sad so I urge any and all of you, if you haven't seen it yet, WHY? Get on it man! :P

Till next time! :)