Disclaimer: As ever, I own nothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did, it would be me that's rich and famous. As it is, JK Rowling is the ultimate HP Goddess and I bow down to her greatness. She is the clever one, while I just have delusions of grandeur. I am so not worthy.

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The Ability to Feel

By

Greywolf25

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A/N – Please be advised this story focuses prominently on self harming issues and contains strong language. If this subject upsets, offends or in any way is not to your taste, please do not read. I do not wish to offend or upset anyone with this story so please bare that in mind if you decide to continue reading.

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Moonlight streamed through the tower window and flashed as it came in contact with metal. The room was almost silent. The only sound was the sound of his breathing and the odd snore from his dorm mates. He looked up and glanced around the room. Everyone else was asleep. Not surprising really, considering the hour it was. He climbed quietly off his bed and pulled the hangings closed so that no one would notice his absence should they wake up. He couldn't stop them being nosy, and he knew of at least three people that wouldn't be able to restrain themselves, but the closed hangings would delay them long enough for him to do what he needed to do. He reached into his trunk and pulled out his cloak, he placed something else in his pocket, relocked his trunk and quietly slipped from the room. Due to the lateness of the hour, the common room was empty so he was able to exit the room without being asked awkward question. Not that he would have answered them.

The fat lady murmured in her sleep as the portrait swung closed and he smiled with true affection at the guardian to his home. The smile faded and he turned away slowly. He looked around. There was no one there so he walked away from the tower in a seemingly random direction. With every step he took, he felt the object bumping against his leg in an almost reassuring manner. He put his hand in his pocket and wrapped it around the object. He could feel the cold comfort that the object gave him and almost smiled. Almost.

He needed relief. He needed to feel again. All he felt was emptiness. He was numb.

Since he came into this world, he had done what everyone had demanded of him, he had given his all without asking for anything in return. And the people have gladly taken. Society has taken. His teachers have taken. His enemies have taken. (But that was to be expected.) But the one thing that has hurt the most is what his friends have taken. They have sucked him dry, like parasites. He has nothing left to give. They have used him, taken all that they could and when he had nothing left to give, they threw him away like yesterdays rubbish. They turned their backs on him yet still expected him to be receptive to their wants and needs regardless of how they treated him. Yes it hurt. But then the hurt gave way to nothing. Now he just felt numb, he felt empty. He hadn't felt anything for a long time.

He reached his destination and he walked past the same stretch of wall three times before a door appeared. He looked around one last time, not noticing the eyes that watched him. He took a deep breath and entered the room that had come to be his sanctuary. He stood in the doorway, looking at what the room had provided him with, and then he closed the door and locked it with a spell. He turned and faced the room before heading for the comfy chair at the table. He looked at the diary and quill with an expressionless face before pulling his hand out of his pocket and pulled out the object he had carried with him form his dorm. He placed it on the table before him in almost a loving manner.

The blade winked at him in the candle light. He gazed at the blade before opening the diary and began writing. His writing was slow and shaky, but the more he wrote, the faster and more aggressive his writing became. Without thinking, he began running his thumb up and down the sharp blade as the quill slashed across the parchment. He was so focussed on what he was writing that he didn't even notice the ever deepening cut on his thumb or the blood dripping on the desk. He threw the quill down and picked up the blade. Without thinking twice he drew the knife across his skin several times. It cut effortlessly through the layers of skin and into the subcutaneous layer underneath. He barely registered the blood running down his arm. All he focussed on was the pain. He could feel! He sucked in a breath and nearly cried with relief. He revelled in that pain and drew the knife across his wrist.

Darkness began to cloud his vision as he became aware of another presence in the room with him. He was barely conscious as the knife was pulled from his hand and as the dark clouds finally blocked his vision he felt a hand take his wrist. He just managed to lift his head and look at the person holding him. He focussed hard, trying to see and realised it was Snape and he inwardly groaned. The shit would surely hit the fan now. He gave up trying to stay awake and laid his head on his free arm. He was vaguely aware of Snape talking to him but all he could think of was the fact he had failed to do what he had intended to do. He managed to say five words before he knew no more;

"Please, just let me go."

XxxxxxX

Snape prowled around the castle, robes billowing out behind him. He was hoping, as always that he would be able to catch some students breaking rules. He just loved to see the terror in their eyes as realisation dawned who had actually caught them. He was hoping to catch some Gryffindors so he could take even more points from them. He was determined that Slytherin would win the cup this year. Thinking of the house of lions reminded him of the strange goings on within that particular house. Well, more so than usual. At present, their world was celebrating the end of the war. Harry Potter had fulfilled the prophecy. He had destroyed Voldemort. But that had come with a cost.

He recalled the acclaim that Potter had received for disposing of the wart on the butt of the wizarding world, and how angry his friends seemed that they hadn't been able to claim any credit. He remembered the Prophet's article a few days later where Granger and Weasley had told all to the world about Potter's life, right down to the smallest detail. Frankly, Snape had just waved it off as exaggerated thestral fodder and jealousy on their part. He had given them a week, thinking they would kiss and make up as was the Gryffindor way. But it had soon become apparent that they wouldn't make up.

He had watched with some interest at the goings on at the Gryffindor table. He had listened with only half an ear as the Transfiguration Professor had made comments about how well Harry Potter, Man-who-wouldn't-curl-up-and-die, Saviour of the wizarding world, etc. etc. was doing in her class. They had apparently been working on Animagus transformations, and Harry was one of the few students and only Gryffindor in the class that had achieved a partial transformation. She informed the staff that whatever his 'inner creature' was, it had feathers. She had continued to brag and Snape had just tuned her out. He had watched as two of the former trio sneered and glared at Potter, who in turn had been ignoring them and had seemed content with pushing his breakfast around his plate rather than eat it. Snape had to recall how much Potter had improved in his class as well. He was pondering this when he came upon the focus of his thoughts.

'What's the Golden Boy doing out of bed at this time of night?'

Rather than pull him up on this infraction of the rules, Professor Snape decided to follow him. You know, just to gather further evidence of Potter's wrong doing. He would allow Potter to incriminate himself before hauling him up before the headmaster. He had already brought down two of the trio, bring down the third would be the icing on the cake. A malicious smile crept across his face as he silently stalked after his prey, contemplating loss of points and numerous detentions. He had initially thought Potter was having a secret rendezvous with one of his many fans or girlfriends, but he was unpleasantly surprised when Potter bypassed all the usual haunts.

Snape followed in silence as Harry meandered aimlessly through the halls with patience only spies could testify to. At one point Harry had slowed right down, almost to a complete standstill. Snape ducked behind a convenient suit of armour and waited for him to move on. Snape saw the look on Harry's face, or lack thereof and his thoughts were drawn back to the potions class that very morning. He had watched for the past few weeks, as was his custom, since Voldemort's demise. One thing that he had noticed straight away was that the golden trio weren't on speaking terms anymore. He had also noticed the saviour of their world had withdrawn into himself in a bad way. He had informed the Headmaster who in turn waved the situation away with a twinkle in his eyes.

Potter had shown no emotion whatsoever since the article in the Prophet. When the level of betrayal was clear for the whole school, not to mention world to see, it had been like a door had slammed shut. Potter wore permanent mask of emotionless indifference. Snape had heard some Hufflepuff muggleborn compare him to something called, oh what was it? Snape reached into his memories and found what he was looking for. A Vulcan, whatever that was. He would have to do some research on what a Vulcan(?) was. His memory of that day flickered and he brought forth what had happened in the seventh year Gryffidor/Slytherin class that very morning.

Xx Flashback xX

Potter walked into the classroom and immediately settled himself at the back of the classroom. Snape watched with interest as Granger and Weasley marched with their noses in the air to the front of the classroom. He sneered in their direction before nodding a greeting to his Godson.

"Settle down. This week we shall be revising some of the last years work, so today you will be brewing 'Draught of Living Death' do you have a problem with that Granger?"

Granger, who had been talking in hushed tones to Weasley, looked up and sneered.

"No sir."

"Your instructions are on the board. Begin."

Snape sat back and watched as Potter immediately made his way to the ingredients cabinet and gathered what he needed for the potion. His eyebrows jumped up as he saw Weasley deliberately walk into Potter causing several ingredients to fall to the floor.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for wasting valuable ingredients, Weasley."

Sniggers could be heard from the Slytherin side of the dungeon and Snape almost laughed as Weasley glared in his direction. He went back to observing the class. He saw that nearly everyone was paired with another. With the exception of Potter, who was working by himself. Deciding that it was a good time for a walk; he rose gracefully to his feet. He decided to begin with his Slytherins. Walking amongst his students he gave comments and points as he thought were necessary. He soon came upon Potter who was so focussed on his cauldron, that he didn't even notice the Professor. Snape peered into the cauldron and started as he realised the potion was correct for the stage Potter was currently at. Deciding to see what would happen, he spoke aloud so the whole class could hear.

"Well, you aren't the complete waste of space I thought you were, Potter. Five points."

Shocked silence gripped the dungeon, but Potter, he noticed, merely nodded and continued brewing. A bit disgruntled for the lack of reaction, he stalked over to the Gryffindor side of the classroom and immediately took pleasure in deducting points and berating the students concerned. An evil smile flickered across his face before his mask descended as he saw Granger and Weasley talking quietly to each other. He stalked towards his prey and out of the corner of his eye he noticed Draco nudge Zabini. He knew they would be watching with eager anticipation for the outcome. He stood, unnoticed, right behind them. He could only make a few words out but got the gist of the conversation.

"So, you think you are too good to brew this potion do you? Do you think you are too good for this class that you don't have to do the work?"

He was pleased to see them both jump and turn in horror to face their Professor. Snape could hear the Slytherins sniggering.

"Seeing as you think you don't need to do the work..."

He waved his wand and their concoction disappeared.

"...you can excuse yourself from this class and take a zero for the day. If there is a repeat performance in the next class, you will not set foot in this classroom again. Dismissed."

"You can't do that, sir."

"Detention, Miss Granger. Dismissed!"

They quickly gathered up their bags and ran out of the classroom. Snape watched as Weasley slowed down enough to throw something into Potter's cauldron. Potter, who saw the danger, cast a shield spell around his workspace just as his cauldron exploded. Snape stormed up to Weasley and grabbed his arm, effectively preventing him from escaping.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?!"

Weasley glared at Potter and said nothing. Snape followed the gaze and saw, to his consternation, that Potter had only managed to shield the desk in front, which was inhabited by his godson and Zabini. Potter, however, hadn't been so lucky. He stood there, drenched in the sabotaged potion, watching without expression or emotion as the potion ate through his robes. Snape snapped into action.

"Draco, take Mr Potter to the hospital wing immediately."

"Yes Sir."

He looked around the classroom and saw Granger had long gone. Weasley was trying, without success, to pull away from the irate potions master. He turned and glared at his 'prisoner'.

"You, Mr Weasley, shall accompany me to the Headmaster's office. The rest of you, clean up and get out!"

XxxxxxX

Snape smirked as he recalled the some result of the meeting with the Headmaster. Weasley had been stripped of his prefect badge and given a month's detention with Filch. He had even gone as far as suggest some 'appropriate' punishment ideas to the resident caretaker. Potter had been patched up by the time the Headmaster had reached the infirmary with him close behind. Snape had been shocked to see the odd scar on Potter's arms as he got dressed in the robes the school nurse had handed him. Potter had looked up and locked stares with Snape. Snape had been surprised that he couldn't see into Potter's mind at all; it was like there was nothing there. All Snape had seen was darkness.

He carefully looked around the suit of armour and saw Potter slowly making his way down the corridor. He shuddered involuntarily as he recalled the dead look in Potter's eyes and he drew his cloak around him, breathing in the smell of fresh herbs and spices he had collected that evening. He watched as Potter walked backwards and forwards in front of a blank stretch of wall. An eyebrow rose when he saw a door appear. He silently disillusioned himself and as he watched Potter shut the door, he quickly slipped through the gap. He heard the door lock and saw Potter walk over to the table and sit in a comfy looking chair. Snape had to suppress a snort. He looked around and saw the room was very similar to his private study. He walked silently over to the desk and saw what seemed to be a diary.

'How very Gryffindor. Probably likes to write about all his conquests.'

What he saw next froze him to the core as Potter pulled a sharp double-edged knife from his pocket and placed it on the table. He was tempted to cancel the spell and haul Potter up before the Headmaster, but he found he couldn't move. He watched with morbid curiosity as Potter opened the diary and begin to write. Whatever held him in place seemed to vanish and he crept forward to read over Potter's shoulder. He didn't like what he saw. He watched as Potter wrote with a shaky hand while continually running the thumb of his other hand up and down the edge of the blade. Blood slowly welled up in the shallow cut that got steadily deeper as Harry continued his actions.

Xx Entry in the Diary xX

Relief. I need to find relief. I need to find a way. It just hurts so much. I can't believe this had happened. I want to feel again. I need to feel again. But I can't. All I feel is emptiness. I am alone. There is no light for me, just darkness. I am numb. The abyss is welling up inside me and I can't stop it.

Darkness surrounds me. It is everywhere I look. But I am strangely comforted by the darkness. It wraps around me like a hug long forgotten. My life was never my own. It always belonged to other people. I never had a say in how my life was run. Society, the Dursleys, even my so called friends. Everyone I have encountered. They have all dictated how my life was run. Look how it turned out.

I am a murderer.

Pain. It is the only good thing the Dursley's ever gave me. I suppose I should thank them for that. If I feel pain I know I am still alive. Pain is good, it helps me feel. It gives me the relief I crave even if it is just for a few minutes. I would truly welcome the darkness. Everyone has taken what I have; I have no more to give. I just want to sleep.

I deserve to die.

Today in potions proved that. Not even my friends want me around any more. I wish I could oblige but I seem to have a knack of surviving when most would succumb. I don't want to go on anymore. I just want it to end. I have had enough. If only Professor Snape hadn't seen. If only Draco hadn't taken me to the infirmary. If only…

XxxxxxX

Snape read on in horror and he was so shocked by what he had just read that he didn't even register Harry (When did he become Harry?) dropping the quill, picking up the knife and drawing the blade across his arm. By the time these actions had penetrated the fog in Snape's mind, Harry had repeated his actions several times and blood was slowly dripping to the floor. Snape watched as Harry turned his arm over and drew the knife across his wrist.

Snape snapped out of his stupor and quickly cancelled the charm he had placed on himself. He grabbed the knife and threw it across the room then took hold of Harry's wrist and held it tight. He grimaced as he felt Harry's pulse against the palm of his hand. He looked at Harry's face and saw that he was still awake, barely. Harry looked at him with a resigned look on his face and he laid his head onto his other arm and closed his eyes. Snape saw a look of peace wash over Harry's features and a sense of dread filled him.

"Oh no you don't Harry, stay with me."

Snape heard a muffled whisper from the man before him but he could just make out what had been said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a vial. He quickly uncorked it. He held it to Harry's lips. Not giving him an option, Snape poured the contents into Harry's mouth and watched with some satisfaction when it was swallowed. He pulled out his wand and cleaned the blood from Harry's arm. He just wished he had a complete medical kit with him. But it's not like he carried one around with him as standard. Just as he thought that, a medical kit appeared on the table next to him. He suddenly remembered where he was and thanked the gods for that small mercy.

Harry, by this time, had closed his eyes and his breathing was very shallow. Snape cursed under his breath and quickly pointed his wand towards the door and fired off his patronus. He then rummaged through the medical kit to find the relevant supplies for healing Harry. He was so focussed on his task that he didn't hear the door open behind him.

"Uncle Sev? What's going on?"

"Don't just stand there, give me a hand."

Draco shut the door and was soon at his side. Snape snorted in amusement at the undignified jaw dropping.

"Is that Potter?"

"Yes now get me the blood replenishing potion, quickly."

"But…"

"Now, Draco! This is not the time for your petty schoolyard squabbles."

"Where have I heard that before?"

A vial was pressed into his hand and he quickly poured the contents down Harry's throat. Snape was relieved to see some colour come slowly back to Harry's cheeks. He waved his wand and healed the cuts as much as he could. The one on his wrist would need more intensive healing that Snape wasn't qualified to give, so he slowed the bleeding down as much as possible before wrapping a bandage around the wrist. Snape concentrated for a moment and a sofa appeared in the corner of the room. He picked Harry up, taking note and frowning at how light he was and gently placed him on the sofa. He covered him with a blanket the room had been kind enough to provide.

Draco watched in fascination as his godfather treated Potter as gently as he himself would have been treated. He turned his attention back to the table and saw the blood stain. He looked around and saw the knife. Curiosity ruled his head and he walked over to it and reached for it, only to yelp in surprise as his hand was slapped away. He glared at his godfather who lifted an eyebrow in response. Draco looked away. He could never stare Severus down.

"Dobby!"

Draco whipped his head up as Severus called for his former house elf. A loud pop could be heard and an oddly dressed elf appeared before them. Dobby bowed deeply before Snape and the professor opened his mouth to speak but before anything could be said, the elf saw who else was there and his huge eyes widened further as he charged over to the sofa and looked at Harry with tears in his large eyes.

"Oh Master Harry, Sir. What is you been doing? You be promising Dobby."

"Dobby, you knew?"

Dobby faced the professor and nodded. Tears leaked from his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

Draco looked at him in surprise at the gentle tone of his voice. But Snape knew Dobby was close to Harry and that Harry treated the elf like another person. So much so that Harry had allowed the elf bind himself to him. Something he always said he wouldn't do because of Granger's obsession with freeing the Hogwarts elves. Snape inwardly laughed as he recalled the look on Granger's face when Harry bonded with the elf. The Granger girl couldn't seem to get it though that mane of frizzy hair that elves need to be bonded or eventually they would die. Snape always treated the Hogwarts elves kindly and Dobby, even though he belonged to a student, was no different.

"Dobby is sorry Professor Sir, but Dobby be promising Master Harry he wouldn't be telling. But Master Harry be promising he would stop. Dobby is a very bad elf for not stopping Master Harry. Bad Dobby, bad."

Snape had to hold the elf tightly to stop him from head butting the table. He spoke to the elf in low tones, careful not to raise his voice while at the same time trying to reassure the hyper elf.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Dobby be seeing Master Harry doing this after Bad Master Moldy be dying."

Draco had to suppress a snort at the name Dobby had given Voldemort.

"Uncle Sev? What's going on? Why has Potter done this?"

"Just a minute, Draco. Dobby, I want you to go and get Madame Pomfrey and bring her here. Her and no other, do you understand? You are only to tell Madame Pomfrey about this. Bring her here with no detours and do not let her contact anyone."

"Yes, Professor, Sir."

Snape sighed and turned his attention back to Draco.

"What do you want to know?"

"Why would Potter do something like this? I mean, everyone has been fawning over him…"

"Draco, it would be easier if you just read the diary."

XxxxxxX

Snape watched with minimal amusement at the range of expressions that flickered across Draco's face as he read the diary. Not even Snape knew what was written. He had only read the page Harry had written that night. And those words froze him to his very core. The words Harry had spoken crawled back to the forefront of his mind.

"Please, just let me go."

On the other side of the room, Draco slowly read the pages trying to comprehend what had been written.

'...received a letter from Gringotts. Apparently someone has seen fit to write out a will in my name leaving everything to the Weasley's, well Ginny, Molly and Ron. Funny that. When I contacted Gringotts, they informed me that my fiancée had taken the liberty. I have no fiancée and I told them so. Guess who my 'betrothed' is? I had a new will drawn up there and then. There is no way that scheming little bitch is getting her hands on my family fortune...'

'... I swear that girl is part banshee. When I refused to shag her she threw a right old hissy fit. Let's just say the end result of that conversation will feed the Hogwarts rumour mill for a few months...'

'...Ginny told me that she would be the only one to marry me as no one else would want to marry a murderer and that I should be grateful and if she couldn't have me, then no one else could...'

'...I had a letter, well ok, it was a howler, from Molly today, she told me I was a monster and should have died with Voldemort...'

'...I can't believe Ron and Hermione said that. There is no way they should have known what Uncle Vernon did to me...'

'...well they finally got the glory they wanted, but did they have to tell the whole world about my life with the Dursley's? No one was ever supposed to find out about that…'

Draco noticed as time had drawn on, Harry's writing had taken a darker turn. He would never admit it but he was actually concerned about what this diary contained. He read the last passage and groaned. He glanced at his godfather and saw his godfather looking back at him. Just as he was about to say something the door flew open revealing Madame Pomphrey and Dobby. Snape quickly spelled the door locked and put up strong silencing spells before ushering the nurse over to the sofa.

"Oh Harry, not again."

Snape and Draco looked at each other in surprise. She knew as well?

"Who else knows?"

Madame Pomphrey was busy scanning her patient so didn't answer right away. Snape was about to repeat his question when she turned to him.

"Thank you for doing this Severus. You have done a sterling job. Do you know what brought this on?"

She didn't turn away from her patient whilst she spoke to them. She just carried on healing Harry's arm. Snape waited until she had finished and had turned to face them before answering her question.

"I can only surmise that it has something to do with Weasley and Granger."

"Ah yes, the potions incident this morning. And to answer your question, Dobby me, you and Mister Malfoy here, I suspect the Headmaster knows but he hasn't done or said anything to me about it. Apart from that..."

Her eyes narrowed when she saw Harry's diary in Draco's hands.

"You have read his diary."

"I told him to."

She turned her glare to the potions master and he quailed under its weight.

"And what gives you the right to let anyone read something that isn't yours? Don't you remember what happened in the fifth year? He practically tore himself apart with guilt over what happened, you didn't help matters and now you have done exactly what he did, only you went and gave someone else permission to read something that is just as private as your damn pensieve. Do you know how long it took me to get him to agree to write in the damn thing?"

"Why on earth would you tell Mister Potter to write in something like this?"

The school nurse sighed deeply. She looked thoughtful for a moment and when two chairs appeared she gestured for them to sit.

"What I am about to tell you goes no further. In fact if you wish to know, I think an oath would be in order."

The men looked at each other and with an unspoken agreement, they gave their oath.

"Do you remember the problems Harry had when Sirius died? Well, he started getting some pretty in depth, nasty nightmares. He would sometimes come to me for Dreamless Sleep. Once I actually caught him trying to steal a vial. He had already exceeded his maximum dosage for that week, but he hadn't been able to sleep."

"I don't see..."

"Be quiet, you wanted to know. You need to hear all of it to fully understand what the poor boy has been going through. Anyway, I finally got him to talk to me and I can tell you, that wasn't an easy task to accomplish. It turned out that Mister Weasley and Miss Granger had been pretty vicious with some of their comments since the Department of Mysteries incident. It came to a head when Harry had over heard them talking about him behind his back. He didn't tell me exactly what was said, but the upshot was they were never truly his friend's, they were just in it for the glory."

"Why didn't he distance himself from them before the final battle then?"

"Because Harry truly believed that they would change their minds. The poor dear was wrong. You saw him after the battle, Severus. He had almost fully depleted his magical core. It took weeks for him to fully recover. But in all that time did his 'friends' visit him in the infirmary?"

"No, as I recall, all they cared about was trying to get all the credit for themselves. They were most irate that the press only wanted to speak to Potter. They were quite vocal about it if memory serves. Miss Granger acted like a five year old throwing a tantrum; I must say I found it highly amusing"

"That's right. So, at that time, he had Sirius's death to cope with as well as his 'friends' betrayal to deal with. He was closing himself off, bottling everything up which in itself caused him to have more nightmares. Because of their treatment of him and his grief, I told Harry to write down his thoughts as it would help him organise them and give him an objective way of looking at them.

"What I didn't tell him though, was that it would help him vent his feelings instead of letting them back up, which is something he normally does. Imagine if you will a long dormant volcano. Seismic activity causes fissures in the Earth's crust which in turns allows magma to build up beneath the surface. Pressure builds and keeps on building. Eventually it has to erupt just to relieve the pressure. That's what Harry is, only rather than lash out at people…"

"He cuts."

Snape finished her sentence for her. He agreed with the analogy, but that didn't mean he had to like it. Draco sat there silently absorbing the information being dished out. He couldn't believe anyone would be so callous. But then he remembered the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Weasley had turned his back on Potter then because of the attention Potter had got from everyone. He had only calmed down fully and became the faithful sidekick again after he got some of his own in the second task. He sneered at how low the Gryffindorks had stooped. They may have a bad reputation within the school, but at least the Slytherins didn't turn their backs on each other.

"Madame Pomphrey, will he be alright?"

"I honestly don't know. I need to know what has happened to fully understand. Severus, I'd like to see your memories of tonight. Draco, I'll be taking the diary now."

"Of course."

A groan reminded them that they weren't alone in the room and Dobby quickly called them over from where he had been keeping a sofa side vigil. Snape could see Harry slowly opening his eyes before shutting them again.

"Harry, can you hear me?"

"Hurts."

She had to strain her ears to catch what he said.

"What hurts?"

"My eyes. The light…"

That certainly wasn't the answer the nurse had been expecting. She flicked her wand and the lights dimmed.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome, Harry. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?"

"Would you listen if I said that I did?"

"Answering a question with a question eh Harry? And no, I wouldn't listen."

"Then ask. Just don't expect me to answer every question."

"What happened? I thought you were getting better."

Harry remained silent and the nurse turned her glare up from 'mild annoyance' to 'Snape having a bad day'.

"I asked a perfectly reasonable question Harry, I expect an answer."

"Fine, where do I start? Well, my family is gone. My relatives don't give a shit. The Weasley bitches,"

Draco snorted with ill suppressed amusement.

"Ron and Granger, well, we all know what happened with that one. Everyone I thought was on my side has abandoned me. I am all alone. I have felt numb for far too long. I just wanted it to stop hurting, regardless of the consequences."

"That's all well and good Harry, but why start again, why now?"

Harry sat up. He looked around the room and saw who was there. Draco was surprised when Harry's gaze passed over both him and his godfather without stopping. Harry's gaze swept through the room like searchlights before coming back to him. Draco had to really suppress a shudder as the dead, expressionless gaze settled on him. He broke the gaze and looked to Snape. Snape sat directly opposite Harry and held his gaze resolutely. This time Harry turned away. He ran his hands through his hair, pausing for a second to look at his arm. He looked up to see four pairs of eyes looking at him. He saw the love and devotion in Dobby's eyes, motherly love in Madame Pomphrey's and oddly enough, concern in Draco's and Snape's. Tears welled up in his eyes and he had to look away. He murmured his response so quietly; they had to strain to hear it.

"I just wanted to 'feel' again."

"Oh Harry."

The school nurse sat down next to him and pulled him into a hug. This proved to be his undoing and the tears spilled over Harry's eyelids and rolled slowly down his cheeks. He had never been held so gently before. Molly Weasley always tried to squeeze the life out of him, Sirius always gave him a one armed manly hugs, but never had he been held in such a loving manner. He couldn't count his mum as he just couldn't remember. He closed his eyes and revelled in the attention that had been denied for most of his life.

Draco looked at Snape and leaned over. He whispered in his ear but was so quiet that Snape didn't hear him.

"I said, what did he mean 'he wanted to feel again'?"

"It seems that Harry has been self harming in an effort to 'feel' something. He has gone through quite a harrowing time, what with the final battle and all. From what I have deduced from what I have seen and read, the people he counted on, people he thought of as his family, have effectively shunned and abandoned him."

"Yeah, I saw the bit where they tried to take control of his fortune and stuff."

"Indeed. Well the some result of that, if I understand correctly, is Harry has been hurt to such an extent that he has effectively shut down his emotions to protect himself. Because of this, he is unable to 'feel.' Self harming lets him feel pain, therefore allowing him to 'feel'."

"I understand. I think."

"No one truly knows what a self harmer is thinking; or why they do it. Some say it's just for attention, others say it's a cry for help. But in extreme cases people, like Harry it would seem they do it to cope, to feel normal. However, in some cases, likes Harry's, they become addicted to it. They have to do it more and more and they can't stop."

"Are you saying Potter is that bad?"

"Madame Pomphrey, could you see if there is a glamour in his arms, please?"

She looked at him strangely but waved her wand and cast a spell.

"Bloody hell!"

"Language Draco." He chastised, but he was actually agreeing with his godson 'Bloody hell!'

They watched as Madame Pomphrey held Harry and comforted him with softly spoken words. Both men could clearly see the scars that marred Harry's arms. Whatever the Potions Professor was expecting he certainly didn't expect it to be that bad or to the extent it was. There didn't seem to be a single square inch of scar free skin on Harry's arms that they could see. He would definitely have to change his opinion of Harry now. Harry noticed the scrutiny he was under and with effort managed to control his emotions. The two Slytherin's watched as the mask fell into place as Harry wiped his face on his sleeve, but stayed snuggled up to the nurse. He seemed a lot calmer now. Draco suddenly felt extremely guilty for all the crap he and his acquaintances had dished out over the last six and a bit years. As if aware of what he was thinking Harry looked at him.

"I don't want your pity, Malfoy. What's done is done. I stopped dwelling on the past ages ago."

Draco nodded thoughtfully before turning his attention back to Harry.

"The name's Draco."

Harry looked at him in an odd way before nodding. He turned his attention to Snape who looked steadily back at him. They locked stares, but neither could enter the other's mind. Snape, because of immense shields and Harry's, well he wasn't sure why. Snape nodded and Harry returned the gesture. The unspoken truce accepted. Madame Pomphrey ran her wand up and down his arm before declaring his arm healed. Harry rolled his sleeves back down, pausing only to inspect the new scars. Poppy pointedly looked at Snape and made him aware that she wanted to talk to him. Snape nodded and excused himself from the group. Madame Pomphrey managed to disentangle herself from Harry and joined him leaving Harry, Draco and the elf alone. Snape couldn't suppress a smile as Draco got up from his chair and sat next to Harry on the sofa.

"Well, what is it?"

"He hasn't done any lasting damage, but that is only due to your quick thinking. I dread to think what would have happened if you hadn't found him."

Snape tried to wave away the praise but the nurse was having none of it.

"You have just saved the life of a student, the very student you seem to despise, yet you saved his life without even thinking about it."

"Poppy, I may not like him, but I wouldn't see him dead. I'm not a totally heartless bastard you know. I would do it for any student. Except maybe Granger or Weasley."

"Erm excuse me, Professor?"

"Yes Draco?"

"Help."

Both adults turned to face them and even Snape had to smile. Harry had fallen asleep with his head in Draco's lap. Draco looked mighty disconcerted by the new state of affairs. Both the nurse and the professor had to suppress their amusement.

"I'll take him to the infirmary and let him sleep there. I doubt his 'friends' will be bothered. He will be back in class tomorrow."

XxxxxxX

Light streamed through the windows and shone directly onto Harry's face. He groaned and cracked an eye open.

"Haven't these people heard of blinds?"

"Ah, Mister Potter. Awake I see."

"Not through choice. Good morning sir."

Professor Snape walked slowly up to Harry's bedside and handed him a clean set of robes.

"I'll be keeping your knife until I can be sure you won't use it for the wrong reasons. As for your diary..."

He held his hand out and waited for Harry to take it from him. Harry looked at it for a long moment before shaking his head.

"Have you read it, sir?"

"Only what you wrote last night. I must confess to letting Draco read it though."

"Oh. Well I suppose I do owe you for going in your pensieve in the fifth year. You may read it if you want, I..."

Harry stopped talking when the doors to the infirmary slammed open. Professor Snape ducked behind the pillar; he had an inkling as to who this would be and he didn't want to be seen, not yet anyway. He wasn't a spy for nothing. Harry eyed him curiously and Snape shook his head and nodded in the direction of the doors. Harry quickly cast a glamour on his arms and pulled off his pyjama top. He was starting to get dressed when the curtain was pulled from around his bed. Harry turned slowly and saw Ginny Weasley. He had a sneer on his face that made Snape proud.

"What are you doing here, Po... Harry?"

"I don't think that is any of your business, Ginny, do you?"

"You weren't in the dorm, your bed wasn't slept in and you weren't in the tower. As Gryffindor prefect I think it's a perfectly reasonable question to ask."

"And like I said, it's none of your business. Everyone has the right to some privacy, even me. Or has the laws of the land changed since last week and the boy-who-lived is now public property, therefore not entitled to mundane things like the right to go anywhere I want or even privacy?"

Without waiting for an answer Harry picked up his clothes and stalked past her. He went to the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind him. Snape was impressed that Harry kept his temper. Ginny Weasley stood there fuming. Madame Pomphrey came out to see what the commotion was only to come face to face with an irate Weasley.

"Are you ill Miss Weasley?"

"No Madame. I am just waiting for Po... Harry. Will you be releasing him today?"

The nurse's eyes narrowed at the slip over Harry's name. She, of course had read Harry's diary. She knew the depth of the Weasley girl's betrayal. Madame Pomphrey had spoken at length with Harry about this. Harry didn't want to let on that he knew. Not yet anyway. She had had to respect his decision. She knew that Harry would deal with the situation eventually, but he wouldn't be pushed into anything.

"He will be attending classes today."

"What was wrong with him?"

"Excuse me, Miss Weasley, but there is such a thing as patient confidentiality. I will not break that for anyone, not even the Headmaster."

"But I am his girlfriend!"

"Oh?"

'Since when? I don't recall seeing you support Harry at all in the last few months.'

The school nurse didn't say the last part aloud, but it took all of her self control not to.

"Be that as it may, it matters not who you are or what kind of relationship you have with Mister Potter. If Mister Potter wishes to tell you what ails him that is his business, but without his permission, I will not break his confidence."

"But I..."

Snape had had enough by this point. He silently stepped out from behind the pillar, directly behind the irate girl and cleared his throat. She spun around so fast that she almost lost her balance. Snape passed Madame Pomphrey some vials and sneered down at her whilst she tried to regain her composure.

"Here are the potions you asked for. Miss Weasley, are you ill?"

"No sir, I..."

"Then I suggest you vacate the infirmary. I believe you have a class with me in the dungeons in ten minutes, do you not?"

"Yes sir."

She glanced towards the bathroom door before flouncing off.

"I am beginning to despise that girl. You can come out now Harry, she's gone."

Harry poked his head around the door frame and on confirming the Professor's statement, he re-entered the infirmary.

"Thank you, sir."

Snape nodded. Madame Pomphrey began waving her wand in front of Harry, giving him one last check up before he left her tender mercies. Harry knew she was trying to say something.

"What's up?"

"When are you going to do something about that scheming shrew?"

"Madame Pomphrey!"

"Look Harry, you need to do something soon, she is going around saying she is your girlfriend."

"Yeah that's why she nearly calls me Potter but changes her mind at the last minute. I just need to sort thing out in my head, then I'll deal with them. I promise."

"Make sure you do. Now, about what happened…"

At this, Snape spoke up. He made sure he looked in Harry's eyes when he spoke just so the boy knew what he was saying was the truth.

"I have confiscated his knife. He will not be getting it back anytime soon and if I find that he has been using any other implements to feed his erm habit, I shall resurrect the Dark Lord and hand him over myself."

Both Harry and the nurse stared at the Potions Master aghast. Snape couldn't suppress a snort and he rolled his eyes.

"I assure you, I was jesting."

XxxxxxX

Harry sat alone at the end of Gryffindor's table and sat slowly eating a piece of toast whilst reading his potions text book. It was still early and very few people were in the hall, so when he felt eyes on him he cautiously looked up. From across the hall he saw Draco looking at him. He raised his goblet in silent salute and saw Draco nod back at him. Harry smirked as he recalled the look on his 'friends' faces when he had walked into the great hall, talking amicably to each other. In fact, the whole hall had gone silent as Draco had slapped Harry's shoulder in a friendly manner before heading to the Slytherin table. Ron, who was surprisingly up early and had been busy shovelling food down his throat, had gone nuclear at Harry who in turn stood up from his seat without speaking a word and walked to where he was presently sitting.

Harry used the opportunity to look around the hall and quick to notice Draco wasn't the only one watching him. He saw Professor Snape watching him and Harry convulsively swallowed. Snape raised an eyebrow in silent enquiry. Harry just nodded. From there, Harry saw Hagrid and Poppy watching him, both of whom beamed at him when they made eye contact. He smiled half heartedly at both of them. He blatantly ignored Dumbledore as he no longer trusted him and hadn't in a long time. He was about to return to his food when he heard the familiar screech of owls approaching. He looked up and could see his trusty snowy owl amidst all the brown and black feathers.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Ginny stand up and make her way over to him as Hedwig and a couple of other owls dropped their burden in front of him. By the time he had given them all a bit of his bacon and all but Hedwig had flown off, Ginny had sat herself beside him and was reaching for his mail. Harry turned to her and raised an eyebrow. A move he had picked up from Snape and spent hours perfecting. He was pleased with the effect and it got the intended reaction. Ginny flinched and her smile faltered. Harry spoke without emotion;

"What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Helping you with your mail, what does it look like?"

"Well, I'll tell you what, you let me open your mail and I'll let you open mine."

Ginny turned the wattage up on her smile and fluttered her eyelashes in what she thought was a charming manner. She turned the charm up from Gilderoy Lockhart to devoted house elf and Harry had to fight the urge to hurl. The last thing he wanted to do was re-visit his toast so early in the morning.

"But Harry, I am trying to help. You don't need to deal with all the fan mail; I can help you with that."

She again reached for the letter that Hedwig had delivered and took the letter from the pile. Harry could clearly see the Gringotts seal on the parchment. Harry quickly retrieved all his letters and snatched the Gringotts letter out of Ginny's hand. He put them quickly in his book bag and fastened it securely. He turned back to Ginny and spoke in a cold voice that carried around the hall.

"My mail is my business, not yours. If I catch you reading, intercepting or otherwise interfering with my mail, you can forget about magic; I'll ram your teeth so far down your throat; you'll have to shove a toothbrush up your arse to clean them. Do I make myself clear?"

Silence descended in the great hall as Harry's words registered. Some people, namely the Slytherin's, laughed openly at Harry's words. His 'friends' stormed up to Harry and Ginny began playing the abused girlfriend to her brother who, in turn, immediately began shouting at him, while Ginny glared at him with tears in her eyes. If they looked closely, those closest to them would have seen the calculating look in her eyes, but they were all focussed on Harry, Ron and Hermione. The latter purely because of the noise they were producing and the former because he just looked at them with expressionless eyes. Harry turned his back on them and offered an arm to Hedwig, who quickly perched there, and they both left the hall. As he walked to the doors, he could hear hushed whispers start up, following him out of the hall and as the doors swung shut the noise level rose exponentially.

Harry went outside and continued walking. He went around the back of Hagrid's hut and sat down and pulled out his letters. While he was arranging them in his lap, he saw Hedwig 'playing' with a mouse and he smiled a faint smile. He decided to read the letter from Gringotts first and as he read, he was thankful he had stopped Ginny from taking it. The more he read the angrier he got until, all of a sudden, he felt nothing. The 'door' on his emotions slammed shut. He calmly incinerated the letter so no one could read it, then pulled some parchment and scribbled of two quick notes. He rolled the both up and called his owl over from where she had finished 'playing' and was currently devouring the mouse. She flew over and landed on his knee and looked at her master.

"Please can you take this one to Professor Snape then head to Gringotts and deliver this one to Rotgut. Don't give them to anyone else and if Ginny tries to stop you, well I'm sure you can use your imagination. Fly safe and hurry home."

Hedwig hooted gently, nibbling gently on his finger before taking off. Harry watched her fly towards the school and decided to follow. He knew breakfast was still in session and he wanted to see if Ginny would be totally predictable and try to intercept Hedwig.

XxxxxxX

Harry stood just outside the doors, watching as Hedwig flew towards Professor Snape. He saw Ginny's eyes narrow as she locked onto to the large bird and she stood up. Harry suppressed a snort of laughter as Hedwig swooped down over Ginny and defecated on the redhead. Harry nearly swallowed his fist with the effort of trying not to laugh. It felt strange as he hadn't laughed in a long time. But where he remained silent, others didn't and laughter filled the hall when the students (and some of the professors) realised what had happened. He was glad to see Hedwig deliver her note and fly to safety but that changed as Ginny drew her wand on the bird. He was about to say something when he heard someone shout across the hall.

"I seriously hope you aren't about to cast a spell on an owl, Miss Weasley. You probably don't even realise that amounts to interference of mail and is actually punishable by a small term in Azkaban!"

Harry saw Ginny waver before sitting down with an evil look on her face. Harry let out the breath that he wasn't even aware he was holding.

'Merlin bless you, Professor Snape.'

Harry breathed a sigh of relief as Hedwig disappeared out of one of the windows. He decided to go in and see what Snape's reaction would be to his note. He calmly strode down the aisle, neither looking left or right and sat himself halfway down the table. Despite the fact he had eaten some toast already that morning a plate of food appeared in front of him. He pulled out his Transfiguration text and began eating and reading. He chanced a look up at the head table and saw both Dumbledore and Snape looking at him. The former in a calculating manner, and the latter nodded imperceptibly. Harry closed his eyes briefly before turning back to his food.

He was vaguely aware of at least three people coming up behind him and he knew straight away who it was. He chose to continue eating and totally ignored them. They stood there whispering for a few moments and Harry had to admit, he was beginning to get nervous. He heard his name being tossed about and that of Snape's. He knew they were up to something. Just as he was about to turn around he became aware of them moving away. He turned his head slightly to watch them exit the hall. Whatever they were talking about probably wouldn't bode well for him. He finished his meal and left the hall. He knew he would need to beat Weasley and Granger to the classroom in the hope of avoiding a confrontation. Luckily for him, he had memorised the Marauder's Map over previous years, therefore he knew all the secret passages and shortcuts throughout the castle. He only used the map now to see who was where.

He managed to get there just as Professor McGonagall opened the door to her classroom and Harry immediately entered and sat down at the rear of the classroom. Professor McGonagall watched with interest as Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger walked in with smirks on their faces. She watched as they noticed Harry in the corner and the smirks were erased from their faces. She didn't think anything of it so went to the front of the class. Ron and Hermione sat talking in hushed tones whilst throwing glares in Harry's direction. But they had little effect as Harry was busy studying his text book. Harry only looked up when Draco sat down next to him. He smiled at the blonde before turning his attention to the Professor at the front of the classroom as she began lecturing them on the finer points of Animagus transformations.

XxxxxxX

Harry had held Draco back at the end of Transfiguration and waited for Hermione and Ron to leave the classroom ahead of them. He knew they all had potions and also knew Professor Snape would not tolerate tardiness from him even though they were on better terms now. Draco was busy trying to hurry to the dungeon but Harry held him back.

"What are you doing? We'll be late!"

He hissed at Harry doing a marvellous impression of parseltongue. Harry just smirked.

"I just fancied waging some psychological warfare on Weasley and Granger before I go for the throat."

"Huh?"

"Muggle stuff. Come on, follow me, I know a short cut."

Harry led him through some secret passageways and they were soon in the dungeon classroom, ahead of everyone else. Draco looked at him in disbelief.

"What the… why?"

"Because I think they're trying to get me in trouble with the Professors. I guarantee they will try and say something to Professor Snape. Just watch. This will really mess with theirs heads."

Harry sat down at the back of the classroom, cloaked in shadows. Draco, curious, sat next to him. He was about to say something when the object of their discussion walked through the door and up to Professor Snape's desk. Harry nudged Draco and held a flesh coloured string out. Seeing one dangling from Harry's ear, he copied the action and soon he could hear everything being said as clear as if they were stood at the desk as well.

"Sir. I feel it is my duty to inform you, as prefect, that Potter will not be attending your class today."

Harry and Draco saw the Professor's gaze flicker to them before fixing Hermione with a glare that could melt steel.

"Oh and where will Mister Potter be if he is not attending this class?"

"I overheard him say he couldn't be bothered with sitting in the dungeon for two hours, so he was going out on his broom."

"Really, well thank you for bringing this to my attention."

"Your welcome, Professor."

Harry nearly gagged on the sugary sweet voice Hermione had put on; it reminded him of Professor Umbitch from the fifth year. He leaned over to say as much to Draco who snorted in a totally undignified manner.

"What punishment do you think you deserve, Potter? After all, truancy is against the rules."

Harry and Draco quickly retrieved their extendible ears and Harry nearly laughed aloud as Hermione spun around so fast she lost her balance and ended up on the floor. She looked towards the back of the classroom and saw Harry sat next to Draco. Harry fixed her with a cold look before turning to the professor.

"Yes sir. I suppose I could clean out some cauldrons, you know, when I get back from flying around on my broom, after all, I can't be bothered sitting around in the dungeon for the next two hours, can I Hermione?"

"But you… we left you…"

"Yes?"

"I…"

"I think thirty points from Gryffindor and detention is in order for not getting your facts straight, Miss Granger. The same for you Mr Weasley. Two weeks I think. With Filch. Now find your desk or leave this classroom!"

They stammered for a moment before sitting down at the front of the classroom. Harry was trying hard, but failing in suppressing his laughter. They saw the directions for the potion appear on the board and they spent the remainder of the lesson completing the potion. At the end of the lesson, Snape told Harry to stay behind and he waited until everyone had left the classroom before approaching the desk. Harry opened his mouth to speak but stopped when Snape held his hand up. Harry watched as he pointed his wand at the door and smirked when he heard two muffled yells. Harry waited for the professor to finish putting locking charms on the door before he added his own silencing charms to the mix.

Snape gestured to the chair in front of the desk and Harry took the hint. Before he could say anything, Harry handed him a letter with the Gringotts seal on it. Harry watched as Snape read his letter. It was amusing to see the Potions Master try to suppress his emotions and if the situation wasn't so serious he probably would have laughed. Snape placed the letter on the table in front of him and leaned back in his chair. He looked at Harry with the usual piercing gaze and Harry decided to let him in. Snape was bombarded with images of what Harry's 'friends' had done and said to him since Voldemort's demise. Snape also looked for evidence of self harming, but he didn't find anything other than what he had seen a couple of days ago.

"I see. How do you feel Harry?"

"I'm fine, Sir."

Snape just glared at him and Harry shook his head.

"Alright, fine. You want to know the truth? I don't feel anything, Sir. Not a damn thing. I have known for a few weeks, or rather I have suspected they would try something. I just wasn't sure what they would try though. This is why I need your help, Sir."

"Oh and why would that be?"

"Today, I noticed Ginny was paying particular attention to what I ate and after reading the letter you've just read, I must confess it has made me nervous. I don't want to seem arrogant or anything but I wouldn't be surprised if they made their move soon. I don't know what they might have planned but I'd like to be prepared for anything, so I was wondering, would it be possible to have a bezoar or anti-venom? I would gladly pay for it, I…"

"Harry, stop babbling."

Harry watched as Snape stood up and stalked to the ingredients cabinet and rummage around before walking back to the desk. On his way back to the desk, Snape paused at his substantial bookcase and pulled a slim book out. He placed the shrivelled kidney shaped object and book in front of Harry and sat back down.

"I'd like you to read this book. In it there are some excellent detection charms that could prove useful to you, if your suspicions are correct. I would recommend chapter five, section two."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Now, Harry. I'd like to see you arms please."

"My arms, sir?"

"Yes, those long appendages that have grown out of your shoulders. They have hands at the end. Arms."

Harry sighed and rolled his eyes at the Professor's droll humour before rolling his sleeves up and baring his arms for the professor to see. Snape waved his wand and cast finite incantatum just to make sure. He reached out and ran his hands over the scars that had now fully healed. He nodded to himself before casting some strong glamour's. He then released his grip on Harry's arms. Harry unrolled his sleeves and sat back in his chair.

"Harry, you need to be careful not to let anyone see these scars, they could be used against you. Especially by those who seek to claim your fortune."

"I understand, Sir."

"This brings me to my next point. When will you be dealing with that little problem?"

"Well, Sir, I think you should go to the great hall for dinner tonight. There might be a rather interesting conversation taking place that you might enjoy. Please extend the invitation to Poppy; I know she wouldn't miss it for the world. After all, she's been nagging me to do something about this for ages."

"Very well. Oh and Harry? When we are alone, you may call me Severus."

"Thank you, Sir. Severus."

"On to another point, in the last potions lesson, your potion was sabotaged, but you managed to save my godson from a grievous injury whilst getting injured yourself. As you performed such a selfless act on a fellow student, a Slytherin no less, I think I will give you twenty points."

Harry tried not to let his jaw drop. Twenty points from Snape, to a Gryffindor no less, was high praise indeed. He nodded in acknowledgement.

"Thank you, Severus."

XxxxxxX

Harry stood outside the great hall, trying to get his nerve together for the confrontation that was inevitable. He had, that morning received notification from Gringotts that there had been an attempted withdrawal from one of his vaults. He knew exactly who was responsible for the attempt and decided enough was enough. This had to end, and it had to end now. He thought back to that morning and almost growled. Almost. For too long people had told him how to run his life, well not anymore. He just had to wait for the right moment.

He slammed the double doors open and stood there, pausing for effect while looking around the hall. Upon seeing him Draco nodded to him as did Snape. Harry returned the gesture to both. Noticeably to the former and imperceptibly to the latter. Madame Pomphrey was watching him intently, Dumbledore frowned and his 'friends' glared. Ginny, upon seeing Harry at the doors, turned her sneer into a sugary sweet smile that would have turned the stomach of the most hardened Deatheater. She stood up and sashayed her way up the aisle towards him. Harry fought the techni-colour yawn that threatened and snorted. She obviously had a short memory if she had forgotten what had been said that morning. Harry walked down the aisle and brushed rudely past her. He heard an indignant squeak from behind him and smirked.

He parked himself in his usual spot, near the head table. Snape watched as Harry covertly cast a few detection charms on his food before he began eating and he nodded his approval. Harry saw the gesture and nodded imperceptibly to the Professor before turning back to his food. His arm was nudged as Ginny planted herself down almost in his lap blocking his line of vision to his plate. If he hadn't been suspicious of her he would have reached around her and carried on eating but he looked at her with contempt before shoving her onto the floor. A shocked silence filled the hall as people realised what Harry had done. Ginny's face turned a lovely shade of purple before she starting shrieking at the top of her lungs.

"What the hell is wrong with you? How dare you treat me like that?"

The right moment had arrived. Snape watched as the volcano erupted, albeit without emotion.

"How dare I? More like how dare you? You have latched onto me since day one, acting all lovey dovey, when in fact, all the while you and your mother have been scheming and trying to find a way to claim my fortune from under my nose. There are members of your family who still speak to me and they are appalled by your blatant attempts at trying to get my money. Tell me something Ginny, when did I propose?"

There was no emotion in Harry's voice and people sitting nearby wondered how the normally volatile temper of Harry Potter was being controlled, when normally, he would have and should have exploded by now. Ginny's face drained of blood as Harry's words registered and she looked around her like a trapped rat trying to find an escape route.

"I…"

"According to Gringotts, you are my betrothed and as such you had, as is your right as my fiancée, drawn up my will. But you seem to have forgotten one little detail. You are the Hogwarts bike. You spend more time on your back than you do on your feet. You have been ridden more times than one of Malfoy's horses. No offence Draco!"

This last sentence was shouted across the hall towards the Slytherin table. There was a smattering of sniggers as every pureblood in the hall knew the Malfoy's horses were show horses and won in almost every show, race or event they were entered in. Draco just smirked and nodded. He found this highly entertaining and judging from the ill concealed grin on his godfather's face, so did he. He tuned back into what Harry was saying, not quite believing that Harry hadn't yet lost his temper, his face an emotionless mask.

"I wouldn't marry you if you were the last witch on Earth. You are nothing more than a whore. I am surprised you thought you could get away with it. You must be really dense if you thought that the Goblins wouldn't let me know? After all, a Last Will and Testament requires the signature of the benefactor, especially when the estate is as large as mine. I have known all along that you were only after my fortune; Gringotts just confirmed it for me.

"As such I have had a new will drawn up that will remain sealed until my death as is the norm. But before you get any ideas, Miss Weasley, I have also left instructions that if I die in an untimely fashion, there is to be a full investigation. So I hope you haven't got anything untoward planned for me. I hear Azkaban gets rather chilly at this time of year."

Harry turned to his plate and waved his wand over it. He wasn't too surprised to see a pale, sickly green glow. He was oddly pleased to see Ginny's face pale further. He ignored her and turned back to his plate and looked at the glow with an odd look on his face. He seemed almost entranced by it and without thinking, he reached for it. Seeing this from the head table and having a rough idea what was going through Harry's mind at that moment, Snape decided now was a good time to intervene. He knew full well that self harmers of Harry's calibre couldn't help themselves and they would find any opportunity to inflict harm upon themselves whether they meant to or not. He couldn't let that happen. Especially in front of so many people which included the manipulative Headmaster. He stalked up to the Gryffindor table and came to a stop behind Harry, giving him a discreet nudge. He repeated the charms for his own information then turned to Harry who had snapped out of his trance and looked sheepishly at the Professor.

"You cast the charm when you first arrived?"

Snape already knew the answer, but asked anyway for the benefit of those listening.

"Yes sir."

"And the result?"

"It was clear sir."

"Miss Weasley, would you be so kind as to empty you pockets."

"I don't see why I should."

"Severus, kindly explain why you are harassing the students."

Both Harry and Snape turned to face the Headmaster. His eyes had a twinkle that would put Christmas tree lights to shame.

"I have received some disturbing news from Gringotts regarding my fiancée and my fortune."

"Your fiancée? I wasn't aware you had proposed to anyone."

Dumbledore looked surprised at that piece of information, which would have been quite amusing if the situation hadn't been so serious. After all, the Headmaster was exceedingly hard to surprise. He always gave the impression that he knew everything that went on in the school.

"That's funny, neither was I?"

"Excuse me, but that doesn't explain why you are…"

"Accio potion vials."

"Mister Potter, you know the rules concerning…"

Snape watched with mild amusement as Harry cast the summoning spell at Ginny. He wasn't even surprised when several vials flew towards Harry effectively shutting Dumbledore up. With reflexes honed from hours of seeker training, Harry caught them all. By this time Ron and Hermione had joined them and both began screaming at Harry.

"You should have died with Voldemort you snake loving freak!"

"You slimy deatheater wannabe! Why did you attack my sister like that? You'll pay for that!"

They both continued shouting obscenities, not hearing the gasps of shock and horror coming from the other students and some of the Professors. Hermione punched Harry in the jaw, spinning him around whilst Ron pulled his wand and began casting a spell. Harry just managed to throw up a shield as it hit. The shield managed to stop most of the curse getting through, but a cut opened up Harry's shoulder and there was a collective gasp from the surrounding students as the older ones especially, recognised the cutting curse. Snape spun around and snarled at him.

"One month's detention. On top of what you are already serving!"

The surprise, however, came from the Headmaster. The look on his face reminded everyone present why Voldemort had been wary of attacking Dumbledore. The air around the Headmaster positively crackled with magical energy.

"Oh no. I'm afraid that just will not do, I'm afraid. Mr Weasley, you are herby suspended from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for two months for a second, unprovoked attack on a student. You are also from this point, stripped of your position and captaincy of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. You…"

"You can't do that! I am the best…"

"How dare you interrupt the Headmaster!"

"Erm, Professors?"

They all turned to look at Harry, who was flexing his jaw and holding his shoulder gingerly. People closest to him could see the large bruise already forming on his jaw and the blood soaking into the sleeve of his robes. Ron Ginny and Hermione were sending death glares his way.

"Perhaps we should go somewhere more private."

At those words, Ron and Hermione paled and looked around as they realised they had just attacked Harry in front of a hall full of witnesses. Ginny just sneered.

"You are correct, of course Harry. Let's adjourn to my office shall we? Professor Snape, if you would be so kind as to analyse the food on Mister Potter's plate and the residue in those vials."

"Of course, Headmaster. Harry, if you please."

Harry handed the vials to Snape, then turned and cast a stasis charm on his plate before handing it to the professor. Snape, in turn nodded his thanks before stalking down to the dungeons.

The Weasley siblings and Hermione were marched up to the Headmaster's office at wand point and Harry followed close behind. It wasn't until they reached their destination that Harry realised the school nurse had followed them as well. The gargoyle moved to the side and the entourage made their way up the staircase and into the office. Harry claimed a chair close to the door and watched as his 'friends' were seated in front of Dumbledore's desk. The school nurse crouched in front of Harry and began healing the bruise on his jaw and his shoulder. The nurse was able to close the wound on his shoulder but due to the depth of the cut, Harry knew he would have another scar.

"Now, would someone be so kind as to explain what the problem is?"

Ron, Ginny and Hermione all started talking at once; predictably blaming Harry for the trouble they were now in. Dumbledore held up his hand and silenced them with a look.

"One at a time, please."

"Professor Dumbledore, perhaps you should read this first. It explains a few things."

Harry walked around Poppy and up to the desk and passed the Headmaster the letter from Gringotts. He returned to his chair and was about to sit down when Snape entered the office at that point and looked around the room before crossing the room to stand next to Harry. They both watched as Dumbledore's normally genial expression had darkened with anger. Snape leaned over and whispered in Harry's ear causing Harry to strain hard to hear.

"How much are you going to tell him?"

"Just what's in the letter that you read earlier."

"So nothing about…"

"No. I don't trust him that far. Not yet. What was in those vials?"

That was when Dumbledore noticed his Potions Professor had arrived.

"Ahh Severus. Would you be so kind as to tell us your findings?"

Snape walked over to the desk and placed the vials there before referring to a piece of parchment.

"All but one of the vials contained an adapted form of Unctuous Unction (1) The unadapted form of this potion makes the drinker believe the giver is their best friend, but this form makes the drinker believe the giver is their lover, spouse etc. Harry's plate, food and the remaining vial however, had traces of arsenic, a muggle poison. If my calculations are correct, then with these levels, if Harry had eaten the food on his plate he would've become extremely ill within the next twelve hours, dead in a maximum of forty-eight. (2)"

Harry looked at Ginny in disbelief. He knew she was angry and jealous where his unwanted fame and fortune were concerned. The same could be said for Ron and Hermione. He couldn't believe that she would try and kill him just to get his fortune. She glared defiantly back. Even Ron and Hermione looked at her in shock. Harry tried several times to speak and had to swallow before he was successful.

"Why?"

"Because the first potion wasn't working. You were supposed to fall in love with me. We would have been married this summer if you had just drunk the potion, but no, you had to be a stubborn arse. So I decided to go to the next step. I wanted you and your money, but you weren't having any of it, were you? If…"

Hearing enough Harry waved his wand and silenced her before collapsing to the floor, a single tear rolling down his cheek. To catch her red handed, so to speak, was one thing, but to hear her openly admit it hurt him on levels he could never reach by himself. Snape rushed to his side and helped him to a chair. A shocked silence filled the office. Dumbledore bound her in her chair and stalked over to the fireplace. After throwing in the floo powder, he called outd the vials there before reading from a piece of parchment.ose of this storys chair. be a stubborn arse. sor.;

"Amelia Bones Office, Ministry of Magic."

Dumbledore spoke for a minute before stepping through. Ginny sat glaring in her chair while Ron and Hermione just looked at her as if she was a scary exhibit in a museum. Snape caught Madame Pomphrey's eye and indicated he needed help. She quickly went to his side and began whispering soothing words to Harry whilst trying to feed him a calming draught. But Harry had closed off so much he was virtually catatonic and didn't or couldn't drink the potion. Snape cursed under his breath. He could hear Weasley and Granger hissing to each other and he turned to them and glared. He was pleased to see them pale under his glare.

"Please, Sir, you have to listen…"

"And why should I do that?"

"We honestly had no idea what Ginny had planned. We…"

Madame Pomphrey turned and levelled a glare at that put Snape to shame.

"And why should we believe you? You have actively turned your back on Harry and spoken against him since his victory in the final battle and why? Because you couldn't claim some acclaim for yourselves, you were so jealous of the attention that Harry got but didn't want. You both spread lies about him, turned people against him and for what? Fame? Glory? Well I hope it was worth it!

"You, Granger, are mad at Harry because his grades have improved to the point where you are no longer top of the class anymore and he's done it without your help. What's wrong, can't handle a little competition? I can't believe you have thrown Harry away over a few petty grades. Or does it run deeper than that? Have you abandoned Harry just because your boyfriend says so? I can't believe you would be so shallow.

"And what about you, Weasley? You have been jealous of his fortune since the day you met him. Did it not occur to you that Harry only has the fortune he's got due to his family dying? No, you are blind to everything but how it makes you feel, how it should be you with the fame and fortune. Well here's some news for you, Harry is actually jealous of you, did you know that? You all have a loving family, a family that cares for you, cherishes you and is willing to sacrifice everything they have for you. Harry's family has already made that sacrifice and look what it's got him. Fame and fortune he doesn't want and friends who only wanted to know him for that fame. He would gladly give his fortune up just to have his family back."

Poppy took a deep breath before turning to face Ginny.

"And as for you, you little shrew…"

She turned to face Ginny, whose sneer remained on her face. Snape went over the words Poppy had spoken in his mind. Harry, jealous of Weasley. That took some getting over. But when he thought about it, he recalled the memories he saw when he taught Harry Occlumency and realised Harry's jealousy was justified. Snape continued to watch Poppy lay into the students with some mild satisfaction. He was silently cheering the irate nurse on, enjoying every moment of her tirade He would have added his two Knuts worth when a voice rang out from the other side of the office.

"Poppy, please calm yourself."

Snape turned to see Dumbledore watching exchange of words with interest. He hadn't even heard him come back and he raised an eyebrow in question but before anything could be said, the fire place flared up and Amelia Bones came through closely followed by Kingsley Shacklebolt. Snape shared a look with Poppy before turning his attention back to Harry. Dumbledore could be heard to confer with the head of the MLE, but Snape tuned him out, he had more important things to focus on. Harry sat in his chair not moving, he gazed blankly at a point over Poppy's shoulder. Snape rose slowly to his feet and stepped away from him, pulling the nurse with him. They whispered in hushed tones, trying to figure out how to snap Harry out of his stupor.

XxxxxxX

Harry came slowly to awareness. All he could remember is Ginny's words and they had cut deeper than his knife ever could. He looked around slowly and realised he was still in Dumbledore's office. Ginny was bound to her chair and Harry was sure if the silencing charm was removed, she would be shouting at the top of her voice. Ron and Hermione sat in front of the desk, hissing to each other while casting furtive glances Ginny's way. Severus, (crikey, it feels weird calling him that.) and Poppy were talking quickly but quietly over in the corner and Dumbledore was still talking to the Auror and head of MLE. Hearing the different voices grated on his nerves, he had to get out of there and fast. No body but the portraits were watching him so he quickly but quietly left the office, hoping his absence wouldn't be noticed for a while at least, giving him time to calm down and think things through.

He walked through the halls and passages and soon noticed the portraits watching him. He cursed himself for not remembering Dumbledore's ability to know everything that went on in the school and quickly ducked behind a tapestry that he knew was hiding a secret staircase down to the dungeon. He focussed hard on what he had learned in transfiguration that week and willed himself to transform. He knew whatever he was, it was big and had feathers. He felt his body 'shift' and suddenly the world seemed a lot bigger and he noticed his eyesight had improved dramatically. He looked down and saw large feet with equally large talons. He opened his mouth to say something but all that emitted was a loud screech.

Harry immediately shut his mouth/beak and stood there, indecisively. He decided the quickest way through these halls was to fly and he instinctively flapped his wings. He marvelled at the size of his wingspan as the tips of his wings brushed against the walls of the narrow passageway. He flapped his wings a few times before he lifted off and flew down the staircase into the dungeon, continuing down the darkened halls into the very bowels of the castle. He found a corridor leading to the lower dungeons and turned down it. From previous observations of the Map, he knew few people ventured this far into the dungeons, not even the Slytherins. He quickly came upon a portrait of Salazar Slytherin himself and stopped before him.

Slytherin watched with interest as a large bird of prey flew towards him. The bird flapped its wings a few time and bought itself to a stop. The snake beside him hissed and he laid a gentle hand on the reptiles head while watching the bird before him. From the plumage, he would say the bird was male, but it was still young judging from the size of it. He marvelled at the size of the wingspan which easily exceeded six foot, as they flapped a few more times before being folded neatly into the body He was even more amazed when the bird before him transformed into a young man, bowed respectfully to him and spoke in hushed tones.

"Greetings upon your house, Lord Slytherin. I request passage into the room beyond your portrait. Would you be so gracious as to grant me said passage?"

The portrait looked at him appraisingly before turning to the snake beside him in the painting.

"Do you think he is worthy to enter these rooms?"

"He is respectful, Master. More so than long beard."

"You are correct. Should I grant him passage?"

Harry couldn't stop the snort of laughter escaping and Slytherin looked at him with a sneer.

"And what, pray tell, do you find so amusing?"

"Forgive my disrespect. I just didn't expect you to ask your beautiful snakes opinion…"

"You can understand the language of the serpent?"

"Yes. Sir. I can speak it as well."

"He is worthy, he has, after all found our portrait, he couldn't 'see' it if he wasn't worthy My Lord; he also recognises beauty when he sees it."

"Careful Tanith, (3) we wouldn't want your head to enlarge too much from the compliments, would we?"

"At least this young man recognises a lady when he sees one."

Harry's lips quirked slightly. He wanted to laugh but he couldn't. He hadn't laughed in a long time. Not properly anyway. In any case, he didn't want to risk offending either of them. He stood and waited patiently for them to open the portrait for him. He listened to them talk about the manners of people today and without meaning to, he coughed, startling the two subjects. They looked at him and the portrait swung open. He thanked them and entered the room quickly, closing the portrait behind him. He looked around and soon realised this was someone's private study. He looked towards the door and saw Slytherin and Tanith watching him. He raised an eyebrow in question.

"These are, or should I say were, my private rooms. As you have come upon us, you have been deemed worthy of using these rooms. The present Headmaster knows of these rooms, but his arrogance deemed him unworthy of entering these rooms. Whilst you are in these rooms, you will not be disturbed. If you need assistance, you may call upon either Tanith or myself."

"Thank you Lord Slytherin, I appreciate your hospitality. I will endeavour to protect and preserve everything I use or find in these rooms."

Harry watched as Slytherin and Tanith disappear through to the other side of the portrait, leaving him alone to look around. In the silence of the room Harry looked around. Everywhere he looked, were books. Books on shelves, books stacked in piles on the floors, piled on the desk and chairs. He sat down in the nearest available chair and thought about what had happened earlier in Dumbledore's office. He sat there a while when he felt something tickle his cheek. He reached up and wiped his cheek. He looked at his hand and was surprised to see it come away wet. He looked at what were obviously tears in shock. He looked around the room and saw a potions set on the table next to him.

He picked up items listlessly and returned them to their original place on the table. He stopped, however when he saw the potions knife. He picked it up and held it loosely in his hand. He brought the knife up so he could examine it closely. It was a beautifully crafted implement. He held it up and looked at it. Something shifted behind him but he didn't look up. He was so deep in thought that Voldemort could have done a tap dance in front of him wearing a sparkly pink tutu and he wouldn't have noticed. The edge of the blade caught the light. Like a moth drawn to a flame Harry brought the knife to his arm and without thinking twice, drew the blade across his skin. He almost sighed with relief as the flesh split open and the pain registered. He did it again and again until his arm burned with the pain.

But following the pain and relief, came the guilt. Poppy and Severus had done so much for him and he had basically thrown it back in their faces by cutting again. Tears spilled over his eyelids and he wept. He was vaguely aware of more shuffling and he gathered his emotions together and wiped his eyes before turning around. He saw Slytherin and Tanith watching him with sad eyes. He drew his wand and cleaned the knife carefully before replacing it on the table. He took notice of the books piled high around the room. He stood up and moved to the nearest stack and at looked at some of the titles. There were a large number of potions books and Harry grabbed one from the pile and began reading. He became so engrossed in the tome that he didn't realise the passage of time. He heard someone clear their throat and he looked up to see Tanith watching him. Alone this time.

"How may I serve you, Tanith?"

"My lord wishes to know if you will be remaining here overnight."

Harry looked at his watch and started as he saw the time. It was after curfew.

"I'd better go, but I really..."

"If I might be so bold as to make a suggestion?"

"Please, by all means."

"If you go through the door to the right of the bookcase, it will lead to the kitchens. If you tap the frame of the mirror and say 'vigilo' the mirror will show you the kitchens and who is in there. The door is hidden by a mirror identical to the one you see here and the password is 'nutritor'"

Harry looked intrigued by that piece of information.

"The door to the left leads to the seventh floor. The door from the seventh floor is protected by a statue of Apophis. The password to enter these rooms that way is 'Talio'."

"Thank you Tanith, I will guard the location of these rooms with my life."

"I am sure you will, but let is hope it does not come to that, shall we? Now, the door to the left of the fireplace leads to Lord Slytherin's bedchamber and the door directly in front of you leads to his potions laboratory. My lord has granted his permission for you to use it."

"Please thank him for me; it is most gracious of him."

"If you decide to remain here, which you are of course most welcome to do, you might want to call a house elf to you so they can relay a message to a chosen member of staff on your behalf. We feel the current head of the house of Slytherin would be a most worthy confidant."

"Thank you Tanith, I shall do so. May I enquire as to Lord Slytherin's whereabouts?"

"You may, he remains in the portrait guarding the entrance. Several Professors of the school, including long beard, have been patrolling these halls. They seem quite worried about something. My lord asked me to inform you of your potential choices as I would not be missed by anyone whereas he would."

"Thank you."

The snake bowed before retreating to Slytherin's side. Harry walked over to the mirror and tapped the frame with his wand and said 'vigilo'. An image faded into view and he could see the kitchen's beyond. He saw the room was empty except for a few elves. He slowly pushed the door opened and looked around. Immediately, an elf appeared before him and curtseyed deeply.

"How may Nemmy help you sir?"

"Could you do me a favour please Nemmy? Could you please inform Professor Snape that I am safe and unharmed? I have found refuge in some long forgotten rooms and I will see him in the morning."

"Yes sir. Would sir like Nemmy to retrieve his clothes for morning?"

"Yes please, could you also get my book bag as well please?"

"Yes sir, Nemmy is doing it right away."

"That would be great, thank you, I shall wait here."

Nemmy disappeared and reappeared carrying a tray with teapot, mug and milk jug. The elf then popped out leaving Harry to his tea. The elf had barely been gone two minutes when Professor Snape himself, walked through the door. They looked at each other before Professor Snape crossed the threshold and shut the door. Harry conjured up another mug and raised an eyebrow in question. Snape nodded and sat down opposite Harry and watched him pour another mug of tea. They sat drinking their tea in silence.

"I have just received word that you have found refuge away from Gryffindor tower for tonight."

"Yes sir."

Snape just looked at him.

"Sorry, I mean Severus. I just had to get out of Dumbledore's office. Being near that... that bitch and after hearing what she said. It hurt. Really hurt."

Severus looked at him and Harry had to look away. He felt Severus take his hand and felt the sleeve of his robe slide up his wrist. He didn't even try to fight it. It would have been pointless and he knew it. He just sat there looking at the table. He heard Severus draw in a breath of shock as his arm was exposed.

"Oh Harry."

"I'm sorry sir, I couldn't help it, I tried. I really did try, but I just couldn't stop."

They were both interrupted by Nemmy's return. She was carrying Harry's bag with her but there was an urgent air about her. She stopped before them, handed Harry his bag and bowed deeply.

"Professor Sir, Dumblydore is on his way here, you's mustn't be letting him see this."

Harry jumped up and looked around with a wild look in his eye.

"Harry, you need to calm yourself. Where is this room you have found?"

Harry immediately went over to the mirror and whispered the password. Severus was surprised when a door swung open. Harry looked back at him and the elf and beckoned them forward. Nemmy snapped her fingers and the tea tray vanished before popping away. Severus and Harry both entered the room quickly. Harry shut the door and then tapped the frame and muttered 'vigilo'. To Severus's surprise, the mirror became a window. They watched as Dumbledore and McGonagall entered the kitchens. They had a good look around, questioned a few house elves, then left. Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Saying finite he turned his back on the mirror and wandered into the study.

Severus watched him with a concerned eye as Harry picked up the book that was on the chair and sat down and drew his knees up to his chest and started rocking ever so slightly. He could hear Harry mumbling quietly to himself and he moved closer. He quickly realised Harry wasn't mumbling, he was singing. Harry's eyes were closed, but tears leaked out from under his eyelids and he seemed to be feeling the very words he was singing. Severus listened to the words and heard more pain and emotion in them than he had heard from Harry all evening.

"…Heaven's gates won't open up for me, with these broken wings I'm falling, and all I see is you.

These city walls ain't got no love for me, I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth storey and, oh, I scream for you…" (4)

Severus felt something tickle his cheek and went to wipe it away. He was shocked when his fingers came away wet and quickly realised hearing the words Harry was quietly singing had moved him to tears. He wiped his face quickly and schooled his features; after all, he had a reputation as a hard-assed professor to maintain. He looked towards Harry again and saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He looked up and his jaw would have become unhinged if it wasn't for the years of occlumency. He walked slowly towards the portrait and bowed deeply.

"Lord Slytherin, I apologise for the intrusion, but I am here..."

"For young Harry, of course. You are the current head of Slytherin are you not?"

"That is correct."

Tanith hissed to Slytherin and he laughed deeply. Severus looked puzzled and actually jumped when Harry spoke from the other side of the room.

"Tanith likes you; she thinks you are a worthy successor for the headship of the house of Slytherin."

Severus bowed to Tanith before turning his attention to Harry, who he noticed had turned his attention back to the book in his hand. He sat down next to Harry and Harry looked into his eyes. Flashes of memories flickered past as Severus watched and he caught to idea of the emotional pain he was going through. The haunted look remained in his eyes and Severus couldn't help himself. He put his arm around Harry. He felt Harry stiffen under his touch so Severus released him.

"Harry, listen to me. What Miss Weasley did was unforgivable. She has been removed from this school and taken to the Ministry. She will not be returning. Mister Weasley and Miss Granger have been suspended. Granger has lost her prefect badge and Weasley has lost the captaincy and position on the Gryffindor team. Let's just say Gryffindor house is not happy with them at the loss of so many house points. Which reminds me, they both wish to speak to you but I have told them you are not taking visitors. I suggest you keep your distance until you know what you want to do about them.

"As you may have gathered, the Headmaster is unaware of your whereabouts. Whatever you do, don't tell him where you are staying. Apart from Nemmy, Dobby and I, no one else knows you are here. I think it best that you remain in these rooms when you are not in lessons. I assume from the very fact you were able to enter them Lord Slytherin has given his permission. I would say use your cloak to move about the grounds but that may not be so feasible now. I will find a way for…"

"Erm, Professor, if I may interrupt?"

At the Professors nod, Harry continued.

"How are you around birds?"

"I don't see how…"

Harry put his book down and transformed and Severus took in the adolescent Golden Eagle before him. He held out his arm and Harry flew over and perched on the offered limb. Severus gently stroked the wing of the heavy bird before Harry flew off his arm and landed back on the chair. He transformed back and picked up his book before sitting down. He gestured to the chair opposite for Severus to sit in, which he did.

"That is quite impressive, Mr Potter. This is certainly one way for you to move around the castle unseen. Am I right in thinking that no one else knows you have completed your transformation?"

Harry nodded but didn't say anything. Severus was concerned to see Harry was still tensed up. Severus stood up and looked around the room. He saw the book in Harry's hands and gently took it off him. He was surprised to see a potions text. One written by Slytherin himself. Harry had not only been reading it, but was seemingly enjoyed it. He held it out and Harry took it from him.

"Harry, let me see your arms, please."

Harry, with some reluctance, put the book down and held his arms out. Severus waved his wand over the cuts and cleaned as well as healed the cuts. He watched Harry whilst doing it and was concerned to see no change in expression. Harry realised Severus was watching him and he pulled his arms away and rolled his sleeves down. The last thing he needed from anyone was pity. He would deal with things in his own way.

"Harry, look at me."

Harry turned slowly and faced the normally abrupt teacher. He had expected to see pity but all he saw was understanding and compassion. He swallowed and looked away. He felt a hand take his chin and he was forced to look at Severus. As if sensing his thought Severus shook his head.

"Harry, I don't pity you. I understand it's hard, life hasn't been fair to you, but it will all get better. You have to realise that this isn't the way. Just promise me you won't do this again."

"I can't do that, Sir."

"And why not?"

"I thought you said you understood."

"I do, but…"

"Look, Severus. I can't make that promise."

"Please, tell me why. I need to hear it from your own mouth. Talk to me, damn it!"

Harry sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He slumped in his chair and closed his eyes.

"I have tried to stop on so many occasions but have failed each time. The longest I went without hurting myself is two months. I get to the point where I need to 'feel' something. I scrutinise every sharp object I come across and think; 'what kind of damage can I do with this?' Do you know what that's like? I am literally unable to hold a knife in my hand without feeling the urge to cut. I suppress it as much as I can but it calls to me. Oh I don't know, it's hard to explain."

"Harry, I am trying to understand but you need to be honest with yourself and I'd like you to be honest with me."

"How can I explain it? Imagine you're in a potions lab, all your cauldrons bubbling away, the different aromas of the various concoctions and ingredients. How do you feel?"

"I suppose it would be most agreeable. You may or may not be aware Harry, but Potions is my passion. Teaching is just a necessary evil I must contend with."

"Fair enough, so we have your 'happy place.'"

Severus winced at the terminology, but nodded.

"Right, now imagine your cauldrons have been emptied, all potions and ingredients destroyed. You would be less than happy with this turn of events, am I right?"

At Harry's words, Severus felt something shift inside him. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. He nodded in answer to Harry's question. Harry continued in the same monotonous tone.

"If you were given the opportunity to smell just one ingredient, just to be taken back to your 'happy place,' what would you do?"

"I would take the opportunity, without question."

"I know it's a bad analogy, but it's the only one I could use to get you to understand. I have felt like a robot for these last few months. Nothing I have tried has worked except this. Do you understand now, Sir?"

"No. I won't pretend to. There is no way I can truly understand without going through what you have gone through. All I can do is try to understand."

Harry nodded and sat back in his seat. Severus had questions he wanted answered, but wasn't sure how to ask them. Harry, sensing this looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Severus lifted his own in response.

"Harry, you said you have felt like a robot for the last few months. Could you explain what you meant by that?"

"I felt like I was just going through the motions, I didn't feel like doing anything, hell, I couldn't feel at all. You always used to say I was an open book, that I wore my heart on my sleeve. People could always tell what mood Harry bleeding Potter was in by looking at his damn face. But since the final battle it's as if a switch has been flipped."

"Yes it has been harder to 'read' you of late."

"Yeah. You know the other day I heard some damn Hufflepuff firstie call me a Vulcan? Can you believe the cheek?"

At this, Severus's ears almost pricked up. He had heard the same thing. Maybe Harry knew what a Vulcan was. He opened his mouth to ask the question but Harry carried on speaking.

"You know what a Vulcan is?"

Severus shook his head. Harry sighed again and began to explain.

"A Vulcan is a race of fictional aliens that do not suffer the interference of their emotions. It's all kinda hokey if you ask me."

Severus raised an eyebrow at this description of a Vulcan. He now understood the reference and comparison. Harry had always worn his heart on his sleeve; people could read his emotions like a book until the demise of Voldemort. He nodded his head. To Harry it looked like Severus was agreeing with him and he relaxed in his chair and closed his eyes.

"Harry, I still need your word."

"Sir, I'm sorry but I just can't give it to you. I want to, but I can't. All I can do is promise to try. You would know what I meant if you did the same as me."

"Very well, I'll accept that for now. But I would like your word that if you ever, and I mean night or day, feel the need to harm yourself, you would come and talk to either Madame Pomphrey or myself before inflicting harm upon yourself."

"Very well. I promise. Well, I'll try."

Severus stood up from his chair, satisfied with how things had turned out. He paused at the portrait of his house's founder when he heard Harry call out to him.

"For what it's worth, thank you. For everything."

Severus nodded then left the rooms, leaving Harry to think things over under the watchful eye of Salazar and Tanith.

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Suggestions, comments, complaints? Let me know. I can't change anything if you don't tell me about it. If you like it, well you can tell me that too.

Insults and useless criticism will be fed to Padfoot.

Thanks for reading.

XxxxxxX

(1) See: The Harry Potter Lexicon - Encyclopaedia of Potions - I tweaked it for the purpose of this story

(2) I'm not totally sure if this is accurate but it will do for my story

(3) Derived from Semitic roots meaning "serpent lady". Taken from the 'Behind the Names' Website

(4) Words taken from 'Savin' Me' By Nickelback. A totally excellent song by a totally excellent band!