Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to so many people already it would be rather presumptuous of me to claim stake of my own.

I wish I owned Doctor Who, or better yet, his TARDIS, bus alas I do not.

Summery: What starts off as a normal day for Harry, turns out to be one of the greatest adventures of his life. A crossover crack fic between Harry Potter and Doctor Who.

A/N: This story is dedicated to Dragon, who said it'd be really cool to do a crossover between Harry Potter and Doctor Who. But I figured, why stop there… You know me, can't resist adding just tiny little references to my favourite movies/TV shows along the way. So keep your eyes and mind open, there will be a quiz in the end...

BTW, the doctor here is obviously based on the tenth one (David Tennant), though the ninth sometimes slipped in with his crooked smile and big ears- I just love Christopher Eccleston.

Genre and rating: I just had to say a quick word about that because if you've read any of my other stuff you'd notice that I don't normally do things that don't consist of steamy gay sex scenes… But, this time there will be no sex! (Much to the dismay of some and I'm sure happiness of others). Perhaps I should write an X-over of HP and "The secret diary of a call girl" then I'll really have an excuse to write more sex scenes...

This story is not betad at the moment.

Time And Relative Dimension(s) In Space

..o0o.. ..o0o.. ..o0o..

It was a bright, clear July morning, four months after the spectacular and most definitely final demise of the Dark Lord and for once in his life Harry Potter was free to do as he pleased. And what pleased him most at the moment was doing nothing. Well, nothing that others (namely Hermione and Mrs. Weasley) would call productive.

But Harry was quite pleased to spend his days in his newly purchased swanky penthouse flat, overlooking the river, with the 65' flat-screen plasma TV, Sony Playstation and DVD. His nights were mostly spent cruising London's hottest spots, drinking, dancing and shagging. It wasn't something Harry planned on doing for the rest of his life, but for the time being he felt he deserved at least some time to indulge himself in all the things that life with the Dursleys and under Dumbledore's thumb had denied him.

As it turned out, that particular July morning found the nearly nineteen years old Harry Potter, trudging his way towards his local grocery, much to his own annoyance. If it was up to him, he'd have stayed in bed till noon, then order in whatever took his fancy at the moment and be done with it, but Hermione had invited herself over for breakfast, to discuss a few things with Harry, so he decided he at least had to have something to feed her with other than coffee and three days old chicken vindaloo. A well fed Hermione was less prone to talk, one could only hope anyway…

Suddenly a flash of brown caught Harry's eye and he turned his head to look at a tall stranger standing with his back to him, wearing a long brown overcoat. Harry frowned and shook his head, apart from the sheer folly of wearing an overcoat in this heat; there was nothing remarkable about the man. But then the stranger turned around and Harry's jaw dropped. No way, no bloody way! All thoughts of Hermione and breakfast were forgotten as Harry started following the man. He wasn't sure what he'd do when he finally caught up with him but right now it didn't matter. He slipped his hand into his pocket, getting a firm hold over his wand, ready to draw it at a moment's notice.

The man, who didn't notice he was being followed, or otherwise didn't care, just sauntered down the street, peering around him with a small smile on his lips. But Harry wasn't fooled by the man's casual appearance; this was a dangerous Death Eater out on the loose! This was the person that had made Harry's life hell during his entire fourth year, and under false pretence no less. And Harry wasn't about to let him slip free!

At the end of the street the man turned and with a wide-eyes expression that was meant to look inconspicuous he side-stepped into an alley. Without thinking Harry quickly dove after him, and was just in time to see the tails of the brown overcoat disappearing inside a blue, wooden police box. Harry didn't even stop to think about the oddity of the chosen location for a police box, nor the fact that there was a police box in the middle of 90's London in the first place. Even the irony of him trapping a dangerous Death Eater inside a Police Box completely slipped by Harry. He simply burst in, and drew his wand out, pointing it at the man,

"You!" He hissed venomously and the man's head pocked from behind a strange device that ran from the ceiling to the floor of the box. The box, which, when Harry spread a thought in the matter, was much bigger on the inside than it was on the outside. But Harry's mind refused to contemplate over such trivial matters at the moment,

"Hello. Do I know you?" If the man was surprised that Harry followed him into his box he didn't much show it, instead he plastered a big smile on and stepped from behind his strange device, "Can I help you?"

"Don't get smart with me, Crouch!" Harry all but yelled, raising his wand a little higher, shifting into proper battle stance, "You're going to answer my questions you bastard! I've got a wand pointing at your heart, you scum!"

"Oh, it's only the left one." The man responded in the same cheery voice, completely unfazed by Harry's wand, or his expletives. The words caught Harry a little off guard. Somehow, when he set out to follow Barty Crouch Jr. the escaped Death Eater, he did not foresee this coming. He gaped at the beaming man for a few seconds before closed his eyes in defeat,

"What?" He stammered, feeling completely at lost. The man crossed his arms over his chest, looking defiant,

"You barge into my ship, uninvited and threaten me with a stick!" He accused loudly, "That's very rude of you!"

"You're an escaped Death Eater!" Harry yelled back, trying to regain his footage, "You should be in Azkaban!" He was enraged by the lack of fear the man showed, after all, Harry was the one who had killed the man's master, by all means, Crouch should be a quivering mass of snivelling, begging-for-his-life goo on the floor by now.

"A what eater?" The man interjected with a slight frown, looking at Harry as if he felt sorry for the poor lad, "I assure you I'm not any kind of eater, I always suspected Jack might be, though… flirtatious little blighter that he is…" He speculated out loud, completely ignoring the fact that Harry still had his wand trained on him, "And where is that Azkaban? Raxacoricofallapatorius?" Harry's wand tip drooped a little, he was pretty sure he didn't know anyone by the name of Jack, and Raxa-what??

"You're insane…" He muttered, as if he finally realized what he was doing wrong, "You're completely bonkers, all those years in Azkaban, they turned you into a complete loon…"

"You're calling me insane, and yet you're the one talking to yourself. That's the first sign of insanity. I should know I'm a doctor." The man, doctor, said in a conversional tone, "Tell me, are there any other voices in your head other than yours?" He asked, taking a pair of black-rimmed glasses from his pocket and putting them on he peered closely at Harry, in what he hoped was a professional manner. Harry took a step backwards, his wand hand dropping uselessly to his side in defeat.

"Who are you?" He whispered,

"Hmm, deaf as well as mad, this could be really serious." The doctor muttered to himself before he straightened up, smiling broadly and taking off his glasses. "I'm the Doctor." He reached out his hand, on which Harry looked as if it was covered in something nasty,

"Doctor who?"

"Oh, just the doctor would be fine." The tall man said breezily as he walked back to his control panel. He turned and looked expectantly at Harry who just slumped sadly to the floor in a sad little heap. The doctor sighed,

"I'm really sorry I'm not who you're looking for, but if you don't mind, I really should get going, I only nipped out for a quick ice-cream, you see." When Harry didn't respond, or shown any signs he had heard the doctor the man sighed again, "Hmm, I suppose I could offer you a trip, for all your troubles." He finally said, kicking himself mentally for being so easy like that. Each time he made a promise to himself not to take on any more companions and every time he found himself with a new one. True, most of his companions to date were more on the… female side, but surly a quick nip to where-ever couldn't harm anyone, now could it?

"A trip?" Harry said weakly and the doctor beamed at him,

"Yes! A trip. I don't suppose you've notice that this isn't quite the ordinary police box."

"Oh, you mean that the inside is bigger than the outside?" Harry waved an unimpressed hand around, still a bit lost with the fact that his pursuit was in vein. The doctor looked like he was about to pout, most people, upon stepping into the TARDIS for the first time showed proper awe and admiration to his ship! This was… insulting!

"That and the fact that interior design just screams space ship!" The doctor snapped, truly offended for his marvellous ship.

"Looks more like something out of 'The X-files' to me…" Harry said absently, taking it all in for the first time. It was impressive, he had to admit, but from some reason his brain refused to cooperate with him, still shocked over the situation he found himself in. A soft thud caused Harry to look around just in time to see the doctor sliding to the floor, looking so forlorn and lost it made Harry gulp uneasily. "Erm, so… about this ride… where can we go?" He asked tentatively, hoping beyond hope that the doctor won't decide to change his mind at this crucial moment.

"Oh, anywhere, any-when, did I mention this thing can travel through time as well?" The doctor waved an indifferent hand, still caught up in his little bout of miserable-ness.

"Really? Can we go to… I don't know… Ancient Greece?" Despite himself Harry started to get caught up in the excitement of the idea, after all, how many times one gets offered a trip through time and space? Besides, what better excuse to drop his date with Hermione?

"You humans are so fixated on your own planet," The doctor said with a soft sneer, "Why don't I take you somewhere more interesting. I know!" He jumped on his feet and cried out triumphantly and Harry felt shivers of excitement running down his spine at the sight of these twinkling eyes, "I can take you to planet Barcelona! They have dogs with no nose…" He added with what was meant to be a sly and inviting smile,

"I think my neighbours had one like that." Harry mused and nearly jumped when he heard a thump. He looked up to see the doctor on the floor again, looking like he was about to cry. Harry decided to take pity on the poor, strange man,

"Can we go to Halloween of 1981?" Harry asked gingerly, hoping to bring the doctor's spirits back up, hopefully before the doctor got fed up with him and tossed him head first out of his ship.

"Of course we can, though I don't understand why you'd want to go to such a boring date." The doctor said cheerfully, picking himself up from the floor and heading towards his control panel again,

"It was the night my parents were murdered." Harry intoned quietly and the doctor swirled dramatically on the spot and held out his hand,

"No."

"What do you mean 'no'?" Harry cried, pushing himself away from the wall, ready to defend his choice, "You said we could go anywhere I chose!"

"You want to go to 1981 to stop your parents from being killed," The doctor answered calmly and Harry clenched his jaw. It was true that he wanted just that, ever since he'd learned the time-turners couldn't transport you to a date earlier than a week, but that was no reason to say it out loud. "I cannot allow that. I've had enough troubles the last time. Choose again."

Harry turned and crossed his arms over his chest, sulking. After being denied seeing his parents all he could think of were the people he had lost. But if the doctor refused to take him to see his mother and father he sure as hell won't allow him to go to try and save Sirius or Cedric. At long last he sighed,

"Fine, you choose." The huge smile the nearly split the doctor's face in half made Harry want to roll his eyes, but he did his best to resist. The doctor nearly hopped to the control panel.

"Hmm, where shall we go…" He mused, tapping his chin with a finger. Harry turned and leaned against the wall again, trying to hold on to the last of his righteous anger and not let the smile that was threatening to lift his lips take over. "Oh, I know! How about the planet Transylvania? Transexual is said to be especially beautiful this time of year."

"And then we do the time-warp?" Harry said slowly, feeling a little silly and biting his lip again,

"Yes! Wait, have you been there before?" Harry shook his head, adding a pinch to his thigh to keep himself together,

"No, I… I saw the, er, documentary…" He mumbled and the doctor resumed his thinking pose, "Can we go to, say, middle earth or something?"

"Where is that place?" The doctor asked curiously, did they create some new African nation while he was away?

"Never mind." Harry shrugged, well, it was worth a shot, right? "I just read it in a book somewhere."

"Surly not the hitchhiker's guide?" The doctor seemed almost offended, and Harry's jaw dropped,

"You know the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy?"

"Pfft, you are looking at one of their top writers," The doctor beamed, "Well, that was before I got this beauty of course," He ran a loving hand over the control panel. "And got booted out of the editorial board."

"Why did they kick you out?" Harry couldn't help but ask, gods this totally sounded like the dream job, even better than writing for 'lonely planet' or something!

"Well, I was no longer a hitchhiker, now was I? They're very strict about these kind of rules. So I had to leave. But I don't really mind. I've got my girl here and we're really to roll." The doctor said with a cocky twist of his head which made Harry quirk an eyebrow in amusement, "Ohh, I know! Speaking of my favourite girls, let's go visit Reinette!"

"Who?" The doctor gave Harry an exasperated look, unable to believe the boy didn't know of whom he was speaking,

"Reinette… Jeanne-Antoinette Poisson… Madame de Pompadour!" He tried desperately,

"Oh, right, you mean the one with the thing about cakes." Harry smiled and the doctor sagged,

"What are they teaching in schools these days?" He muttered to himself as he went back to the control panel. "So, fancy a trip to 18th century Paris?" Harry nodded vigorously, starting to feel giddy with excitement, this was really happening! "Right, then hold on tight!" The doctor yelled and switched the engine on with an ear splitting screech. Harry was just about to cover his ears when the whole box gave a violent lurch and he was tossed unceremoniously on the floor.

A few seconds watching the doctor hopping about like a mad goat convinced Harry that the less he got in the doctor's way the better. Plus, with the shaking and rattling of the box he figured the floor would be the safest place, after all you couldn't fall lower than the floor. This was nothing like they showed in movies, he thought, all clean, sophisticated looking surfaces and uniform clad men looking poised for action, here was one, not entirely sane person who claimed to be a doctor, goofing around in a space-ship that looked, well, organic, almost alive.

Just when Harry was about ready to call it quits and ask the doctor to return the violent shaking slowed down to a standstill. Gingerly, Harry picked himself up from the floor, craning his neck to see the doctor behind the control panel, when the latter jumped out with a huge smile plastered on his face and Harry's heart nearly jumped out of his chest with surprise.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be…" He smiled feebly and followed the doctor down the short catwalk to the door. The two men stuck their heads out of the blue wooden door and peered around them. Harry shot the doctor a side glance, and rubbed the back of his neck, somewhat embarrassed, "Won't… Isn't Paris supposed to be more… built?" The doctor frowned, looking at the lush, green hills with disdain as if they conspired against him personally,

"Hmm, we seem to have… miss-landed…" He said softly, not looking at Harry.

The two stepped out of the TARDIS, and Harry got the first good look at his surroundings. Gods, but it was beautiful. The whole scenery was composed of rolling hills of the most profound green. The air smelled sweetly of wild flowers and fresh. As far as Harry could see there were no buildings, and no signs of human inhabitation, which he found oddly pleasing. There was just something… primal about the view and he liked it a whole lot.

"Does this sort of thing usually happen to you?" Harry asked suspiciously, from some reason the doctor didn't seem at all bothered that they've landed in the wrong place, and Harry had a feeling the man was familiar with this type of situations,

"Oh, once or…" The doctor let the air out of his lungs in a heavy sigh, before he perked up and rubbed his hands briskly, "So, shall we explore?"

"Wait! Do you even know where we are? Is this another planet?"

"Of course not, it's Scotland." The doctor said with the same cheery tone that was really starting to get on Harry's nerves. Damn it! He was promised a trip to France, he was already picturing the fancy balls and ridiculous costumes. Hell, he's even tried to picture himself in tights and now they were in Scotland?!

"Well, that's a bit disappointing." He said with all the aloofness of someone who truly believed he was wronged,

"Why is that?"

"I went to school in Scotland." Harry said with a small pout. Not that he had anything against Scotland, well, apart from the winters, but he really hoped he's see a new place…

"Then you're practically a local. Let's go." Harry sighed in acceptance, it didn't seem like there was much he could do. Oh well, it may not be 18th century France but, it was still a relatively new place, and one could always hope it was a new time. Together he and the doctor started making their way in a straight line from the TARDIS' door, because, as the doctor pointed out, each direction looked just as promising.

After about twenty or so minutes of brisk walking the two reached a low, rough stone wall. The doctor looked thoughtfully at the wall, as if expecting it to reveal its secrets. Harry peered ahead, trying to see if there were people about, because clearly the wall was man-made. Suddenly he grabbed the doctor's arm and pointed.

They watched the wall for a full minute before they saw it again. A head was slowly rising from behind the wall, a cap so muddy it was impossible to tell its original colour, followed by a pair of dark, scared eyes and the rest of the face that was just as muddy and undistinguishable as the cap.

"Ah, my good… person," The doctor said happily, and the eyes narrowed in suspicion, "Would you be so kind as to tell what year this is?" The person gave them a long hard look before turning their head and yelling in a shrill voice,

"Dennis!!" Another head popped a few meters further down the wall and another filthy, muddy man ambled towards them,

"Good sir Dennis," The doctor, who never seemed to lose his composure or patience, beamed at the little mud-stick of a man, "Would you be so kind as to tell us what year we're in?"

"Are you here to claim you're my king as well?" Dennis asked gruffly. The doctor's smile never wavered, but Harry had a feeling this was not going to go anywhere good.

"King?"

"Yes, what did the bint in the lake give you? A staff and named you a bloody mage?" Harry bit his lip, trying not to smile, especially when the doctor was actually answering the man with the at most seriousness,

"No, but this lad here has this stick…" Harry squeaked in horror, bloody hell, was the doctor going to spill all his secrets?

"A stick is not a valid base for a government form," Dennis argued hotly, "And having strange women lying in ponds handing out swords and staffs does not give you the right to claim titles that do not belong to you!"

"Well said my man, I couldn't agree more." The doctor cried and Harry nearly smacked his head,

"Don't encourage him!" He hissed at the doctor, "Let's get out of here." He muttered and started dragging the doctor behind him.

"Hey, where the hell are you going? You can't just leave when someone expresses their opinion! This is a form of oppression too, I'll have you know!" Dennis' yells were growing fainter as the two practically ran away from him, heading down the wall in hope they were going in the right direction.

"Right, that was a completely pointless conversation." Harry pointed out after a while, just trying to break the silence more than anything. The doctor seemed to have come out of some deep thoughts,

"Hmm? Pointless? Oh, I wouldn't say that. Think about it, lady of the lake, handing out swords, crowning kings…" He nodded his head in a clear gesture for Harry to follow his line of thought but the youth simply gave him a blank stare until the doctor sighed in defeat, "King Arthur!" He nearly snapped,

"Oh…" Harry's eyes were growing round, wow, that was… something… "Oh, Merlin."

"Yup, him too." It took a couple more steps for the information to sink fully in Harry's brain and he stopped dead on his tracks as soon as it did,

"Wait a second! You know what it means? If we're at Merlin's time that means it's the founders time!" He cried happily, a smile that widen when he saw the confused face of the doctor. Finally, he wasn't the only one feeling like a complete idiot!

"Founders?"

"Yes, the four founders of my school, Hogwarts." Harry said excitedly, suddenly the trip was taking on a whole new level of fun, "It should be around here somewhere, I think, it's a big castle, we can't really miss it." He said and started marching with renewed vigour, positive the doctor would follow, which, after brief consideration he did.

It took some time. In fact, it took most of the afternoon, and a few heated arguments as to which direction they should take, one that nearly resulted in physical violence when they reached the TARDIS for the second time. But eventually Harry felt the first set of wards tingling around his skin and he knew they were there, at last.

"Hmm, don't you feel strange?" He asked tentatively, knowing the effect the wards were suppose to have on muggles, but not entirely sure they were suppose to repel aliens.

"Strange how?" The doctor asked,

"Like you've just remembered there somewhere else you're suppose to be at?" The doctor snorted,

"There is somewhere we're suppose to be at. But if you mean do the silly wards confuse me into thinking that there isn't anything beyond them, than no."

"Ah. Good, then let's carry on." Harry was a little lost for words, this man was stranger than anything he's ever met before. The second set of wards lay a short distance from the first set, yet they simply tingled feebly and let Harry and the doctor pass with no more discomfort than passing through a mass of feathers would. It troubled Harry a little, but he figured the founders probably didn't need wards that were too strong, after all there were hardly any people about.

The castle loomed before them, bleak and dark, and much smaller than Harry remembered. His eyes drew immediately towards the north point, only to discover to his utter disappointment that the Gryffindor tower was not in existence as of yet. Nor where the Quiddich pitch or Hagrid's hut. Even the lake seemed a little off shape, but those were just external features that were probably added as the centuries rolled on, Harry tried to reassure himself.

Reaching the door the doctor turned and gave Harry one of his blinding smiles and Harry shook his head fondly, the doctor was nothing more than a big child excited about virtually every new thing he encountered. He pulled the heavy brass door knocker and let it go with a resounding thud that felt like it was vibrating through the very stones of the castle. A moment later the heavy oak door creaked and slowly opened inwards, before a short, frail-looking creature peered from behind it,

"Oh, look, a Vorgis." The doctor cried happily, and Harry rolled his eyes,

"It's a House-elf."

"Are you sure? We should ask him to stand on his head, that should prove it." The doctor said, examining the small creature. The house-elf, always eager to please started bending over to do the doctor bidding. Harry watched as the filthy material the little creature wore toga style starting to slip and cried out urgently,

"No! No need for that, honestly. Thank you." The house-elf straightened up, looking ready to burst in tears at the conflicting messages, when Harry tried to salvage the situation, "Could you please take us to Dum… I mean the masters of this castle?" Before the poor elf had a chance to bow and comply a rich, feminine voice was heard approaching,

"Who is it Quinch? Is it that insufferable Dennis again?" The elf seemed to shrink and shook his head,

"No mistress." He rasped, "Strangers." By then the woman reached them and Harry gasped. She was one of the most beautiful women he'd ever met, and that included Fleur Delacour. The woman was tall, almost as tall as a man, with oval face that were dominated by a pair of sharp, dark eyes that were as black as pools of obsidian and seemed to pull you into them, and her hair which was braided in an intricate style and was black as a raven's wing. Harry really didn't want to assume but if he had to guess he'd say this was Rowena Ravenclaw. From some reason the woman just didn't look like a 'Helga'…

"You may leave." She told the elf, who bowed again and disappeared with a small pop. The woman turned her attention to Harry and the doctor, scanning them with her sharp eyes, her face completely expressionless. "Who are you?" Her whole demeanour made Harry want to squirm with discomfort, gods, this woman was having the same effect professor McGonagall always had on him,

"Hmm, well, my name is Harry Potter, and this is… The doctor." He answered somewhat nervously, trying to hold himself up with dignity even when her eyes swooped over him again,

"Where do you come from? Your clothes indicate you must be foreigners."

"Actually, he went to school here." The doctor supplied and Harry wanted to roll his eyes again. The idea of gagging the doctor shut seemed more and more appealing to him by the second!

"School?" Mistress Ravenclaw's voice showed the first sign of emotion, "But we haven't opened the school yet." Harry took a deep breath, well, there was nothing for it now,

"We're… kind of from the future." Mistress Ravenclaw's piercing eyes turned to him and fixed him with a calculating stare, which made Harry gulp a little,

"Salazar was right, there is something in the air." She muttered, as if to herself.

"I beg your pardon?" Harry side glanced at the doctor, who seemed quite unfazed by the woman's eyes, which was rather annoying. Rowena Ravenclaw straightened her form and crossed her arms over her chest,

"Never you mind!" She snapped, "State your purpose or else leave."

"I just love it when they go all dominant, don't you?" The doctor whispered cheerfully to Harry and the latter closed his eyes in pain.

"We… I mean, I…" Harry cleared his throat, trying to regain composure, "That is to say, I went to this school in a few centuries time, and the reason we're here, is because… frankly, he can't navigate." There, that would hopefully shut the doctor up for maybe a whole minute! He thought with an inner smirk, jerking his thumb in the doctor's direction. "But the point is, we… erm, were in the neighbourhood and decided to pop in and say hi…" He cringed at his own words, wishing he could just start smacking his head on the nearest surface like Dobby used to do,

"How wonderful," A voice drawled from the darkened hallway behind them, and a man emerged, tall almost as Hagrid, but his width was all muscles, he had a neatly trimmed beard and hair the colour of chestnut and dark chocolate brown eyes, "We should have a banquet in your honour, skewer and roast an entire pig, and crack open our best ale."

"That's really isn't necessary…" Harry began when he saw the man quirking his brow, "Oh, you were being sarcastic…" He gulped and vowed to himself that he'd be silent from this moment on, he couldn't have hoped for worst start with the founders. Already half of them seemed convinced he was a blabbering idiot.

"That is enough, Godric." Mistress Ravenclaw said in a surprisingly soft voice, "Don't mind him, we do not get many visitors here." She offered a semi apology to Harry and the doctor,

"And for a very good reason!" Godric Gryffindor huffed, and Harry was completely disheartened to discover that the founder of his own house was doing a better Snape imitation than… Snape! "How did you get past the wards?"

"Well, they sort of let us through." Harry answered miserably, feeling as if his entire world had been a tilted off its axes. He seemed to withdrew into himself and completely missed the uneasy looks the two founders exchanged,

"I suppose we could… offer you accommodations for the night." Rowena Ravenclaw said slowly, exchanging another glance with her peer before she clapped her hands and the house-elf returned. Soon Harry and the doctor found themselves following the little creature through the halls of the castle, and into a small and rather uncomfortable looking room.

Harry sank on the bed with a thud, and a groan once he realized just how hard the bed was. The doctor looked around him thoughtfully,

"There's something wrong here." He said at long last and Harry threw his hands in the air,

"I know! You'd think that Slytherin would be the incarnation of Snape, or rather, that Snape was channelling Slytherin, not Gryffindor! What a blow to the house ego…" The doctor looked at the angsted teen and sighed,

"No, I mean there's something wrong with the magic here."

"Wait, you know about magic?" The doctor's statement seemed to have jolted Harry from his morose mood,

"When someone waves a stick at you there are only two options, you're either facing a wizard or they're trying to hunt for a flobiron." The doctor explained casually, as if it was a well known fact,

"What the hell is a flobiron?" Which obviously it wasn't, or at least it wasn't known to Harry,

"See, that only proves you're a wizard." The doctor said happily and Harry rubbed his forehead and decided to avoid tricky questions,

"So, you're saying there's something wrong with the magic here?"

"If those are the founders of your school, one would expect them to be a little more powerful than this, and most certainly have stronger wards." Harry nodded,

"Yeah, you're right. What do you reckon is going on here?" With a wicked smile and glinting eyes the doctor practically hopped to the door, twisting the knob,

"I don't know, but I say we explore." A plan that had Harry all the happier to go along with. Together the two started making their way, trying to avoid all life forms- since it won't do to be caught roaming about uninvited by their hosts. But apparently they needn't have worried, since it seemed that the castle was manned by four people and a not very large number of house-elves.

Harry watched the doctor curiously, as the man seemed to be trekking through the halls quite purposefully. He looked like a hound on a scent-trail, and Harry had little more to do then try and keep up with the long legged man. Soon enough their trail led them to the bowls of the castle, where the air was damp and cold and the walls seemed to be closing in on them. Harry tried to take big calming breaths, feeling the space around him close, but the air had an almost oily feel to it that made his head swim further with uneasiness. At long last the doctor stopped, peering into a dark, narrow corridor,

"Here." He said with satisfaction, "It's coming from here." Harry looked into the darkness, which seemed to pull him in and quickly averted his gaze,

"What is? I don't feel anything." He said with a small scoff, wishing they could get out of there,

"Exactly! It's like a black hole for magic in here." The doctor gestured with a triumphant smile,

"Black hole for magic?" Harry repeated slowly, "You mean the magic in there is collapsing into itself and dragging in all the magic in the vicinity?" The doctor raised his eyebrows and Harry shrugged in self-consciousness, "What? I know things." The doctor smiled and inclined his head in agreement.

"But what's causing this?" Harry continued, feeling the excitement of a mystery taking over, he hadn't realized how much he missed having a Hogwarts adventure until now, "It can't be bad location because that would mean the school would never survive."

"Actually, I believe it is bad location," The doctor said thoughtfully, "In a sense. You see, there are very few beings that rely on human magic for survival, and out of these only one type fits the profile."

"Type? Which type?"

"Gulfaroths." The doctor said with conviction, and turned his blinding smile at Harry.

"Gulfaroths?" Harry snorted, "That sounds like something Hagrid would raise, all fluffy furry with razor sharp teeth and a vicious attitude!" The doctor waved his hand dismissively,

"Oh, I assure you that Gulfaroths are anything but fluffy. Or at least I don't think they are. It's a bit hard to tell, you see, they are incorporeal."

"You mean we're dealing with disembodied creatures?" Harry asked in disbelief, well, that was just bloody great…

"No, I mean they are incorporeal." The doctor corrected with a little roll of his eyes, why did the boy continuously had to misinterpret everything he said? "They are like big blobs of energy really."

"And these blobs are sucking the magic out of this place?"

"Yup."

"So, what do we do?" Harry sincerely hoped the doctor had a plan, though a little part of his brain argued that he was following a man who he thought was a death-eater only to become an alien with no sense of direction and a big mouth! Harry valiantly tried to ignore the little voice, lest he will go mad.

"We need to set a trap for them, before they suck the magic out of this place completely." The doctor answered. From some reason Harry had a feeling the doctor wasn't taking the situation in the outmost seriousness. It could be the fact that he wasn't a wizard himself and that would probably not effect his life as much as it would Harry's, or it could be that damned smile of his that made everything look like a child's play.

"Shouldn't we tell the founders what's going on?" Harry tried, at least once, to bring in some common sense, just so that later he'd be able to say 'I tried to get him to listen but he just wouldn't'.

"They'll just be in the way." The doctor dismissed the words with a wave of his hand, his eyes still glued to the spot where he claimed the Gulfaroths were hiding in. Harry rolled his eyes, acknowledging that fact that he just lost all say in the matter,

"Right, so how are we going to build the trap?" The doctor straightened and looked around him, contemplating the options,

"We need a lead box." He said eventually,

"What the hell do we need lead for?"

"Ah! I bet you didn't know that, but lead is the only substance magic can't go through!" The doctor pointed his finger at Harry who closed his mouth in a snap, angry to be caught yet again at the side of not knowing about his own world. "We need a lead box to contain these creatures so that they would be cut from their source of magic!" Well, it sounded like a reasonable plan, Harry thought, mostly because I don't have anything to contribute on my own…

"Right, so, a lead box, what else?"

"A wand." Harry nodded,

"Check, what else?"

"A snickers bar." Harry stopped mid-nodding and turned to the doctor, who shrugged and smiled, "What? I'm a little peckish…" Harry rolled his eyes again and dug through his pockets, coming up with half a roll of 'Rolo's, which he tossed to the doctor. The man smiled brightly at him and stuffed three of the candies into his mouth at once, munching away happily,

"Wait, if lead absorbs magic, how are we going to get our hands on a box made of it?" Harry asked, looking at the dark Gulfaroths hideaway again, "I don't suppose the founders keeps many lead chests lying around…"

"We don't." The doctor answered thickly around his mouthful of chocolate and caramel, and Harry rubbed his forehead in frustration, well, there goes that plan down the bloody drain!

"So? That's it?" He asked incredulously, fuck but this sucked, how was he supposed to save his school if they couldn't get their hands on a bloody lead box??

"No, that was just plan A, now we move to plan B which is to use one of the rooms in this place as a trap and then teleport the buggers into outer space." The doctor answered with yet another of his bright smiles,

"Teleport them with what exactly?" Harry was quite sceptical at this point, crossing his arms over his chest and tapping his foot impatiently,

"This!" The doctor said and pulled out a small, unknown device from his pocket. Harry looked at what he assumed was an intergalactic pen of sorts and sighed,

"What the hell is that?" The doctor looked fondly at his device and then caught Harry's unimpressed look. He straightened and jutted his chin in defiance,

"It's a sonic scevear…" He mumbled, feeling like a complete idiot, cursing Jack under his breath for having him questioning the worth of his trusty screwdriver. And damn you Spock anyway!

"A sonic what?" The doctor took a deep breath,

"Screwdriver, a sonic screwdriver, alright?" Harry opened his mouth to reply to that but the doctor beat him to it, "There's nothing wrong with a screwdriver! You'd be amazed how many times this little fellow here had got me out of trouble! All of you and your hot-shot posh technology… Those damn sonic blasters are as good to you as a… as a bloody banana!" Harry raised his hands in a mock-surrender,

"Hey, I didn't say anything! A sonic screwdriver is brilliant! We could… screw-drive our way out of… things." The doctor narrowed his eyes at him but decided to refrain from further comments. For a long moment the two simply stared at each other, waiting for the other to crack first, when Harry decided to be the bigger man and talk, "So, what exactly do we need in order to catch these things?"

"You." The doctor smiled again and Harry felt the nervousness growing in the pit of his stomach, he smiled wearily at the doctor, who seemed far too maniacally happy about it all. "You need to get into the room we choose and cast some pretty powerful anti-magic spells to seal the room and then some spells to attract the Gulfaroths. I'll do the rest."

"What are anti-magic spells?" Harry asked confused, because he was pretty sure none of his school texts ever talked about that…

"They are spells that defuse the magic around you." The doctor said in a sort of distracted way as started wandering through the corridor looking for a suitable room to set their trap. Harry followed, his stomach knotting with fear and excitement. Though he did not wish to have to fight yet more dark creatures that were threatening the existence of his world he couldn't help but feel the adrenaline pumping again, making his skin tingle.

"Why would I want to defuse magic in the first place?" He asked absently, too busy watching the doctor who was peering into a small, almost closet like room, his face contorting in a series of expressions to show his process of thinking. This was actually quite funny and Harry couldn't help but smile a little.

"Just imagine having to fight some evil dark lord. You'd probably want to defuse their magic." Harry snorted to himself, imagine that indeed…

"So, you mean defence spells," Harry looked into the room, it was about ten feet long over seven feet wide, which was a rather pointless size, as it wasn't big enough to be a classroom of any sort and it was too big to be a broom closet. Mapping the room with his eyes he reached an executive decision,

"I can cast a 'protego totalum' that would cover up this whole room, and then use my patronus to lure the Gulfaroths in."

"Right. What about some 'Expelliarmus'?" The doctor asked with twinkling eyes, but Harry simply shrugged,

"Do those things have wands?" The doctor shook his head, looking ready to burst in laughter any second now, "So I don't see what good Expelliarmus will do here."

"Ok." The doctor said in a strangely strain voice, but Harry was still working the plan in his mind to notice. He walked into the room, touching the stone walls to deter whether they were going to absorb his magic or reflect it. He sincerely hoped they would reflect it and make his job easier. "So, are you ready? We are going to have to be very quick, otherwise the Gulfaroths will suck the magic and dispel your work." Harry snapped his gaze to the doctor and with a set jaw and a determined look he nodded mutely.

The two of them took a spot behind the door, where Harry took a deep breath before conjuring his patronus. The silver stag erupted from the tip of Harry's wand, shaking its regal head and looking patiently at Harry, waiting for further instructions. Harry gave the patronus stag the instructions and the ethereal animal galloped out of the room immediately. The doctor watched it go, looking quite impressed.

"Cast the charms." The doctor implored and Harry snapped out of his daze, quickly casting the protego totalum over the room so that he and the doctor were standing behind the magical protection screen. The doctor pulled out his little sonic screwdriver and turned several rings on it, before he too pointed it to the room. Together they waited.

Several minutes later Harry was ready to turn to the doctor and question the wisdom of their plan when his patronus burst into the room again, before vanishing into thin air. Harry watched in awe as what looked like a cloud of tiny lights followed the stag into the room. As soon as the last of them filled into the room the doctor slammed the door shut. Harry felt the strain beginning to built almost immediately. It was like his magic was some sort of fabric and those creatures were working on the edges of it, pulling out strands and trying to find the breaking point that would de-fabricate the whole thing.

"Doctor…" He chocked out, squeezing his eyes shot and trying to concentrate on keeping his magic going, "I can't… hold them…"

"Touch your stick to my sonic screwdriver." The doctor said in a calm voice, still watching the Gulfaroths spinning and swirling around the room with bright eyes,

"What?" Harry opened his eyes and looked at the doctor, whose face were illuminated by the enemy's light, making his eyes glow eerily

"Just do it!" The doctor ordered, almost impatiently and Harry moved his wand with great effort towards the bright blue light at the edge of the doctor's sonic screwdriver. As soon as the tip of Harry's wand touched the light the world seemed to explode around him in pure white light. Harry screamed and crashed to the wall with the force of the blow, his wand clattering to the floor and his head making a sickening noise as it hit the stone behind him. The world turned instantly black around him.

The doctor, who had a vague idea as to what was going to happen managed to duck and crouch and thus avoided Harry's fate. When he opened his eyes again, the room was empty. The doctor rose slowly to his feet, looking around him. The walls were singed black with the aftermath of the forceful explosion and so were the ceiling and floor, but other than that- nothing. The air smelled a little acrid but the presence of the magical black-hole was gone. In fact, the doctor could distinctly feel wards brushing over his skin, tingling as they regained power. Allowing himself a smug smile the doctor turned over,

"We did it!" His gaze swooped down to the floor where the unconscious form of Harry was sprawled, "Oh bugger."

Salazar Slyherin looked up from his latest creation, a potion that would enable its imbiber to transforms a person to look exactly like someone else. vicissitudo aliquid potion, that was what Salazar decided to call it- it was quite catchy he believed. Something felt different and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. It wasn't wrong per say, it was just… like thousands of ants crawling over his skin and irritating the hell out of him. With an irritated huff he stood up from his desk and swept to the exit.

Outside in the hall he met his three peers, all coming from different corners of their castle, all looking annoyed at being disrupted from their work and all looking equally confused as to what it was that had kept them away from it. Before any of the founders could utter a word and ask for the source of the disturbance the doctor appeared, carrying the unconscious Harry in his arms.

"Quick, do you have a place where I can put him down?" He asked in a rush and when the four gave him blank stares he rolled his eyes, "He's quite heavy you know!" Helga Hufflepuff was the first to snap out of their shock and quickly ushered the doctor to the nearest room, which happened to be Godric Gryffindor's, much to the latter's annoyance.

The four founders took a stand at the foot of Gryffindor's bed, looking intently at Harry who seemed to be peacefully sleeping. The doctor, after assuring them the lad was perfectly alright and would wake at any given moment retired to a chair at the corner of the room. After about ten minutes of intense gazing Harry finally started to stir. Moaning pitifully he cracked his eyes open, before letting out a small squeak at seeing the four stern looking men and women staring at him.

Feeling very self conscious and quite disoriented he scooted to a sitting position, resting his back on the pillows. He tried to smile at the founders, wondering just how much trouble he managed to lend himself in this time and wondering where the doctor had gone. Surely he wouldn't leave Harry all by himself…

"Oh, you poor dear." Harry looked up, slightly frightened as the woman who spoke came swooping down to gather him in her arms. Harry froze, not really sure what to do when being hugged by a founder when the woman released him. She gave him a kind, motherly smile that reminded Harry much of Molly Weasley, in fact, everything about this woman reminded him of Molly, from her kind nature to her plump figure. The only difference was that Molly had a shock of red hair while this woman had tight blond ringlets framing her face like a loopy halo. "How are you feeling, Harry Potter?"

"Alright I guess. What happened?"

"I knew you'd come. I saw you." Helga said kindly and Harry frowned, if she knew he was coming, why didn't she let the others know. He could certainly do without Gryffindor's acerbic comments. "You saved us. Thank you." Harry tried to smile, wishing the floor would open to swallow him. The last thing he needed was yet more hero-worship, especially from people that were legends themselves.

"What exactly did you do, Mr. Potter?" Harry looked at the man, the last founder for him to meet, Salazar Slytherin. Well, if Gryffindor was a shock, this was the bombshell of the century! From the rather queer quaffed bob of black hair to the pristine and rich black velvet robes, Slytherin looked like Draco Malfoy might have had he decided to dress up as Snape for Halloween. Complete with the soft speech it gave Harry an eerie feeling. At least the girls were described accurately in the books…

"We… I'm not entirely sure." Harry said at long last. At that point the doctor jumped from his chair, approaching the bed and Harry let out a small sigh of relief.

"It's been a pleasure, but we must be on our way. You see, this was merely a detour, as we're actually heading for Paris, so if you would excuse us." He said brightly and practically pulled Harry bodily out of the bed. The four founders looked at them, eyes narrowed in suspicion,

"Paris?" The doctor stopped and turned his dazzling smile, which never wavered, towards Godric, "Where is that place?" Harry's shoulders sagged. He knew the founders wouldn't let them leave without a proper explanation, but at the moment he wasn't sure he'd be able to give a sufficient one, and the doctor certainly didn't look like he was going to step forward and offer one. Harry vaguely wondered what would happen if he tried to obliviate the founders.

"Paris, France. We have a dear friend waiting for us there." The doctor explained but the founders didn't look like they were catching on. With a great sigh the doctor tried again,

"Lutetia, in Gaul." Realisation downed on the four faces and Harry wanted to roll his eyes.

"Yes, we have an appointment there, which," He said and made a show of looking at his watch knowing that it would go completely over the founders heads, "We're already late for, so thank you very much for your hospitality, but we must dash." With a blinding smile to rival the doctor's Harry practically dragged said man out of the room, doing his best not to break into a full run and insult their hosts further. After a couple of wrong turns they finally made it to the great doors of the castle and left.

Walking briskly away Harry was glad none of the founders followed. He knew it was rude and inexcusable to leave the way they did but really, what else could they do?

"I feel kinda bad for leaving like that. They don't even know what danger they were in." He confessed quietly,

"Which is exactly why we needn't have stayed and explain. Besides, I have a feeling Blondie there would be able to offer a much better explanation than we ever could." The doctor answered. Harry wasn't entirely convinced about that, but then again, the alternative wasn't much better. As they approached the edge of the wards Harry could feel them tingling and shimmering, steadily growing in force now that the threat of the Gulfaroths has been removed. "See, it worked." The doctor said happily as the crossed the wards, "They're gaining strength already. I bet that by the end of the week this place would be back to its full magical potential and in a thousands years time you'd be happily going to school here."

"I'm starting to have a feeling this sort of thing happen to you a lot." Harry said casually, and the doctor bristled slightly,

"What sort of thing?"

"You, losing your way and ending up in places you didn't expect only to have danger follow you." The doctor raised his chin haughtily at that, but said nothing, which only spurred Harry further, "I bet we wouldn't be let in here again after practically running away. I bet even King Arthur himself would hunt us down if showed our faces here again." At that the doctor shrugged,

"Meh, kings don't bother me. I'll have you know that Vicky even formed an entire establishment designed to hunt me down." He said with a touch of pride,

"Vicky?"

"Queen Victoria. Lovely lade, quite amusing." Harry gaped at him, and the doctor smiled again, "Even Lizy tried a few tricks to catch me."

"Let me guess, Queen Elizabeth?" The doctor nodded happily,

"The first!" He added with a conspiratorial wriggle of his eyebrows and Harry couldn't help but laugh. The rest of the trip back to the TARDIS was filled with the doctor's magnificent stories about his travels and the people and beings he encountered. Once inside the walls of the TARDIS the doctor rubbed his hands together,

"So, Paris?" Harry gave it a little thought, before he shook his head,

"Nah, I think I had enough adventure for one day. I just have a feeling we'd have to save this Reinette chick and frankly, I'm not up to it right now. Maybe we should just head home?" If the doctor was disappointed by this, he didn't show much of it, and just smiled,

"Home it is." This time Harry was ready and promptly sat himself on the floor as soon as he saw the doctor reaching for the lever. Soon the air was filled with screeching noises and the box shook forcefully. The doctor hopped again from point to point, driving his ship expertly and with a glee that left Harry quite in awe.

When the shaking stopped Harry cautiously got up and walked to the door. Before he reached for the knob he looked back at the doctor who was still smiling encouragingly. With a deep breath Harry turned the door knob, closing his eyes at the last moment before stepping out. The doctor followed right behind, looking around him curiously,

"Not bad." Harry's eyes snapped open and he sighed in relief, glad to be home. He turned to the doctor, who was looking expectantly back,

"Well, it's been… wow." Harry said, trying to search for the right words, "Thank you." The doctor waved his hand,

"Oh, it was nothing." He said airily.

"No, it most certainly wasn't nothing. I barged into your ship and instead of kicking me out on the spot you gave one of the most amazing experiences of my life!" The doctor rubbed the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly. Saying goodbye had always been the awkward part of things, and he truly hoped Harry wouldn't do something as sentimentally disturbing as hugging him.

A loud knock on the door made both men jump slightly and Harry turned frightened eyes towards his front door. His suspicions had been confirmed when another knock was heard followed by Hermione's angry voice calling out his name,

"Oh, bollocks! Oh, shit! I completely forgot about her…" Harry moaned pitifully, "I don't want to see her! She'll just go on and on about how I don't do anything with my life and how I should get a proper job and all that!" He practically whined,

"Well, we… that is I, still have an open invitation to go to Paris…" The doctor said in a slow voice and Harry's eyes lit up when the full meaning of the words sank in. With a huge smile he jumped back into the TARDIS, calling out for the doctor,

"Well, come on, we can't expect that poor girl to save herself, now can we!"

..o0o.. ..o0o.. ..o0o..

A/N: I promised you a quiz, didn't I? Yeah, well, that's a daft idea so I'm just going to say, I counted about 6 references to classic movies/TV shows/books (there might be more, sometimes my subconscious runs away with me…), how many did you find?

Harry comes out quite dumb here, I know. For all of you who think that Harry's the smartest thing that happened to mankind since… I don't know, Albert Einstein I apologize, but I have a feeling most of you think like I do- Harry's a bit of an idiot.

Madame de Pompadour was by no means the official queen of France. Marie-Antoinette was the genius with the cakes. But I think Reinette was way cooler.

The name Gulfaroths, is a combination of two words in Elvish (yes I know… I actually wanted it to be Japanese but it didn't mesh as well as I thought it would), Gul means 'Magic' and Faroth means 'hunting'- so magic hunting or magic hunters, you get my drift. The translations come from .

I really wanted to incorporate Jack in here, but I just couldn't find the right spot to slip him in. Plus, the doctor wasn't too keen on the idea… But hey, not one word of Rose, that has to count for something…

This is the list of references from the 'Doctor Who' series, just in case you were wondering-

Raxacoricofallapatorius (home planet of the Slitheen family)- episodes 4, 5 and 11, season 1- 'Aliens in London', 'World war III' and 'Boom town'.

Going back to save Harry's parents- inspired by episode 8, season 1- 'Father's day'.

Reinette is starring in episode 4, season 2- 'The girl in the fire place'.

Sonic blasters turning into bananas- inspired by episodes 9-10, season 1- 'The empty child' and 'The doctor dances'.

Expelliamus and Elizabeth the first- episode 2, season 3- 'The Shakespeare code'. Hilarious!

De-fabricate is what the robotic version of Trinny and Susannah did to Captain Jack in episodes 12-13 of season 1, and didn't we just loved it? (episodes 'Bad wolf' and 'Parting of the ways')

Queen Victoria founded the 'Torchwood' institution to hunt down and find the doctor- episode 4, season 2- 'Tooth and claw'.

vicissitudo aliquid is actually Polyjuice potion. Vicissitudo is change in Latin, and aliquid is somebody. It's suppose to be this sort of joke really. Don't blame you if you didn't get it. Description of the potion comes from and the Latin translation from so blame them please.

The fact that Harry left with the doctor again does not mean there will be a sequel to this. So don't ask for one!

And now I'm really done! Thanks for reading, see you in the next fic. Lilyyuri.