These are just little drabble-oneshot-thingies that randomly came into my head. They're AU, usually. Most - if not all - of them are about Iruka, or have him as a central character. Sometimes (read:usually) with Kakashi. Doing naughty things. With strawberries, ice cream and butterscotch...okay, that particular scenario may not ever come up, but I like the visual. Kakashi's all tied up and Iruka looks sorta manic...mmmm, butterscotch-nin...

(Experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.)

..mmm..sorry. I think I had a sugar-yaoi overload from the mental image, and then I had to clear up all the blood and drool. Basically what I want to say is, there might be no yaoi in any of these drabbles - (HIGHLY unlikely), there may only be fluff - (possible, but not probable), or there may be enough limes and lemons to make your mouth look like your grandma's cat's asshole (.. it is a good image, isn't it?). And that, -face it- is what we all want, and are probably going to get.

BUT! You can't bitch to me if its not what you want. I swear to God, I will do something very nasty to you with hot sharp pointy things and a hairbrush if I get comments like EW THEYR TOLATLLY NOT GAYS OKY? LIEK GROWSS!!1!!11! Get it into your head. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK. AT ALL.

And now that my little threatening!Ibiki-style session is over, I will move on to the porn.

I mean, the story.

(Hitai-ate:Headband)

...

Konoha was at war.

Konoha was in ruins.

Konoha was dying.

Umino Iruka stood on a precipice and stared at the battlefield. His lungs drew in deep, solidifying breaths, each one telling him he was still alive, unlike the thousands of corpses below. The birds above him wheeled in concentric circles. It looked quite pretty, really, until you realised that they were carrion crows. The wind blew and he shifted uncomfortably, aware of the heaviness of the stares on his back and the lightness of his weapons pouches and then the fact that the shape in his arms was oddly weightless in itself. His mind spent a few slow seconds pondering this and then wrenched itself away to the question at hand.

Were these friends or foes?

He could feel a slow trickle of blood inching its way down behind his left knee.

There was a crackle of twigs behind him. He turned slowly -so slow, why was everything he did so slow?- and stared at the other man. He took in the man's Leaf hitai-ate. It didn't register properly, and probably wouldn't for a few minutes or so. He watched the man's lips move, and his hand rise to point at Iruka, or perhaps what he held. The words didn't register either.

"Iruka-san? Is that who I think it is?"

The other man stepped forward slowly. Iruka knew -funny how this information came to him when nothing else would- that he was moving slowly so as to not spook him. Because if Iruka got frightened then he might step back, and if he did that then-

No. He'd promised himself he wouldn't think about that.

Suddenly the fact that the man was not an enemy hit him like a ton of bricks and Iruka dropped, light with relief and the knowledge that he didn't have to run anymore. Surprisingly, he was caught before he hit the ground. Strong hands lifted him bridal-style and soon Iruka was being cradled just like he was cradling the body in his arms. Other hands reached in to pull it away from him, but Iruka clung tight. He couldn't just let go - what would happen if he did?

Eventually the man holding him must have told them to leave him alone because they all backed off. There was a sense of motion and Iruka could see treetops above him. The movement and the blurring of his sight from the speed they were travelling at was too much for him and he decided to focus on something closer.

The shirt that the man who was carrying him was wearing looked odd. It was ripped and torn around the throat, but it didn't look any shorter than a regulation shirt.

The man who was carrying him looked odd too. Iruka was positive that he knew his name, but it wasn't coming to him. He squinted up at the man, studying his face. A long nose - broken more than once, it wasn't quite straight - quite high cheekbones, thin lips and an eye patch. The hood obscured everything behind the headband, and stubble covered the chin. The face was rather good-looking, Iruka decided. Not stunning, but not too bad either. The one eye that he could see slid down to look at him.

"Are you wondering why I'm not using the headband to cover it?"

Iruka had no idea what he was talking about. Before he could say something - too slow, again - he was overridden by the man's answer.

"On the field I kept sliding it on and off over it"-what?-"and it would get so loose it fell around my neck. So I used an eyepatch instead."

Iruka must have looked really confused, because the man grinned at him and said,

"Well, the Sharingan can't be left switched on all the time. I'd run out of power!"

Iruka just had time to think he speaks like he's a machine, when suddenly it clicked. He stared, shocked, at the one face he had known all his life he'd never see.

There was one final swish of air across Iruka's ears, then silence. He felt himself be propped against a tree, his tired legs bent at the knee, forming a sort of cocoon around her body. He listened, eyes closed, to the taku taku of sandals on stone, then a zipper going, and a rustle as someone climbed into a tent. Quiet murmurs reached his ears, then someone else tried to lift her from his arms. He wrapped himself tighter around her, curling his shoulders inwards.

No. Mine.

"Hey. Brat."

There were only two people in the world who called him that, and - he uncurled slightly and cracked an eyelid - both of them were standing in front of him. His lips moved, but he hadn't spoken in days, maybe longer, and nothing came out. Someone else pressed a glass to his lips and he swallowed thirstily, feeling drips escape over his parched lips to run down his throat like the blood had down his leg. He attempted to acknowledge the two in front of him again.

"Ibiki-san. Hokage-sama."

The Godaime Hokage gazed down on him irritably-fondly.

"Thought we'd lost you, brat. Ibiki was awfully worried about you."

Iruka's eyes slid incredulously to his almost-big-brother. Ibiki? Emotions? Never.

"Hrn," said Ibiki indistinctly, staring off to one side. See? Iruka had an insane urge to grin.

Tsunade crouched down to be at Iruka's eyelevel and said carefully, "You need to let her go now, Iruka."

She then watched as Iruka's hands went white-knuckled and his pupils dilated.

"No. Can't. Won't. He asked me to take care of her. I can't let her go, I can't, I-"

She leaned forward, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. "Oh, Iruka. I'm so sorry."

He never saw the nerve-pinch coming.

...

Annnnd.. I have no idea where I was going with that one. It's up to you to decide who "she" and "he" are.(Tell me in your reviews!!)

Mmm..I like confused!shellshocked!Iruka. I think I'll keep him. Also, Kakashi maskless!! Who else thinks that its only gonna happen when he dies?

That's quite enough for today, children. Time to pack your things!
Hopefully I'll be back, with my ellipses...-dashes!!- and run-on sentences of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! (Also, probably too much italics and exclamation marks!!1!!1!)

Polite critique is preferred, please. If you don't like something, please tell me why, awrite?