Oneshots are fun...
Disclaimer: Okay, Alfons Hiederich is dead and Noa's alive. If I was the owner of Fullmetal Alchemist that would be reversed.
The thing about Envy was that everything about him was annoying. That, Ed realized, was a fact that nobody seemed to notice. Honestly, everything he did, was, or had was obnoxious.
His eyes
Okay, Ed's eyes weren't exactly normal, but Envy's where just frightening. Enough said.
His hair
He looked like a palm tree. How was Ed supposed to stay calm when a sin who looked like a bloody palm tree was mocking him?
His clothes
Seriously. How was Ed supposed to concentrate on fighting him when he kept on distracting Ed with his stupid abs and thighs and such?
His face
That stupid face refused to get out of Ed's head. Ed couldn't stop thinking of that idiotic face, whether it was laughing or screaming.
His body
It's not like he earned those muscles. He just wanted them so he gave them to himself. Couldn't he be just a little too buff or to scrawny? Why did he have to be so goddamn perfect?
His laugh
No matter how often he heard it that sadistic chuckle sent shivers down Ed's spine. Envy was a freak. That laugh proved it.
His voice
It sounded like a cross between a child molester and a psychotic old woman's voice.
His height
He could be any height and he decided to be just a little bit taller than Ed. He honestly wasn't all that tall, which somehow made everything so much worse.
His jokes
How many times was he going to take a crack at Ed's height? He did it more than everybody, even more than Mustang, and got more of a reaction than anybody.
His temper
It was worse than Ed's. He didn't care whether or not someone was fighting him. If he was annoyed he'd beat then even worse than he would otherwise.
His strength
He was impressive, to say the least, something Ed was reminded of all too often. As soon as the bruises went away new ones got put there. No matter how much Ed trained he could never beat Envy.
His Justifications
Just because Hohenheim's his father, Envy hates him. How hypocritical is that? Extremely. Envy's Hohenheim's son too.
"Edo, I have to leave."
"No, just stay a little bit longer."
"Wish I could, but I really have to go."
"Just a few more minutes. Please?"
"Sorry. See you tomorrow."
Of course, maybe the worst thing about Envy was that he always had to go, no matter how much he wanted to stay.