Please Forgive Me

Pairing: LxLight

Rated: M for some language,slight yaoi

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or it's characters, I wish I did though. It belongs to Tsugumi ohba sensei.

A/N: this is my first try at fan fiction so please go easy on me, all criticism is welcomed and reviews are greatly appreciated

The cool autumn air nipped at the back of Light's neck as he sat on a park bench. He pulled his coat closer to his chest and zipped it up to cover the exposed skin. He leaned back on the bench and let his mind drift away. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of a group of little children playing on the jungle gyms and swings. The young man smiled, he observed them as they all laughed and played together. Kira was pleased to see even the smallest amount of innocence in such a horrible rotting world. The wind picked up again and hit Light with so much force that he shivered. The weather in Tokyo was to damn cold to be November.

"Light-kun?" he heard a familiar voice call his name.

He looked up and found himself staring into the eyes of a man he knew all to well. The silly grin he constantly carried on his face made him hard to forget.

"Oh, Matsuda it's you," Light said looking to the shocked man before him. The expression he had on would make someone think he'd just seen a ghost or something. But Light wasn't surprised by his reaction, they hadn't seen each other for a very long time.

"It's good to see you," the brunette said as he saw the man come back to reality.

"Oh, uh um i-its good to see you too Light-kun its been ages," the older man replied blushing a slight shade of red.

"What brings you here Matsuda?"

"Oh nothing, I was just kind of walking around."

It was silent, the air between both of them had become thick with an awkward and tense feel. Neither of the men seemed to know what to say to the other. Light wasn't afraid to talk to him, in fact he was quite fond of Matsuda. Out of the entire task force he was the only person who seemed to sympathize with Kira's views. It wouldn't be a problem to chit chat for a while.

"Would you like to sit with me then," the younger of the two asked patting the spot next to him on the bench. "Unless, you have somewhere that you have to be right now."

"No, I'm not in a hurry really. It would be nice to talk if that's okay with you of course."

"I don't mind please join me."

The older man slowly approached the bench. He sat a bag down on the ground before actually sitting in the seat the brunette offered to him. Light hadn't noticed the man was carrying anything with him. He focused on the bag, wondering what could possible be inside. Light couldn't ask, that would seem very rude to want to know something about a personal belonging. But then again, it was Matsuda and he wouldn't be as easily offended by such a question. Curiosity got the better of him and he threw caution to the wind as he asked.

"What's that Matsuda?" he questioned not moving his eyes from the bag. The older one gave Light a puzzled look until he followed his gaze to the sack on the ground.

"Oh this. It's just some evidence for the case I'm working on," he indicated as he fixed his gaze back to the brunette beside him.

"What case," Light asked meeting Matsuda's dark brown eyes. He saw a look a sadness flash through his eyes before he answered Light's question. "It's for the Kira case."

Matsuda's answer sent shivers down Light's spine. His face took on a very pained expression before he turned away from Matsuda. He didn't want the older to see the hurt he still felt. But the older already knew the reason of his friend's discomfort.

"I see. Your still working on the case."

"Yes, we are still looking for Kira."

Light should have known better. It was inevitable that the Kira case would come up during their conversation. He was hoping to avoid anything that had to do with…him.

"Light-kun, why is it you left the investigation team?" Matsuda asked not making eye contact with the younger man.

"I don't know. I couldn't stand to work on the case anymore, not after…" Light trailed off as his thoughts became scattered. He wanted nothing more than to forget the incident. Matsuda looked at his young companion with sympathy in his eyes. He knew all to well why Light didn't want to continue the search for Kira.

"Even though it's been six years since then, the event is still fresh in my mind," the brunette said looking to no place in particular. "I'm still stuck up on L's death."

"I know how you feel Light-kun, I'm still upset about Ryuuzaki's passing, but isn't that all the more reason to want to catch the person responsible." Matsuda asked staring at Light. He didn't blame him for taking it so hard. L seemed to have been very important to Light. But it made sense to want to bring his murderer to justice, didn't it?

The brunette didn't answer. His gaze was back on the children again. He was letting his mind slip back to the past, to his memories of his deceased lover.

"Light," L moaned loudly as the brunette plunged deeper into his body. He was beginning to go insane from the intense pleasure the boy was causing him. L met each of his thrust with just as much force. Their bodies were moving together rhythmically. Light looked to the detective below him. He captured the insomniac's lips with one last passionate kiss before he was driven over the edge and he came inside of his lover who followed soon after. The teen pulled out and collapsed upon the detective .He rolled over on his side and brought the frail man into his arms.

"Even after doing it so many times Light-kun still seems to make it anything but boring ne," the panda eyed insomniac said snuggling closer to his love.

"If I didn't then you probably wouldn't be interested in it," the brunette countered burying his head into L's soft raven locks.

"Of course I would. Having sex is the closest I can be with anyone so why wouldn't I want to be close to the person I love most?" L said looking to the teen's soft almond eyes. Light was surprised to hear this from the detective, he wasn't always so open about things. He never let his guard down around anyone. Showing emotion seemed like a component that L didn't come with.

"Do you really mean that L?" the teen asked looking into the man's deep black eyes. L showed Light his answer with his lips. He closed the space between them with a kiss. It was a very light kiss, but it was still intense enough to make the youth shudder. As they parted from each other for air Light brought his lover closer to his body. All doubt was forgotten when he heard the strong steady heart beat sounding in the detectives chest. He could feel how much L loved him and cuddled him even closer to his own chest. He listened as their hearts beat in unison, they ached for no one else but each other.

"I love you so much L," the teen whispered, planting a soft kiss on his forehead before slipping into unconsciousness.

"I love you too, my Light," the detective responded, sleep beginning to consume his mind.

They slept together peacefullyr. Embracing each other with nothing but love flowing out of their bodies. Light was happy to have this. He was completely content with nothing but L's warmth and love surrounding him. He would give up being Kira for him. The world he envisioned wouldn't mean anything without L. Light wanted desperately for their love to last forever. But to want something like that was foolish. He'd found this out the hard way.

It had been three months since then. During that time L was starting to grow distant. He wouldn't let Light kiss him or hug him at all. The slightest touch he received from the teen seemed to disturb him. Light was hurt by the detective's sudden cold behavior, it was unlike him to act this way towards the teen. Something had happened to make L react this way, but for as smart as Light was he couldn't for the life of him figure out the problem.

Then one day while the other task members went home, the two geniuses were left alone in the investigation room. Light glanced over in L's direction and saw that he was mindlessly typing on his computer like always. The teen stood up and walked over to the detective and came up behind him.

"Ryuuzaki," L stopped typing and turned around in his chair to face the youth.

"Yes Light-kun what is it?" L asked with a monotonous voice.

"I want to know, why have you been avoiding me?" Light questioned, getting closer to the detective.

"I haven't been Light-kun, I was merely having some space from you," L said, removing himself from the computer chair.

"You're lying!" Light growled. "You call the last several months of ignoring me space! You won't let me near you let alone touch you! Is it my fault that you're like this, have I done something to upset you?"

L didn't respond, he stared at Light with nothing but coldness in his eyes.

"It's not what you've done Yagami-kun, it's what you are. I realized how blind I have been to the truth. You are a murderer Light Yagami, I know that you are Kira. I have to admit you are a very good liar but the truth is you want me dead."

Light didn't know what to do or say. His whole body had gone numb, his feet were pinned to the floor by L's words. But why was he saying such things now? What had changed?

"Why? How could you say something like that? I love you L! It's true! Why are you acting this way?" Light yelled.

"Because I never really loved you," the detective spat bitterly. "I was only faking the love I had for you. I thought with enough trust built up you would confess to being Kira, but my plan was a failure."

The teen's mind stopped. He looked into L's eyes, he was searching for something to prove he was lying. But he was serious, nothing in the insomniacs' piercing gaze said he was lying. Every word that he had spoken was true. Light dropped to his knees and shook his head.

"No it can't be true, why L? Why would you do this?"

"I'll do anything to prove you are guilty, even something like this. Don't you remember, I am L, I don't know any limits. Besides, the truth is that I despise you. The very thought of loving you makes me sick. You are very naïve for being a so called genius. You should see your self Kira you look quite pathetic right now."

Light was shaking uncontrollably as L's words settled in to his mind. Without another word the detective walked past the now sobbing teen and exited the room. Light was left alone, he started to cry harder and buried his face in his hands. Light felt like such a fool, it was all a trick. He was careless with his actions. The detective fucked with his mind and he let it happen. Light's hearts was torn to pieces, gutted out with the words his so called lover had said. Light Yagami was nothing, completely broken. But Kira was furious, his cold heart was pulsing with pure hatred and malice. He wasn't going to let L get away with this. The brunette ceased his tears and picked himself off the ground. L was right, he was pathetic. That day, the innocent Light Yagami was swallowed by the darkness once again. The only person left to take over was Kira and unlike Light he wouldn't falter. He wasn't going to give up his dream of a perfect world for some worthless scum like L. He would make him pay for the pain he caused the new god of the world to suffer.

"Light-kun? Are you okay?"

The brunette was brought of his daydream and saw Matsuda's hand waving in front of his face. He turned to the older man and saw a look of concern in his features.

"Gomen nasai Matsuda, I was just remembering something," Light said while flashing a small smile to the man. Matsuda seemed to calm down a bit, but his face still looked worried. "Are you sure you're okay Light-kun?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you for worrying about me."

The younger man went back to looking at the children. Matsuda also fixed his gave to them. They were silent as they watched them all play together. The elder man glanced at Light and saw something he'd never thought he would ever see. The brunette was smiling, it wasn't forced like usual. It was the softest and most genuine smile Matsuda had ever seen in his life. It astounded him that something so simple could make Light so happy. He couldn't help but flash his silly grin in return. The brunette saw Matsuda was staring at him.

"What is it Matsuda?" he asked.

"Hmm? Oh! It's a…it's nothing important." The older man stuttered looking away from Light, he was blushing a deep red again.

"If you say so."

Matsuda felt so stupid! He needed to think of a topic change and stop with the damn blushing. Then it clicked when he remembered something. He turned back to Light, even though his face was still slightly pink.

"I forgot to ask you something Light-kun."

"What?"

"Why is it you are here today?"

The brunette was thrown off by the question. It surprised him that the older would ask it so late into their conversation. He smirked.

"Of course, I didn't mention it did I? I'm here with my daughter."

Matsuda's eyes widened at his response. He definitely wasn't expecting something like that to be the younger man's answer. "What?! You have a child Light-kun."

"Yep, she's an adorable little tyke if I do say so. Looks just like her mother."

The older man thought for a second. He didn't want to be nosy but he was curious who the child's mom was.

"Does she take after Misa-Misa then?"

"No. Misa isn't her mother, I broke up with her years ago."

"Oh, Gomen nasai. I guess I just assumed-"

"It's fine, nothing to be sorry for. Would you like to meet her?" Light asked.

"Yes of course!" Matsuda said with excitement clearly evident in his tone.

The brunette nodded then stood up. He faced the direction of the children before he called for his daughter.

"Kaiya."

Matsuda watched as a little girl in a pink coat stopped and looked over to Light. She turned and started running towards their direction, the one pigtail in her hair bouncing up and down. She ran right into Light and tackled him with a hug. She was so tiny! Her head just barely reached the brunette's waist.

"Hi daddy!" she said while still hugging Light.

"Hi sweetheart. There is someone here I want you to meet. He is a very good friend of mine."

The little girl looked up at Light, then looked to Matsuda who she didn't notice was there till now. She let go of Light and walked up to where the older man was sitting. She smiled real big before bowing her head.

"Hello, my name is Yagami Kaiya."

Matsuda gawked at the little girl as she raised her head up and smiled again. He wasn't surprised at how proper she was even though she was so young, he expected her to be seeing as she was Light's daughter. No, he was surprised by the little girl's looks. Her hair was a deep midnight black, it was cut to her shoulders and looked quite unruly at the ends. The only thing that resembled her to Light was her bright, soft caramel colored eyes. If he didn't know better he would think she was…

"Mister?"

"Oh, pardon me. I'm Matsuda." he said realizing that he was staring at the little girl.

"It's nice to meet you Matsuda-san. Did you come to wish me a happy birthday maybe?" Kaiya asked, her eyes big and wide.

"It's your birthday today Kaiya-chan? Gomen I didn't know. So how old will you be today?" he asked smiling at her. He watched as she counted her fingers. She held them up to his face as she replied.

"I'm turning six today!" she said with a sweet cheerful voice.

The older man didn't reply, he stared at the little girl with shock written all over his face.

"Um, Matsuda-san?" Kaiya was confused by his sudden change in facial expression. Had she said something bad?

"Kaiya, could you go gather your things? I have something to discuss with Matsuda-san." Light said while patting her head. She gazed up at him before giving him another hug.

"Okay daddy, I'll be right back." She said before running back to the playground.

Both men stared after the little girl, neither spoke. It was silent for a few moments. The silence was beginning to choke Matsuda. He focused on something, anything other than the brunette next to him before he spoke.

"Light-kun…whose child is that?" he asked, his voice a bit shaky.

The younger man let a playful smirk come to his face. "I told you Matsuda, she is my daughter."

"Her mother Light! Who gave birth to that child?!" Matsuda asked with a furious tone in his voice. He knew Light was messing with him. There was no way she could-

"She belongs to L, Matsuda. He is the one responsible for her life." The brunette said blandly, raising his gaze to the dark clouds in the sky.

"But h-how could he?! Ryuuzaki was male, it isn't possible!" Matsuda said, he was completely lost in confusion.

"I know. I thought so too, but it's true. It was confirmed by a doctor that witnessed the birth. Also her DNA is the same as Ryuuzaki's as well as…mine. That child was born November 5 2004 at 1:19 am, the very same day that L died."

The older man was quiet. He was thinking of answers for so many questions that were flooding through hi mind. Was Light really telling the truth.

"But Light-kun, how do know this?"

"Because he wrote me a letter that day six years ago, before he died. Would you like to know about it Matsuda?" Light asked.

He waited for Matsuda's reply. When he didn't get one he assumed that the answer was probably yes. But he didn't know if he could confess what he'd kept bottled up for so long.

"Yes Light-kun, I wish to know the truth." Light looked at the man before he finally decided.

"Very well. I guess I should start at the beginning then. You probably knew that L and I were more than just friends at this point. It's true, we were lovers. We were together constantly, always so close, it was inevitable that I would fall for him. I felt like he was the only one who really understood me. I cared, I loved him more than anything and even now I can't forget him. But it changed, he changed. He betrayed me and my trust in him. He left me to rot away cold and alone. He told me he didn't love me and I believed him, until I got the letter. Light closed his eyes, remembering the contents that hid inside such a small envelope.

"How did you get it?"

"It was given to me by someone at a hospital. The day of L's death I was called in by a doctor that said he left something important for me. When I got there the letter was what they gave me. It read-

Dear Light,

I have written this letter to you knowing that by now I am dead. I wish to tell you the truth. I hope you will believe me when I tell you that I lied about hating you, because there is absolutely no way for me to hate you. The truth is I love you Light Yagami, every par, even the part of you that is Kira. But I realized that because of who we are that we couldn't be happy. I wouldn't be able to keep you safe from the death sentence and I couldn't allow anyone else to know that you are Kira. I was determined to protect you at all cost. I decided that the only thing I could do to make your life better was die. I admitted defeat to Kira so that at least you could be happy. But with the sacrifice of my life a new one has been born. I leave you with this last piece of hope left. I love you. Please forgive me.

Sincerely yours,

L Lawliet

Light's body started to shake violently as he finished stating the letter word for word. Matsuda saw the dreadful pain that was being shown on the brunette's face.

"He knew. He knew and yet he didn't…why didn't he turn me in?! He could have been saved. He could be alive right now, the fool! But he I…I" Light began to cry as he choked out his words. "It's my fault, I killed my only love and now I can't repent for my sins."

Matsuda said nothing as his friend cried bitter tasting tears of regret. He fell to his knees as he spoke again.

"I have nothing left of him. Nothing but that precious little girl, she is all I have left."

"Light…"

"Daddy?!"

The two men hadn't noticed the little girl that came bumbling towards them. When she walked close enough she saw that Light was crying.

"What's wrong daddy? Why are you crying? Did Matsuda-san say something mean?" the little girl asked standing in front of him.

"No Kaiya, it's not Matsuda's fault. I was just thinking about your mother…"

Her face was stricken with pain at those words. She stared at Light feeling the sadness radiating off of him. She lifted her hands to his and slowly wiped away the tears before kissing his eyes gently. Light ceased his sobs and looked at the little girl. She gave him a tender smile.

"It's okay, I'm here now so there is nothing to cry about. I love you Light. I forgive you."

The brunette started to tremble again but instead of crying he pulled his daughter into him with a very weak embrace.

"Gomen nasai Kaiya, gomen."

The brunette slowly released the little girl and stood back up. He didn't face Matsuda when he spoke.

"We have to go Matsuda. It was nice to see you again."

Then Light turned and started to walk away from the older man. Matsuda didn't try to stop him, he watched as his friend left without anything else to say. He noticed that Kaiya was still next to him.

"How did you know that would make him stop crying Kaiya-chan?" he asked, looking down at her.

"Because Kaiya means forgiveness. He wants someone to tell him it's alright and since mommy can't do it, then I will." She turned her whole body to Matsuda before bowing one last time. "It was nice meeting you Matsuda-san. Please take care."

The older man nodded and watched the little girl take off after Light. When she caught up to him, Matsuda saw her slowly grab his hand. He was silent as the pair disappeared out of sight. Without warning a tear slide down his cheek and more soon followed. He didn't know that Light had gone through that much pain. But it made him happy to know that Light had Kaiya. She would dry his tears and calm his broken heart. She would mend the wounds he had been given. He knew she was the hope that Ryuuzaki had left for Light.

Matsuda wiped his tears on his sleeve and started to walk in the opposite direction, He was startled when his cell phone began to ring.

"Uh, hello?"

"Matsuda where are you?! It's been an hour since you left. You better not be goofing off with some women again!" The older man blushed madly at Aizawa's insinuation.

"No of course not! I'm on my way there now, I just got…side tracked."

"Don't tell me you found some girl you tried to hit on?" Matsuda thought about it before answering.

"No Aizawa. In fact I met a really nice girl today. She came off as really kind and gentle when I met her. It was to bad for me though, she already has someone that needs her more than me."

"Oh well that's too bad. You can tell me about it when you get here."

"Alright then, bye."

Matsuda hung up the phone and continued his pace towards headquarters. He thought back to Light and Kaiya. He was trusting him to the little girl. Matsuda was sure that Ryuuzaki's decision was for the best. He hoped that she would save Kira from the lonely, cold and desolate life he was living. The older man hoped with all his heart that Light would realize that there was no need to be sad. Because he had already been forgiven.

Translation:

Gomen na sai-I'm sorry

AN: So there you have it my first try at fanfiction! I hope you all liked it!! ^_^