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Plot: Emmett comes home after getting Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at the midnight release, but Rosalie doesn't like Harry Potter (gasp!). What will he do? Based on the fun list "120 Ways to Agitate Someone Who doesn't Like Harry Potter" on Mugglenet (/funlists/131waystoagitate.shtml)
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"I GOT THE BOOK! I GOT THE FREAKING BOOK!"
Rosalie turned around in her chair. "Wowwww Emmett. Amazing."
"I FREAKING GOT THE BOOK!"
Emmett ran over to the table and dropped the huge book, which made a noise like dropping a binder on the hallway floor. Everyone jumped.
"OMIGOD I HAD TO WAIT IN LINE UNTIL LIKE 2:45 AM BUT THEN THESE PUNKS LIKE TOTALLY CUT ME AND I'M LIKE 'EXCUUUSE ME?' AND THEN THEY WOULDN'T LEAVE SO WE GOT INTO THIS FIGHT AND NOW THEY'RE IN THE HOSPITAL AND OMIGOD THE HOUSE SMELLS AWESOME OMIGOD THAT'S MY JACKET, MORON!"
Edward looked down at the Abercrombie jacket he was wearing. "I felt like wearing it."
"I WOULD TOTALLY FIGHT YOU RIGHT NOW BUT I JUST GOT THE BOOK AND SO I'M TOO EXCITED TO FIGHT YOU AND DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS, ALICE!"
"Okay so after Ron hooks up with Cho Chang..." Alice joked.
"LA LA LA LA LA I CAN't HEAR YOU! LA DEE DA DEE DA! LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
"Dude get a life."
"I WILL GO READ THIS NOW SO NO ONE DISTURB ME!"
And he walked over to the couch and began to read. Rosalie sighed. "Those books are like, omigod, totally lame. Why do you like even read them?"
Emmett looked up. "Are you saying...You don't like Harry Potter?"
"Uh, like, yeah. Totally. It's like so lame."
"Take it back."
"No."
Emmett stared at her. "Fine. Until you read these books...I...uh...omigod! '120 Ways to Agitate Soemone Who Doesn't Like Harry Potter!'"
"What?"
"Never mind."
--
The next day, Emmett was on page 436 of the book and Rosalie was still bugging him about how lame it was.
"I mean, like, omigod, those books are for loo-sers!"
Emmett tried to concentrate on his book, but then put it on the table and walked over to where the whole family was standing in the kitchen.
"I heard it's supposed to be sunny, tomorrow, so we can't go outside."
"Omigod, like Devil's Snare!"
Everyone looked at Emmett. "What?" he asked.
They turned back. "Ha ha, hey, hey Luna!" he said loudly to Rosalie.
She turned. "What? Who's Luna?"
Emmett gasped. "Omigod...no...no way... SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHO LUNA LOVEGOOD IS!" And he ran to his room, pretending to cry, though it sounded pretty realistic.
"That was pathetic."
"What's up with him?"
"I've been asking that every day since I met him."
--
Rosalie opened to the door to her room and stopped, fuming.
"EMMETT CULLEN I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"
Every poster in her room had round glasses and lightning bolt scars.
"EMMETT YOU ARE SO DEAD!"
She ran over to her computer to send him several nastily worded e-mails. When she logged on, however, she saw about 45 e-mails from him. She clicked on the first, which read "Read this article about global warming!"
She opened it up, but instead of seeing that article, she saw something else.
"The fifth screen installment of the Harry Potter series saw its business decline by a larger than expected 58; considerably more precipitous than it's experienced in the past. The publication of the seventh and final book in the series likely drew away devotees and one will have to wait a week to see whether faster readers will return to the multiplex for a refresher course."
She closed the e-mail, steaming. "EMMETT!"
She looked at the next e-mail, which read "Check this out- funny". When she opened it, she got even more frustrated.
"The final installment in the Harry Potter series has sold around 11 million copies in its first day. Borders, the second largest US book chain is reported to have sold around 1.2 million, the highest amount in its history."
And the next one read, "OMG. Read this! It's about the pet shelter downtown"
Of course, it had nothing to do with furry, cute little animals.
"Warner Bros confirmed today that the role of Lavender Brown will be played by Jessie Cave. Ms. Cave is 20 years old and beat over 7000 girls to win the part in the next harry Potter film installment."
Rosalie clicked through all of the e-mails, all of which had to do with Harry Potter, though the subject lines were things like "Sale at Abercrombie- read this", "Movie Times", "Seven day weather forecast", and "holy crap! i just saw a purple octopus!".
Rosalie glared at the screen. Ooooohhhh, Emmett is in so much trouble!
Rosalie stormed downstairs and switched on the TV to watch the Gossip Girl marathon. She heard footsteps behind her.
'But before he went loopy he was the life and soul of the party," said Fred. "He used to down an entire bottle of firewhisky, then run onto the dance floor, hoist up his robes, and start pulling bunches of flowers out of his—"
"Yes, he sounds a real charmer," said Hermione, while Harry roared with laughter.
"Never married, for some reason," said Ron.'
Emmett finished, laughing hysterically. Tears rolling down his face, he flipped a few more pages and began to read, but before he could do so, Rosalie snatched the book away from him. Emmett turned a deep red color.
"Give. Me. The. Book. Back. Now," he said slowly, dangerously.
"Well then quit annoying me with it!"
"Fine."
And he grabbed his book and, holding it protectively, ran up the stairs.
A few hours later, Esme, Carlisle, Jasper, Edward, Alice, and Rosalie were all in the living room playing Twister. After Edward lost for the 78th time, someone started singing upstairs. They all listened closely.
"On the 8th day of Quidditch my true love gave to me 8 Quidditch trunks, 7 chasers, 6 golden hoops, 5 beaters' clubs, 4 quaffles, 3 Firebolts, 2 bludgers, and 1 golden snitch.
On the 9th day of Quidditch my true love gave to me 9 Quidditch fields, 8 Quidditch trunks, 7 chasers, 6 golden hoops, 5 beaters' clubs, 4 quaffles, 3 Firebolts, 2 bludgers, and 1 golden snitch.
On the 10th day of Quidditch my true love gave to me 10 referees, 9Quidditch fields, 8 Quidditch trunks, 7 chasers, 6 golden hoops, 5 beaters'clubs, 4 quaffles, 3 Firebolts, 2 bludgers and 1 golden snitch!"
"EMMETT, SHUT UP!" Rosalie roared.
And he shut up.
Around 8:00 that night, Rosalie decided to go to the mall to check out a shoe sale. Emmett had told her he would come and she, unenthusiastically, agreed. She was waiting in the car when she saw a figure leave the house and walk over to the car. When he got closer, Rosalie's eyes got huge.
"Oh...My...God. No...freakin...way."
It was Emmett, and he was totally decked out in his Harry Potter gear. A black cloak with a Gryffindor badge, a wizard's hat, a Slytherin scarf, round glasses, and lightning bolt scar on his forehead, and pretend owl, a really long wand that lit up when you pressed a button, and a Hufflepuff tie.
Emmett jumped into the passenger seat. "So, ready to go?"
"Take that off. Now."
"Only if you read the books."
They both glared at each other for a few moments.
"Fine. Be an idiot," she said, and pressed on the gas pedal.
--
Do you like it? I'm gonna try to make it funnier next chapter!
Please review! They make me feel good and then inspire me to write really good chapters!
Chapter 2: Emmett continues on his quest to make Rosalie read the books. And how will people react when Emmett goes to a designer shoe store decked out in his HP gear and yelling "DEATH EATER!" every time someone in a hood walks by?
PLEASE REVIEW! I LOVE YOU! ha ha
Oh and I did not write that song 'the 12 days of quidditch' :-)