A/N: First attempt at fanfiction. :D Eh, I can probably sum up my feelings on this piece by saying: "It sounded better in my head."

Lavi can't believe in God. Even though he has come to think of himself as an Exorcist of the Black Order, the belief that fuels the other Exorcists cannot help him. He is different. While Komui and Miranda are caught kissing when Komui should've been working, and when he finds out the Kanda sometimes sleeps on the floor outside of Lenalee's room to make sure she is safe, Lavi can only think of one person he wants to be caught with. A boy. Allen.

And that, he knows, must be wrong. Panda has told him stories of people like him, who were rejected and outlawed by their communities. He witnessed the last boy he flirted with (what a kiss) be kicked out of his home, and told, by a priest, that because of his "perversion", both him and Lavi (then Mark) were going to burn in Hell, rejected by both their families and God.

He knows that he shouldn't be an Exorcist, because what kind of Exorcist defies God the way Lavi does every time he see Allen, smiles at Allen, pictures him and Allen kissing…

Bookman is not pleased either, but for different reasons. Lavi knows that he is rejecting both his role as an Exorcist, and his more important role as a Bookman, but he can't help it when Allen is around.

"Don't develop any attachments," Bookman says. "They're unnecessary, and they'll make you weak."

Lavi knows this, but he can't ignore the younger boy. The two get along so well, and Lavi starts to make excuses to talk to Allen.

"He might be the Destroyer of Time," Lavi argues. "Shouldn't I get to know him, so that I can record more about him?" He knows that Bookman sees through it, but despite it all, a relationship develops between Allen and Lavi. Allen, so innocent and cute, doesn't understand why anything is so wrong with the two of them, and the mutual desire that exists between them, even after Lavi tries to explain.

"I don't think God would really reject us," Allen says. "Love is pure and natural, no matter what the genders are." He kisses Lavi chastely on the lips, sending a whirlwind of emotions through the older boy. "See? How could that be wrong?"

Lavi admits that it feels right and natural, but he still remembers the corpses of the two lovers they met years ago. Bookman made him dutifully record them, trying to warn Lavi to what the world would do to him. Even if God has nothing against Allen and Lavi, people definitely do. They will hurt Allen. His Allen.

But Lavi is selfish. He wants Allen to himself, no matter what the consequences. If there is a God, he will protect Allen, if not Lavi. However, every time Allen returns from a mission, he is wearier, and slowly his white hair fits his lined face more and more. On top of that, Lavi feels the accusing looks on him from the other members of the Black Order, and knows that Allen is getting them too. At one point, after going on a walk through the headquarters, Allen returns with a split lip, and muttering something about: "I'm fine, it's nothing." He no longer talks about how everyone will accept them. The same groups of people go after Lavi too, but he fights them off. Allen is too much of gentleman.

"They just don't understand yet," Allen says one night, snuggling deeper into Lavi's arms. "Someday, it'll be okay. They'll figure it out. Until then, I'm not going to hurt them. It's not their fault."

Lavi knows the truth. Those people will never accept him, and because of it they are hurting Allen. What kind of a God would let people hurt Allen? Sweet, innocent, adorable Allen does not deserve to be hurt by anyone. What kind of a God would tell his disciples that two boys can't love each other? It obviously possible, because Lavi loves Allen and Allen loves him.

And so, Lavi can't believe in God. He can't believe in a God that doesn't believe in his love.