Dokkou: Yaaay!! My very first Invader Zim fanfic! This idea has been poking me, prodding me, annoying me, yelling at me and basically invading every fiber of my being. So i finally gave in and began this story. Hope you like this chapter.

DOOM and Stuff

Chapter 1

Zim chuckled evilly as he tapped the coordinates into the computer's control panel.

"Coordinates locked," The computer announced and Zim let out his insane laugh.

"Soon all the filth-humans will be under my grip like icky zombie… human... zombie things!" Zim said triumphantly.

"Yaaaaaaay!!" Gir squealed and Zim looked up and screamed.

"GIR! What ARE you doing?!" Zim shouted. The tiny SIR unit was swinging on a giant wire like a jungle vine twenty feet overhead.

"I'M TARIZAAAAAAN!!" Gir squealed happily.

"Get down from there! You'll ruin everything!" Zim shouted angrily.

"OOOOOKIE DOKIE!" Gir said and promptly let go of the vine. Zim yelled and turned to jump out of the way but he was too late. The SIR unit dropped right on top of the Irken Invader and pinned him to the floor.

"GIR GET OFF!" Zim shouted. "You're going to crush my suit!" Zim tossed Gir off of him and quickly scanned his suit for any damage. Thankfully there was none. Zim let out a sigh of relief which immediately turned into an evil cackle. The suit was skintight, purple, and covered in small buttons and monitors.

The alien invaders were in an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of the city by a dirty river. But instead of dust and useless products the warehouse was filled with complicated looking machinery, computers, and flashing buttons. Wires carpeted the floor and in the center of the giant warehouse was a ten-foot high platform on which sat a giant blue oval, a computer monitor and, of course, Zim.

"Begin countdown!" Zim ordered.

"Countdown initiated," The computer voice said solemnly. A giant timer appeared on the screen. "Four minutes in counting. 3:59…3:58…3:57…" Zim rubbed his three-fingered hands together eagerly.

"Ohhh, victory is so close, I can taste it!!" Zim laughed. He blinked and stuck his pointed tongue out. "Hm… tastes like the waffles I had this morning…"

"Not so fast, Zim!" a familiar voice shouted.

"No, it can't be," Zim snarled, whirling around. From his lofty position on the platform, he saw a boy in a black coat and glasses race past the towering electric equipment. The boy took a flying leap and heaved himself onto the platform.

"Dib," Zim hissed furiously.

"It's over Zim!" Dib shouted. "I know all about your evil plan!"

"Oh really?" Zim sneered. "And what is my evil plan?"

Dib opened his mouth and pointed accusingly at Zim. There was a long second of silence. "It's…evil! And… it's a plan… a plan to!... do something to all humanity!" Dib said weakly.

"Curse you!" Zim yelled, flexing his fingers. "I had not counted on you discovering my bomb so quickly."

"BOMB?!" Dib screamed. "YOU'VE GOT A BOMB?!"

"Of course, Dib-monkey!" Zim said triumphantly. "A bio-bomb to be exact." He pointed at the countdown on the giant monitor behind him. "In two minutes and thirty-five seconds, this bomb will go off—" he waved at the giant blue oval in the middle of the floor— "and seize the brainwaves of all living organisms within a fifty-mile diameter! They will become my mindless slaves! And I'm so glad you could make it, earth-monster, because you will become my very first slave!" Zim burst into maniacal laughter. Dib bit his lip and stared at the bomb. Then he let out a bark of smug laughter.

"One problem, Zim!" he said, holding up a finger. "If that bomb goes off, you'll be brainwashed along with me!"

"Not so, Dib monkey!" Zim shouted. "You see this suit I'm wearing?" He tapped his head, which was covered in what seemed to be clear plastic wrap—"This suit will protect me from every single wave, allowing me to emerge victorious and rule over your drooling zombie race!" Dib grit his teeth. "Just sit back and relax, human," Zim smirked. "Maybe if I'm in a good mood I'll let you live and clean the floor of my ship with your tongue." He turned back to the control panel, his finger hovering over a huge red button.

"Not if I can help it, alien scum!" Dib shouted, and raced forward and tackled Zim to the ground. He grabbed Zim's antenna and began to pull.

"AAAGH!!" Zim screamed. "Release me, Dib worm! Release me or face the wrath of ZIM!!"

"Not a chance," Dib snarled, shoving Zim's head into the ground. With a growl the irken rolled and kicked Dib in the ribs. Dib went flying back, breathless. Zim hurried forward, finger reaching for the red button. But Dib lunged and grabbed his ankles, causing the alien to fall smack on his face. Zim strained his hand toward the monitor but Dib jerked him back and slapped his hand down.

"2:15…2:14…2:13…" the computer's voice counted down. Zim grabbed Dib's shoulders and rolled so that he was pinning the human down.

"Face it Dib, you might as well give up now! There's nothing you can do!" Zim said with an evil grin.

"That's what you think, Zim!" Dib pushed and rolled so that he was pinning the alien down again. Zim growled and the two wrestled on the floor with snarls and yells, bathed in the red light from the computer monitor.

"Oooh, pretty lights," Gir said, once again hanging from the giant cord like 'Tarizan'.

"GIR!" Zim shouted as Dib pulled his antenna. "Press the button! Hurry! We can't afford to waste any more time! Press the pretty button Gir!"

"Wheeeeee!" Gir squealed, sliding down the wire to the monitor.

"Bad move, Zim!" Dib snapped, wrapping his hand around a tiny metal accessory on Zim's arm. He clenched his teeth and began to pull as hard as he could.

"AAGH! What are you doing?!" Zim yelled in horror as sparks flew from his arm.

"Putting an end to your plan!" Dib snarled, and ripped the box off with a burst of wires and sparks. Zim screamed and clutched his arm, the green flesh of which was now exposed.

"There!" Dib said triumphantly, jumping to his feet. "If you set off that bomb you'll be brainwashed too!"

"CURSE YOU!!" Zim screeched.

"1:30…1:29..1:28…" the computer went on, oblivious to the struggle that was going on in front of it.

Stop the countdown Zim!" Dib shouted. Zim opened his mouth to snarl at Dib when Gir's happy voice floated down to them.

"Master, master, look at me!" Gir said, waving happily at Zim. His tiny hand was raised, about to slam down on a blue button.

"NO GIR NO!" Zim shouted, jumping up. "Don't press any buttons!"

"Press any button?" Gir repeated with a huge smile. "Okie dokie! I like this one!" His hand descended down onto the button.

"NOOOOOO!" Zim and Dib screamed together.

Click.

Gaz didn't even look up from her Game Slave as an explosion sounded outside and rocked the house.

"Dib," she growled and continued playing her Game Slave 2 on the sofa in front of the giant TV. For about fifteen minutes there was peace in the living room. Then…

Creeeaaak. The front door was weakly pushed open to reveal Dib, covered in ash, his glasses cracked, smoke leaking off his body.

"Another evil plot…thwarted thanks... to me," he said faintly.

"Close the door, you're letting in a draft," Gaz growled. Dib painfully closed the front door and dragged himself to the sofa. He collapsed onto the cushion beside Gaz.

"Phew, we're just lucky that robot pushed the self-destruct button," Dib sighed. "Otherwise we'd all be brainless zombies! Well, at least Zim would be a brainless zombie too."

"Be quiet," Gaz hissed, grinding her teeth. "I'm at level thirteen and I'm trying to concentrate."

"You obviously don't care that your brother saved the human race yet again," Dib sniffed. Gaz's eye twitched and she shoved Dib off the couch with one hand.

"Ow!" Dib said as his face was planted into the carpet. He shakily got to his feet and dusted himself off. "I should report to the Swollen Eyeball. They'll want to hear about this!" he dragged himself to his room as fast as his limp would allow.

Zim groaned as he stumbled tiredly past his lawn gnomes. He was smoking all over. Gir was clutched in his hand, being dragged along behind the alien like a rag doll. His normally turquoise eyes were black; he was offline.

"Stupid… Dib human," Zim mumbled, pushing the front door open. Right on cue, two tall robots blocked his way.

"Welcome home, son!" They chorused, then both wheeled off back to the cubby where they normally hibernated.

Gir fell out of Zim's limp hand. Zim didn't seem to notice. He heaved himself onto his couch and lay down, staring up at the ceiling. Zim winced as a twinge of pain lanced across his burned wrist, where Dib had destroyed his suit. His back was hurting too.

"Stupid suit," Zim growled and tore violently at the fabric. "I should have reinforced it!" he jerked his armguards off. "I should have seen the Dib worm coming!" he kicked the heavy metal boots off. "I should have had a plan B…" he ripped the chestplate off and threw it on the floor, panting. He was back in his red suit, which was charred and ripped. "I was so close," Zim hissed, clenching his fists. "So close! I could taste the waffle-flavored taste of victory! RRR!!" Zim began to pummel the cushions of the sofa with his small fists. And he would have to go to skool tomorrow and face that stupid Dib human's grinning face all day long!

Zim wailed and fell back on the couch. He turned his head and looked tiredly at Gir's offline form.

Should I even bother fixing him? He just ruined my whole plan. Well… not the whole plan. It wasn't really his fault the Dib monkey destroyed my suit… and he did sort of follow my orders… I told him to press the button and he did…well he didn't press the right one but still…

Zim sighed and slid off the couch. He picked up Gir's metal body and heavily walked into the kitchen. He stepped into the toilet against the wall and said tiredly, "Computer. Take me down to the lab." There was a complying beep and Zim descended into the toilet bowl which immediately became a red elevator tube. A minute later, the Irken invader was entering his dark lab. He placed Gir on a metal table and plugged a bunch of wires into the robot's head. He tapped several buttons on a computer console.

"Energize," Zim ordered. A bolt of blue energy ran down the wires and shocked Gir. The robot jerked violently and sat up.

"I'm a Frankenweiner!" Gir squealed happily.

"No, you're stupid," Zim growled. "You messed up my plan!"

Gir bowed his head in shame. "I'm sorry, Master," he mumbled miserably. Then… "HAVE SOME GRAVY! It'll make everything all better!" Gir reached into his chest compartment and pulled out a handful of dark brown mess.

Zim's red eyes narrowed and his mouth tightened.

A minute later Gir sailed up out of the toilet in the kitchen and landed in the sink with a loud metallic GOOOOONG. "YAAAAY!! BATHTIME!"

Back in the lab, Zim flinched when a spasm of pain went across his back. Zim glanced over his shoulder and let out a gasp. Sparks and a black liquid were falling from a large gash in his Pak. Zim pressed a button on the Pak and it popped off. He swayed dizzily and set the Pak on the lab table. He would have to move fast: Irkens didn't survive long without this tiny machine.

"Curses," he muttered. "It must have been damaged in the explosion." He reached a hand toward his Pak. Electric currents crackled and bit at his hand. Zim jerked his hand back and hugged it to his chest.

"Rrrrgh," He grumbled. "It will have to be fixed by the computer." He raised his voice. "Computer. Repair subject Pak."

"Beginning diagnostic," the computer voice said. "Diagnostic complete. Beginning subject Pak repair." Three robotic arms descended from the ceiling and began working on Zim's Pak.

"Good," Zim said. "In the meantime, I'm going to rest in the Recuperation Pod." The injuries he had sustained were bordering on critical. He padded over to a tall, oval-shaped glass machine standing against a wall. He pressed a button on the side of the pod and a glass door opened vertically with a hiss. Mist floated out of the container. Zim stepped inside and faced the lab. The glass door closed in front of him. Metal bands came out of the pod behind Zim and held him securely against the wall. The pod was one of the most important thing in his lab; as long as he was submerged in healing fluid and in a hibernation state he would be able to survive for several hours without the aid of his Pak. It came in real handy for whenever he finished a fight with Dib that usually ended up destroying half a city block.

"Computer, wake me at seven tomorrow morning," Zim ordered.

"Yes master," the computer voice said. A mask descended from the ceiling inside the pod and latched onto Zim's face. A hole in the wall opened and a green liquid began pouring inside. The Irken closed his eyes and sighed in relief as the cool healing liquid engulfed his body. In a minute the pod was full. Zim felt a gentle darkness fill his mind and slipped away into a peaceful hibernation.

His last thought was, At least Dib got injuries too.

"Doo de doo de doo de doo doo dooooo!" Gir sang, splashing in the water in the sink. But seeing as the gravy had fallen into the water, Gir was actually bathing in mashed-potato-topping. "Squeaky clean!" Gir said happily. He reached into the brown muck and felt for the drain plug. He felt it and jerked. It didn't come loose. Gir jerked again but still nothing happened. He frowned and ducked his head under the swirling brown surface.

The thing he was trying to pull up was a flashing red button. Of course there's no real sink in an alien's house but sadly Gir's paperclip-and-gum-filled brain couldn't comprehend that.

"Bad sink!" he said with a frown, and hit the "drain plug". There was a resounding alarm bell around the kitchen.

"Error! Error!" the computer voice said. "Error! Error!"

"Oooh! That's a pretty song!" Gir said happily, clapping along to the rhythm. "Error! Error! Doo de doo de doooo!"

Down in the lab, a red button flashed warningly on the computer's console. The robotic arms hovering above Zim's Pak jerked to a halt and began spinning around wildly.

"Error! Error!" the computer voice said in confusion. "Error ERROR!!" The robotic arms straightened and began to fervently work on the Pak again, sparks flying off in all directions.

Within the pod, Zim's green eyelids flickered but he slept soundly on, undisturbed by the frantic alarm.

Dokkou: Uh oh. Now what did Gir do? Guess you'll find out next chapter, which will be posted next Friday.