Chapter one

ONE DAY in Harry Potter Land, Potter hid in the shadows, because he thought Draco was following him.

He was right!

Draco was with his girlfriend, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, but most called her; "Little Slut" or "Girl With The Obscenely Long Name".

Draco and Little Slut walked by.

Oh, thought Harry. I must have been paranoid once again.

Now that the last book was written and done, Harry had nothing else to do but to stay at Hogwarts, and Voldemort was dead.

(Strangely enough, so did everyone)…

But, he continued to his dorm.

Harry now spent his time writing Pokemon Fan-fictions on fan , seeing as he had nothing better to do.

Of course, he had tried jobs, but none worked out. Mac Donalds was a fail, and…well, that was the only job he'd had.

He returned to the dorm, where Ron was.

"Ron you thing, get out, I need to concentrate while writing my fanfic." Harry said grumpily.

Ron watched Harry intently and was MASTICATING TO HIM!!

Harry was shocked, but somewhat happy that someone was chewing at him.

Harry sat at a Wizard computer, and loaded it up.

"I love these Wizard Computers." Harry said.

"I don't think you should call them Wizard computers just because we have fibre optic broadband." Ron said bluntly.

Harry ignored him.

Ron got up and went over to Harry's 'Treasure Chest Of True To Life Toys And Memorabilia', which they later abbreviated to 'Big Ol' Box O' Crap".

It was full of toys, wallpapers, games, teddies, Lego sets, bed covers, book covers, and much, much more from Harry's Famous period, all of them 'Harry Potter' branded.

"Cuh-mere!" Ron cried as he pointed his wand at a can of Pepsi. It flew across the room, into his hand. "Ugh, magic always fucks up drinks." Ron said, as he took a sip.

Harry typed away.

'Ash Ketchum threw a poke ball at Misty's head.

"Shut up and cook my dinner, bitch." He said. I watched as she nodded quietly, and took her Starmie with her into the kitchen. I went into the kitchen also, and Ash went upstairs to the toilet, I assume. I comforted Misty.

Suddenly we started kissing all over and I got all hot like an erection except due to the Mudkip incident, I didn't get one you sicko. Misty was so freaking hot under her clothes and I kissed and licked her all over-'

Harry rested his fingers.

"Let me read, Hazz." said Ron playfully.

"No." Harry said, minimising the window. He covered his boner with his other arm- he'd got horny from what he'd typed.

Then, suddenly, without warning, Voldemort appeared!

"Warning, warning, I am appearing!!" Screeched Voldemort.

He appeared in an explosion of stink.

"Dayum, you smell like bad Chinese food." Said Hermione, walking into the room.

"Be quiet, Harmonica!" Voldemort hissed, licking his nostril repeatedly for several minutes.

"Frenchitup!" Hermy shouted, and pointed her wand at Voldemort.

Now he smelled of garlic!

"Ah, Garlic, that makes me stronger!!" Voldemort said.

"Nooo!!" cried Hermioney.

"Fill in the blanks barrage!!" Voldemort said, and pulled out his WOMB!!

"EWWWW!!" Hermitcrab cried.

"Sorry, typo!" Voldemort said, and pulled out his wand.

A blast of test papers shot at In-Her-shoes, and she cried out in angst.

"NOOOOO, my secret weakness!"

"I wish this narration would hurry up and give us a decent line." Harry said, but Voldemort turned towards him.

"Prepare to die, Harry Potter." he growled.