Author's Note: This fan fiction was written in response to the "blanket scenario" challenge. I wrote this almost a year ago and am just now putting it up for all to see. If you take the time to read this, you will see that I took some liberties with the challenge idea. At least, I think I did. I didn't put this up sooner because I wasn't quite satisfied with it... and I'm still not. It can obviously be improved, but I'm pleased with it enough that I am willing to share it with the rest of the English-reading world.
FYI: "..." = talking | ... = thinking | **...** = flashback
Please do not steal or archive this fan fiction. I spent a lot of time on it and I feel a little protective of it. If you wish to archive this story or add it to your site, please email me.
This piece of fan fiction is based to occur in the Volume 18 timeline of the manga. Specifically Volume 18, chapters 173-176. God bless Chris Rijk for all his hard work in translating the most recent chapters of Inuyasha as they are published in Japan and posting them on his web site along with some scans of the artwork. Thank you!
Disclaimer: Inuyasha - Sengoku o-Togi Zoushi (Inu-Yasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale) was created by Takahashi Rumiko and is distributed in North America by Viz. I have no right to use Takahashi-sama's characters in any manner whatsoever... but I am hoping she does not mind my borrowing them for a bit.
Contentment
Chapter One
~ sickness ~
A young woman with long, raven hair blurred into whiteness only to reappear for a brief moment as the wind swirled around her petite form and engulfed her once again. Her body shivered and coughed... and finally sighed in exhaustion. Her painfully numb fingers hid in the sleeves of her jacket desperately seeking shelter from the cold. The wind roared in her face, forcing more tears from her eyes and making her nose run.
Kagome had no idea where the young hanyou male was leading her and she didn't really care. All of her energy was being spent just trying to keep up with him as he broke snow a few meters ahead.
The cold was unbearable.
The ferocity of the wind and the whiteness of the landscape were making it difficult for her to distinguish landmarks and maintain her sense of direction. She trusted her companion completely. They were not lost. To be lost in this blizzard would probably mean their deaths, at least hers.
She could not believe how quickly the weather had changed on them. Just yesterday, it had been bright and sunny with just a hint of chill in the air, as winter was still another month away. Yesterday afternoon rain had started to fall, then the temperature began to plummet overnight... and now it was snowing. They had witnessed the birth of an unseasonably harsh blizzard and now they were caught within it, unprotected and possibly lost.
Marching through the snow was the only thing that was keeping Kagome at least somewhat warm and alert. The coat she wore was much too thin to offer any real protection from the blistering wind. The occasional bouts of shivering or coughing fits were making it more and more difficult to keep up with Inuyasha, who appeared to be unaffected by the cold from as far as Kagome could tell.
Tracking him carefully, Kagome realized she was falling behind once again. Stubbornness energized her and she forced herself to move faster, hoping she would be able to keep up her pace long enough to close most of the distance between them.
After a couple of meters, harsh-sounding coughs racked Kagome's body, causing her to slow once again.
She mentally berated herself for her foolishness. She knew yesterday that she was not well enough to suddenly leave the village and accompany Inuyasha out into the forest. Kagome had sensed a shard close by and Inuyasha did not want to miss the opportunity to track it down. He had grabbed her by the hand and had practically dragged her out of the village while Kagome had only weakly protested.
**"I'm tired, Inuyasha. Can't we do this tomorrow?"
"It'll be gone tomorrow!"
"...but what about the others?"
"Bah! By the time they get back, it'll probably be gone. Stop dawdling, girl! Let's go!"**
At times like those, he often reminded her of a child on his birthday, albeit a bratty child. His eyes bright and anxious with an underlining hint of excitement and eagerness in his voice. He was so... intense.
She loved that about him.
His enthusiasm and insistence, accompanied by her own sense of excitement and desire just to be near him caused her to momentarily forget that she had been fighting off a cold for the last few days. Therefore, she followed him, as she always did.
As she always would.
Kagome sighed and redirected her thoughts. Images of her home and family flashed through her mind. She longed to crawl into her own bed and have her mother care for her as she used to when Kagome was small.
She missed that.
She had planned to return home for a few days until her cold passed, but Inuyasha would not hear of it. After a good hour of arguing, Kagome had tried to compromise; she would return home for just a few hours. Inuyasha, already in a foul mood, rejected the compromise and Kagome was through trying to be patient. After pounding one sit after another upon the disgruntled dog-boy, Kagome quickly made her way through the well and back to her own time, leaving Inuyasha to wonder if she would return at all.
Looking back on it now, she should have stayed home.
She had every reason in the world not to return to Inuyasha for a few days, but she knew that if she did not go back he would just come looking for her and drive her crazy until she did. The best course of action at the time seemed to be to just pack some flu medicine and try to take it easy. She realized now, as she trudged through the snow with her head pounding and her chest full of phlegm, that she had made a serious mistake.
The medicine had done its job, at least at first. She was breathing easier and her sinus headaches, congestion and dizziness had subsided... until now. Walking around in the snow was making her illness come back at full force and sapping her strength rapidly. She didn't know if she would be able to keep up with him for much longer, but she would be damned if she would ask him for help.
An exasperated sigh escaped her lips as she watched Inuyasha tread through the snow with such ease, the gap between them ever widening.
She never told him that she wasn't feeling well, even when she was trying to convince him to let her go home for a few days. She figured he would just berate her about how she was just another weak, frail human and that was the last thing she wanted to deal with at the time.
Kikyou probably wouldn't complain about feeling ill. She would probably whip-up some spell or concoction to cure herself or something... a nagging voice in the back of her mind piped in. A voice she had tried repeatedly to ignore for the last few weeks without much success. She's dead, she can't get sick. Though I bet she never got sick when she was alive anyway. She's practically a goddess, after all...
Kagome pursed her lips together and grimaced. Kikyou. She didn't want to start thinking about her again. Thoughts of Kikyou always seemed to put her in a sour mood.
In that instant of seeing Kikyou and Inuyasha together near the well just a few weeks ago... the concern and protectiveness in his eyes, the intimacy of their conversation... Kagome knew that Inuyasha had chosen.
He wanted Kikyou. He loved her.
Kagome realized all at once that the bond between them was far too strong to compete with and it was pointless to even try. She never felt like more of a fool than she did at that very moment and she cursed herself for you naïveté.
Her heart broken, she left the feudal age and returned to her own time intent on remaining there forever. She thought it would be easier for everyone that way, and she didn't want to interfere with Inuyasha and Kikyou's relationship. It was painful enough to know that she was not the one she chose.
She was not the one he loved.
However, Kagome did not anticipate how much her heart would yearn to be near him once she was away from him. It wasn't a simple matter of getting over him because after the first few days, she knew she never would. She had to go back. She simply had to see him again, her pride be damned. It was almost as if she couldn't breathe without him.
Thoughts of Kikyou and Inuyasha filled her every waking moment since the incident at the well. Kagome thought that she had come to an understanding of who and what Kikyou was and what she meant to Inuyasha when she decided to return. She had even fooled herself into thinking that she would be content with the situation as it was... but it still tore at her, and Inuyasha seemed oblivious to it all.
He was oblivious to Kagome's breaking heart and inner torment, just as he was oblivious to her illness and falling behind in the storm.
The Shikon no Tama, finding Naraku and appeasing Kikyou's rage was all that seemed to matter to him. She felt lost, only useful when the time came to locate the shards. She was just a tool in his quest to become full youkai and reap revenge on the one who tore him and Kikyou apart.
Where will I be when I am no longer useful?
Yet... there were times when he risked his life for her sake and regarded her with an unusual amount of possessiveness... it was confusing. She wasn't certain if he acted that way because he cared about her, or because she and Kikyou shared part of the same soul and he just felt protective of what once belonged to his lost love.
After Kikyou's resurrection, Kaede had confided to Kagome that she was more than just an embodiment of Kikyou. She had told Kagome that she would not have survived her ordeal with the ogress if she were simply a reincarnation.
Inuyasha had said once that he did not see she and Kikyou as one in the same.
Those words from both Inuyasha and Kaede had comforted her. The long-time nagging thought that Kagome wasn't unique to the world had been quieted. Kagome felt that her thoughts and feelings were hers alone, not the thoughts and feelings of a woman who died five centuries before her birth. Kagome was her own person. She was not a future incarnation of Inuyasha's lost love...
But seeing them together... the concern in his eyes... the torment... the love...
Self-doubt had reared its ugly head once again and whispered her worse fears, the fears she so desperately wanted to silence. Seeing them together at the well realized all those fears and doubts in an instant, and she felt like nothing. Like she didn't even exist.
No… Inuyasha... Inuyasha cares about me, I know he does. But he will always love her...
Kagome started another coughing fit, this one forcing her to pause until it passed. The world blurred around her and she held herself steady as best she could until the dizziness passed, a feeling of nausea began to spread out from her belly. She hoped that Inuyasha would not look back and see her. Focus slowly returned to her eyes as she felt her world come together again.
Steadying herself determinedly, she took a few hesitant steps to resume following the young hanyou. She started to cough once again, causing Inuyasha to finally glance back at her. The expression on his face unreadable, but she imagined he was looking at her critically and brooding on impatience.
After all, it was her fault they had lost the shard.
She offered him a small smile, hoping to squelch the anger she imagined he was on the verge of feeling and briefly waved to him. He turned his back to her sharply, her heart crying out to him in vain.
Nausea threatened her once more and she felt her mouth begin to water. She spit a few times, hoping to resist the demands of her stomach by ridding her mouth of the metallic taste that was making her gag. Unable to resist the urge any longer she fell to her knees and purged, staining the snow in front of her.
Turning away from the sight she had just made she grabbed handful of clean, white snow and shoved it in her mouth, desperate to wash away the taste. Inuyasha was almost completely out of sight, his red gi the only thing she could distinguish through the whiteness of the snow and she began to panic. To lose sight of him now would be disastrous.
Forcing herself to stand once more, she felt her mind begin to whirl again. After a few hesitant steps, she paused and raised a hand to her head in the attempt to steady the spinning within.
Kikyou wouldn't be having such problems the voice in her mind reminded her.
She squeezed her eyes tightly shut willing the spinning in her mind to slow. I am not Kikyou. I am myself. Kagome... Kagome. I can be just as good as Kikyou, as strong...
She opened her eyes and set her jaw. I'm not just some weak, stupid, pathetic human... Inuyasha...
She took a shaky breath and willed her legs to keep going at least a little further, but they refused to obey. She felt herself loosing her balance as her body moved forward, but her feet remained firmly in place.
Her eyes were open long enough for her to realize that she had been completely enveloped by cold whiteness.
Inu... yasha...