Jacob stared miserably out his grimy, greasy, dirtily filthy window, which hadn't been cleaned in at least seven years. It had been three years since Bella had left, and he was still staring. He had just turned his face back to the dusty T.V. screen when his two buddies, Quil and Embry, burst into the room, plastic shopping bags and slushee cups clenched in their large hands.

"Yo, Jacobo. I got you cherry this time, 'cuz it's your favorite," Quil announced to the bleak-looking Jacob.

"Dude," Jacob muttered ungracefully. "You suck. You know that blueberry's my favorite. I told you that last time." Quil looked somewhat mournfully at the large cup he was holding. "Whatever," he said, and tossed it back, plastic and all.

"We also brought you Cheetos," Embry added. Jacob was suddenly all ears.

"Flamin Hot?" he asked. Embry nodded.

"Hot damn! Hand 'em over."

Suddenly, Bella, who had been gone for three years, climbed through the window gracefully.

"Woah," Jacob said, his mouth hanging open, Cheeto hanging out.

Bella looked at Jacob, her eyes full of love, and gave him a big, vampire hug.

"Ew," Embry muttered.

"I've missed you so much, Jakie!" Bella exclaimed, and Quil choked rather visibly with disgust.

"Hold on, hold on," Jacob sputtered, spraying Cheeto crumbs over the room. "Where's Edward?" Bella's eyes filled with tears.

"He left me!" she sobbed. "For another woman. It was awful!" she wailed.

"Stupid no-good bloodsucker," Jacob muttered, and Bella stiffened.

"Don't call him that!" she exclaimed. Jacob looked thoroughly confused. "Why not? He left you."

"But...but I still love him! I've even got a shrine..." her voice trailed off as she looked at the floor gloomily. It helped that the carpet was a very gloomy shade of dirty (are you seeing a pattern here?) burnt orange.

"Hey!" Jacob exclaimed. "Stop looking at my carpet gloomily. I picked it out," he announced proudly, and Quil choked again in disgust.

"Ricola?" Jacob offered, holding out the bag. "Sure," Quil muttered embarrassedly, and stuck it in his mouth. "Mmhhmm," he said.

"Yep. They're cherry. They were half-price down at the drugstore."

Bella rolled her eyes in a gloomy manner.

"Anyway," she continued. "I came back because I still love you, and want to be with you." It was Embry who choked this time.

"I'm afraid that's out of the question," Jacob replied firmly.

"But...why?" she whispered, her beautiful golden eyes wide with confusion.

"Argh!" Jacob exclaimed. "Stop looking at me like that. You can't stay because you're a vampire. Duh," he said, looking at her like she was stupid. (She probably is.)

"But I thought you loved me," she said, in a lost tone.

"I did. But that was when you were human. So get out before I rip you to shreds." He growled fiercely. (At least, he tried to be fierce. Three years of sitting on a bed drinking blueberry slushies darn near knocks the fierceness out of you.)

Bella rolled her eyes once more.

"Fine," she sniffed, and jumped back out the window.

"Phew," Embry muttered. "I'm glad she's gone. All that fluffy gloominess was starting to go to my head."

"Mine too," Jacob said, and turned back to the T.V. "Cheeto anyone?" he asked absentmindedly, holding out the bag.