Author: Mooncat
Title: Failed
Rating: M
Summary: Lester's POV. He failed perhaps the most important mission of his life. Babe.
Spoilers/Warnings: Mention of torture, a few choicy words, inflicted pain.
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to JE. Just borrowing there.
Copyright: Sarah Diaz 2004

Failed

I always knew this was a dangerous job. But I don't think I ever understood just how dangerous it would turn out to be. Not just dangerous for your body, but for you piece of mind as well. And the worst of it: I really thought that this time it was a joke assignment, not worth for me to waste my time with it. It looked so easy. So stupid. So useless.

Sure, with time I started to understand just why the boss deemed it necessary. That woman sure had a hand to get in trouble. Still, there was no need to constantly assign some of the best men to baby-sit her. At least not in my eyes. Besides, if he was so worried about her, why didn't he tell her she should be a bit more careful? I mean, she must be the only person walking around Trenton without a gun! For damn sure she was the only bounty hunter without a gun I've ever heard of. Also, she never watched out for possible danger coming her way. She never was aware of her surroundings. And she always just walked blindly right into danger. Short, she was a security nightmare.

I really didn't know what the boss saw in her.

Apart from the obvious of course. She sure was hot. And I guess her comical stunts were priceless. Probably the only things that made the babysitting endurable. Besides, I must give it to her that she really has the distraction jobs down to an art. But other than that? She just didn't fit into this life, and even less into a life like Ric is leading. Couldn't survive on her own for even two hours if you ask me.

But then, she was in this life for almost three years now, and completely involved in Ric's for almost eight months now. And still alive. A fucking miracle if you ask me.

It wasn't as if there was lack of trying on the other side. Hmm, let's see: in the last one and a half year she had a fanatic lunatic keen on killing her, a mad game gone wild on her, an entire gang after her, even putting a hit out on her, two rapists trying to add her to their collection, five sniper attempts on her life, three Slashers wanting to curve their name into her white skin, thirteen cars exploding, fired up, trashed, shot to pieces and dismantled, seventeen break-ins into her shitty apartment, four stalkers making her life hellish and not to forget one old enemy of the boss, finally seeing a chance for revenge.

'Shit, fucking miracle doesn't even come close!' I thought, shaking my head.

And despite all this I still thought that being ordered to be her bodyguard was a waste of time. Or at least should have been the job of one of the rookies. Surely not by some of Ric's best men, wasting their talents like that, at least not as long as there was no known threat after her. And even then... I honestly thought that it was some sort of punishment or revenge from Ric's side to assign me again and again to her protection.

Three days ago though I learnt just how wrong I had been. Too bad you always have to learn the hard way.

She had another lunatic after her. Big surprise. But this time it was different. Turned out that the lunatic was a professional. And the only motivation for him to go after the Bomber was pride. Thomas Schultz, better known as the Gevatter, apparently a German word for the henchman knocking on your door, came all the long way from Germany just to achieve what no one before had managed to achieve. Kill the seemingly not killable Stephanie Plum. Oh sure, he got enough money offered for taking the job, but he was one of the top ten assassins worldwide. He only accepted challenges anymore.

Not that he thought that the Bomber was any real challenge. No. But he was fed up with the mighty of his profession failing time and time again, befuddling the names assassin or murderer. So he decided to take matters in his own hands and show the losers how it was done.

Yeah, he definitely wasn't quite right in his head. Which made him even more dangerous.

That had been three weeks ago. After the first few attempts which failer, his challenge became an obsession. For once even I saw the necessity of Rangeman's best men having to guard Ric's lady. And it got real tough. The Gevatter was really good. The best I or one of the other men ever had to go against. The ways he thought up to kill the Bomber were simply genius.

Now don't get me wrong. I do like the Bomber. Really, I do. I just didn't think that she fitted into our life. Or that she was the right woman for Ric. Still, she's a nice person and truly loyal to her friends. And that woman has an amazing courage, if you consider what's all thrown at her and her still going on with a head raised. But still I thought that one time it will become too much for her and she'll snap, breaking Ric's heart in the process. Heaven knew she already put him through enough heartache. And I love Ric. We are close friends, we are brothers, we are a team. So yeah, even if I liked her, I didn't approve of her.

Still, even I was worried about her. And I could see the fear in Ric's eyes. Believe me, it takes much to make him afraid of something or someone. So I did my job and watched her.

Nine days ago though it looked like the Gevatter had lost interest. Death can do that to you. We thought he was killed by a bomb malfunctioning that he had planted himself. Ric though was paranoid and insisted on keeping the enforced guard on his 'Babe'.

Three days ago it had been my watch, together with one of the new guys. But we all knew that she was my responsibility for the day. Again, I thought it was a joke and a waste of time.

I was wrong.

The Gevatter was alive and had laid low, waiting patiently until an idiot like me came along, who didn't take his job serious. Oh yeah, I was just what he needed. First, I lost her out of my sight. Good, with the Bomber that happens more than once. But instead of instantly alerting the troops I waited a bit, before going to search for her, not overly enthusiastic. After all, what bad could happen in a little time? She just went to the bathroom!

Fuck, I was such an idiot. I really should have known better.

It doesn't matter now that I lost her out of sight because she went to the john in Pino's, where the Gevatter waited for her, disguised as an old woman. It doesn't matter that the bastard really was so cold to kidnap her right in front of not only my eyes, but of the eyes of half the cops in Trenton. It doesn't matter that no one had seriously thought that he was still alive after those nine days. All that matters now is that I lost her.

That I failed her.

That I failed Ric.

May God help me.

It took me ten minutes to realize that something was wrong. Five more minutes to check out Pino's and confirm with the blood found in the women's toilet just how wrong it was and to admit defeat and contact Ric.

I'll never forget the sheer fear in his eyes when he arrived three minutes later and stormed through the mass of cops to the toilet. So far I've never quite understood just how much Ric loved the Bomber. Sure, we all knew that she was his soft spot, that he had deep feelings for her. But I never had imagined to what extend exactly he loved her.

Ric hadn't said a word about my failure. Not then, and not once in the nineteen long hours it took us to localize the Gevatter and the Bomber. But then, it wasn't necessary. I knew I had fucked up. And I knew what to expect for my failure.

I lost Ric's Babe. And even worse, I let his Babe get hurt.

He'll never forgive me that. Hell, I'll never forgive myself. Not after what we found when we stormed the cellar where the Gevatter had dragged the Bomber to. He had wanted her to die slowly after all the trouble she had given him. It was the only good thing. The Gevatter knew how to torture effectively. The sick bastard had nailed her hands to the floor and merciless worked her over with knives and burns. Even a well placed gunshot wound had he inflicted. And of course he had, like good old tradition, severely beaten her. I don't know if he raped her as well. God, I hope not.

We all wanted to kill the asshole. All our fingers twitched. But we held back. We knew it had solely been Ric's kill. And he sure didn't hesitate. One glance and he emptied his magazine into his chest and head. I think the Gevatter can be glad the Bomber had still been alive. Otherwise his death would have been very, very slow. But she had been alive and Ric's only thought had been to get to her. He didn't even watch the Gevatter's body fall to ground. By that time he was already long ago at her side, pleading with her to wake up, while he tried to free her.

I'll never forget his sheer panic and desperateness open for everyone to see, either.

Rooted to the spot where I was staying I stared at him, how his fingers caressed her tenderly and carefully, how his eyes were desperate to see any sign of the light the Bomber usually shone with. How his lips endlessly formed words and frantic pleas for her to come back to him in a confused mixture of Spanish and English.

And I understood at last. Really understood.

Ric didn't only love her. He needed her. She was his life. His heart. His soul. Without her, he was nothing anymore.

Good God. And I had thought she was just one of many in the end. That eventually, Ric would come to his senses and end it with her, moving on to yet another gal.

Worse. I had been careless with her.

I had gone through some low times in my life, but I don't think I ever felt such horrors at what I had done as right at that moment.

Yeah, so I thought.

Until the Bomber finally really opened her eyes, under a great deal of pain. With a horse, croaked voice she had only said one word. "Ric." And when Ric leaned over her to assure her that it was indeed him, tears appeared in her eyes. But her next words hadn't been how glad she was that she was saved. Or how afraid she had been. Oh how much she was hurting. No, she only looked at him, pure love shining in her eyes and worried she said two simple words. "You ok?"

It was the third time in all the years I've known Ric that I saw tears in his eyes. And the sudden guilt that surged through me threw me over, brought me literally to my knees.

Now I was sitting in the main room at Rangeman, 29 hours later, still defeated by my own guilt, and waited. Waited for Ric to come back from the hospital. I hadn't gone there. I didn't feel like I had the right to be there. The Bomber had lost consciousness a minute later, never waking up again, as far as I knew. Surely not until the ambulance appeared five minutes later. Of course Ric had gone with her. The rest of us stayed back, made our reports, made sure everything would be ok.

None of the cops mentioned the magazine in the Gevatter's body. I doubt it will ever be mentioned. We all knew that Ranger had plain old executed him. And we all knew that it would be ruled as deemed necessity.

The horrible image of the Bomber nailed to the floor swam into my eyes and all I could think was that indeed that execution had been a necessity.

A few hours ago Tank and Bobby had come back. After having been finished with the police they had driven over to St. Francis. To see how the Bomber was doing, but mostly to be there for Ric. But as it seemed as half Trenton had shown up at the hospital, the hospital staff had finally ordered everyone but family home. 'Course nothing in this universe could make Ric leave. But then, as Bobby had told me, Ric simply had told them that she was his woman and no one in his right mind would then still insist on him leaving. As for the Bomber's condition, Bobby could only tell me that she still had been in a coma when they had to leave. And it wasn't sure at all if she'd make it.

Tank never said a word to me. Didn't even look at me in fact. I can't blame him. From the old core team he always had been the first to support the Bomber. I think he had known even before Ric that this woman was Ric's fate. All of our fate, considering how close Tank, Bobby, Ric and I are. Bobby always had been skeptical of her, but then she had managed to win also him over when she got him together with an old college friend from her. Frankly said, I was surprised that he talked to me at all. I don't think I would have in his place.

But then, we've already established that I was a careless asshole.

The two now sat on one of the tables, trying to beat the seemingly endless time with a game of cards. Neither of them was much into the game though.

All of a sudden though, the door opened and Ric came in, slowly. Just inside he stopped, giving each of us a brief glance before he looked down. He looked like shit warmed over three times. His skin was pale, there were large rings under his eyes and his dark mood could be cut into slices, while his rage heated the room up instantly.

My gut clenched in fear.

Ric looked over to Tank and Bobby and gave a small nod. Then he said one word in a cold, clipped voice I knew meant that he was barely controled. "Leave."

Not hesitating a second, the two got up and left. I caught a sympathetic look from Bobby just before the door fell shut. Ric stayed where he was, not looking at me. When he finally turned his head to look at me, his eyes were gleaming dangerously. But he still didn't say a word.

Swallowing I got up and slowly went over to stand in front of him. He continued to glare at me with blazing, furious eyes.

I didn't saw it coming, even though I've expected it. But his movement had been so fast, that when his fist connected with my chin, I was completely caught off guarded and stumbled backwards. Next second, an iron boot connected with my chest and I sailed through the air, slamming against the wall. Still doused, I felt another kick and heard some ribs cracking while his fist slammed into my left eye.

Darkness.

No idea how long I was out. But when I finally came to myself I was huddled on the floor, Ric standing over me, his fists tightly balled at his sides, his eyes burning with rage.

Silently, I waited for the rest to come. I had expected as much. And I still expected more to come. Not that I cared. I deserved it after all. In his place I would fucking kill me as well.

But neither more blows or kicks came, nor a bullet. No, what came was much worse than that.

"If it would be anyone else, anyone, he'd be fired on the spot and I'd make sure he'll never have another job in this world again," Ric said, pressed.

I nodded and slowly sat up, ignoring my aching body. "I know," I agreed quietly.

"And if she'd died… if the bastard would have raped her… No one on this earth could have saved you," he continued. I was close enough to him to see that he trembled in his entire body.

Again I nodded. I was surprised I was still alive as it was.

"You're lucky she's going to be all right, Santos," he told me in his most dead ice voice. Never in my life I'd have thought Ric would ever use that tone with me.

Still, relief flooded me at his words. She'd live. That was all that counted. I let out a long sigh of relief and nodded again.

"Fuck, Les, I trusted you."

At Ric's pained voice I looked up.

He shook his head, his eyes burning a hole into me. "I always knew you didn't agree with my orders to protect her. Saw that you thought your skills and expertise could be used better." Ric swallowed. "But I still trusted you to do your job and do it right."

Now it was my turn to swallow around the lump in my throat.

"And I was sure that the most important person in my life was safe with you, regardless of what you may think about her or your orders," he continued, flatly.

"Ric…" I tried, but didn't know what to say. He waited, simply waited, looking at me. "I'm sorry," I whispered finally.

There was nothing else to be said. I knew myself that I had fucked up and the Bomber and Ric had to pay the price for it. And I could now wish to be able to turn back the time so this never would have happened for all I wanted, but it wouldn't change anything. We all had to live with it.

Something flickered in Ric's eyes. "The only reason why I'm here now, and not where I should be, is because Stephanie woke up. If you care about that at all."

These last words hurt more than anything else ever could.

"And she made me promise to get home and make up with you," he said.

Stunned, I stared at him with lifted eyebrows.

Ric continued. "She said it wasn't your fault. And if she didn't blame you, I shouldn't either."

The lump in my throat got bigger and bigger until I was shortly before suffocating. With unbelieving, wide eyes I stared at Ric.

Another tremble ran through his body and his knuckles stood out white. "It isn't so easy, Les. But it's Stephanie's wish. And Heaven knows that I can't say no when she pleads for something like that. So you can stay. You can even stay in my core team."

I was shocked speechless.

Ric's eyes turned very dark. "But I won't let you near my Babe again. I won't make that mistake twice."

With these words every hope that had flared up in me was squished.

"I can't trust you anymore. With my life perhaps. With that of the other Rangemen. But not with Steph's," Ric pointed out, coldly.

The verbal knife his words presented rammed deeper into my heart.

"You disappointed me. And so far, I never gave my trust to someone for a second time. You know that. Steph though thinks you may be the first," Ric told me quietly, his eyes never leaving mine. I felt the knife in my heart twisting some more.

For a long time neither of us said anything. Finally, Ric shook his head. "Partly I hope she'll be right once again. Because despite how much I hate you right now, how disappointed I am by you…" His voice trailed of and I wondered briefly if anyone ever had been killed by words. It sure felt like dying.

"A part of me still loves you and refuses to lose you as the friend and brother you had been to me for fourteen years now," Ric whispered and it sounded like it had pained him a great deal to say this.

Before I could find any words to say to that he turned away. "I need to get back to my Babe."

Silently, I watched his back disappear and winced as I heard the door quietly shut again. I would have preferred it if he'd have slammed the damn door. It would have been a much better sign.

Utterly defeated, I let my head sink onto my arms and cried myself for perhaps the fifth time in those fourteen years.

I never imagined how excruciating losing someone's trust can be.

The End