Chapter 11 – Judgment Day

Somehow the world seemed to be in a constant state of flux since Sesshomaru's strange transformation a mere month and a half ago. At least, his emotional state certainly was. His nightmares had continued to become more intense and they were just as frequent, but they encompassed a lot more than just that awful night that had changed him possibly forever. He was haunted by those emotions and his nightmares reminded him of how easy it was to lose control. They reminded him of rage, fear, and of feeling lost. They reminded him of cold, hard sweat, a racing and throbbing heart, and his reflection in his brother's eyes. These were images of a most persistent nature and they crawled into every crack and crevice of his mind when he slept, and so he dreaded sleep. He dreaded sleep to the point he would almost say he feared it...if he would admit to such a thing, and he most certainly would not. Hideki watched his student with great concern, noting his tiredness and state of ever growing restlessness. It was obvious to the old man that Sesshomaru was not used to staying in one place for too long. One may think he merely had a desire to travel, conquer, explore, and that he didn't see fit to waste his time settling down. However, Hideki never saw it in such a manner. His only question was, What is this kid running from?

Still, despite Sesshomaru's continuing inner turmoil, his training was going quite well. Sesshomaru was a fast learner, but it took a lot more than that. The thing was, Sesshomaru had to learn to put things in a new perspective. This, Jaken did not like in the least.

"But...Lord Sesshomaru..."Jaken whined incessantly to his master as Sesshomaru was retrieving his practice weapon from the side of the small cabin.

"Jaken, you will cease this pointless whimpering at once," He firmly warned the distraught little toad.

"Yes, of course, My Lord," Jaken was quick to humbly agree, "I just don't see why more human training is necessary, My Lord. We need to reverse this disaster before it becomes more dangerous than it already is, and this...old fool's training...it's...it's changing you, My Lord!"

"I said that was enough!" Sesshomaru warned with more force, his frustration and anger nearly boiling over. This was another problem he had been forced to deal with as of late. As if those damned nightmares weren't enough, Jaken's constant insubordination most assuredly was not doing anything for his nerves. The little imp was everywhere he looked. Every time he turned around he nearly tripped over the annoying little imp. Did he honestly think that Sesshomaru didn't understand the importance of returning to his true form? That kind of incompetence could almost rival that of Inuyasha. Jaken just didn't comprehend the situation. Sesshomaru needed to take in all of the possibilities. He needed to strategize, plan, and be prepared. Walking about aimlessly wouldn't do anything for anybody, except possibly get them all killed. No. Sesshomaru would be prepared. When he searched for information he would do it the right way, and if it had a body count it definitely wouldn't include himself or anyone that belonged to him. With that in mind, he joined Hideki at the base of the hill to resume his training.

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"Hey Bastard!" Inuyasha bellowed through the forest as he darted frantically in and out of the lush foliage. "Sesshomaru! Where the hell are you!" It had been weeks since they'd last seen him, and days since they started their search. Still, there was no sign of Sesshomaru whatsoever. Inuyasha couldn't even pick up the slightest scent of his human brother.

"Kagome," Sango began carefully as she took her friend's arm in her own, "I don't know how to say this, but what if this wasn't such a good idea. What if...what if Inuyasha can't find him?"

"I really don't know," the distressed priestess admitted, "This is such a sensitive issue for Inuyasha. He's been practically obsessed since this search began. I don't think he can take much more of this." Just then Inuyasha darted back to the front of the group. He was panting loudly, sweat clinging to his sticky forehead and ears pinned sharply back.

"Nothing..." He mumbled. The others simply watched him cautiously, anxious expressions clear on their sympathetic faces, expressions they had worn often lately. Inuyasha grunted loudly at the display, obviously annoyed. "Hey, he ain't dead!" He was quick to insist. "Bastard's always pulling stunts like this. Always shows up when he's unwanted, though." But despite his insistence, the others could feel the worry in the air, thick as the sweat on Inuyasha's brow.

"You're probably right, Inuyasha." Kagome hastened to concede.

"Yeah," Shippo cut in, "I bet he's just really far away."

"Maybe we should stop for the night then," Miroku added mischievously with the slightest twinkle about his eye, "I do recall seeing a rather large ominous black cloud looming over that fine palace a mile or so back."

"Whatever, but we're finding him first thing tomorrow morning." The truth was, Inuyasha was feeling extremely guilty. He couldn't help but feel responsible for this entire thing. It was his fault Sesshomaru was human, and if he was dead, well that was his fault too. He shouldn't have let him take off on his own. He didn't know what he was getting himself into. Sesshomaru had never been human before. He didn't know how to handle the emotions, the fears, or the physical weaknesses that came with the form. Certainly, being human had its advantages as well, but they would mean nothing to someone as stubborn as Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru wanted power and control, and it was very unlikely that he would be able to accept his current state, ever. And if he couldn't, then he would be vulnerable to all sorts of attacks. After all, Inuyasha had seen first hand how...unfocused...Sesshomaru could be when he lost control. These thoughts plagued him as he slowly made his way back to the palace with his friends. He truly hoped that tomorrow would be a better day.

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Sesshomaru stared up at the old sword smith from the ground, once again. However, there was no malice in his gaze. The ex-demon had found himself in this position enough times throughout the course of his training not to let it phase him. Instead, he had begun to feel almost accomplished at the fact that it took longer each time to fall into this place. It was a new type of feeling for him, not being the winner but still feeling that sense of accomplishment.

"Much better, Kid!" Hideki beamed at his student. "At this rate, I expect to see this situation reversed very soon. Very soon, indeed."

"What happened this time?" Sesshomaru asked, trying hard to conceal those damned emotions. His tone was flat and cold, he hoped.

"Well, Kid," Hideki explained, "Too much offense and not enough defense. You still expect to take me down too quickly. I swear, Kid, you think you have some kind of super strength. You just need to remember not to let that get in the way. Not all opponents will fall as quickly as you seem to be used to. Be prepared for them to strike back."

"Indeed." Sesshomaru simply stated.

"But, Kid. I have to admit I am very impressed. You're taking to this a lot faster than I thought you would. I think it's safe to say that it would be an honor to give you the sword once I've completed it. Though, it will be a sad day to see you go," Hideki gleefully complimented. He was indeed very proud. Jaken, on the other hand, could barely breathe in his frustration. That's when it happened again. That damned smile! But this time it didn't disappear as quickly as it had in the past. 1...2...3...4...5...there. What the hell is going on! Jaken's mind screeched shrilly. He had been watching Sesshomaru very carefully ever since the two had met, and he was quick to see the changes in his master. Sure, Sesshomaru tried to hide them. Tried to act like nothing was happening. Of course he continued to exude his stoic mask, icy stare, cold tone, and formal yet uncaring nature. However, it was different now. It felt almost forced, and even Jaken could see that. And then there were those damned moments. Damned increasing moments! And though they weren't frequent or common place in his great lord's demeanor, they were there and they were unmistakable. They manifested themselves in those blasted smiles, a readable expression every once in awhile, or a look in the eyes. Jaken saw them all, and it frightened him. Jaken hated this ridiculous human training with every fiber of his tiny being, and that's exactly what it was to the little imp: human training. Hideki wasn't training Sesshomaru in swordsmanship, something Sesshomaru was clearly far more proficient in than the old fool. No, he was training his lord to think like a human. Why couldn't Lord Sesshomaru see that! This could be dangerous! Jaken reasoned frantically, The stubborn old fool could be causing permanent damage to my lord! Clearly, the situation was becoming critical. Perhaps it was time to take matters into his own hands.

That night Jaken rested against an old, mossy well watching the stars sleep in the dark sky. They were no comfort to him. Nothing was. Some time later, Sesshomaru made his way to the top of the hill, but he stopped abruptly as soon as he saw Jaken fuming at the base of the well.

"Jaken. Not plastered to my ankle tonight? Explain yourself," he commanded harshly, his narrowed gaze boring into his retainer. Sure, Jaken's never-ending clinging and whining were most nerve wracking and unwelcome, but even so, sudden changes did not appear to be going well for Sesshomaru as of late. Why should he believe this one to be any different? Somehow, he was certain that this sudden show of personal space was not a blessing.

"My Lord," Jaken summoned up as much bravado as he could muster in his tiny frame, "Something needs to be done about that old fool. He is taking advantage of your delicate state." At that, Sesshomaru's glare narrowed even more. The piercing look in his eyes was deadly and his stance rigid and sharp. Of course, Jaken never did know when to stop and so he just kept going. "He is putting human ideas in your head, My Lord. We need to leave at once. His pathetic little weapon is hardly worth this, My Lord. He talks down to you like you were some sort of child. You are the great and powerful demon lord and deserve to be treated with respect. The old fool should be kneeling before you, My Lord. But you allow this abominable behavior, and even seem to enjoy it. My Lord, that filthy human is brainwashing you!"

"Jaken!" Sesshomaru's tone had surpassed dangerous. "This Sesshomaru has had enough of your insubordination. Do you believe me so weak that I would be so easily manipulated? Your services are no longer required." Though his voice was icy and delivery unwavering, Jaken couldn't help but pick up an undertone of hurt in his words, and that unnerved him much more than his lord's fury.

"As you wish, My Lord." Jaken agreed firmly, "If you wish to remain here and associate with humans, and act like a human, and dress like a...like a farmer, then there is nothing I can do here anyway. I'll find the cure myself." And with that, he walked away slowly. Sesshomaru didn't speak a word, didn't move, didn't breathe, and didn't even turn around. He just stood there, taking it in. And when he could no longer sense Jaken's presence, he let out a deep sigh. Everything was going so wrong. This was not what he wanted.

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"Patience, Inuyasha." Kaede soothed the restless half demon, "He will be found when he wants to be found." The group had returned to Kaede's village that night after their search for Sesshomaru had once again proven fruitless. Kaede was the only one who seemed to be able to calm Inuyasha in the least. She, at least, genuinely believed the ex-demon to still be alive and well. "But what will ye do in the meantime?" The old priestess asked wisely.

"Well, we aren't certain Lady Kaede," Miroku was the one to answer. "We don't seem to be getting anywhere. Hyde's barrier isn't faltering, we can't find Inuyasha's brother, and even then it is unlikely he could help us."

"Not to mention Inuyasha's rotten attitude!" Shippo chipped in enthusiastically before getting a swift kick from the half demon. Inuyasha's frustration was ever so apparent and he began pacing about the undersized enclosure.

"I'm just tired of feeling useless!" He complained, "We can't do anything about Naraku. We can't do anything about my bastard brother. And all you guys can do is come up with stupid plans that don't work!"

"Inuyasha, sit!" Kagome shouted and watched with satisfaction as Inuyasha's face made friends with Kaede's floor.

"Now, now, Child." Kaede advised, "Fighting will not help ye stop Naraku. It is something he is counting on. He has planned this very well. Until ye come up with another idea, perhaps it is best to continue on your original quest."

"You mean we should collect more jewel shards?" Sango asked, Kirara resting in her lap.

"Perhaps ye will find your answers along the way," Kaede suggested.

"Hmmf," was Inuyasha's only contribution. Still, it was not really an objection. He was glad to have the opportunity to actually do something while they tried to come up with a working plan. Planning was not his thing, after all. He needed to be doing something physical. Finding Sesshomaru wasn't a possibility. Not yet, anyway. Perhaps this would give him the chance to release some of his frustration on a few unsuspecting, shard-stealing demons. It was all he had, and he would accept it for the time being.

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It was midday, calm and sunny. There was little wind, and a disquieting stillness about the scenery. The land was flat and grassy, separated by a speeding river that was the only thing disturbing the calm that hung stagnant in the air. Jaken could see the forest on the other side. He was getting closer to familiar territory, or so he hoped. All he had to do was cross that river, but it rushed by fiercely, crackling like the thunder of a powerful storm. He edged nearer to the water's edge. Something wasn't right. Something was very very wrong. He could feel it like a shock in his bones. It was an overwhelming feeling of alertness. Why was it so still here? Where were the birds, the butterflies, any life at all? Death was leeched to that stillness, and if Jaken learned anything from his beloved lord it was to follow one's instincts. He turned to leave, but unfortunately it was too late.

A giant beast shot up out of the river like a wild geyser, submerging the riverbank with one giant splash. Its green scales glistened mechanically in the sunlight, reflecting an almost violet undertone. Its snake-like head was mountainous in size with twin horns jutting sharply from the top and ending in thick needle-like points. The creature's eyes were a sinister crimson shade of blood red that mirrored the massive amounts of blood that hung loosely about its impressive jaw. Jaken shook with fright, frozen in place, as a blaring scream erupted from that same jaw. It was a shriek like knives digging into flesh, knives pinning the small imp fiercely into the cold soil of death. He knew this was it. He knew this was the end. He knew he would be killed by this river demon.

"You take the left side, Kid! I've got this side!" Hideki's voice boomed forward as Hideki and Sesshomaru rushed past Jaken on either side. The river demon snarled sickeningly at the two before whipping its enormous, spiked, serpentine tail towards Sesshomaru. Fortunately, his reaction was quick and he leaped effortlessly over the deadly appendage, digging his sword deep into the fleshy part of the tail and ripping a rugged line with that single blow. The creature shrieked more loudly, but this time in pain. Hideki took this distraction and used it to his advantage by striking forward into the monster's gut. It twisted its head around sharply and screamed towards the old man's body, but Sesshomaru jabbed his own weapon deep into its back. The foul-mooded demon refused to be deterred and continued on its course, using its thickly muscled neck to send the old smith flying into the river and beneath its deadly coils. The old man was determined, however, and clung strongly to one of the creature's spikes, successfully pulling himself out of the formidable currents, but not yet out of harm's way. The fury in the demon's eyes escalated to the point where the depth of red increased so much its eyes were almost black in its rage. It turned that rage back toward its original target, and darted forward with impressive speed at the trembling Jaken. The end was coming, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Suddenly, Sesshomaru was in front of him and the river demon's enormous teeth were sinking into the human's slender shoulder leaving a trail of thick, warm blood flowing down his arm. Still, Sesshomaru did not cry out. He did not fall to his knees. He did not sink in defeat. Instead, with that incredible creature still attached to his shoulder, he used all of his strength to bend his elbow and force that sword hard into the monster's chin and up through its brain. Its deadly grip finally relaxed and it dropped away from Sesshomaru, dead and silent.

A light clink was heard as Sesshomaru's weapon fell to the ground, his severely injured arm being too weak to support its weight. His breathing was heavy and labored, his eyes were wide and panicked. Worry, concern, and fear dripped from his features, but not for himself. That was clear in his resistance to move from his protective stance over Jaken's form. And Jaken...was stunned. He had never seen Sesshomaru like this. He had never even imagined it possible for so many emotions to be present in his features all at the same time. And it was all for him! Not to mention the fact that he had gone after him. Sesshomaru had been genuinely and truly worried about him. He had risked his own life to save him, and even now, despite serious injuries, seemed even more concerned about the little toad than he did himself. Where did that come from?!? Jaken had seen those moments of Sesshomaru briefly dropping his facade, but they were nothing like this. This was like a complete openness, like he could see through to his very soul. And what he saw was not his beautiful, cold-hearted, emotionless lord, but a boy. A boy who did feel emotions. Who experienced pain, love, protectiveness, concern, and even fear at times. A very brave boy, who had to put on a very serious mask because it was safer. Because it was expected. Because it came with a position. Because it was just easier not to feel, especially with the things he had to do. Jaken released a breath he didn't know he was holding, still too stunned to speak. Maybe it wasn't so bad to let Sesshomaru have a break from that for just a little while.

"Ah, hell, Kid!" Hideki shouted as he pulled his soaking body from the river, "What the hell was that!?! Do you know how stupid that was?! You nearly got yourself killed! You don't lunge in front of a jaw that size!" He continued to loudly lecture the shaking Sesshomaru as he approached, dripping river water with each step. "Let me see your shoulder," He demanded harshly as he roughly pulled the cloth away from his student's damaged shoulder. It must have hurt, but Sesshomaru didn't seem to notice it in the least. "Ah, shit!" Hideki bellowed. "Kid, you almost lost the other arm with that stunt! Then where would you be? You got damned lucky. That'll leave a nasty scar though." Then he took in Sesshomaru's panicked demeanor, and sighed loudly. He wasn't really mad at the kid. He was just upset that he almost lost him. He patted him on the back a few times. "Take it easy, Kid. Your little green friend is just fine. That was a very brave thing," he reassured him as he ripped off a piece of cloth and tied it tightly around Sesshomaru's injured shoulder. "Now let's head back to the cabin so I can see about getting that injury some decent attention. Training is postponed...obviously." With that the old smith started walking in the direction of the cabin, muttering something about "stupid kids" and "crazy frogs".

Sesshomaru stood there a moment longer. Hideki's last words making him realize the state he was in. What had just happened? What had he just done? He needed to compose himself fast. He needed to remember who he was, get back into character. His breathing began to slow, his face losing all expression, and his eyes calm. Still, he did not turn to Jaken. He continued to stare out into the void, feeling the imp's eyes locked onto him. Silence. Silence. Long, nervous silence. Finally, Jaken was the first to snap back into reality.

"You...you...saved me! I never should have left. Please, forgive me. I...thank you, Sesshomaru." Jaken stammered as he left the ex-demon to his thoughts. The imp chased after Hideki screeching out something about not being a frog, never seeing the way Sesshomaru's eyes had widened in stunned silence at Jaken's comment. He doubted Jaken had even realized what he had just done.

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"That I love him and I wish he could be happy here like I am," Rin beamed.

"What are you on about now, you foolish girl?" Jaken demanded at the young girl's baffling randomness.

"You asked me before what I said to Lord Sesshomaru. That was what I said, Master Jaken." She answered cutely.

"Go to sleep, Rin." Jaken sighed. They were safe in the warmth of the cabin. The night had grown late, and Hideki was brooding in the opposite corner. He was very proud of Sesshomaru, that much was true, but he had been terrified when he'd seen that oversized demon latch onto the young man so ferociously. He had tended to the wound, and he was glad to see that it was not as serious as it had first appeared. At least it wouldn't cause any permanent damage and he did have some slight use out of it even in its delicate state. Still, Sesshomaru seemed very edgy since returning from the river, more so than usual that is. It was the dead of night, and he was still sitting outside by himself. What could he be doing out there?

Sesshomaru sat stiffly by the well where he had last argued with Jaken the previous night. He was watching the sky. The new moon. Inuyasha was human somewhere. But that didn't matter. Only one thing did. He was completely disgusted with himself. He had dropped every defense he had, and in front of Jaken no less! Every single human emotion that had threatened to expose itself over the past several weeks had done exactly that. He used to be so good about ignoring them. When he was a demon everything had been so easy, so perfect. Now everything was complicated. Plus, his worst nightmare had come true. He was worse than Inuyasha. He was worse than Inuyasha's pathetic human mother. He was even worse than his damned human-sympathizing father. And now everything was wrong. No, not wrong. Wrong wasn't the word. Ruined! Everything was ruined. HE was RUINED! He just kept thinking about Jaken gawking up at him like that. And then it had come. "Thank you, Sesshomaru." Thank you, SESSHOMARU! No title. No Lord Sesshomaru, My Lord, My Master, nothing. Jaken KNEW better than that. Jaken worshiped the ground he walked on. Jaken was loyal, and if anything, Jaken was a little suck-up. He could have brushed this aside. It could have been a mistake. He could have heard him wrong. It could have been a one time thing. Except, it wasn't. The obvious lack of title was apparent all night. The little imp even dared to speak to him like an equal. Who did he think he was! Beyond that, it seemed to be completely subconscious. Would others do the same? Would they forget who he was? Would he forget who he was? No! This would never happen, again! Sesshomaru was certain of that. He would never show this weakness again. Emotion was for the pathetic, not for him. It was settled. Never again.

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A/N: I'm so sorry it took so long to update! I promise not to let that happen again. Also, if anyone could offer me any advice or suggestions on naming Sesshomaru's new sword that would be awesome. I think that after such a long wait, and all of the work he had to go through to get it, it should have a really great name.