Reading proximity-nine's latest journal entry, I stumbled upon "something ridiculously cute". Couple that with my consistent temptation to try something hopelessly adorable again after In Smaller Proportions, and I could not help myself. At all.
Any possible sequels will be left to reviewer's choice.
As an understatement, Zack was happy. It had been three grueling weeks of voluntary cleanup work away from Radiant Garden, but it was all worth it.
Each and every sector of Midgar had been fully restored to her former splendor…except for the slums, which were officially no longer; at a collective agreement from his fellow workers, they had seen to it that the entire area under the plate would finally have proper access to decent housing, clean water, fresh air, and – most importantly – a nice view of the clear blue sky. If Aerith had come with them, she would have loved it all to bits.
Ah yes, Aerith. Dear, sweet Aerith, and he had finally come home to her…her and his other precious treasure, of course. And at the thought of said other precious treasure, his head was in the clouds as he foresaw his reunion with those luscious locks of golden cream.
As a justified statement, Zack was elated, as he made a beeline straight for his claimed residence in Radiant Garden. Turning the knob, he swung the door open with a grand flair.
"Cloud," he sang out, as he stepped back into the familiarity of his new home. "I'm home!"
There was a silence in answer, and he was – for lack of alternative expression – confused. Still, he smiled and tried again.
"Cloud? Where are you, my little angel? Come here, baby!"
This time, he was quite certain he heard a muffled whimper from behind the closed closet door. He came forth to investigate at once, and as the closet door opened before him, he found Yuffie huddled behind the rack of coats as she hugged something furry to her chest. She seemed oblivious to his presence, as she continued to whimper something that sounded like a prayer for deliverance. He was honestly stumped.
"Uh… Yuff?"
He had to step back as the ninja shrieked and flew from the closet's depths, still clutching the furry thing to her chest as another furry thing dashed out in her wake.
"Yuffie, what on-?"
"It wasn't my fault!" she bawled. "I swear my innocence! I never thought it could happen; not on MY watch! It wasn't me! I did NOTHING!"
"…what wasn't your fault? Yuffie, get back here!" and Zack found himself chasing after the hysterical young girl as she continued to flee from his presence.
It was a full twenty minutes after before he finally managed to persuade her to calm down and explain herself. Now, she stood before him, still looking ready to faint dead away out of sheer fright as the furry thing she was still hugging hung from her arms.
"Alright, now can you tell me what this is about?" And Yuffie looked up at him imploringly through teary eyes.
"You promise you won't kill me?"
"I promise."
"You promise you won't kill anyone?"
"Of course! I'd never hurt a soul!"
"You promise on your promise?"
"Yes, Yuffie," he insisted firmly. "Now tell me what's going on, will you?"
Yuffie swallowed nervously – which should have been Zack's third cue that something was seriously wrong – and she started to ramble.
"It…it happened after you left. I-I didn't even know until the second week went by, and then… I swear I had no idea! You're the one that said they were like brothers to each other, and-"
"Yuffie," Zack broke in sternly, his gaze conveying that he had his foot down now. "What happened."
Yuffie whimpered again, and held the furry thing tighter to her chest.
"I'm sorry, Zack," she sobbed. "Cloud's pregnant with Squall's child."
And Zack's brain shut itself down for a total of five and a half seconds before it finally rebooted its systems. He reached forward, and took the furry thing away from Yuffie, holding it up as he stared blankly – and almost pleadingly – at its base.
It wiggled back at him. Taunting him.
And in a flash – and an almost familiar inner voice that piped "Activating Combat Mode" – everything in his vision turned red.
"SQUALL YOU STUPID PISSING BAG OF JUMPING HORMONES ON LEGS! HOW COULD YOU!?"
In the open door, Cloud and Leon stopped uncertainly at Zack's rather enraged outburst. As they did, two fur balls of bronze and light gold respectively bounded toward them in a hurry, the latter of the pair hopping into Cloud's arms.
"…uh…"
"What is…?"
"COME BACK HERE, YOU MANGY COWARD!" Zack continued to holler; he sounded near murderous now. "I SWEAR TO SHIVA, SQUALL – JUST LET ME SEE YOU AND I'LL TAKE THIS PAIR OF HEDGE CLIPPERS TO YOU!"
Cloud paled; in all the time he had known Zack in and out of the events of the worlds, he had known a Zack that was never quick to anger. And as they said – whoever said it, anyway – when one snaps, they snap the whole way. Tentatively, he turned to the one beside him.
"…Leonhart, did you do anything you probably should not have?"
"He's not talking about me." Leon was an expression of calm…amusement, as he looked from one fur ball to the other. Yes…he understood perfectly what had gotten the older man so very mad.
"You're sure?"
"Definitely. First off, that one-" and he pointed to the fur ball in Cloud's hands, "-has gained a lot of weight since we last saw it three weeks ago."
Cloud took a more scrutinizing once-over of the furry one he held, and saw that the other was right.
"And this one here," Leon went on, looking back down at the furry bronze fellow at his feet. "Has a shit-eating grin of the likes I've never seen before."
"…puppies?"
"Puppies." And the bronze dog of mixed ancestry at Leon's feet wagged its tail, still grinning away. In Cloud's hold, the light gold purebred that was a tad on the heavy side licked the blond's nose. Cloud sighed, and released it to the floor.
"I forget how confusing it can be in this house ever since Zack came home with these two in that cardboard box, and named them after us."
"The feeling's shared."
"YOU UNGRATEFUL SWINE!" Zack roared again, causing both animals to duck behind Cloud and Leon's legs. "I FED YOU! I RAISED YOU! I GAVE YOU AN EDUCATION, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME!?"
"…I'll just…take Squall and get out of the way," Leon managed through barely restrained laughter. "You hold on to your namesake and see if you can calm the poor man down."
"…you're just going to leave us here?" Cloud questioned, feeling rather justified as something in the house fell over with a loud "crash".
"If my name and the threat of castration are put in the same sentence, I'm not really sure if letting him see either one of us right now is a good idea," Leon answered easily. Turning, he headed back down the street with the brown dog padding after him. "We'll be in the bailey. Good luck."
And as Zack's unrestrained fury grew even louder, Cloud had an underlying feeling of betrayal.
"How could he do this to me?" Zack moaned into his hands; finally having gone from being angry to being just plain upset. "I loved him like a son, and he stole my baby boy's innocence…!"
At Zack's feet, Cloud the dog whined and pawed at its master's ankles. Seated across from them, Cloud stared at them quietly. At least now his peer was calm enough to hear reason.
"Technically, Zack, mini-me over there is a girl, and she's also in the family way," he informed. "If you had just listened to advice and looked up on having them 'fixed', this never would have happened."
"They were just puppies only half a year ago! That peddler said they were both male!" Zack protested painfully. At last, as inevitable as it would be, he turned on the ninja that was still hiding herself behind the table. "And you were supposed to watch them!"
"I was!" Yuffie cried out in her own defense. "You were the one that said they were active young males with occasional spats! I thought they were just dominance mounting!"
"You even watched them copulate?" and Zack howled with grief. "I can't believe you! You just stood there and watched my little Cloud lose his virginity!"
"Her virginity," Cloud corrected automatically, feeling rather put off at having to hear his own name in that sentence. Zack couldn't have called that confounded pregnant animal Claude, or Claudius, or Cloudy, or even just Cloud Jr. No, he had to call it Cloud, and the blond fighter would never live it down properly for the rest of his life. "And for pity's sake, Zack, get over it – they're dogs. Animals don't understand the meaning of 'safe sex' or chastity."
"But I even gave them the talk!"
"Which, by the looks of it, they never really needed," Cloud noted, staring down at the light golden dog's protruding belly. "And you can't stay mad at Squall forever; he was just being…well…an intact male answering a call of the wild."
"Oh yes, I can," and Cloud the dog shot between Cloud's legs to disappear under the couch as a rather familiar shining metal edge appeared. "And when I find that little cur, I'll use the sharp edge-"
"You put that Buster Sword away right now, Zack, before you give Cloud a miscarriage. Look – you're upsetting her."
And in a flash, Zack dropped the sword to the ground with a loud "clang", and his face was contorted with apologetic grief as he was suddenly down on hands and knees and staring under the couch in the gap between Cloud's legs.
"Cloud, baby, I'm sorry! Daddy didn't mean that!" he pleaded, and the blond fighter that was still seated on the couch prepared to nurse an impending migraine. "Come back out, angel! I can change! I promise!"
At last, with Cloud the dog hugged to Zack's chest as he muttered more soothing apologies into the light gold fur, did Cloud try again.
"Even if you can't forgive him yet, at least a truce, okay?" he instructed gently – who knew what else might set the suddenly paternal figure off. "Cloud and Squall were, after all, raised together; it would do them both good to keep it that way."
"…fine," Zack murmured grudgingly, his hands still stroking through his dog's fur methodically.
"I'll call Leonhart, and we'll watch your pets for a while. You go talk to Aerith – let her know what's going on – and try to calm down…alright?"
"Alright…" Zack murmured again with the same reluctance as before. Cloud the dog was gently relinquished to Cloud's lap, and Zack slumped out of the house to find his girlfriend. After a while, Yuffie slipped out as well, looking more paranoid than she had ever been in her whole life.
Now alone with his pregnant namesake on his lap, Cloud pulled out his mobile, flipped it open, and dialed a memorized number.
"Thanks for saving our skins."
"You're welcome."
Currently, the two fighters were side by side, watching the dogs greet each other. Squall was nuzzling Cloud the dog rather affectionately, and at its advantageous height over the other was able to drape its head over the back of the latter's neck to lick behind its ears. Both had their tails wagging rather vigorously.
"…how long do you think this piece of news will take to reach the whole town?" At Leon's question, Cloud snorted.
"Zack's a trustworthy friend, but with him too excited to keep his mouth shut, everyone will know about it. And with Yuffie to help him…I'm going for three days."
"I go for a week," Leon countered smoothly, and turned his head to look Cloud in the eye.
"What's the wager?"
"Loser buys their 'puppy preparations'. All of it." Cloud grinned; this would be cake.
"Deal."
And as they watched their furry canine namesakes suddenly take on a whole new level of affection, Cloud felt Leon's hand sneaking its way down his back. The suddenly erotic display was setting them both off, and they both knew it. With a frustrated grunt, Cloud seized a fistful of jacket, and yanked Leon forward with force. They were now standing bare inches from one another, eyes brimming with underlying urges that had been set aside for way too long. The three weeks of stress from all the construction, the excitement of the earlier revelations, and the two now unnoticed dogs that were getting it on once again with zeal had them at their limits of endurance.
Leon was silent, waiting with a challenging glint in his stormy gray irises. Cloud was baring his teeth in a silent growl, his gloved fingers digging into the jacket's material as he met that challenge defiantly with cold blue fire.
And just like that-
"SQUALL YOU SHAMELESS TRAITOR! YOU'D BETTER NOT BE DOING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE DOING, OR I SWEAR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND HIT YOU SO HARD-!"
-it ended with a snap.
The two fighters jerked apart, and Squall tumbled off his mounted position behind Cloud the dog with a surprised yelp of protest. In the distance, there was the muffled sound of Aerith indignantly chastising Zack for being so paranoid. The couple could be seen in the distance, as Leon and Cloud turned to look down.
"…so…three days, you said?" and Cloud smirked at that underlying challenge that was still there.
"The night's still young."
Yes. I surprise even myself with what I can come up with when I try hard enough, sometimes.